


When the past calls

by Arcangel19



Series: Mitchell Highway Investigations [1]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Anger Management, Angst, Anxiety, Domestic Fluff, Drug Use, Love, M/M, Private Investigators, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:35:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 105,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24441433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arcangel19/pseuds/Arcangel19
Summary: Callum is in the perfect relationship with his gorgeous paramedic boyfriend Simon. Since leaving the army, he has had a variety of jobs and is currently a delivery driver deciding what else he can do. He needs a change. Simon thinks he would be a great police officer but Callum isn’t sure; his background is less than squeaky clean. A series of events leads to him meeting the irrepressible Frankie and between them they solve a problem for Callum’s ex, Whitney. This prompts Callum to set up as a private investigator which throws him into the path of the infamous Mitchell family.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: Mitchell Highway Investigations [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1856014
Comments: 61
Kudos: 96





	1. Change

The gate of the large Edwardian house was missing, revealing a front garden strangled by indiscriminate weeds, hinting at a cracked path that might lead to the shabby front door. For Callum and Simon it couldn’t have been more perfect as they stood on the pavement smiling broadly, excited about entering their first home together.

Inside, the abandonment was palpable. The smell of old was over-powering: old carpets, old furniture, old people. Remarkably there was little dust but, nonetheless, the whole place was filthy. Simon wrinkled his nose as he looked despairingly at the heavy oak furniture and wondered if Callum was going to be sentimental about it. This house was, he knew, Callum’s anchor.

“When did you last come here?” he asked then hesitated, not wanting to revive memories of Callum’s late grandad and bring sadness to the day. Simon and Callum first met on the day the old man died when Callum had called an ambulance. Simon was one of the paramedics and had arrived in the living room to see Callum desperately trying to resuscitate his beloved grandad following a massive heart attack. His devastation and grief had been heart-breaking to witness as Callum had stared at Simon, his eyes pleading for help, while everybody in the room knew the old chap had already gone. Simon had bumped into Callum in a bar roughly four months later and the rest was history - well, as much as eleven months can be called history.

“About a year ago,” said Callum, answering the question. “I cleared out the fridge straightaway and then his stuff, his personal stuff, but then …” Callum was lost in times gone by when he sat on these chairs, ran up these stairs and played in the garden that could be glimpsed through the windows; he wandered from room to room, remembering his grandad’s stories and wishing he could have just one more minute with him. But the old chap would not have wanted Callum to be maudlin and Callum was determined to honour his memory by making the most of the beautiful old building, the mast on which he would nail his colours. He turned to face Simon. “We’re gonna need a skip.”

The following weeks were full of back-breaking work and frayed tempers with both men privately thinking that it should have been more fun than it actually was. By the time they got round to choosing carpets and curtains, neither could be bothered to explore the options and, without them planning it, the entire house ended up beige.

“Did we do this?” wondered Callum, confused about why the house did not look as warm and comfortable as he remembered it. Simon was equally nonplussed.

“I think we did.” He put his arm round Callum lovingly and kissed the end of his nose. Callum was tall but Simon was ever so slightly taller. “The sad fact of the matter is that we are just not gay enough.” Callum laughed, a joyous giggle that always shot an arrow into Simon’s heart.

“We can buy some cushions … or somethin’ …” Callum wrapped his arms around Simon’s waist. “It just needs us,” he murmured, kissing his boyfriend with a clear suggestion of more. “Shall we check out the bedroom?” Simon pulled away smiling.

“Easy tiger! My sisters are due any minute. They love you but they don’t need to see us in a state of …” Callum waited for him to supply a word, amused by Simon’s prudishness and they way he struggled to talk about sex, and irritated by the invitation offered to the sisters without mentioning it to Callum.

+++

Callum and Simon settled into a routine. Their work shifts did not always coincide and Callum got to a point where he looked forward to the times when he could be alone in his house. It felt like Simon’s family were around every other minute and the décor had been enhanced with a ridiculous number of house-warming gifts. If he heard the words “boutique chic” come out of any of their mouths one more time, Callum thought he might scream at them to shut up. He might even order them out of his house.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t into Simon. Simon was stunningly handsome, his body was fit and he moved like a panther; Callum was turned on just thinking about his gorgeous boyfriend. Maybe their sex life was a bit tame but it was good. Callum had certainly had better sex but he valued the emotional connection that he had with Simon; he preferred sex to mean something. They made each other laugh and Simon was witty and interesting; he took an interest in the wider world and had things to talk about. Most importantly, Simon was kind and loyal, like Callum himself. It was good.

A tinny rendition of Bad Romance interrupted his reverie, causing him to scrabble about in the scatter cushions for his phone. It was Whitney, his ex. Deep down and carefully hidden, Callum had known he was gay when he started the relationship with Whitney. He wanted to be straight, so surely it was worth trying, he’d reasoned. He now knew better, having shattered the poor woman’s dreams and almost broken himself. He was acutely ashamed of his selfishness at that time. Whitney was Simon in female form: loving, generous, honest, kind. He loved her dearly and felt lucky that they had become good friends after their break up although he was conscious that the friendship had dwindled recently. Whitney had met the man of her dreams eight months ago and, since then, Callum hadn’t heard much from her other than a handful of messages. He assumed it was because she was in love.

“Whit! How are ya darlin’?” He greeted her warmly, fully expecting her to tell him that she was getting married or something.

“Callum,” Whit replied, her voice tight and worried. “Are you free? Can I come round?”

“Yeah course.” Callum focused, realising that something was wrong. “D’ya want me to come an’ get ya?”

“No,” Whitney answered, “I … I’m outside. Like now. Is that alright?” Callum rushed to the front door and flung it open to reveal Whitney standing in the porch. She was wearing joggers which Callum registered as the first alarm signal. Whitney designed transformation wear for her market stall and was always a walking clothes horse for her range. He looked at her carefully. Her hair was pulled up roughly into a messy pony tail and her usually perfectly painted face was make-up free.

“Whit darlin’,” he soothed as he pulled her into his arms. Whitney absorbed the comfort and, for the millionth time, wished that Callum wasn’t gay. He led her into the living room, sat her down and disappeared into the kitchen with a promise he would be back with tea in a minute. Whitney looked round at the room. It was certainly stylish but a bit … she sought the right word … safe for her taste. And for Callum’s if she knew him at all, she thought to herself.

“This is … nice,” she complimented half-heartedly when Callum returned. He rolled his eyes and huffed a little laugh.

“I feel like I’m livin’ in a fuckin’ hotel, sometimes, Whit,” he commented. “I think I preferred our flat over this and you know how much I hated it.”

“One day you’ll get your perfect, Callum,” said Whitney sadly, not knowing that he had hated their flat.

“So, talking of perfect, how’s Leo?” Callum changed the subject. He didn’t want to talk about Simon with Whitney - she would immediately see right through to the heart of it all - and he definitely didn’t want to talk about the train wreck that had been their relationship. Distressingly, Whitney started to cry, tears streaming down her face, but eerily no sound came from her. Callum had never seen crying like it.

“I need help,” she whispered. “Can you help me?” Callum jumped out of his seat and sat down next to her with his long arms wrapped right around her.

“Course I will,” he promised, kissing her scruffy hair. “What’s happened?” Whitney took a deep shuddering breath and started her story.

“I ended things with Leo before Christmas. He was jealous, always wanting to know where I was, and he was really moody. Angry sometimes as well. He smashed every mug in the cupboard one time, smashed them one after the other, staring at me like he hated me. It wasn’t good for me. I had to end it.”

“Good for you, Whit, you did the right thing,” reassured Callum. She nodded vaguely.

“But then he was always there, in the market, in the pub, everywhere, watching me. He sent me notes and flowers. He rang me, over and over again, sometimes fifty times in a day.” Whitney looked shellshocked. “I haven’t slept in weeks.”

“Oh my god, Whit. Did you go to the police?” Callum was appalled to hear what had happened and mentally rebuked himself for not having been around to notice. Whitney shook her head miserably.

“Not at first. I tried to talk to him. I met him for a drink in the pub, then for breakfast in the café. I sat with him in the park. I tried to explain to him that I just wanted him to leave me alone. Then when I did go to the police, they said to keep a record, that there was nothing they could do until I had more proof. I went to show them my phone but it wasn’t in my bag. I thought I must have left it at home. But when I got home, it wasn’t there. An’ I’d kept all the notes but they’d gone as well. I think Leo took them, Callum. Which means he got in the flat. But when I told the police, I sounded like a crazy person.”

“Did he keep stalking you? Is he still stalking you?” Callum was worried for her. She wasn’t safe if Leo could get in the flat. She lived there alone.

“He was always there. Every time I turned round, he was there. I kept a notebook. My family, my friends all told the police what was happening but then I found out that Leo had complained to the police that I was stalking him, begging him to meet me and take me back. He had texts from when we met up and voicemails of me sayin’ I wanted to fix things but I never said that. I left him voicemails but they were telling him I didn’t want to get back with him. He also told them I’d stopped him from securing a market pitch, which is true but it’s not the way he’s made it sound.” Her tears had flowed relentlessly all the time she had been talking, and finally she let go of a noisy sob followed by a convulsive cascade of them, her body shaking with the effort of crying. Callum continued to hold her hoping that it was helping.

“Shh darlin’ shh,” hushed Callum. “What can I do?” His mind was racing as his anger rose so he forced himself to breathe deeply, reminding himself to be constructive not impulsive.

“Can you help me collect the evidence? I know you’d be good at it.” Whitney looked at him, her beautiful, teary eyes imploring him to agree.

“Of course I will.”

+++

Simon was intrigued to hear about Callum’s plan to gather evidence for Whitney.

“You would make a fantastic police officer,” he told Callum. “Have you ever thought of applying?”

“You just wanna see me in uniform,” teased Callum. “You’re jealous of me getting’ that treat every day from you.” He groped Simon’s bum, pulling him inwards and Simon came willingly. Callum pressed his lips against Simon’s neck, nipping gently.

“Don’t leave a mark,” mumbled Simon, although he was a little bit too lost in the moment to pull away. Callum obediently gave him a chaste kiss on the lips, followed by a searching gaze and a less chaste kiss. To Callum’s delight, Simon was in a randy mood and was happy to be pushed down on the living room rug. Afterwards, they lay there comfortably, dragging one of the expensive sofa throws over them to keep them warm. Icy rain was hammering against the window and the wind whistled through gaps in the doors.

“I love you,” said Simon suddenly.

“Yeah love you too,” parroted Callum, immediately struck with a comparison to how he used to say this to Whitney; it was exactly the same. But why wouldn’t it be? He did love Whitney. He loved Simon. He’d just thought love would be different; he’d thought it would be more somehow. Callum was a dreamer and his idea of falling in love involved breathless moments, tingling skin and fireworks. Get real, he chastised himself, annoyed at his flight of fancy.

“You keep saying you want to change job. What about the police?” Simon was like a dog with a bone. Callum reflected that it was affirming to have your partner tell you that you’re capable of more than being a delivery driver or a pub chef or a funeral worker, all jobs Callum had held, but it was also a subtle message that what you’re doing isn’t good enough. Simon thought he was onto a winning idea with the police but Callum knew things that Simon didn’t know. Should he tell him? Shouldn’t he share everything with the man he loved?

“I can’t Simon.” He decided to come clean. “I’ve got a record.” Simon went still beside him. Without moving, he managed to put distance between them. Callum felt it but wasn’t sorry for having spoken up. Simon came from a solidly middle-class family. This house, Callum’s house, had been bought by his grandad when the area was run down, not quite in the vibrant East End or in the peaceful, leafy suburbs further out; it had been a kind of in-between place where you lived if you had to. Now, however, the area was unnervingly gentrified, described itself as a village (for fuck’s sake, thought Callum) and the house was worth a fortune. It was exactly where someone like Simon would live but that didn’t mean he had a clue what it was like to be from this place.

“What did you do?” asked Simon in a quiet, hesitant voice that conveyed that he didn’t really want to know. Callum heard the disapproval and was instantly irritated. With his doting parents and sisters, his support through school and university, the acceptance of his homosexuality by everybody, Simon could not begin to understand people like Callum and the struggles they had been through.

“Two offences. Accomplice in an armed robbery. Actual bodily harm.” Callum said it calmly and without apology, but it sounded bad even to him. He did not want to think badly about himself. He knew he was a good person. Simon sat up abruptly.

“Armed robbery?” he whispered, horrified.

“Accomplice,” clarified Callum. “It was judged that I was coerced into taking part.”

“Were you?” Simon’s question was challenging and Callum couldn’t quite believe that it had been asked. Didn’t Simon know him at all?

“Yes.” Callum was hurt and his voice showed it. Simon heard it and looked down at him. He knew this man; he was never aggressive and he was honest but armed robbery and ABH were serious.

“Is that all the explanation I’m getting?” he demanded, part of him sensing that he should be more understanding and that he was pushing Callum away, but the main part believing that this was important and he ought to know everything.

“Yes,” snapped Callum, grabbing his clothes, pulling them on and leaving the room. He looked at his coat by the front door and, impulsively, put it on and left the house. He was not the same person. He had worked hard to be better. He was better. He strode down the road, aware that he was becoming increasingly cold and wet, but wanting to be clear about who he was. He was not that person. He was a better person.

He stopped at the pub on the corner aware that he was soaked to the skin and realising that he needed to turn back when he was surprised to see a small girl take a photograph of him. She was wearing a huge transparent raincoat with a wide hood held like a canopy above her forehead by the baseball cap she was wearing underneath. He stared at her and raised his arms in the universal gesture for “What the hell?”

“You look so anguished,” she explained, smiling beguilingly, although there was also a hint of a cheeky, sneaky soul. “It will be a good photo.” Callum recognised her speech as that of someone with hearing loss. In his current job, held now for almost three years, which was good going for him, he worked as a delivery driver and, if it was a two-man job, he was often paired with Tomas, a colleague with profound hearing loss. Callum had learned quite a lot of signing and had been hoping for an opportunity to try it out on somebody else. So, he signed,

“What’s your name?” The girl was delighted and the persuasive smile opened up into a straightforward grin.

“Frankie,” she answered, signing, “You?”

“Callum,” Callum answered, taking care to look at her directly and speak clearly.

“Are you deaf, Callum?” Frankie asked. He shook his head and smiled at her. Callum’s smile was like a ray of sunshine even on a day like today. Frankie thought this anguished-turned-glowing man had an extremely interesting face and wondered if she could engineer another meeting as she wanted to take more photos of him. Maybe if she offered him a copy of the photograph, she could meet him again. Meanwhile, Callum was wondering if her photography was good. Thinking about Whitney’s problem, somebody like Frankie might be a great way of getting some covert photographs.

“Can I have a copy of the picture? I’ll give you my number,” he asked. Frankie could not have looked more delighted as she punched it into her phone.

“I’ll be in touch Callum.” Callum stared after her. It had been a short encounter but, bafflingly, had refreshed him. He turned back for home with a lighter step.

When he arrived home, the living room had been returned to its pristine perfection and Callum could smell cooking. He went through to the kitchen.

“I’m not that person any more,” he stated simply. Simon turned around, his eyes widening when he saw the bedraggled state Callum was in.

“Get upstairs, get warm in the shower, put something warm on afterwards,” he instructed, stepping towards Callum. “I love you. I know who you are,” he said softly, kissing Callum gently. Callum’s eyes pricked with tears. How could he have doubted the love they had?

The photograph arrived later that evening. Frankie had made it black and white and obviously done some adjustments as it looked almost drawn in ink or paint, not quite real somehow. Callum also thought she’d made him look much more strikingly handsome than he actually was, but he was wrong about that. The most compelling aspect of it was that she had indeed caught a moment of anguish and Callum was reminded that, however great his life was with his fabulous home and his wonderful boyfriend, his past would always be a part of him. He was saddened by having to keep it concealed - ideally Simon would have accepted him flaws and all – but he reassured himself with the mantra that the perfect life doesn’t exist. He looked at the desolation and torment so evident in the picture and decided not to show it to Simon.

He sent Frankie a quick message.

_Amazing photo. You have serious talent. Got a possible job for you. Interested?_

The reply came back straightaway.

_Need to know more_

Callum applauded her from afar. She didn’t know him from Adam and he was glad to see her being cautious.

_Good friend has a stalker. Needs evidence for police._

Frankie had every intention of meeting Callum but was pleased to see it was a job she could get behind.

_I’m in_

_when and where_

_must be public place_

Callum wondered how old she was. She looked about twelve but also about twenty. He resolved to find out before they embarked on the project.

_Kathy’s Café at the end of the high street near station 10am tomorrow._

“Who are you texting?” asked Simon nosily, noticing that Callum was intently focused on his phone.

“Tomorrow’s jobs,” he lied smoothly. “There’ve been some last minute changes.” Well, it wasn’t technically a lie, he thought.

+++

Frankie and Callum sat in the café talking and signing about their plan. Leo had never met Callum but other people in Whitney’s life knew him so he wasn’t confident that Leo wouldn’t realise who he was. His plan was to leave Frankie pretending that she had a photography project so she would be around the market for a few days taking photos. He intended to maintain surveillance of Whitney’s flat. She lived above the launderette and the entrance was at the rear, overlooked by a block of flats where Whitney’s sister Tiffany lived. This was where Callum was going to set up some camera equipment provided by Frankie.

“You need a lesson?” she checked.

“Er, yeah, I’ve only ever used my phone,” Callum confessed. Frankie laughed at him.

“Millenial!” she accused. Callum huffed a laugh and, seizing the opportunity, asked,

“How old are you?”

“Twenty,” replied Frankie. “My mum is a photographer so I know about cameras, all types.” Callum bestowed his sunbeam smile and Frankie found herself grinning back. Most people found her a bit surly and, to be fair, it was because she was often deliberately unfriendly, but it was impossible to be grumpy around Callum. She liked him and was discovering that she wanted him to like her.

“What time does your mum expect you home?” he asked unexpectedly. Frankie stared at him, incredulous.

“I’m twenty not twelve. I come and go as I please,” she declared assertively, thinking that she could quickly go off Callum if he carried on saying stupid stuff.

“Sorry,” Callum signed, with a excessively sorrowful face. Frankie had to laugh. Callum explained, “We need to meet at the end of every day to go over things. Whitney’s sister and her husband are going to monitor the cameras overnight, although I’m going to record the footage anyway. Thing is, I don’t want people round here to see us together.”

“I’ll come to your house at 9pm then.” Frankie couldn’t believe her luck. She had wanted an invitation to visit Callum at home and hadn’t been able to think of a way to make it happen. She found other people’s homes fascinating, usually getting some insight into that person from their home and she was very keen to find out more about Callum. She’d noticed lots of texts from Simon, the boyfriend, she assumed, wondering what he was like. Callum was very good-looking and, in Frankie’s experience, that usually meant a great looking boyfriend or one with a face like a bag of spanners.

+++

When Frankie arrived at Callum’s house, the door was opened by a very beautiful man. He was tall like Callum and moved like a big cat. Frankie’s preference was for taking stills but walking behind Simon into the house, she thought he might be a good subject for a slow exposure project. She was reminded of some dynamic images of tennis players achieved that way and remembered the picture of Roger Federer’s single handed backhand. Simon moved like that.

He frowned at her as she sat down.

“How old are you Frankie?” he demanded. Oh god, she thought, not him as well.

“Twelve,” she lied. Simon narrowed his eyes at her and headed to the kitchen where she heard him furiously hiss at Callum,

“You can’t invite a twelve year old into our home, Callum.” Callum laughed at him.

“She’s winding you up, Si. She’s twenty.”

Callum and Frankie took over the dining table to review the material from that day. Frankie had caught Leo watching Whitney in several of the shots. Callum had nothing. Callum was absorbed in his task and barely noticed Simon when he sat down with them.

“What did it feel like? Snooping?” Simon asked. Callum didn’t answer so Frankie chipped in.

“It’s fun. I like watching people. I was in the market and it was busy and I could wander around. But Callum’s bit was boring. He sat in one place watching a door all day. I bet if you were a real PI it would be mostly what Callum was doing.” Callum looked at her thoughtfully.

“What are you doing now?” Simon asked leaning over to look at Callum’s computer.

“Choosing the most useful shots. Making sure they’re annotated and filed.”

Frankie watched Simon and realised that he was probably used to having Callum to himself, lying on the sofa and watching telly or whatever they got up to. She was an extremely perceptive observer and she just couldn’t see the connection between these two. Yes, there was a cute couple thing going on but were they in tune with each other? Callum was so much more alive than Simon. She looked around the dining room. From her vantage point she could also see the living room, another small room and then the kitchen. This house was boring; there were nice things around but nothing personal. Callum wasn’t boring so she deduced that Simon must be. Frankie’s aunt, a vivacious woman, lived in a big house near the forest not far from here and had hired an interior decorator when she moved in. The result was a pretty house with pretty things but none of her aunt’s personality. Callum’s house was the same.

She stood up, suddenly tired of the prissy perfection surrounding her and wanting to leave.

“See you tomorrow Callum,” she sang as she let herself out.

Simon looked at Callum questioningly.

“Tomorrow? Are you not working this week? Aside from the fact that you lied to me last night about what you were doing today.”

Callum closed his computer and stared back at Simon, his expression hard to read.

“I said there were some last minute changes and there were. I’ve taken the week off. I want to do this for Whit.” Both men could feel the argument coming. Each of them hated confrontation and was naturally amenable but they were also unwilling to be disregarded.

“When are you going to stop feeling like you have to do penance for your sins?” asked Simon, his catholic education unwittingly revealed. “You don’t owe Whitney anything.”

“That is not for you to say.” Callum’s voice was low and uncompromising. “If I want to help her, I will. I will decide what I do.”

“So you take a week off work. For Whitney.” Callum knew what was coming. Simon was about to bring up his family trip. “But when I asked you to take a week off work FOR ME, you couldn’t afford the time.”

“It’s not because I owe her anything. It’s because she is my friend and she’s in trouble. That’s important. You weren’t in trouble. You just wanted me to go on a family trip.”

“It’s important to me and my family. We go every year.” Simon loved his family and felt nurtured and safe when he was with them; he knew that Callum had no family and had had to look after himself. All Simon wanted to do was to share the love and protection of his family with Callum.

Callum closed his eyes. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Simon’s family; it was just that they were so tightly connected that he always felt like he shouldn’t be there. They had in-jokes and talked incessantly about the past. He wasn’t part of them. Simon was the youngest of three with two older sisters a few years older than him and, whenever he was around his family, Simon regressed to being the beautiful little boy with effeminate habits that they all indulged. It made Callum want to puke.

“I know it is Si. An’ I’ll come next year. I promise.” He smiled hopefully and Simon relented, smiling back. “I am stiff as a board from sitting at that camera all day. Maybe my very loving and very sexy boyfriend can see his way to a massage,” wheedled Callum.

“A very loving and very sexy massage?” defined Simon, pulling Callum to standing and kissing him, tugging at his bottom lip.

“Hmm,” hummed Callum, enjoying the attention. “Yeah, sounds good.”

+++

At the end of the week, Frankie and Callum had compiled a file of strong evidence against Leo, including the fact that he had been in and out of Whitney’s flat on three occasions. They were in Whitney’s flat. Frankie looked around at how the space clearly screamed Whitney and thought that it was a good job that Whitney lived alone. They had just gone through everything, revealing nore than Whitney had expected. She was pale and could hardly breathe.

“Oh my god. He was in here.” She looked around the flat in a panic. “One of those was last night,” she whispered, eyes horrified. “What was he doing here? I was here. How did I not hear him?” Frankie watched Callum hold Whitney’s hands, his face radiating care and concern; there was more connection between these two than between Callum and Simon, she thought.

“Do you want me to come with you to the police station?” Callum offered. Whitney was sorely tempted to lean on Callum but shook her head, sat up straight and composed a look of strength.

“I’ve got this,” she said firmly.

“Yes you do,” confirmed Callum, giving her hands a reassuring squeeze. “But me an’ Frankie have worked hard on this so we want to know what they say. Call me afterwards.”

“I knew you’d be good at this,” Whitney stroked Callum’s cheek, “but not this good. You’ve got Frankie to thank for that.” She turned to the younger woman. “Your photos are amazin’. I need someone to shoot my designs an’ I reckon you’ll do a much better job than the last fella. What d’ya reckon?”

“Yes!” Frankie almost bit Whitney’s hand off. “Do I get free clothes?”

“Cheeky, ain’t she?” Whitney laughed to Callum, and then to Frankie, “Yeah ok.”

As they walked away from the flat, Callum was feeling guilty that he hadn’t thought about paying Frankie for her time.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said. Callum looked at her in surprise.

“I see you, y’ know,” he told her, “watching everythin’, everybody. But mind readin’? That’s a serious skill! Let me at least buy you lunch.” He looked down at this tiny woman so full of life and found himself hoping that they had started a friendship. Callum didn’t let many people into his life but the door was definitely open for Frankie to walk through if she wanted.

“Can I choose where?” she asked, eyeing up the gourmet burger restaurant. Inside, she proceeded to order more food than Callum ate in a day. He wondered how such a small body needed that much fuel.

“We’re a good team, me and you,” said Frankie, mouth full of burger and fork poised over her mac ‘n’ cheese side ready to shovel it in the second the burger had been swallowed. “I think you could be a real private investigator and I could work for you. It would be freelance ‘cause I’m also going to work for Whitney. But you,” she jabbed her fork towards him, “you could start your own business.” Callum looked across the table at his new friend. He was certain that this was what she was and they were going to have many more encounters. They understood each other. He’d already looked up about becoming a private investigator and had signed up for a course.

“Mind readin’ again are ya?” he said with a laugh.


	2. Grey areas

Callum committed himself fully to his course and, as well as the sessions at a local college, he spent hours at the dining table studying and researching. For once, Simon didn’t sulk about not having Callum’s undivided attention. He’d taken some time off work and was busy renovating a long reception room at the side of the house that was connected to the double length garage and had an external door opening onto the scruffy patch of garden that ran down the side of the rest of the house. The garage looked like it might have been single length and detached before it was extended and this room built to join it to the house. When they had moved in, they had wondered if it could be used as a garden storeroom so had left it out of the main renovation until they decided what to do with the garden. Now Callum wondered if it would make a good office but, when he suggested this, he encountered some resistance from Simon.

“That room’s … changed,” said Simon mysteriously but also seeming very pleased with himself. “Look what I’ve done.” Callum looked around the room, which contained nothing but a modern chaise-longue (when had that appeared, he wondered) and Simon’s yoga mat. As Callum was thinking how cold and empty the room was, Simon opened the door that led onto the space at the rear. Callum went outside and found himself in a pretty gravel courtyard with a small bowl in the middle containing a bubbling fountain. There were climbers scrambling up the fence and pots of snowdrops and crocuses. A tree that had always been there had been cleared of its undergrowth and now arched over the space, tiny leaf buds like jewels studding the branches, and an old bench in one corner watched the space approvingly.

“This is amazing, Si,” sighed Callum, breathing in the scent of the plants as he flopped down on the bench. “When did you become a gardener?” Simon popped back into the house and came out with a box that Callum recognised as his. A flash of annoyance that Simon had been through his things without asking passed when Simon sat down next to him and showed him an old photograph of Callum’s grandad sitting on the same bench in the same space.

“I wanted to do it for you using the photograph for the design. I know how sentimental you are.” Simon was watching Callum anxiously for his reaction. “Too twee?” he worried. Callum put his arm around Simon and kissed his cheek tenderly.

“Not at all. I love it. I really love it.” He felt overwhelmed with emotion that somebody would do something like this for him. He had wanted to feel a connection to this house that his grandad had loved and had been niggled by a feeling that, to do this, he had to get through a layer of Simon’s effect on it, but now Simon had built this garden just for him and it was wonderful. “I’m lucky to have you, Si. I love you.”

They sat enjoying the sunshine and each other for several minutes until they were disturbed by the doorbell. Simon ran through the house to open the door and came back with a parcel for Callum. He watched as Callum eagerly opened it.

“I take it you know what it is,” laughed Simon watching Callum’s excitement.

“Yeah,” said Callum, finally pulling out a business card, plain white with navy blue lettering: Callum Highway Private Investigator. He saw Simon’s amused face. “I know it’s a bit old-fashioned and this box will probably last me a decade, an’ I didn’t spend a lot on ‘em, but it was, you know …” Simon silenced him with a kiss.

“Callum Highway, Private Investigator, you are adorable.”

In truth, Callum was very nervous that he’d spent a lot of money on his course, on surveillance equipment and membership of various libraries and databases but didn’t know how to get the work, despite the business and marketing module included in his course. Frankie came to his rescue. Picking up the business cards one day, she looked at them scathingly.

“Did Simon design these?” she commented meanly. Callum hid a smile.

“No, I did. I just got some cheap ones. It was more a way of marking the launch of my business. A way to make it seem like I’d started. So that I knew I was doin’ it for real.” He stopped as he realised he didn’t know quite what he was trying to say. Frankie closed the box and dismissively chucked it on the floor.

“Okay, let’s build a website,” she ordered. Luckily for Callum, Frankie knew what she was doing and, by the end of the day, the website was ready.

“I’m going to run this and your socials for you, make sure you get hits. I will do it for free for six months on the understanding that I am your first-choice freelancer.” She stuck her hand out to seal the deal and Callum grasped it with both hands.

“You’re a star, Frankie.”

“I’m serious about this Callum,” she said solemnly. “You need to check the CHPI email every day. You never know when a job is going to come in.”

“CHPI?” repeated Callum, liking the sound of it.

+++

Frankie turned up at breakfast buzzing with excitement. She opened her computer to show three completed enquiry forms in the CHPI email box. Callum was shocked; he hadn’t expected such a quick response.

“Wow, Cal,” said Simon. He had never known anybody use a private investigator and had been thinking that Callum’s business might have a slow start if it got going at all.

“These two are easy,” said Frankie, pointing at one job where a lady called Beryl wanted to know who was moving the pot elephant on her front doorstep every evening and another where a lady called Pamela wanted to know if her husband left their house during the night.

“What?” Callum was confused. “She’s very clear that she doesn’t want to know where he goes just if he goes out. Okay, well, we can work that out for her.”

“So you two are going to be out all night every night watching these houses?” asked Simon, suddenly realising that he might see more of Callum if he offered to do more night shifts himself.

“Only for two nights each with what they want to pay,” Callum reassured him. He pointed at the third enquiry. “This one is a bit different, isn’t it?” The third enquirer had not bothered to complete any section of the enquiry form other than the notes. In this section he had written ‘fee whatever it costs’ followed by an address in an affluent suburb four miles away, a time and a day, and a name: Phil Mitchell.

“That’s this afternoon,” said Callum. He grinned excitedly at Frankie. “Okay, I’ll confirm all the jobs now. Then, I’ll do the husband with the nocturnal habit and, Frankie, you take the stray elephant. Both starting tonight. An’ I’ll visit the demanding Mr Mitchell this afternoon.”

+++

Callum decided to drive to the Mitchell residence. From where he lived, going into London was never worth doing in a car but the roads going out into Essex were not too bad, congested only at commuting times. He had never bought a car in his life but he now owned his grandad’s 1981 MGB Roadster. It had been like a barn find, gently decaying in the garage and Callum had spent a small fortune bringing it back to life. He remembered it clearly from his early childhood and wanted to indulge in the nostalgia. He loved the entirely manual drive and was reminded of his grandad when he was behind the wheel. Simon, on the other hand, found it a very tricky drive, flooding the engine through overuse of the choke, misjudging the response time and overshooting corners and frequently lamenting the lack of power steering; his own car was a completely automatic Range Rover Evoque that practically drove itself. He did, however, love to be the passenger as Callum drove on trips out for lunch in lovely country pubs.

Arriving at his destination, Callum pulled into a large in and out driveway. Every house on the road was huge and most were charmless; all had in and out driveways. The Mitchell house was particularly ugly, looking almost like an office building from a modern industrial estate. A Bentley was parked ostentatiously by the front entrance and, in front of the triple garage, tucked to the side, was an old but obviously loved Porsche 911. Callum didn’t know a lot about cars but he could see that this one was special. He parked his little car next to it. He was busy admiring the lovely Porsche when he was startled by a gruff voice right next to him.

“Little car for a big man like you.” The owner of the voice was a short, bald man. His stance was overtly macho and brought boxing to Callum’s mind. He was clearly light on his feet as Callum had not heard him approaching but he also looked like he might be handy with his fists. That didn’t worry Callum; he also knew how to land a punch.

“Yeah,” confirmed Callum. “It was my grandad’s but, well, I like it.” The man was nodding. It might have been approvingly … or not. “Callum Highway,” said Callum, holding out his hand in greeting. The man stared at it for a moment before taking it.

“Phil Mitchell,” he said in return. Callum pointed at the Porsche.

“Is this yours?” He was about to say it was beautiful, but Phil’s demeanour changed to disgust.

“Nah,” he said, and turned to stomp back to the house, beckoning without looking back for Callum to follow him.

Phil led him into an extravagant sitting room where almost everything was cream coloured or mirrored and absolutely everything was over-sized. He yelled “Valentina!” and within seconds a small, slightly dumpy, terrified woman appeared. Phil looked expectantly at Callum who realised he was required to order a drink.

“Er, black coffee please Valentina.” He smiled his beautiful smile at the nervous woman.

“Don’t be too nice. It’ll confuse her,” said a new voice from the doorway. Callum turned to see a man leaning, legs crossed, against the door frame. Shit, he’s sexy, thought Callum before he could stop himself. He was average height, wore a leather jacket like he was James Dean, bottle green tee underneath and tight black jeans. His eyes seized Callum’s and Callum felt like his world shifted slightly. There was a glimmer of something, surprise maybe, on the confident, attractive stranger’s face, quickly switching to curious and amused.

“Ben,” barked Phil sounding annoyed. “Where’ve ya been?” Ben ignored Phil and approached Callum. Callum stood up, he wasn’t sure why but he did know that these two were making him jittery.

“Hmm tall,” murmured Ben, his face clearly communicating his appreciation. Callum didn’t miss that this was said quietly enough for Phil not to hear and with his back to Phil so that he also couldn’t see. He stared back at Ben, careful to keep his expression neutral. “Ben Mitchell, heir apparent to the Mitchell dynasty,” Ben said loudly. He delivered an ironic bow, eyes twinkling with mischief.

“Callum Highway,” Callum said, offering his hand. Ben grasped it, lightly stroking Callum’s palm and fingers as he let it go. A delicious tingle shivered through Callum. What the hell was going on here, he thought, recognising the flirting for what it was but not understanding why he was reacting the way he was.

“Ben, shut up and sit down,” snapped Phil. Despite there being many chairs in the room, Ben chose to sit on the two-seater that Callum had chosen, only he wasn’t sitting, he was lounging seductively, chewing his bottom lip and staring at Callum. At least the sofa was roomy. Callum saw Phil narrow his eyes looking from Ben to him.

“Is he one of you?” he barked at Ben.

“I don’t know Dad,” replied Ben silkily, suddenly shuffling towards Callum and looking up at him enquiringly with soft eyes. “Are you one of me, Callum?” As abruptly, Ben sat back on his side of the sofa.

“Leave ‘im alone Dad. It doesn’t matter what he is.” Phil harrumphed and declared,

“Well, at least he looks like he can handle himself.”

“Translation,” Ben whispered to Callum, “He might be queer, but maybe that doesn’t mean soft like queer would suggest.” Phil glared at Ben.

“What are you saying now?” he shouted, the room being too large for normal conversation.

“Callum’s looking confused, so I was just reassuring him that he wouldn’t necessarily be put in a position where he would have to handle himself,” answered Ben glibly. “That’s why I’m ‘ere, isn’t it?”

Callum decided he needed to stop Ben from controlling the situation.

“Mr Mitchell,” he said firmly, looking straight at Phil and trying to ignore the appraising gaze he could feel coming from Ben, “maybe you would like to tell me what the job is.” Valentina chose that moment to come back in with the drinks so Phil waited to speak until she left. He was obviously incensed.

“I have a business associate. He’s double-crossing me. I know it. He knows it. But he thinks I can’t prove it.” Phil paused. “An’ I can’t find proof. But I know it.” Callum nodded reassuringly.

“So you would like me to find that proof for you.” Phil stared at him like he was a fool and Ben actually snorted.

“What makes you think you can find it if I can’t?” Phil roared. “I am going to make him tell me. Myself.” Callum was thoroughly confused.

“So the job is…?” he asked innocently, in no way prepared for what Phil was about to say.

“To make him tell me, I need leverage. I need you to find where he’s hidden his daughter.” Callum’s stomach hit his feet. He stood up, composed himself and faced Phil directly with all the strength he could muster.

“I am a private investigator Mr Mitchell. Not a kidnapper. I’ll let myself out.”

“Sit down,” bellowed Phil. Callum remained standing but didn’t leave. He had come across the like of Phil Mitchell before and he knew he had to appear fearless. “You just have to find her,” continued Phil. “Ben’s gonna do the kidnappin’.” Callum heard Ben move behind him but was surprised when he joined Callum to face Phil, side by side.

“I am NOT kidnapping a ten year old girl,” Ben stated resolutely.

“I’m only getting you to do it ‘cause you’re soft-hearted. Don’t want to frighten the girl. Otherwise I’d get Chris to do it.” Callum was intensely aware of Ben’s arm against his and felt Ben tense up. He glanced at him and Ben seemed to sense it as he turned to look at Callum. Eyes locked, Callum silently pleaded with Ben to play it cool. Phil seemed like a volatile character. Almost imperceptibly, with the tiniest gesture, Ben nodded.

“Give us a couple of days Dad. Callum and me, we’ll come at it with fresh eyes and maybe find what you need.” Phil looked at them with a sneering, contemptuous glare.

“Ya think I would trust a pair of poofs to sort this out? Get out the both of you. I’ll find somebody else to get her.” He glared at them fiercely. “GET OUT!” he yelled. Ben held his Dad’s stare for a few seconds, then turned to Callum.

“Time to go Callum. Come with me.” Callum obediently followed Ben, through doors and along corridors until they reached what seemed like a small apartment. Callum could see from the view outside that they were over the garage. The apartment had an empty feel even though the bed was made, there were belongings around and even a four pack of beer on the kitchen counter. Ben searched in a kitchen drawer and found a key. He locked the apartment’s main door on the inside.

“Force of habit,” he explained. He waved around the space. “This is mine when I’m ‘ere.”

“I don’t want to be here Ben,” said Callum. “You and your family are … bad news. I don’t live or work in that world.”

“How much was he going to pay you?” interrupted Ben impatiently.

“It wasn’t capped. Whatever it cost,” answered Callum. “But, like I said, I don’t work for villains an’ I reckon that’s what your dad is.” Ben ignored the commentary about his family.

“Well Callum, that’s what I’ll pay you. Only we need to get a wriggle on, ‘cause if we don’t, a little girl is gonna have the most terrifying experience of her life and she will never, NEVER, recover.”

Callum knew himself and knew that he would do whatever he could to spare her the ordeal. He felt a pang of shame that he hadn’t put her at the centre of his decision-making and was begrudgingly impressed that Ben had. He still felt trapped. Yesterday, the criminal underworld was firmly in his past and now it was part of his present and he couldn’t walk away.

“I’ve got a job on tonight,” he said. “Simple surveillance stuff, not far from here as it ‘appens, but I have to do it.” Ben was looking out of the window.

“In that?” he pointed down at the MG.

“Yeah, I haven’t got another car.” He thought of Frankie in her little Smart car, a much better choice.

“Right,” said Ben. “We’ll drive to Dad’s lot, leave your cuteypie there and borrow somethin’ nondescript, a Corsa or somethin’. I’ll come with you to your stakeout, so I can fill you in,” saucy Ben made a brief reappearance at the innuendo, but vanished swiftly, “and we can make a plan.”

+++

As dawn broke, Callum let himself into his house, and let the familiarity and the safety wash over him. It had been a long day and night and Callum needed to recover. The surveillance had been successful. As Pamela suspected, her husband left their home at 3am and came back at 4:30am. Ben had lots of questions about this: If she knows, why doesn’t she stay awake? Couldn’t she have set up cameras herself to catch him? Why doesn’t she want to know where he’s going? They were good questions and Callum decided he would have another chat with her.

Callum reluctantly admitted to himself that Ben had been easy company and they had shared a lot of laughs. There had been a moment when Ben leaned into the back seat to grab his scarf for Callum who was feeling cold and Callum had been surprised at his arousal due to the proximity of Ben; he hoped he’d hidden it well enough. He was surprised at himself for the physical attraction to Ben but he did sometimes find other men attractive. The important thing was not to act on it.

Ben had an idea that his dad’s business associate, Danny Hardcastle, must have an unofficial office.

“Dad’s been through the offices we know about and nothin’. Danny won’t ‘ave records at home. He keeps his home life strictly legit. There’s got to be somewhere else.” Callum texted Frankie with Danny’s details and tasked her to follow him the following day.

 _Need quick info. 10 year old in danger_ he texted. He and Ben agreed to meet the following afternoon.

As he climbed into bed, Simon turned over to hold him and Callum snuggled in, ready for sleep, but then Simon roughly pushed him away.

“Who do you smell of?” he demanded. “That is NOT your cologne.” Callum briefly thought about spinning a tale. It was hard to believe Simon’s sensitive nose had picked up Ben’s cologne as Callum had not been that close to him. Then he remembered the scarf. Oh god, it was downstairs on the coat hooks, he remembered. The truth was always best.

“You know the Mitchell job,” he explained. “Well I’m doin’ it with his son. He came on my surveillance job ‘cause we ran out of time and needed to make a plan for today. I borrowed his scarf ‘cause I was cold.” Then, because he was tired and feeling bitchy, he added, “Nice to know you trust me.”

“I’m sorry, Cal,” apologised Simon. “Of course, I trust you. I just missed you last night.”

“I miss you when you’re on nights,” said Callum, unable to resist twisting the knife, “but I don’t think you’re getting off with whoever you’re on with.”

“Okay, okay, truce,” soothed Simon. “I’ve got to get up for work. When will I see you?”

“Probably same time tomorrow.” Callum saw Simon’s face fall. “It’s a couple of days, Si. We’ll survive. I’m heading out around six tonight, so if you’re back before then …”

“Yeah, I should be back around five. I’ll catch you then.” Cheered up, Simon left and Callum immediately fell into a deep sleep.

He slept until mid-afternoon and woke with a start as he knew Ben was arriving at 4pm. He collected the post, a warm coat and his own scarf from the front door, made a coffee, and went to sit in his garden.

Ben found him there a little later. Having rung the doorbell and received no answer, he had jumped the side gate to see what he could see, which was Callum sitting on the bench, holding a letter with his head dropped between his knees. Callum didn’t respond to either Ben’s sudden appearance or Ben calling his name, so Ben sat down next to him and waited. After a few minutes of Ben feeling the sun on his face, listening to the soothing splashing of the fountain and thinking what a lovely space it was, Callum silently handed him the letter and Ben read. It was from somebody called Vicky telling Callum that somebody called Chris had died in a car crash. Vicky knew that Chris had been special to Callum. Ben had a good idea what that might mean.

“That’s awful, mate,” consoled Ben. He tentatively put his arm around Callum and, when Callum accepted the gesture, he held him tight. Ben didn’t really have friends, he was too prickly, but he wondered if Callum and him might be friends. He liked Callum; he was funny and real and they just clicked. Truthfully he really fancied him, but Callum wasn’t on offer so Ben was keeping a lid on that boiling pot. Nevertheless, he indulged in a moment’s fantasising as he felt the strong muscles of Callum’s back. It was too cold to be sitting outside for long, even with thick coats, so Ben nudged Callum to return inside.

“I’m ok,” insisted Callum. “It was just a shock. He was my first love.” Ben was very touched by the simplicity of the statement and wondered if he would ever be able to talk about his first love in that way. “I haven’t seen him for years,” Callum continued, “but I still miss what we had.”

“What about Simon?” asked Ben, curious about how Callum still missed what he had with Chris if he was shacked up with somebody else; as for himself, it had been impossible to embark on another relationship since losing his first love.

“Different,” stated Callum shortly. “Let’s make some coffee?” he suggested, tucking the letter under a paper tray on his way to the kitchen. Ben saw the clumsy change of subject - it was as subtle as a brick through a window - but reined in his nosiness for once. As Callum was making coffee, the doorbell rang.

“That’ll be Frankie, my associate,” he said. “Can you let her in?”

Ben opened the door to a small girl with long plaits and a big smile that faltered slightly when she saw Ben.

“I’m Ben Mitchell,” he said as she came in. “I guess you’re Frankie.”

“Frankie Lewis. So you’re from the Mitchell job,” Frankie said knowledgably, enjoying the words and how it made her seem like part of Callum’s business. Ben heard her voice and tapped his ear with two fingers.

“Deaf?” he asked. Frankie laughed.

“How did I find the only two hearing people around here who sign?” she asked. Interesting, thought Ben, so Callum signs.

They went through to the small room off the kitchen where Callum had set up a desk when Simon complained about the mess on the dining room table. Callum and Frankie conversed easily with a mixture of speech and signs which delighted Ben. Ben also had some hearing loss from an episode of meningitis when he was born, but unlike Frankie with her large visible hearing aid, his was tiny and hidden inside his ear. It worked well for him plus he was very skilled at lip-reading so most people never realised. He constantly felt the need to hide his hearing loss from everybody in the Mitchell empire to avoid looking weak, but when he was at home with his mum and his daughter, they used signs and speech just like Frankie and Callum. In general, Ben didn’t find it easy to fit in with people but here, at Callum’s, it was a breeze.

Frankie had been very successful, if somewhat fortunate, in tailing Danny and had discovered he had at least four bases. In her judgement, one of these, behind an architectural salvage yard, didn’t look like an office and was the newest therefore the most likely to be used for a recent project such as swindling a business associate.

“It won’t help us if he keeps stuff on a tablet or a phone that he carries with him,” she said. Ben stared at her and Callum.

“Villain’s handbook, rule 1: Do not carry incriminating evidence on your person,” he lectured. “Computers and tech will be stashed somewhere,” he winked at Frankie, “probably in a plain old office behind a salvage yard.”

Frankie’s other experience had been very strange.

“What d’ya mean it moved itself?” said Callum.

“It moved itself,” insisted Frankie. “At,” she consulted her notebook, “8:53 the elephant turned a quarter turn and moved about half a metre until it was in front of the door rather than to the side.”

“It must have a motor hidden inside,” Ben suggested. “Somebody operating it remotely?”

“Yes, I thought that when I was thinking about it later,” nodded Frankie. “So I went by this morning to have a look.” Callum and Ben waited, gripped by the story. “Nothing!” announced Frankie, laughing at their disappointed faces.

“Sounds like fun,” said Simon, coming into the room. Ben’s heart nearly stopped: who was this Adonis IN UNIFORM? Simon wrapped his arms around Callum and kissed him warmly. So this was the boyfriend, thought Ben, lucky Callum. Simon had a slow, sensual way of moving and Ben couldn’t take his eyes off him, until Callum slapped his arm.

“Oi, that’s my boyfriend you’re leering at,” he mouthed. Ben could see that Callum was amused rather than annoyed so he shrugged his shoulders and grinned cheekily.

“Threesome?” he signed.

“Shut the fuck up,” Callum signed back.

Frankie caught the exchange and watched Ben with increased interest. He was intriguing and he brought out another side to Callum, a good side; she hoped he was going to stick around.

+++

On the way through the architectural salvage yard, Ben spotted some cornice.

“That would fix the broken bit in your hallway,” he told Callum, surprising him as Callum had caught an exchange between Frankie and Ben about how boring Callum’s house was and Ben had said it wasn’t his kind of thing. Callum had felt a little offended.

“Ben Mitchell, interiors expert,” he mocked. Ben looked at him puzzled by the slightly hurt tone.

“Your house is beautiful, not the way you’ve done it,” he stopped the insult and clarified, “that’s personal taste, each to his own, but the house is a gem, you should look after it, you know.”

“Yeah, I do,” agreed Callum, somewhat mollified but also confused about why it mattered to him what Ben thought about his house. He had never had a best mate at school, somebody to get into trouble with and laugh about the consequences, and he suspected Ben and him could have been exactly that if they’d known each other when they were younger. Ben had a way about him that made Callum feel like they were a team. So, Callum reasoned, of course it would matter what Ben thought about something that was important to him.

Just when Callum thought he had the measure of Ben, he would surprise him; on this occasion, it was lock-picking. Ben had the lock to Danny’s storage unit picked in a matter of seconds. Inside there were more locks to pick on cabinets and Callum wondered how he would manage if this was needed on a future job. He wondered how lucrative criminality was for Ben and if there might be a way of persuading him to leave it behind and be part of the CHPI outfit. The fact that they were breaking and entering and that it was illegal slipped into the grey area of his law-keeping.

Ben left Callum to the paper files and settled himself down at the computer. Callum watched him, fascinated at the thought processes he could see flicking across Ben’s eyes.

“You good at breaking into those?” asked Callum. Ben grinned wickedly.

“Very good!”

The illegal activity was very productive. In a couple of hours, they had the evidence they needed to show Danny was not only double-crossing Phil but planning to ruin him. They also found deeds to a house recently bought in north London.

“Maybe this is where he’s stashed the family,” surmised Ben. “But if I get all of this back to Dad right now, he’s not gonna need to terrorise the wife and daughter.” He looked at his partner in crime, suddenly realising that this was the point where they went their separate ways and wishing it wasn’t. “You off to Pamela’s?” Callum nodded, thinking that he didn’t want to break contact with Ben. They started to speak simultaneously.

“If you …”

“Do you …”

They both laughed, a little embarrassed, but not too much.

“A pint sometime soon,” said Ben. “You’ve got my number. I’ve got yours.”

“I’d like that,” said Callum. He meant it. Like Ben, he didn’t have lots of friends, and he was determined to keep this one.

“Bring the boyfriend if you want.” Ben licked his lips naughtily.

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” laughed Callum.

+++

Callum and Frankie wrapped up their cases and started new ones. It seemed lots of people had little mysteries they wanted to be explained.

When he’d questioned her, Pamela had told Callum that she just couldn’t keep awake at night and had come up with two explanations: either she had a medical condition or her husband was drugging her so that he could get up to no good. Diagnosing sleep problems turned out to be a long, intensive process as did investigating sources of toxins in the home, so Pamela decided the easiest thing was to first find out if he was actually going out. She was a bit of a technophobe and didn’t feel able to set up camera surveillance herself. She didn’t care where he went. If he was going out, and Callum proved he was, then it was likely he was drugging her and she was going to get the police involved.

Beryl’s elephant turned out to be operated by the boy next door. He was able to crouch behind the fence and push the elephant with a clear glass rod, turning it first and then pushing it. Frankie was infuriated that she hadn’t spotted him and made him demonstrate.

“That is bloody clever,” declared Beryl, also witness to the demonstration. She gave the boy a large bar of chocolate for his ingenuity and happily parted with the investigation fee. “That’s made my day, that has,” she chortled. Frankie was disgusted with herself for being deceived by the obvious facts.

Callum wanted to call Ben but felt disloyal to Simon, so he didn’t call.

Ben wanted to call Callum, but Danny Hardcastle caught up with him and put him in hospital, so he didn’t call.


	3. Being convincing

Whitney knew she would have to give evidence against Leo in court and it was causing her a lot of anxiety even though she’d been assured that the case was really strong. To her, it seemed a long time to wait and she was aggravated by her brief’s advice to put it out of her head until nearer the time.

Then, to add to her woes, she had been approached to ‘do a favour’ for … well that was part of the problem, she didn’t know who. The approach had come through a message on a burner phone that had been posted through her door. It was, essentially, a money-laundering scam. She had asked a few trusted market trader friends what she should do and had been universally advised to do the favour. It transpired that several of the stall-holders had received these message phones. People who hadn’t agreed to do as asked, she was told, had found their stock damaged, or their vans vandalised, or worse as, on one occasion, somebody had taken a beating.

Unsurprisingly, Whitney was reluctant to go to the police as her first move. She wanted to run a straight business and didn’t want criminality to be any part of her life but she was very afraid of crossing this mysterious organisation. She’d been born into a dark world and she knew that there were some violent and unstoppably greedy people out there. She needed to be sure that, if she raised the alarm about this racket, the police would find enough evidence and stop them. Otherwise, it would come back on her. It was the same for the other traders. They were all afraid. Whitney spent her days on edge, scrutinising every new face, and her nights tossing and turning unable to sleep. Eventually, something snapped in her and she decided she wasn’t going to live like this. She persuaded some of her reliable colleagues to club together to hire Callum and Frankie to see if they could unearth anything to take to the police. It had worked well for the stalker case so it might work for this, she argued.

Callum couldn’t say no to Whitney; Simon was right about him doing penance for his sins. But this was completely different to her stalker case. Leo was unhinged which made him dangerous but these people were dangerous on another level. Callum was from the same streets as Whitney and knew that these were the kind of people who would not hesitate to hurt anybody in their way. There was no way Callum was involving Frankie in it. It wasn’t that he thought Frankie wasn’t capable, but he knew instinctively that these were people would have big men around them. Frankie was five foot two and less than fifty kilos, and although he could easily imagine her swinging a punch, it wouldn’t be a heavy one. She was always insistent that she was a freelancer, which Callum respected, but he also thought of her as an employee and felt a responsibility from this. Not having a bunch of heavies in his employ, he decided to approach the only tough guy in his contacts: Ben. The difficulty was that since the night in Danny Hardcastle’s office, Callum had not heard from Ben. He knew he couldn’t sulk about it too much as Ben had not heard from him so he swallowed his pride and sent a text.

_~~Need to see you~~ _

_~~Can we meet up~~ _

_Sorry haven’t called. Hope it’s not too late. Meet me in the Queen Vic at 7pm?_

Then realising Ben might not know which pub he was talking about, he wrote:

_Pub on corner of my street_

That evening, Callum sat in the pub, fidgeting. His gut was telling him that Ben was not going to turn up as he had expected a reply to his text and there had been nothing.

“What’s up with you Callum?” asked Mick, the landlord, noticing Callum’s wriggling. “There fleas in my seats?”

“Sorry Mick. Just waitin’ for a friend. He’s late.” Callum smiled at Mick. The landlord reminded him of his grandad, not that he was old, he was probably only around forty, but he had a warmth and a wisdom that spoke of a life lived fully and a genuine love of the human race. Simon and Callum had had many deep and interesting conversations with Mick as well as ridiculous banter that had them all splitting their sides. With his dearth of close relationships, Mick had become an important person in Callum’s life.

“You got someone new? Given the luscious Simon the heave-ho?” Mick much preferred Callum to Simon but knew part of it was because Callum was proper East End and Simon was not, which was not really a good reason. The other part of it was that Callum was authentic, himself from his skin to his core, and Simon was a carefully constructed work of art. Mick liked Simon and understood that the perfection was born out of good intentions, but he was not right for Callum in Mick’s opinion. Not that he would ever voice that.

“No, no, nothin’ like that,” Callum insisted, his head sharply turning as he spotted Ben walking in. Mick raised his eyebrows. He knew Ben Mitchell and hoped Callum knew what he was getting himself into. Callum jumped up, noticing immediately the cuts and bruises healing on Ben’s face. Ben offered him a sad half-smile and they sat down together.

“What happened Ben?” asked Callum, reaching to touch Ben’s face. Ben pulled away and Callum dropped his hand.

“Danny Hardcastle.” Ben couldn’t be bothered to explain. He’d been ambushed and beaten up. His dad had stood by as it happened. End of story.

“What? When?” asked Callum. He hadn’t given the villain a second thought since banking his fee for the job and it crossed his mind now that, with all of his cases, when he walked away it wasn’t over for the people involved.

“Couple o’ days after I showed Dad what we found. Him and Dad have gone their separate ways, well sort of; they’ve come to some kind of agreement so that there isn’t full on war, but not before scores were settled. I was the Mitchell sacrifice for Danny to draw even.”

“Your dad let this happen?” Callum was appalled. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Ben glared at him.

“I was in a medically induced coma. That’s why I didn’t call at first. What’s your excuse?” Ben’s tone was challenging and angry and hurt. Callum just shook his head. He couldn’t tell Ben that he might have feelings for him so had to keep away for Simon’s sake. Ben was frustrated watching Callum keep his secrets but he was a firm believer that sometimes the past has nothing new to say, so he relented.

“Oh, forget it Callum. It don’t matter who didn’t call who. We’re here now. No Simon?”

Callum was briefly irked by the second time this evening he had been seen as part of his relationship rather than as himself but he brushed the annoying thought away. Anyway, he had invited Simon to join them but later so that he could talk business with Ben first.

“I don’t mind being a gooseberry to your business chat,” Simon had said. Truth be told he was very curious about Callum’s work and, second truth be told, he was uneasy (he refused to use the word jealous) about Ben and Callum spending too much time together.

“He’ll be more open if you’re not there,” Callum had explained patiently, bored of Simon’s jealousy, “and I need that.”

Callum focused on Ben.

“He’s coming later,” he said checking his watch. “At eight.” Ben’s eyes narrowed in mischief.

“So you wanted to get me on my own but, whatever it is you want, it has to be done and dusted in under an hour.” Ben pretended to think hard and then leaned in towards Callum, conspiratorially. “Now I do prefer to take my time, bein’ a master of my craft an’ all, but I can be quick when circumstances demand it.” His lifted his eyebrows above his twinkling eyes and bit his bottom lip sexily. Callum heard himself giggle. For fuck’s sake man, get a grip, he warned himself.

“Arse!” he jibed.

“Oh yes please!” retorted Ben lewdly, making them both laugh.

Callum explained Whitney’s predicament and how he didn’t want to put Frankie in danger. Ben thought for a few minutes. Callum sipped his beer as he watched Ben thinking, contemplating how he had been certain that Ben would be prepared to help and how Ben hadn’t once questioned that he would get involved.

“Okay, we both live round ‘ere …” Ben started to speak.

“What? You live round here? Where?” Callum was surprised. They’d never talked about where Ben lived but why had he never said they lived close to each other?

“Not all of us can have our own house Callum. They cost an arm an’ a leg. I live in my mum’s house.” Ben looked serious all of a sudden. “D’ya know something Callum? We only knew each other for two days. It was just that a lot happened in those two days, and we clicked, you know what I mean, so it’s like we’ve known each other longer. But we haven’t. We hardly know each other.” Callum felt like Ben was about to pull away from their fledgling partnership and sunk his head in his hands, wondering why the gods could not let him have this friendship, then was startled to feel Ben’s hand in his hair. “Callum. What’s the matter?” Ben asked the question like he cared and Callum was confused. Sitting up, he said,

“I wanted us to be friends.” It was this kind of simple honesty that Ben loved about Callum. 

“You’ve changed your mind?” he asked. Callum looked at Ben’s intensely blue eyes. He could see hope there and a fear of rejection. Ben looked at Callum’s deep, dark blue eyes and he saw hope as well but also loneliness. They smiled at each other and bumped fists.

“Partners in crime,” proclaimed Callum.

“BFFs,” declared Ben in his best American teenage girl voice and Callum laughed with a huge, wide smile that lit up his whole face. Fuck, thought Ben, wondering how he was not going to fall for this gorgeous man.

Callum had not missed that Ben had not told him where he lived.

“So, as I was saying,” Ben brought them back to the problem, “we both live round here so we’re not gonna look like strangers down the market. Neither is Frankie and her takin’ photos is what people know about her, so it won’t put her in danger. Your friend Whitney can give us a list of stalls to watch, so we start with the borin’ stuff: watchin’ and waitin’.”

“Can you spare the time?” Callum wondered. “Won’t your dad want you?”

“I’m being ‘rested’,” said Ben, the hurt tone somewhere underneath his words, covered quickly with a bright smile at Callum. “Let’s talk about it another day. I don’t want to spoil our evening.” He looked at his watch. “7:59,” he announced looking at Callum and then looking at the door. Of course, Simon had to be punctual, Callum thought exasperatedly. He walked through the door and Ben turned to Callum triumphantly. “Eight!”

“Shut up!” laughed Callum. Determined to put Ben in his place, Simon had dressed competitively and looked like an Armani model, turning eyes as he prowled towards Ben and Callum’s table.

“You look HOT, Simon!” flattered Ben, sliding his eyes up and down Simon from head to toe. Callum kicked him underneath the table.

“Can I get the drinks in?” offered Simon, ignoring the compliment. Ben and Callum told him what they were drinking and he went to the bar.

“Please, for my sake, leave him alone. He’ll find your teasing uncomfortable,” begged Callum, worrying that the evening might end badly. He could see that Simon and Ben were very different people and may well not be each other’s cup of tea, and that gave him cause to be anxious, but they were both his cup of tea and he wanted them to get on.

“I ain’t teasing,” insisted Ben. “Look at him, Callum. He’s gorgeous.” He turned to Callum. “You lucky sod. I bet he’s unbelievable in bed.” Ben was practically licking his lips and Callum stifled another giggle. If only Ben knew. Callum was certain that Ben would not find Simon unbelievable in bed.

“Stop ogling him. Treat him like a person,” he demanded.

“Okay, okay, I’ll be nice,” said Ben. True to his word, he was lively company. Simon relaxed and even laughed at some of Ben’s commentary, adding his own anecdotes and chatting comfortably. They found common ground in politics and current affairs making Callum think that he would need to pay more attention to what was going on in the world if he was to keep up with them.

“Beauty and brains,” Ben commented when Simon went to the loo.

“I’m glad you like him,” said Callum. Oh I didn’t say that, thought Ben. Simon was just too polished for Ben but he wasn’t going to divulge that because he wanted to be friends with Callum and Simon was part of the package. That said, he wasn’t sure how many evenings like this he could stomach. He’d had as much as he could take of the perfect pair, so, when Simon returned, Ben decided to take his leave.

“Right. I have a hot date with …” he checked an app on his phone, “Duncan! So I’ll love you and leave you.” He gave Callum a fist bump and a promise to see him the next day, blew a cheeky kiss at Simon, and left.

“Did you see that?” Simon said after Ben had gone. “That app, the picture of ‘Duncan’. It was … you know.” Callum had seen it and was sure Ben had made it visible on purpose to shock Simon but was still irritated at Simon’s priggishness.

“Why does it bother you?” he sighed.

“I just don’t get why you like him. He’s not like us. He probably has a different guy every Friday night.” Callum stared at his boyfriend, seeing through the shiny wrapping and finding a hard, judgemental centre.

“Again, not sure why you’re bothered Si,” snapped Callum. “An’ it’s up to me who I’m friends with.” He downed his drink grumpily. “I’m goin’ home. Comin’?” Simon left his drink on the table and followed Callum out wondering what had gone wrong and how it could be fixed.

+++

Ben, Callum and Frankie spent several days around the market taking hundreds of photos and audio recordings. Ben also turned out to be a dab hand at the research, shortlisting phone shops that might have been used.

“I know it’s a long shot,” Ben explained, “but they’re using 23 stalls, which is 23 phones. Every month. They can’t buy 23 phones at once, that would definitely get attention, so they must go round several shops, either real or online. Online, there’s a lot of electronic trail, so we always use shops for burners.” How useful to have a proper criminal on board, thought Callum.

“If they buy all those phones online, there would be lots of deliveries. When I was a delivery driver, we knew who had lots of deliveries. If they’re avoiding attention, I think they wouldn’t buy online,” offered Callum. If Ben could use his experience from work so could he.

“The message phones are bein’ delivered monthly or near that. So if we can match up phone buyers to times that traders get their message phones, we might see who it is. But what if ...” Ben had a lightbulb moment, “they have a phone business. If they supply phones, they’ll get ‘em cheap so it won’t bother them getting through so many.”

The three of them got together at Callum’s to review the enormous amount of data they had collected. Surprisingly, as he was easily the least patient of them, Ben had the best attitude to it.

“It’s like eatin’ an elephant,” he declared wisely. “One bite at a time.” An hour later they were still in almost as much of a muddle as when they had started, although they had made some progress. Frankie had a program to transcribe audio to text which helped enormously and she made short work of annotating and highlighting to bring themes together. Callum watched her speed-reading and then watched Ben organising photos on his tablet and decided he needed to improve his computing skills.

“I don’t want to print all these photos but it’s difficult to compare them looking at them on a screen,” he moaned, wondering if an extra couple of large screens would prove useful. When the business made a bit more money, he would invest in equipment. He had the capital left to him by his grandad, and it was a decent amount, but he was clear-headed about the business and wanted to make sure it wasn’t a money pit.

“That’s why the police do this kind or work. They have the technology to support it,” called Simon from the kitchen where he was making dinner for them all. Callum had tried to explain why the market traders didn’t want to go to the police without more proof and how scared everybody was of the criminals behind the money-laundering, but Simon could not wrap his head around it. It was surprising that his work didn’t make him more worldly, thought Callum; surely bad guys needed ambulances now and then.

Looking up from his contemplation, Callum caught an exchange between Ben and Frankie which they thought was out of his sight.

“If only everybody could live with Simon in the land of good citizens,” groused Frankie.

“Where the criminal underclass don’t cast shade on his sunlit life,” bitched Ben. “But he’s making us dinner so I think I love him. Can you smell it? Lasagne, I reckon. I love lasagne.”

“Hmm,” agreed Frankie, “and garlic bread. I can definitely smell that. Callum will insist we have salad.” They both pulled ‘yuck’ faces and laughed.

“Ungrateful, you two,” admonished Callum, startling them as they hadn’t realised he was watching.

Unlike Frankie who often turned up for food, Ben had not been around for dinner until today and Callum was moved that Simon had wanted to prepare something that he would like. After the evening in the pub, Simon had tried hard to be more positive about Ben, and Callum loved him for the effort. Ben offered to clear up with Simon and Callum heard them chatting comfortably about Ben’s beloved Porsche while they were in the kitchen. He wanted them to see the best in each other and get along and tonight was going well. He turned to see Frankie scrutinising him.

“Oi!” he said. “No mind readin’!”

After dinner, they returned to their sifting and collating and, gradually, useful information emerged from the confusion. By the end of the evening, Callum, Frankie and Ben were staring at photos of three men. They knew where to find them and tomorrow they would find out who they were and what else they got up to.

Later that night, Callum and Simon lay facing each other in bed. Callum liked it when the house was full of people and had enjoyed the evening. Even without the right tools, he, Frankie and Ben had made progress with their case, and he had a flutter of pride that their little team worked so well. Feeling content, he reached to stroke Simon’s cheek.

“Thank you,” he said.

“What for?” asked Simon. The evening had been stressful for him, listening to them all talk about something he was certain should be handled by the police. He’d been disturbed to hear that Ben had an old car as it was yet something else to connect him and Callum. He was trying hard not to be jealous of Ben and reminded himself that he mustn’t be controlling of Callum’s friendships. Callum loved him; he was sure of that. The cooking and clearing up had taken ages, even with Ben’s help. It niggled him slightly that the effort looked like it was for Ben when it had really been for Callum. Of course, he’d do it all over again for Callum but what about him? When did Callum think of him?

“For making Frankie and Ben feel so welcome and comfortable in our home.”

“It’s my pleasure. You can return the favour on Sunday. I’ve invited mum and dad, Rachel, Amanda and hangers on for lunch.”

In his warm, mellow mood Callum had been preparing to seduce Simon but this news cooled him right down. He wondered if Rachel’s and Amanda’s husbands and kids felt like hangers on. He knew he did.

+++

Frankie was very argumentative about being left out. Her pouting face made her look even younger than usual and Ben sat down to enjoy the show. It tickled him no end that Callum had to be the parent of the outfit and that he and Frankie got to behave like kids whenever it suited or amused them, which was quite often.

“I’m responsible for you,” Callum explained, sitting down to try to calm the situation. He pulled a chair out for Frankie but she was too busy hopping about, even ignoring her food going cold on the table.

“Why? I can look after myself,” she insisted, ignoring the chair offered. Callum was sitting and, for this conversation, she liked that she was taller than him.

“I know you can. But I pay you so I have a responsibility to keep you safe.” Callum carefully avoided using the word ‘employee’ as Frankie was repeatedly adamant that she was a freelancer.

“You pay Ben and yet he’s going with you,” she said, hurling the words at Callum.

“I’m not paid. I work for sexual favours,” claimed Ben, turning quickly to Simon who was having breakfast with them and addressing him directly. “Joking!” And then, winking at his shocked victim, he purred, “… unless YOU could be part of the deal, of course.”

“Shut up, Ben,” said Callum, suppressing a laugh. “I’m not budging Frankie. Your safety is always my first concern.”

“So, to keep me safe, I’m on cheating spouses,” moaned Frankie, realising she had lost the battle.

“Yes,” agreed Callum. “But we would be nowhere without cheating spouses. They are our bread and butter.”

Frankie left still grumbling but accepting of Callum’s decision.

Ben had easy access to a range of small non-descript vehicles from the Mitchell lot and, in today’s choice, Callum and Ben made their way to the first address on their list. Very quickly, they found one of the men who led them to the other two within half an hour. The men met at a medium sized factory unit. Ben’s suggestion had been right – it was a mobile phone supplier. Ben had his tablet with him and did a quick search on the company.

“Yeah legit,” he confirmed and a few more minutes of searching gained him the names of the three men. “What now? Keep watching?” Callum nodded. They both knew this watching and waiting was a big part of the job. It also gave them a lot of time to talk, usually about cars, the news or television. These topics revealed small parts of each of them but were safe and kept away from more difficult topics. They were both aware that they hadn’t shared their histories. Ben wondered about Callum’s loneliness. He knew about his grandad but there was never any mention of anybody else. Callum wondered about Ben’s pain which he wore like a suit of armour. And why was he so secretive about where he lived? Callum decided to take the plunge and dived headfirst into the deepest, murkiest water.

“D’ya want to tell me what’s going on with your dad?” he asked. Ben heaved a sigh. He was glad that they had reached this point as he had been thinking about it a lot and wanted to share more with Callum. He was in awe of Callum’s straightforward truthfulness and, although his usual approach was wariness and cunning, he had resolved to try Callum’s way for himself, just with Callum, though.

“He thinks I’m not hard enough.” Ben was surprised to feel a release in the words. He’d known this truth but it was like a weight had been lifted to say it aloud.

“What do you have to do to be hard enough?” Callum was genuinely curious as the Ben he knew was brave and fearless. What else did Phil want?

“Not be deaf. Not be blind. Not be gay.” Again, the tourniquet around Ben’s self-esteem loosened.

“Wait … what? Deaf? Blind?” Callum was surprised. “How do I not know this?” Ben looked at him with laughing eyes.

“As I said to you once before, we hardly know each other.” Ben paused as he saw Callum’s face fall, wanting to take care with his words so that he didn’t push Callum away by either saying too little or too much. “At the same time, Callum, it feels like we’ve known each other forever, like we’d been best friends as kids.” Callum nodded, remembering how he had felt this the night they broke into Danny Hardcastle’s unit. Ben pulled out his hearing aid and showed it to Callum.

“How long have you had it?” asked Callum. “How come yours is so small?”

“I had meningitis as a baby, so I’ve always needed help with hearing. Then I had a head injury a few years ago which made it worse. It still isn’t as much as Frankie, though. And I wear contacts. Or glasses if you see me at home. I can’t see much without them. Not exactly a prime specimen, am I?”

“Would you say that to Frankie?” asked Callum.

“I see what you’re doing, oh wise one,” laughed Ben. “No of course I wouldn’t. But I’ve got some work to do on my own self-worth.” The last sentence was another turn to loosen the screw and Ben took a deep breath feeling like he had turned a corner. It saddened Callum to hear Ben talk about himself like this but he also caught the tone of optimism and was reminded that it was good to talk. The conversation was brought to a halt, however, as their subjects emerged from the unit.

Their next stop was a club. It seemed the men were going to spend their lunchtime watching near-naked women dance around poles. Ben and Callum decided to give it a miss. An hour later the men exited the club and went back to the factory unit and stayed there until late in the evening.

Ben spent a lot of the wait carrying out research for other cases and Callum did some admin work. They each took a walk to find food. It was a long day. But when a number of riders on pedal bikes arrived and left minutes later, it was clear how the message phones were being distributed. Callum took photographs to add to their evidence collection. The men left shortly afterwards and went to a club called Sapphire. It was clear from the way they arrived and parked in the private car park and then from their proprietorial attitude around the bouncers that this was different from the lunchtime club. The men were not customers here.

“We goin’ in?” Ben asked.

“I guess so. You got a shirt?” asked Callum, peeling off his tee-shirt and reaching into the back for a shirt. Ben had not seen Callum topless and took a moment to admire his toned physique. Callum caught him looking and rolled his eyes.

“Shameless,” he laughed.

“Embarrassed of my soft tum more like. I’ve even got love handles,” Ben sighed dramatically.

“Let’s see,” said Callum, enjoying his opportunity to tease Ben.

“No!” said Ben, jumping out of the car and changing behind the open boot.

A few minutes later, they were established in a booth next to their subjects’ booth. It was not a pleasant experience as the men, all definitely over forty if not fifty, picked up girls who were twenty at most and both Callum and Ben found the lecherous kissing and fondling repulsive.

“I’m not sure we’re going to get any information from this,” muttered Callum. Unexpectedly, Ben got close and reached up to him, holding his face and nibbling his ear.

“They’ve noticed us,” Ben whispered in Callum’s ear, “so we’re gonna need to be more convincin’ with our cover. Don’t look at them; look at me and follow my lead.”

Callum obediently looked at Ben.

“Let’s go,” said Ben, his eyes flashing and clearly suggesting a hook up. Callum scrambled out of the booth and almost ran towards the exit behind Ben. Just before the door, he was tugged through a door to the left. Ben was pulling him and nodded at the corridor ahead. Callum saw one of their men going through another door on the left.

“How did you notice him leave? How did I miss that?” Callum was annoyed with himself knowing that Ben’s face against his face and the ear-nibbling had completely distracted him. They’d already agreed on a hook up as cover and he’d believed he could pull it off. He reminded himself to be stay in character.

“I’m just better at actin’ than you is all,” teased Ben as they crept along the corridor. “Just to warn you, if he comes out of this door, or anybody else comes through that door, we’re gonna kiss. An’ it’s got to look like we’re getting’ it on, otherwise why we would be down here? We’ve got to be convincin’ Callum.” Ben looked at him seriously and Callum nodded. He was as focused as Ben and they both knew that if these men caught onto them, they would be in serious danger.

There was a small circular window in the door and Callum could see it led to an office. The man they were watching was on his phone and looking through files in the drawer of a filing cabinet. He had his back to them so Callum was able to have a good look, seeing him open a large safe that was stuffed full of packets that looked like they could be bundles of cash. Ben was watching the other door, and when he saw it start to open, he grabbed Callum, moving him quickly away from the office door, seized him roughly and kissed him.

Callum felt like every part of his body had sparked alive and his head was about to explode. He had never had a kiss like it. Ben was grinding against him and Callum was more turned on than he’d ever been. For his part, Ben had started out determined to make their make-out look convincing but the intensity was more than he’d ever had and he was as carried away as Callum. It took both of them a moment to realise that the bouncers were dragging them out of the corridor.

“Get a room, boys,” one of them said, depositing them on the pavement outside. They were breathing heavily and running high on sexual chemistry and, as they looked at each other, it was clear that they were both remembering the fireworks of that encounter. They held each other’s gaze, both trying to regain control, their breathing slowly returning to normal. Finally, Callum’s eyes twinkled.

“Convincin’?” he asked and they both burst out laughing.

Back in the car, Callum told Ben what he had noticed in the room. He drew a picture of the layout of the office on Ben’s tablet.

“We’re not going to be able to get in there,” he said.

“But we’ve got a lot to give to Whitney,” said Ben. “I reckon it’s enough for them to take it to the police.”

Back at home, Callum quietly crawled into bed with Simon, being very careful not to wake him. He wanted a few minutes to replay the moment with Ben. It had been unbelievably intense. He had never felt like that from a kiss. Was it because their adrenaline was through the roof?

Ben stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom, touching his neck, jaw, mouth in all the places Callum had kissed. If they hadn’t been pulled apart, Ben didn’t think he would have been able to stop. It had been mind-blowing. How on earth was he going to manage to be around Callum and not want a replay?


	4. Keeping going

At Chris’ funeral, Vicky gave Callum a box of letters that Chris had written to her about Callum, the love of his life, and Callum brought them home and hid them. For reasons he couldn’t explain to himself, he had not told Simon about his relationship with Chris or Chris’ death. Callum had pretended he had an out of town job so that he could attend the funeral without Simon knowing. He knew it wasn’t a healthy way to behave but he needed the space.

It was early morning, Simon had gone to work and Callum sat in his garden with Chris’ letters. The tree was now in leaf, creating dancing dapples of light in the sunshine. The evergreen climber had the most amazingly scented white flowers and tulips had replaced the snowdrops and crocuses in the pots. Callum was gradually restoring the rest of the garden but this was still a special corner. As he read the letters, he was transported back to his time with Chris. They had laughed such a lot, a bit like with Ben, Callum thought. Chris talked to Vicky about Callum’s struggles with being gay; there had been soft touches and stolen kisses but Callum hadn’t been ready for more. Chris told Vicky how much he loved Callum for his gentle strength and his honesty, saying he would wait for all time for Callum to find himself. He talked about how he and Callum could have a conversation without words, how their eyes would connect and they would know what each other was thinking. Callum frowned, reminded that he had experienced this with Ben. He went back to Chris’ letters and his heart was warmed reading about himself in his lover’s words. They may not have made love, but they had been in love, a real and beautiful love. Was this what he had now with Simon? He just wasn’t sure.

Inside again, he hid his letters and sat down at his desk. Frankie was coming round shortly and he wanted to get through the admin work. He was organised and diligent, feeling a responsibility not just to himself but to Frankie as well. The business was not going to make them rich but it was definitely making them a living. He had given Frankie a key and soon heard her letting herself in.

“Guess who I found?” she called. Callum leaned back on his chair to see through the door and saw her dragging Ben behind her. “Is there enough breakfast for him?”

Callum smiled and grabbed another mat and cutlery adding a third place setting to the two places already set.

“I always make a lot of food for Frankie ‘cause she can put it away,” he teased. “So there’s plenty.”

Over breakfast, Frankie and Callum went through their current caseload and allocated jobs. Ben had a pang of regret that there was nothing for him, although he was back at his dad’s beck and call so he didn’t have time to spare anyway. As Frankie left, Callum asked Ben if he fancied another coffee.

“I haven’t had a chance to talk to you this week,” he explained. Callum had told lies to Simon but had texted Ben to say he was going to Chris’ funeral; he’d felt the need to tell somebody and Ben already knew about Chris. That was the reason he’d given himself.

“Can we sit in your posh front room on the comfy chairs? I’m a bit tired.” Callum followed Ben into the living room.

“Hot date, last night?” he asked. Ben shrugged his shoulders. It hadn’t been a date at all but he was happy for Callum to think that. They sat together on the big sofa.

“Where did Frankie find you?” wondered Callum, a thought occurring to him. “It wasn’t outside your house or anythin’? She didn’t track you down, did she?”

“Don’t start havin’ a go at our girl. I’m gonna think that she just happened to be passin’ my front door.” He looked at Callum. “How was the funeral?”

“It was sad,” said Callum. “I was sad.” Ben stroked his hand sympathetically. Callum surprised himself by saying, “Vicky gave me some letters that Chris wrote to her. About me. Let me get them.” Callum was gone and back in a few seconds. He sat down and pulled Ben round to lean on his chest so that they could read together. He knew it was too physical but he wanted to share these letters with somebody and he wanted it to be an intimate experience. Simon would not understand about Callum and Chris but Callum was sure that Ben would. The feeling of having Ben laying on him was electrifying. Why didn’t he feel like this with Simon? Was it because this was forbidden? He fought the impulse to run his fingers through Ben’s hair; this situation could get very out of control very quickly so he had to calm himself. Ben lay on Callum, head nestled against the tall man’s shoulder. He silently told himself to show restraint even though the sexual tension was off the scale. They started reading and soon they were lost in the beautiful letters. Phil was right about Ben; he was soft-hearted. He was very moved by the idea that somebody had put their love into words; he could only imagine how amazing it would feel to write words like that and read words that had been written about you. He could feel tears pricking at his eyes as he read that Chris vowed to wait for all time for Callum to find himself. He snuck a look at Callum to see a tear rolling down his cheek. Ben heaved himself up, kneeling so that he could get his arms around Callum then settling on his lap as Callum pulled him round.

“Callum, I’m so sorry.” He stroked Callum’s hair and muttered soothing words until he heard Callum mumble,

“I’m okay, honest I am.” Ben climbed off his lap and sat down next to him, facing towards him. Callum looked at him fondly. “I knew you’d get it. I was lucky to have that love. I was unlucky not to keep it but, if I had my time again, I would fall in love with him in a heartbeat.”

“I hope you’d give him a bloody good rogerin’ if you had your time again,” scolded Ben affectionately. Callum rolled his eyes and Ben laughed aloud.

“Right, enough of you, Callum Highway, time to get to know me better. D’ya fancy meeting my mum?” Callum loved mums. He barely remembered his own, as she left when he was only six but other people’s mums always liked him.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” he smiled.

“Okay then. Put something smart on. We’re going to see her at work,” bossed Ben.

“Where does she work?” called Callum curiously as he ran upstairs to change.

“She owns The Prince Albert.”

“The gay bar near the station? I love that place,” enthused Callum as he arrived downstairs. Ben caught his breath at the sight of Callum in a dark navy fitted shirt and very snug jeans.

It took them a little while to walk there but they chatted all the way about Callum’s current caseload. When the topic switched to Ben’s work, Ben told Callum that his dad had him doing some computer work.

“Strictly dodge,” he huffed wryly. “Better than breakin’ up motors, I suppose.” One day, Callum vowed to himself, they would get to the bottom of why Ben didn’t just leave.

Ben’s mum Kathy was delighted to meet Callum as Ben had never ever brought a friend to meet her. This one had to be special.

“We’re friends, mum. Callum has a boyfriend.” Ben was keen to avoid his mum getting any ideas, knowing that Callum was exactly the kind of man that Kathy would pick for him. Kathy was disappointed. She could see that Callum was not just tall, dark and handsome, he was kind and gentle, but also strong and determined. He was perfect for Ben. She watched her son laugh with Callum, more at ease than she had seen for many years and saw that he had fallen for this lovely man. Her heart clenched in pain for him. But maybe the two of them could be friends, god knew Ben could do with friends.

+++

Simon was fuming when Callum got home very late and very drunk.

“Did you know Ben’s mum owns The Albert?” Callum slurred, dropping into an armchair. Callum had his eyes closed and couldn’t see Simon’s stony face.

“So that’s where you’ve been? In The Albert with Ben? How did that happen then?” Simon knew he was hectoring Callum but he was upset. Callum had been different since meeting Ben. Or maybe it had been since he started his business. Or maybe it had been since they’d moved in together. Simon was aware that things had been going wrong for a while. Callum had lied to him about being away on an out of town job; Simon had suspected him of lying and had been through his work records to check so he knew it was a lie. He also knew that it had been nothing to do with Ben as Simon had seen Ben having a coffee with Frankie at the café near the market. Callum had been distant, sitting in the courtyard garden by himself, refusing Simon’s company. And then there was the matter of the letters. They were nothing to do with Ben, either.

Callum looked at Simon wondering if he could be bothered to explain when he spotted his letters on the coffee table. Shit! Had he left them in this room? If he had, he hadn’t left them out on the coffee table. He clearly remembered Ben folding them and returning them to the box.

“Have you read my letters?” he asked quietly, suddenly sober.

“Are they secret?” said Simon, avoiding the question, intuitively knowing that this offence was possibly more than Callum could forgive.

“I just asked you,” shouted Callum, incensed at the intrusion, “if you read my letters?”

“Why didn’t you show them to me?” Simon argued, trying desperately to get the moral high ground.

“Answer the fucking question,” yelled Callum. “Did you read my letters?”

“I’m not talking to you when you’re drunk and shouting.” Simon knew he was wrong and was deeply ashamed of having read the letters. But, above all, he was hurt that Callum hadn’t shared this part of his life. “I’m going to bed. You can sleep off your hangover in the spare room tonight. We’ll talk in the morning.” He escaped the room before the argument could spiral out of control.

Callum lay on the big sofa remembering the sensation of Ben laying against him as they read the letters together. He had never felt so close to a person. But he had crossed a line and known exactly what he was doing. He thought about how he’d pulled Ben onto his lap so that he could get as close as possible to him. He thought about their kiss in Sapphire. In that moment, he knew it was over with Simon.

Simon knew it too. He lay in bed thinking about his beautiful boyfriend. He loved Callum more than he could express but had long suspected that the life he dreamed of was not the life Callum dreamed of. He needed to be honest with himself. He wasn’t a fool and he had noticed the looks between Ben and Callum as though they understood each other and were connected by something Simon couldn’t match. Although it pained him to admit it, Callum had been more alive in these weeks around Ben than Simon had ever seen before. It had tainted Callum’s and Simon’s relationship but Simon knew he shouldn’t blame Ben. It was tempting to blame the house. Callum was emotionally connected to this house. Simon had sensed that in him, that need to create a home, so he had set about making it comfortable and homely, spending a fortune on home accessories that Callum never seemed to appreciate. He’d never been able to get it right, he thought resentfully. But he recognised that resentment was a distraction from the truth, which was that he and Callum were over.

The following morning was awful. They both cried a lot. Simon said he would move to a friend’s flat immediately and would move his belongings out as soon as he found somewhere else to live.

“We need to agree how to share our stuff,” said Simon.

“I just want to keep this,” said Callum, patting the big sofa. “And the bits that were my grandad’s. You can take anything else, all of it if you want.” Simon nodded, feeling a final stab of pain that his efforts to build a home with Callum had been in vain.

And that was it.

+++

A week later, Simon had gone. He moved to Richmond to be nearer to his family and Callum knew he’d never see him again. Frankie was around a lot, wanting to make sure Callum was alright. Simon hadn’t taken that much with him in the end, so Callum found himself boxing up the things he hated and the even bigger number of things that Frankie hated and taking them down to the charity shop. When they had finished clearing, Frankie sat on the floor in the living room.

“I’ve got something for you,” she announced, pointing at a large box in the hallway.

“You said that was something you were delivering for your mum.” Callum dragged the box into the room.

“It is,” Frankie said enigmatically. She pulled a large photograph out of the box. It depicted the market and Callum could clearly see Whitney and her stall, and less clearly, in the background, Kathy leaning on wall outside her café. It was busy and detailed, full of vibrancy and unreal colour, typical of the way Frankie modified her photographs.

“Oh my god, Frankie, it is spectacular!” Callum lifted the picture onto the mantelpiece, giving it pride of place. Frankie moved the photograph to the left, returned to the box and brought out an abstract painting which she placed on the mantelpiece next to the photograph. She pulled Callum back to the big sofa to survey the effect of the artwork.

“They shouldn’t look right together, they’re so different, but they do,” mused Callum, staring intently at the painting and then sitting forward in excitement. “It’s the market as well, isn’t it?” he exclaimed, turning to face Frankie who laughed delightedly.

“My mum does these,” she explained. “She starts with a photograph, gets the feel of it, then paints the feel. She mainly does portraits but she’s really happy with this one. She’s sent it as a gift.”

Frankie had brought more of her photos including a set of tiles depicting Callum, Frankie, Whitney and Ben captured in various poses and combinations. Callum stuck the tiles on the wall of the small room off the kitchen and moved his desk into the side room that led to the courtyard. Redistributing the furniture had a massive effect. Frankie said the house could now breathe properly but decided plants were needed to ‘improve the energy’ and went down to the market, arriving back with about twenty pots.

“You can be in charge of the watering,” moaned Callum, nonetheless enjoying the greenery as Frankie placed the plants around the ground floor. Eventually, satisfied with her artistry, she flopped into one of the small armchairs that had been moved into the room off the kitchen while Callum made them something to eat.

“The house is happier,” Frankie announced. “It still wants not to be beige though.”

“It tell you that, did it?” laughed Callum before realising she was serious. “Frankie, I am not ripping up carpets that are not even a year old. I’ll paint the walls as and when I have time.” They were only eleven years apart but sometimes Callum felt like her dad. He placed the food on a small table between their chairs and looked at the photo tiles on the wall, particularly at one of him and Ben. Frankie had produced a close-up of them half-facing each other, Callum laughing and Ben wide-eyed in fake innocence, clearly having done something or said something cheeky; it caught the essence of them both separately and together. Callum loved it.

Ben had done another disappearing act, not even replying to texts. Callum had messaged him about Simon and was now anxious that maybe Ben had been scared off by the prospect of a single Callum and he wanted to be clear that he wasn’t looking to move on from Simon so soon, but he was also worried, after last time, that something bad had happened to Ben. He left it a couple of weeks and then decided to go to visit Kathy. At The Albert he was advised that Kathy was in her café, Kathy’s café. Callum had been in this café many times with Whitney and couldn’t quite believe the proximity he’d had to Ben and Kathy without their paths crossing. He thought of Whitney’s pronunciation: Kaffy’s Caffy; it made him smile every time she said it. As he walked in, Kathy spotted him straightaway.

“Callum love.” She blew him a kiss. “Coffee?”

“Actually Kathy, I was hoping I could chat with you. Do you have a minute?” Kathy looked at Callum’s troubled face and her heart sank as she realised she was about to tell him things he didn’t want to hear.

“For you love, as many minutes as you want.” She brought over his coffee and a tea for herself and sat down. “You want to know about Ben, right?”

“It’s just, last time I didn’t hear from him, he was hurt and I didn’t know.” Callum watched her face anxiously. Kathy took a breath.

“Ben has a brother, on his dad’s side, Denny. He’d got in with a bad crowd. On the day you and Ben were in The Albert, Ben got home and he was very drunk and he missed a message from Denny saying he was in trouble. He died, Callum. Drugs. Ben thinks he could have saved him if he hadn’t have been passed out.” Callum was completely taken aback. He hadn’t even known Ben had a brother.

“But why would he not answer my texts? I would’ve been there for him.” Kathy held Callum’s hand.

“Ben’s had a terrible life. You’ve met his dad so you know some of it. I’m sure he’ll tell you about the rest eventually.” A flash of guilt crossed her face. “He doesn’t deal well with problems, with tragedy like this; he’s self-destructive.” Kathy paused, steadying herself for speaking the hard truths. “He’s not been home in over a week. Apparently, he’s been in and out of his dad’s. I’m sorry Callum, there’ll be men, there’ll be whisky. It’s what he does.” Pain creased Callum’s face and Kathy saw that this fine man was deeply involved with her difficult son and she found herself hoping that Callum could be Ben’s salvation. “Callum,” she said, gently cupping his cheek and moving his face to look at her, making sure she had his attention. “Look out for him. Please. If you can.” Callum nodded.

He drove straight to the Mitchell residence. Pulling up on the road outside, he wondered where he could stake out the place, especially as he was in his very noticeable little MG. He was determined to wait until Ben appeared but couldn’t stay where he was as nobody ever parked on the road and there was the additional trouble of the ridiculous amount of security around these houses. Maybe he would just have to be brave and knock on the door, he thought. As he watched, he saw a shadow in the room above the garage. Was Ben in?

The door was opened by a woman, head to toe in black, with white blonde hair. She looked haggard. Callum explained that he was there to see Ben but it was as though she couldn’t see or hear him. She didn’t speak and just walked away leaving him standing in the doorway, unsure if he were to stay or go. Callum watched her slouch away, wondering if he could wander through this odd house uninvited. His need to see Ben won the argument so he shut the door and made his way to Ben’s apartment, not seeing anybody else on the way. Reaching Ben’s door, he knocked softly.

“I haven’t sorted the washing yet Valentina. I’ll leave it outside later,” came Ben’s voice from the other side of the door.

“Ben,” said Callum. There was a long minute until the door was unlocked and then opened. Ben’s face crumpled and his entire body seemed to sag at the sight of Callum.

“What’re you doin’ ‘ere Callum?” Callum surveyed Ben. He looked worse than the woman downstairs, with a sparse, straggly beard around chapped lips, edged by haunted eyes and dishevelled hair. The knees of his joggers were blown out and misshapen, his tee-shirt hung limply over slumped shoulders and the smell coming off him was revolting.

“Your mum said you were self-destructing on hook ups and booze,” said Callum bluntly, noticing Ben flinch at the accusation. “Reckon she might be mistaken as who in their right mind would hook up with you in this state?”

“You’d be surprised,” said Ben quietly, turning and walking back into the flat. Callum was left in a similar position to downstairs, so shut the door and followed Ben inside. Ben ignored him and lay completely prone on his back on the sofa. Callum stood in the middle of the room. The place was a tip, littered with empty bottles, mainly beer and whisky, uneaten food in plastic trays from microwaveable meals and hundreds of chocolate wrappers. He could see the unmade bed and could smell it as well.

“What would make you feel better Ben?” he asked, observing Ben as he lay on his sofa, eyes fixed on the ceiling.

“You offering meaningless sex?”

“No, of course not.” Callum sat on the edge of the sofa next to Ben and stroked his hair. “For a start, you stink.” Ben turned his head towards Callum.

“So, if I have a bath?”

Callum was heartened to see some of Ben’s sense of humour but could see that the slight smirk didn’t reach beyond his mouth. He looked around for the bathroom and went to run a bath adding soap as he wasn’t convinced that Ben would give himself the scrub he needed, quickly cleaning the loo and the sink and tidying around as the bath filled. Going back into the living room, he saw that Ben had not moved. He hoisted him to a sitting position and pulled off his t-shirt.

“Promising,” flirted Ben, except there was no twinkle in his eyes and his voice sounded resigned not playful. Callum noticed a healed gunshot wound just above Ben’s heart and he froze momentarily reminded of other times before grounding himself in the present with his usual technique: five things he could see, four things he could hear, three things he could touch, two things he could smell … oh my god, Ben was smelly, he thought. Ben hadn’t noticed that Callum had disappeared for a moment and was still sitting looking at nothing when Callum returned his attention to him. He dragged the smaller man to the bathroom and pulled off his joggers.

“You gonna do anything for yourself?” he asked, unsure about removing any more clothing.

“No,” said Ben. “I’m enjoying you doing it.” Callum rolled his eyes but removed the underwear saying,

“I remember doin’ this for my grandad when he couldn’t help himself.”

“Ouch!” said Ben, far too numb to be actually stung by the insult, and obediently climbing into the bath. Callum left him to it and scooted round the flat, loading the dishwasher, collecting the rubbish in a bin bag, changing the bed linen and piling dirty washing outside with the rubbish, hoping that Valentina might come across it all. It was a warm evening so he was able to open windows and get a breeze moving through the flat. Finally, he collected some fresh clothes, went back to the bathroom, closed the toilet lid and sat down.

“Did you wash your grandad’s hair?” Ben asked. Callum smiled.

“I did. Would you like me to wash yours?” Ben nodded. Callum obliged and could feel the tension emanating from Ben as he massaged his scalp gently and rinsed the soap away. “Let me be there for you, Ben. Please.” Ben didn’t say anything. Callum became aware of him shaking and realised he was crying. The sobbing escalated and Ben reached up for Callum’s hand as though he was afraid of drowning in his grief. Callum sat on the edge of the bath, holding Ben’s hand and letting him cry until the tears were spent.

“I’m gonna get out now, so you might want to leave to preserve my modesty,” Ben said some time later, a little of his usual sass appearing. Callum laughed, pleased to see more of the Ben he knew.

“Have a shave and clean your teeth,” he bossed and left the room. Ben appeared a few minutes later, fresh and clean with his hair brushed, looking younger than his years and heartbreakingly vulnerable, and offering a small smile for Callum as he sat down with him on the sofa.

“Thank you for comin’ Callum,” he said and, laying his head on Callum’s lap, he lapsed into silence. Callum stroked his wet hair, wanting to offer some peace, some escape from his torment. They sat quietly as darkness settled outside.

“I’m exhausted,” Ben said. Callum could see it. “I’m gonna go to bed. But … will you stay? With me.” Callum could feel Ben’s need for comfort but wasn’t sure he trusted himself or Ben to not get carried away. He dismissed the thought immediately knowing this wasn’t the time but, in that moment’s hesitation, Ben read his uncertainty. “Please. I’m not comin’ on to you. I promise.”

“I know you’re not, you idiot. I told you - I want to be there for you Ben. It’s just I haven’t got anythin’ with me. It’s a good job it’s shorts weather. I wouldn’t want to be borrowin’ your short arse trousers.” He was rewarded by a laugh from Ben.

Callum had a quick wash, tentatively borrowed Ben’s toothbrush rinsing it thoroughly first, found some shorts and a tee and joined Ben in his bed. Ben was already asleep so Callum put his arm around him and pulled him close. He was struck by the total silence: no cars outside, nobody moving around the house, no noise from the neighbours. He couldn’t understand why anybody would willingly live here in this awful place devoid of feeling and wondered if he could persuade Ben to go home to his mum’s. Despite the oppressive stillness, Callum fell asleep.

A few hours later, the room still clothed in darkness, Ben stirred. He could feel Callum against his back, snoring softly, a long arm wrapped around Ben, a large hand holding him safe. Callum had no idea how significant this was. Ben had not woken up with anybody since Paul; that was six years ago. He wanted this affection so badly and for a few moments he relaxed and enjoyed the closeness of Callum, building up his emotional reserves so that he could think about his brother again.

“What are you thinking about?” murmured Callum, still half in slumber. “I can feel you tensing up.”

“Can I talk about Denny?” Ben asked, turning to look at Callum.

“Yeah course.”

Ben described a cheeky sixteen year old, spoiled by his mum, Sharon, Phil’s wife. Callum realised that this was who had let him in earlier. Denny had been adopted by Phil when he was eleven and it was obvious that this meant a lot to Ben as he talked about their closeness. Ben carried on, talking about playing video games, holidays in the sun, swimming in the sea, teasing and love. Callum learned that there was a sister, Louise, who lived in Portugal but was back for the funeral which was in three days time; Ben complained about Phil’s unqualified adoration of his only daughter but also talked about her fondly. He talked about dancing and singing with Louise when they were little and how much he missed her little girl, his niece, Peggy, now that they lived away. Without Louise, he and Denny had become even closer, texting each other every day and meeting at least weekly. Without Ben explicitly saying it, Callum heard how Denny was exactly what Phil wanted in a son: a lovable rogue, into football and boxing, straight. The rejection of Ben was crystal clear.

“There was a girlfriend, Connie,” Ben continued. “She brought the trouble, the drugs, the sex. Denny was obsessed with her. I knew he was experimenting but, he was young, an’ I assumed it was just weed, hippy crack, simple stuff. I was such a fuckin’ idiot.” Ben’s face exuded pain and regret. Callum knew it was important for Ben to face this head on if he was going to get through it and forgive himself. He saw Ben’s vulnerability but also his resilience and he believed in him.

“Yeah maybe. What could you have done though? You couldn’t have been his minder.”

The problem was that the day Denny died, he had messaged Ben for help and Ben had been so drunk he had missed the chance to save his young brother.

“I’ve got Denny’s phone,” he whispered. “If Dad and Sharon see the message, they’ll blame me. They won’t want anything to do with me. Ever.”

Callum was beginning to get a sense of where Ben was in the Mitchell pecking order which was very definitely at the bottom. He was bullied by his dad and, with classic victim behaviour, would do anything to match up to the unreasonable expectations placed on him. Callum knew something about this - his own dad was a violent bigot who beat his wife and children. He understood the loneliness arising from rejection. He and Ben weren’t so different.

“That’s not the worst thing Ben,” said Callum. “It’s that you blame yourself. It’s never gonna go away ‘cause you can’t roll back time and you will always, always, wish you had seen his cry for help.” Ben looked completely broken. “It’s gonna be part of who you are, a reminder to be the person you want to be. It’ll be part of what’s good about you.” Callum could see Ben wasn’t ready to think this way but he was going to keep repeating this message in the weeks to come, the years if necessary.

“I’m a fuck up Callum. I always ‘ave been.”

“You’re a fighter, Ben, a survivor. It’s the only good bit of your Mitchell DNA.”


	5. Risk

Kathy soon got to know Frankie as well as Callum and decided they were a perfect little friendship group for her Ben. Before Denny’s death, she had seen changes in Ben: there was more singing and dancing at home, less hook ups, less drunkenness. She attributed this to his new friends. Learning that Callum had broken up with his boyfriend, her hope for something between him and Ben was rekindled but she knew better than to interfere, also knowing there were important things, things that would make a difference, that Ben was yet to share with Callum. If they’re going to find each other and keep each other, they need to do it themselves, she thought.

Callum had brought Ben home from his dad’s two days earlier. Kathy was curious that Callum seemed to understand that Ben didn’t want him to come in and even more curious that Callum didn’t mind, as though he respected Ben’s right to share his secrets in his own time. In Kathy’s opinion, that probably meant Callum had secrets of his own. She was relieved to see Ben clean and sober; it wasn’t what she had expected. Callum hadn’t worked miracles though. Ben was still angry and closed off, exactly as she expected.

Denny’s funeral was a huge, elaborate affair with shiny, black carriages and teams of black horses with black feather plumes. Sharon wore a long, lace veil like a mafia widow which was appropriate as Kathy had not seen so many villains in one place. Sharon and Kathy hated each other so Kathy wasn’t really welcome but she was damned if she was going to let her son and her granddaughter go without somebody firmly on their side. Ben was always careful to limit contact between his dad and his daughter after Phil contested custody, and Kathy was always there if Ben wasn’t, but it couldn’t be completely avoided and the funeral was one of those occasions when Ben and his daughter Lexi had to turn up.

After the funeral, back at home, Ben settled Lexi, talking to her as she was getting ready for bed about how she had felt at the funeral and how she was feeling about Denny. It had been a long day and he wasn’t sure it had been a good decision to allow her to attend; she was only ten after all. But she had been close to Denny. Ben remembered fondly the special outings he’d done with Denny and Lexi: West End musicals, ice skating, the Sea Life centre, Winter Wonderland. Even when Denny had started to turn his back on his childhood, he had still loved a trip into London with Ben and Lexi. Ben wanted Lexi to have a proper chance to say goodbye but the reality was that the funeral had been a traumatic day and she was now upset and exhausted. He held her close, told her how special she was to him and how much he loved her until she dropped off, then watched her sleeping for a few peaceful moments. Lexi was his reason for carrying on.

Joining his mum downstairs, he saw her rolling her phone round in her hand. She was clearly unsettled, gripping the back of a chair with her other hand so tightly that it had turned white.

“Somebody called?” he asked, putting his arms around her. Kathy leaned into the hug.

“Nothing that can’t wait until tomorrow,” she assured him. “I think we’ve had enough drama for one day.”

“No, Mum, tell me.” Ben could not forgive himself for not being there for Denny but he would not make that mistake again.

“It was Tina on the phone,” said Kathy. Tina was the manager at The Albert. “We had a visit from the police; they found drugs being sold from the club. That was three weeks ago.” She glanced at Ben, hoping that he would understand that she hadn’t told him because of Denny’s death. “We’ve been really careful, checking the obvious places, extra cameras, but tonight one of the customers collapsed. An ambulance was called.” She was deeply worried. “How did we miss it?”

“Police involved?” asked Ben. Kathy nodded.

“We’re meeting them in the morning at the club.”

+++

The meeting with the police left Kathy in no doubt that she was responsible for keeping her club drugs free. She had explained the measures that she’d already taken, which the police officers agreed were good steps and they didn’t have further suggestions, but their message was clear: there were still drugs in the club so Kathy needed to do more.

“Let me hang out in the club for a few nights and keep my eyes open,” suggested Ben.

“I have a better idea,” said Kathy. “How about I pay Callum to do that and, if he wants to use you, you can be there with him.” She saw Ben’s face light up and smiled inwardly. Maybe she could interfere a little bit.

“I’ll call him,” said Ben, phone already in hand.

“I’m the client,” Kathy laughed. “I’ll call him.”

+++

Callum met Ben and Kathy at The Albert that lunchtime. He would have worked for free for Kathy but she was insistent that they did it properly, signing the usual agreement and agreeing the fee, requiring Callum to show her examples of other agreements so that she could be certain that she was paying the going rate.

“I’m not paying Ben, mind you,” she said.

“Er, why not?” complained Ben. “When I do jobs for Callum, I get paid.”

“You think I’m paying you to sit in my bar and flirt with the punters?” Kathy was in mischief mode. “Maybe Callum can show you how it’s done properly, mind. Good looking man like him. He’ll find himself another lovely boyfriend in no time.” Ben scowled at her.

“I won’t be picking up men on the job, Kathy,” insisted Callum, eager to appear professional. He was flattered that Kathy was using his business for the investigation and was as keen as she was that it wasn’t a favour.

“Callum, if you don’t look like you’re here to pick up men, you’ll stand out like a sore thumb,” chided Kathy. “If you’re gonna be here several nights in a row, you’re gonna have to look sad. Only the desperate ones are here every night.” Callum was starting to think that role play was going to be a regular part of his work and it wouldn’t all be as pleasurable as the last time with Ben.

They ordered food and chose a table at the front of the club, where the large windows had the blackouts lifted to let in the light and were open to make the most of the warm spring day. The noisy bustle of the market skipped through, immersing Callum and Ben in the bright sounds and colours and granting them a sense of belonging. They watched the scene for a few moments, both thinking how easy it was to spend time with each other.

“Cover story not as much fun, eh?” teased Ben trying for lightness, but slightly worried that Callum might prefer him not to mention it.

“Yeah, that crossed my mind as well,” admitted Callum, causing Ben’s heart to skip a beat. “But we can work it, I reckon.” He weighed up Ben carefully. He looked like he was coping. Ben noticed the scrutiny.

“I’m alright Callum. I’ve told Dad I’m taking some time off to look after … myself. It’s good for me.” Callum heard the correction and wondered what Ben had to look after. He was trying not to give in to his curiosity about Ben because he wanted Ben to be able to tell him when he was ready, but he had an idea that, whatever it was, it was in Kathy’s house. He also had a suspicion that Frankie already knew, as he knew she would have had no qualms about disrespecting Ben’s privacy. The fact that she hadn’t revealed Ben’s secret told Callum that it was not something so bad that he would have to cut ties with Ben, which meant that he was getting to the point where he really wanted to know.

“I’m glad you’re alright but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m there for you. Alright, not alright, you’re my best friend.” Callum bestowed his open and generous smile that was so characteristic of him. Other than his mum, Ben had nobody in his life that cared about him as much as Callum. He wore his face generally with a furrowed brow and a curled lip and, even when he was more relaxed, his resting face was forlorn. But when he smiled, like now, it was a rare gem. Callum felt privileged.

The rest of the lunch was spent chatting about nonsense: the playlist, the dubious fashion choices of a couple sitting across the bar, Kathy’s choices of homo-erotic art for the walls.

“Would you have it in your house?” asked Ben.

“No, not even in the bedroom.” Callum was unequivocal. “But I do have some new pictures from Frankie and her mum. Are you free now? I haven’t got anything on before we come back here tonight. You could come round and see them. They’re amazing.”

“I’ve got to do something at three,” said Ben. “But I’m all yours until then.” They walked comfortably through the market, stopping to say hello to Whitney and picking up some provisions. Arriving at the house, after being highly impressed with the photo of the market and its accompanying abstract, Ben strode through the ground floor examining the changes.

“You fixed the cornice,” he noticed. “God this place feels better.”

“Frankie said the house was happier,” said Callum, expecting Ben to scoff and surprised to see him nodding.

“Still a bit beige though,” he commented.

“Oh, not you as well,” complained Callum. “I think I’m gonna give you an’ Frankie a paintbrush each and you can change the wall colour yourselves. But, as I said to her, I am NOT throwing away carpets that are less than a year old.”

They arrived in the small room next to the kitchen and Ben noticed the photo tiles. Callum saw him quieten and focus, looking particularly at Callum’s favourite photo of the pair of them. He looked at it for a long time and Callum waited. He could feel a change in Ben looking at this photo and hoped it was positive. Finally, Ben turned round to face him.

“We look cute.” Callum nodded. There was a prolonged moment as they held each other’s gaze before Ben broke it.

“I’m the cutest,” he quipped.

“Yes you are,” laughed Callum, going into the kitchen to get drinks. “Come an’ have a look at what I’ve done with the garden,” he called. Ben entered the kitchen and his eyes widened to see that Callum had cleared everything from the large French windows so that the garden could be seen clearly from inside.

“Wow, that works,” exclaimed Ben. He wandered out into the garden. It was a very long space and Callum had created a series of distinct areas with gravel pathways and pebble mosaic patterns winding between lush planting and architectural salvage masquerading as sculpture. There were little glass balls hanging in one of the trees, waiting for the tea lights inside them to be lit at dusk, and fairy lights were strewn across a pergola. It was magical and Ben was struck by a wish to bring Lexi here. She would love it, he knew. He was worried about telling Callum about Lexi because he’d kept it a secret, and for no good reason, so that now it looked like he didn’t want Callum to know. That just wasn’t true but it was what it might look like. Ben knew the mess was of his own making.

“More Frankie than me,” confessed Callum, coming up behind Ben. He put their drinks down on an old metal table, painted a powder blue, and sat down on one of the matching chairs.

“Have you had all these lights on?” Ben asked. “I bet it looks like fairyland at night.” He decided to go all in. “My daughter would love it.” Callum felt a shimmer of pleasure ripple over him as Ben finally disclosed his secret. This confidence meant the world. And what a revelation – a daughter! Of all the possible explanations Callum had considered, a child was not one of them. Ben sat down at the table and watched Callum processing the information, thinking, hoping, that Callum looked happy.

“I’m sorry I haven’t told you. I don’t even know why I didn’t and then I thought you might think I didn’t want you to meet her, which isn’t true…” Callum got hold of Ben’s hand to stop him.

“Tell me about her,” he said, smiling. Ben took a breath and started on his favourite topic.

“Her name is Lexi and she’s ten. She’s cheeky and smart, loves reading and stories, dancing and singing, and thinks all spaces should be bedecked with fairy lights.” Ben waved his arm at the garden. His face had taken on a soft appearance, eyes sparkling, that Callum had never seen before. “She’s beautiful, all long blonde curls and big blue eyes.” He got out his phone and showed Callum a series of pictures of Lexi and of Ben and Lexi.

“She’s beautiful Ben,” said Callum, unexpectedly envious of his friend. One of the driving forces for the relationship with Whitney was the idea of being a dad and part of a family unit. Callum knew it was something he truly wanted.

“She’s the perfect result of me checking that I was actually gay,” explained Ben. “Her mum ran off to New Zealand, leaving Lex with me when she was four. Dad fought me for custody. Said I was too young and unstable. I was twenty and … I had some stuff going on. But mum was on my side and Lex has been with us ever since.”

“She sounds amazin’,” said Callum, not quite able to process the explanation. Ben had just divulged a huge amount of information: Lexi’s mum leaving her, a custody battle, stuff going on. There were more questions raised here, he thought. Ben misread Callum’s musing as him wondering why Ben had kept it a secret and was getting worried as Callum seemed to have withdrawn into himself.

“You know me Callum. I make fucked up decisions. This was one of them. I should have told you ages ago. Please say it’s ok.” He looked anxiously at his friend. “Callum?” Callum pulled himself out of his contemplation.

“How could it not be ok? Of course it’s ok. I can’t wait to meet her. When you’re ready of course,” he said before frowning again. “But what kind of an investigator am I? I must be the least observant person in the history of private investigation. There were so many clues. You often have to be somewhere at three. You’re always late for breakfast.” He was very fed up with himself.

“Callum, you weren’t looking for it,” reassured Ben, amused by Callum’s self-chastisement, “and that was because you respected my privacy.” He signed, “Thank you!” and then added, “unlike Frankie, who only redeems herself by lettin’ me tell you myself.” He checked his watch and stood up.

“D’ya fancy comin’ with me to pick Lex up from school?”

“Yeah!” Callum couldn’t have been happier.

+++

Lexi was a mini-Ben, full of cheeky comments and nosey questions. Callum quickly found himself promising that she could come round for tea very soon. Kathy’s home was a small Victorian terrace and was as homely as Callum had imagined. There were books everywhere and Ben explained that they all loved to read. Lexi was omnipresent: photographs of her, her toys, her books, her drawings pinned on the kitchen door. Callum wondered if Ben had had a happy childhood like this.

He left to go back home to get ready for the evening’s work discovering that, if he walked through the churchyard, Ben lived less than five minutes away. It was probably a fifteen minute drive knowing the local roads, he thought. His house was probably twice the size of Kathy’s and Callum had a moment of feeling it was too big for someone to live in alone; he had three bedrooms that were completely empty, a bathroom that had never been used and he had only been up onto the second floor a handful of times. There was no way he was leaving his house though so he banished the feeling. He struggled to decide what to wear and decided on his favourite white shirt reasoning that it was what he would wear if he was trying hard.

The Albert was quite empty when he arrived and the next person who came in was Ben when he got there ten minutes later. It felt odd to be in so early but Callum thought that it probably fitted the personas they were creating. Ben was wearing a very strange shirt covered in patterned squares and stopped dead when he saw Callum.

“You’re supposed to be looking SAD not hot,” he whinged, looking very disgruntled. “I am wearing the saddest shirt I could find.”

“Hmm,” hummed Callum, unable to resist teasing. “Did you borrow that shirt then? Assuming it couldn’t possibly be yours being that sad.”

“Oh ha ha,” grumbled Ben. They fell into their usual chat, talking about everything and nothing, not realising that time was whipping by until it was late and the bar had filled up. Tina came over to them.

“Kathy told me to watch out for you two doin’ this and to tell you she’s not paying you to go on a date with each other.” Callum blushed and was glad it was too dark to see.

“We’re BFFs FYI,” retorted Ben, back in sassy teenage girl mode, as Callum snorted at his ridiculous comment. Tina rolled her eyes but gave Ben a quick kiss before leaving them.

“Okay let’s hang out at the bar,” said Callum, pulling Ben to his feet.

Hanging out at the bar turned out to be a challenge for Callum as he was plagued with attention. In the end, he decided to look miserable and unfriendly, escalating to openly hostile as he got tired of being hit on. He asked Tina to give him water every time he ordered vodka and drank steadily.

“Told you that shirt was a mistake. You look way too hot and definitely up for pullin’,” muttered Ben, thinking that, without doubt, he would have tried to pull Callum if he didn’t know him. As it was, he had to sit like a sad soul in the corner with nobody paying him any attention because they were all interested in the tall, handsome guy in the sexy, white shirt.

They were both there with a job to do and, as it worked out, with their sad and hostile personas, they were able to work out quite easily what was going on. Walking home, they discussed what they’d seen.

“He’s called Andrew,” Ben told Callum, referring to the bar tender who was part of the chain, seemingly responsible for letting the distributors know who their customers were. “He’s worked for mum since Christmas.”

“No money changed hands. So that’s happening outside?” puzzled Callum. “How does he know who’s paid?”

“I think he might be bringing the pills in. He’s in a good position ‘cause he doesn’t need to get past Paul and Ross,” reasoned Ben, referring to the bouncers who checked all bags and had an uncanny awareness of the types of clothing that might be good for smuggling drugs in any significant quantity.

“To be honest, Ben, I just don’t get it. They could buy their pills from the dealer in the churchyard and just bring what they want with them. Ross and Paul aren’t gonna spot small amounts. Why not just do that?”

“It’s about the market, Callum. They can sell a lot more in the club. Wait - there’s a dealer in the churchyard?” asked Ben, surprised at Callum’s local knowledge. “I suppose I never walk through there so I wouldn’t have seen him. Is that how you went from my house to yours?” Callum nodded, weighing up what they knew and what they didn’t know.

“Okay,” he said. “We need better questions.” By the time they reached Callum’s, they had a plan for the following evening.

“Right,” said Ben, “I’m just gonna go through the churchyard and score me some drugs on the way home.” Callum laughed and Ben stood on his tiptoes to give him a small kiss goodbye before he carried on home. He walked away knowing exactly what he had done. A quick kiss … on the lips. He’d just wanted to see if there was a spark. He grinned to himself. Callum was caught by surprise but he was also grinning as he let himself into his house.

+++

The next night they arrived at the club together. Tina saw them come in, laughing together, looking every inch like they were on a date.

“Am I gonna have to give you two another warning?” she said.

“Thank you for your concern but no. Tonight our cover story is ‘Happy Boyfriends’,” announced Ben, tucking himself into Callum’s side. Tina watched them thinking that if this was an act they should both get an award. “But don’t worry, Tine, we’re professionals,” Ben pronounced every syllable separately making Callum giggle. “We will NOT be distracted.”

“He’s an idiot,” Callum apologised, dragging Ben to the table they’d chosen for their evening of surveillance. Despite its obvious dangers to them, happy boyfriends was a good cover. If one of them was at the bar or the loo, the other was able to sit and look around, sending any prowlers packing. Together they just had to look like they were enjoying chatting and flirting, rubbing legs and holding hands. Ben was enjoying himself immensely. Callum was more focused on the job and was trying not to overthink what he was doing with Ben.

They worked out that Andrew had indeed brought the pills in and hidden bags as he set up the room at the beginning of his shift. His distributors collected the bags and, with Andrew indicating the customers, and Callum and Ben were agreed that he was so subtle they would never have realised if they hadn’t been looking for it, they would find the customers around the club. This matched Callum and Ben’s theory and the next part of their plan was to follow Andrew after his shift.

Andrew headed towards the market and Callum and Ben sauntered behind, holding hands and chatting. At one point, Andrew looked back. He knew Ben and waved at him; Ben waved back.

“Bit of a flaw in the plan,” he said. Callum was ahead of him. Frankie’s part had been to see if she could discover the money exchange part of the process so she was around somewhere. He quickly texted her. He still found it difficult to know that she would be in dark deserted places alone in the early hours but had come to accept that she did this anyway when it was nothing to do with him. He was trying hard not to be over-protective of her as he knew it got on her nerves. A minute later, he saw Frankie take over the tail.

“I’d like to hang around a bit,” he said to Ben. “I know she hates it but I don’t want to leave her out here completely by herself.” Ben nodded. Callum noticed how alert and focused Ben was and knew he was also worried about Frankie. Ahead of them they saw her turning a corner and, as they got nearer, they could see she had tucked herself in the shadows. Andrew must have stopped.

“Gonna have to do horny boyfriends if we’re gonna hang around,” warned Ben. Callum wondered why Ben felt the need to give him a heads up. He’d realised that it might come to this and he was ready. Time to give the little pest a shock, he thought. He pushed Ben against the wall and pinning his shoulders, he leant down and touched noses, staring intently into Ben’s eyes. Ben lifted his hips provocatively and Callum pushed his own body firmly against him, refusing to yield control. Ben’s eyes widened and Callum could see pure desire in them as he felt Ben’s hands grasp his bum. Both of their phones suddenly buzzed, breaking the tension.

_FFS you two_

Followed by

_If you’re looking out for me, look out for me_

“She’s right,” said Callum. Ben nodded. Taking Callum’s hand, he strolled over to a bench, where they sat pretending to flirt and make out, all the time keeping an eye on Frankie’s position. A few minutes later, Callum’s phone buzzed again. Frankie had sent a number of photos and audios and a text.

_got everything_

_off home_

They saw her heading away from them.

“I wonder why she didn’t come over?” said Callum.

“Really? You can’t think of a reason?” Ben reached up to touch Callum’s face, wanting to stop pretending.

“Fuckin’ faggots!” hissed a voice. The next few moments seemed to go by in slow motions as Callum saw Ben being dragged off the bench, his face frozen in shock. He felt his arms wrenched back as he was thrown to the floor. He knew what was coming and prepared himself for the first kick. His cheek scraped the pavement as the kicking continued. He glimpsed Ben being pulled to standing and punched in the stomach before another fist connected with the side of his head. Callum scrambled away from his attacker, desperate to get to Ben, and managed to stand, before being punched again. He hit the floor again, banging his head and was knocked out.

Ben knew how to survive a beating but the blow to the side of his head had done something to his hearing aid and he was very disorientated. He spun around to see their attackers running away as Frankie furiously yelled at them. He could see her waving her phone shouting that the police were coming. Callum was lying on the floor, completely still, and Ben threw himself on him.

“Callum, Callum. Please, Callum,” he sobbed frantically. “Callum, please.” He looked up at Frankie’s horrified face. “I can’t lose him.” She dropped down and felt Callum’s chest, then took Ben’s hand and placed it on Callum’s chest.

“He’s not dead, Ben.” Ben sat next to Callum, holding him, stroking his hair and begging him to wake up, and Frankie kneeled with her arms around Ben. It was how the police and paramedics found them.

+++

Five days later, Callum was home from the hospital. While he’d been there, Ben had sat by his bedside and held his hand and Calum had been grateful for the company. The last time he’d been in hospital he had been completely alone and it had been one of the loneliest times of his life. That time and this, he hadn’t been able to speak, he didn’t know why, and he recognised that it was scaring Ben but he just couldn’t get any words out. They’d both cried a lot.

Ben was more than scared – he was terrified, born out of the idea that Callum had ended up like this because of him. He’d been very motivated to engineer cover stories that involved him and Callum being physically involved. It had been exhilarating and he’d done it because he wanted to have some fun. Now, Callum was paying the price. Ben couldn’t bear it and resolved that, as soon as Callum was better, he would get out of his life.

“Are you bringing Callum home?” asked Kathy, expecting Ben to confirm that he was. A huge argument ensued with Ben explaining he was getting out of Callum’s life for his own good but it was a battle that Kathy won.

“What are you going to do Ben? Carry on living up to your idea that you’re a disaster or break the cycle? What kind of a person do you want to be for Lexi?” She knew which cards to play. “But, whatever you decide to do after today, you are NOT leaving him to make his own way home.” She grabbed her car keys and her impossible son and left for the hospital.

Kathy had never been to Callum’s and was surprised to see the large Edwardian house.

“This one?” she said to Ben in disbelief. Callum got out of the car and headed for the house. He had still not spoken but he had smiled even if it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Yeah, see what a great life he has. Amazing house. Successful business. What he doesn’t need is me to fuck it up.” Ben was there under duress. Kathy opened the car door and pulled him out.

Callum opened the door and was instantly rejuvenated by the familiarity of his home. He knew he would now be able to talk. He noticed Ben lurking nervously behind Kathy and beckoned them in. As they stepped into the hallway, he stopped Ben with a hand on his arm.

“Ben, are you alright?” he asked. Ben had been so determined to play it cool, determined to set Callum free of him, but hearing Callum’s voice, his emotions betrayed him and his eyes filled up as he looked at the care and concern in Callum’s eyes. Callum stepped forward and wrapped Ben in his long arms. Ben held him back, drinking in the warmth. Kathy let herself out.

They stood in the hallway, in each other’s arms, then Callum moved his hands to grasp Ben’s head and gently kissed him. It wasn’t a prelude to passion but a simple kiss. Ben kissed him back, thinking he shouldn’t yet it was also absolutely the right thing to be doing. It coupled them, creating a secure bond so that they were safe together.

They went into the living room and sat on the big sofa knowing they needed to talk properly. Even though the kiss had brought them together and grounded them, Ben was highly stressed and Callum was exhausted.

“What are you afraid of Ben?” asked Callum. “An’ don’t give me all that stuff about you being a fuck up.” Ben swung round angrily.

“I AM a fuck up. You don’t know the half of it.”

“Okay,” said Callum patiently, “so tell me. What don’t I know?” Kathy had talked at length to Ben, encouraging him to tell Callum about Paul but Ben desperately didn’t want to uncover the pain. He could cope with it when it was buried and carry on with his day-to-day life looking after Lexi and trying to keep on the right side of his dad. What if he unearthed it and then couldn’t carry on? What would happen to Lexi then?

Callum watched Ben, saw him make the decision to keep his pain to himself and felt crushed. They couldn’t move forward like this and it was breaking his heart.

“I’m sorry that you have suffered, Ben. I know it must have been something terrible and you don’t have to tell me but I still want to be there for you. You’re important to me.”

Ben curled himself into a ball on the sofa. He could feel the deeply interred trauma worming its way to the surface and he couldn’t stand it.

“I thought you were dead,” he whispered. “I thought it had happened again. I thought they’d killed you.”

“Who died Ben?” asked Callum softly, understanding that Ben must have been through a similar attack where somebody died. In the quietest voice, Ben answered,

“Paul.” He remembered Callum’s simple statement about Chris and said, “He was my first love.” Callum pulled Ben to sitting and then lay him across his thighs, remembering that this was the position that Ben had chosen for comfort after Denny, and ran his hands through Ben’s hair.

“Tell me about Paul,” he said softly. Ben was quiet for a few minutes and Callum thought his attempts to make Ben feel safe hadn’t worked. Then Ben started to speak and told a story of a boy, full of life and love, who had shown Ben that love was possible for him. Paul had seen the real Ben, soft and loving with a hopeful heart, and ignored what others said about him. They had laughed and loved and Paul made Ben think it was possible to reset and have the future they chose. Paul had helped Ben to realise that, despite a horrible childhood, he could find peace. Ben described how the first ten years of his life had been happy, his mum and him had lived in South Africa, then his mum had pretended she was dead and abandoned him. He’d been sent to Phil, where he endured abuse and bullying. He’d killed somebody; it was an accident but that was not a consolation. He’d had two spells inside. Everywhere he went, people judged him and made snide comments like he was scum. Paul had made him want to be better, given him the confidence to look forward.

“It was six years ago, just before Lexi came to me. We’d been out. It had been a great night and we were laughin’, we were happy. Then this dickhead made a comment about us being fairies. Paul said to ignore him but I didn’t. I had to provoke him, didn’t I? They would’ve left us alone if I’d kept my mouth shut and walked on like Paul said. Dickhead and his mates attacked us. Paul died. I might as well have killed him myself.”

Ben lay on Callum, aware of the lingering smell of the hospital, but mainly being aware of Callum’s presence, a safe place where Ben was wanted. Ben had long ago stopped talking to Paul as though he was still there – he knew Paul was gone – but he carried the burden of his guilt and wondered if he would ever be able to put it down. Ben believed in an afterlife and he was certain, if he was watching, Paul would be despairing of Ben and telling him to make the most of this chance with Callum. But Ben didn’t think he deserved it.

“I keep going for Lexi. I am worried out of my mind that she’s gonna have problems havin’ been abandoned by her mum. She’s great at the moment, really happy, but she’s only ten an’ I was happy at ten. Look at me, Callum. I work for my dad and it’s dangerous. What if somethin’ happens to me? But it’s not just that. I’ve been so scared that I might never again have what I had with Paul. And then you’re there Callum. My new best friend who makes me want to be a great dad and a good friend. It’s about the connection. I feel it with us. But when we were attacked, I thought I’d lost you and I wanted to die. I thought I couldn’t carry on. It was so strong that feeling. But I can’t die Callum ‘cause I’ve got to be there for Lexi.” He turned to look up at Callum. “Do you understand Callum? I just can’t risk it.”

Callum nodded. He understood what Ben was saying. He understood Ben’s fragility and pain.

“Still friends?” Ben’s eyes were full of fear, fear that Callum was going to reject him, pleading for this friendship with every fibre of his being. Callum had been hoping for so much more, but he did understand Ben.

“Always. It’s what the second F stands for, ain’t it?”


	6. Broken

The summer was glorious and Callum’s garden exploded into a multitude of colours, thanks to the plant lists provided by Frankie’s mum, Eilish. Ben and Callum forged a strong friendship, both determined to make it work. Ben brought Lexi round most weekends and, as he’d predicted, she loved the garden. One weekend, Callum bought modelling clay for her to make a sculpture which she studded with stones and pebbles from around the garden, supplemented with beads and buttons from Kathy and lots of sparkly items from her own collection.

“What is it Lex?” asked Ben when she’d finished.

“It’s a feeling,” she explained, having been very intrigued by the explanation of the art in the livingroom. Callum and Ben waited patiently for her to explain, Ben wondering if she was making it up as she was going along, Callum entranced by her creativity. “It’s called Happiness. I’m going to put it here,” she told them, placing the sculpture on a large flat stone in the flower bed.

“I’m not sure it’s weatherproof,” said Callum. “Maybe choose a place in the house.” She danced off with Happiness to find a good spot.

“You do realise it might end up on your bedside table,” laughed Ben.

Callum was feeling stronger as the summer went on. He was eating well and working out. Sleep was still elusive; he woke up in the morning feeling like he’d run a marathon. He’d painted all the walls downstairs a soft white colour, deciding that this was the best choice for framing the garden views as well as for displaying his burgeoning collection of art, and, on Eilish’s advice, changed the wooden shutters for curtains in rich jewel colours.

“You watch,” she’d said, “These shutters that everybody’s got in their houses will become the equivalent of magnolia paint.” Callum was a little wary as Eilish’s house was a riot of colours and textures with every space stuffed full of interest which, although he loved it there, he knew wouldn’t be right for his house. The curtains, however, were perfect, bringing colour and a soft texture that sat against the ivory walls beautifully.

“Do you like them, house?” he asked as he put the last set up, slightly alarmed to think that he was so alone he was talking to his house. He was concerned about his loneliness and had already decided to get back to dating, a decision also partly prompted by Ben’s Instagram posts of his holiday in France with Kathy and Lexi. There had been pictures of a very happy, relaxed Ben with a good-looking man called Daniel. Callum gave himself a talking to, reminding himself that this would be the future. Ben would meet somebody, he would meet somebody and, as best friends, they would at least try to like each other’s partners.

He went to a place in Docklands that he knew was a great place to meet new people. He was used to attention when he went out and had several men approach him but he was surprised that it wasn’t as much fun as he remembered. He got chatting to Paulo, a very handsome twenty year old Spaniard, who was very obviously up for doing him, but ended up sending him away. Callum was somewhat disturbed that he’d had to ask Paulo’s age as he was worried he might be younger. He did not want to become one of those handsome, old men that had a continuous stream of pretty, young boyfriends. He left the bar earlier than he’d planned and alone.

On the way home, he popped into The Vic for a late drink. Mick wasn’t there but a young guy, who had to be his son they looked so alike, was behind the bar. His name was Johnny and he and Callum hit it off immediately. Johnny was at university studying law and had a wide circle of friends who went out a lot. Callum immersed himself in this group knowing that he was trying to stem his loneliness and he would need another solution eventually, but he needed something now so this was good. Johnny introduced Callum to George who swiftly became Callum’s next lover. Callum didn’t miss the irony that his new boyfriend was a pretty young thing but he’d almost forgotten how much he enjoyed sex and felt part of him returning when he was with George as the sex was amazing. Callum knew George was young, just twenty-one, but he was fun, light-hearted and uncomplicated and felt like an antidote to the troubles of the last year. Callum was careful to keep George away from Ben, he couldn’t explain why even to himself, but didn’t know that Ben had seen them coming out of Callum’s house one day. Ben thought Callum looked relaxed and happy and the boyfriend looked like he would be a laugh so he ignored the twisted feeling inside and wished them well.

Enquiries for CHPI had slowed during the summer and Callum was becoming anxious that it might not pick up. Frankie had some work from Whitney as she was preparing her winter collection, so Callum wasn’t overly worried about her but he reminded himself to check with her about the marketing and the socials. It occurred to him that his six months for free had probably expired so he needed to formalise the arrangement with her. He texted her to meet him for breakfast at Kathy’s Cafe. So far, the business had made them both a good living as well as giving Ben a bit of independence from his dad. If it didn’t pick up soon, all of that would change so it was important to get the marketing right. Thinking of Ben, he realised he hadn’t heard from him all week, so he texted him to invite him along to breakfast.

So far, they had turned down jobs that were far away and would involve overnight stays because they’d had plenty of local work, but Callum decided he was going to take one of these jobs partly to keep himself busy but also to see how the extra expenses affected the profitability of the work. Indulging himself, he chose one down on the Dorset coast. Vicky and Chris were from near Dorchester and, when he had gone to the funeral, he had thought he might go back to explore the coast. If he was having to stay away, it might as well be somewhere interesting.

“What is it?” asked Ben when Callum mentioned the job as they were having breakfast. He was feeling quite envious having heard Callum describe the hotel he’d booked. He loved the sea and had never been to Dorset.

“Bread and butter,” replied Callum, using their term for cheating spouses. It was to turn out to be not quite as straightforward as he imagined.

+++

Callum loved the drive down to Dorset in his little MG. The weather, although cooling slightly as autumn crept up, was beautiful with full sun and vivid blue skies and Callum was able to do the whole journey with the top down. His mechanic had said it would be good for the car to do a long run (Callum had been concerned it might not make it) and he was right – it was purring along beautifully.

The hotel he’d booked was quirky, unusual wallpaper and bold furniture competing for attention in the shared areas. The bedrooms were themed; Callum’s was shipwrecks, or maybe pirate treasure, or the sea - he wasn’t sure. The fourposter bed was huge, probably seven feet across, in heavy, dark oak. It was possibly the ugliest piece of furniture Callum had ever seen and it made him think of tall ships. Maybe this was the captain’s bed? The room was papered entirely in a dark turquoise print of mackerel swimming around a wreck which was slightly disorientating. He knew they were mackerel because there was a drawing of one in a frame, entitled ‘Mackerel’. Instead of drawers there were two large chests, clearly for decorative rather than practical purposes. Callum opened them wondering if they contained treasure but found they were empty. He was a little disappointed. He reminded himself he was only there for a couple of days and he was likely to be out on surveillance most of the time. The hotel was on the main street and a short walk took Callum to the beach with its imposing cliffs. He was due to meet his client early that evening on a bench on the cliff path.

The client was a lovely, warm woman called Eva. Callum had wondered over the years what his mum was like and had created a fantasy figure that was very similar to her. She had been married for over thirty years to Neil and they had two daughters and two baby grandchildren.

“The thing is Callum,” said Eva sadly. “Neil is gay. I’ve known it for a long time. We haven’t had intimate relations for, oh, twenty-five years. Our youngest is twenty-five,” she added with a wry smile. “We’re happy together, there is a lot of love, and, when the girls were at home, I never wanted to take that away from him. Times were different then as well. But now …” she trailed off and sat looking at her hands for minute before looking up at Callum. “I didn’t come to you by accident, Callum. You helped a friend of mine and she told me about you and your partner Ben. I love my husband and I want him to accept who he is and move on. The skulking about, meeting random men, can’t be good for him. We’re both sixty this year and there’s plenty of life left to be genuinely happy.”

“I’m not sure what you want me to do,” said Callum, thinking that it seemed like Eva already had answers to the usual questions.

“I know it means deceiving him, but it would be for the right reasons.” She looked at Callum clearly uncertain about what she was about to ask. “I want you to befriend him and persuade him to … to come out, that is the right phrase, isn’t it?” Callum nodded.

“Befriend and persuade,” he repeated, not sure what he was hearing. “You don’t mean make him fall for me, do you?”

Eva’s eyes widened in horror and she almost fell off the bench.

“No, no! Oh my goodness, it sounded like I was asking you to … I am so sorry, Callum. I didn’t mean that at all. From what my friend said, you and your partner Ben are happy together, and I thought if Neil could see that and you could tell him about it, maybe advise him to let himself be free, then … Oh, I am so sorry, Callum. I have no idea what I am doing.”

“The things is, Eva, Ben isn’t with me … on this job.” Callum found himself wanting to help this gentle woman. He didn’t really know where to start but it was at least worth sleeping on. “Let me give it some thought,” he said. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Submerged in his wreck that evening, Callum decided to call Ben and discuss the job with him.

“Services to old queens in the closet,” said Ben. “Is that on the website?” Callum smiled on the end of the phone.

“I’m calling you for your expertise and your creativity. I want to help her … and her husband, I suppose.” He could almost hear Ben’s thought processes one hundred and fifty miles away.

“Let me think about it,” said Ben. “I’ll call you back in a couple of hours.”

It was late but Callum hadn’t eaten and went in search of food. The hotel staff were accommodating, telling him that the restaurant wasn’t taking orders but if he was happy to have whatever the kitchen could rustle up, they could bring him something. That something turned out to be mussels in a delicious garlic and wine sauce. The chef was making chocolate brownies ready for the next day and offered to send some up for Callum when they were cool. Callum returned to his room feeling that he might stay for a few days even if he couldn’t help Eva. He watched some television and was thinking about calling Ben back when there was a knock at the door. Surely, it was too late for brownies, he thought, as he opened the door.

“Hi,” grinned Ben. Callum stared at him then down at the holdall he was carrying.

“What are you doin’ here?” Callum knew Ben and already knew the answer to the question but it still needed to be asked.

“I’m here to help,” answered Ben, throwing his bag down and jumping on the bed, “With my expert creativity,” he sassed, adopting a sexy pose. He sat up seeing Callum’s serious face. “I’m joking, Callum. It was my intention to get my own room, but there’s nobody at the desk, so I thought I’d come to your room to see if you had a twin or a pull-out … or a massive bed.”

“How did you know what room I was in?” asked Callum, still undecided about the intrusion.

“I have picked up skills from my private investigator best friend,” answered Ben glibly. “Come on Callum, we’re great at the happy boyfriend cover.” He became suddenly serious. “I’m like you, I want to do this job. It’ll be a good thing to do. We’re not gonna lie to him – well we are, ‘cause we’re not gonna tell him his wife’s payin’ for the lesson – we’re just gonna model what he could have. It’s an acting job.”

“An acting job is the very definition of a lie,” Callum pointed out. “But okay. It would help if you were here.”

+++

Callum woke the next morning before Ben. The bed was huge and it seemed like Ben was a long way away. Callum turned on his side and looked at his friend, curled up in a tight ball, no peace on his face with its tightly shut eyes pressed down with a frown and lips pursed like he was enduring the worst kind of pain. He was fast asleep and he looked deeply troubled. Callum remembered the only other time he had shared a bed with Ben and was sorely tempted to scoot across the sheets and hold him to soothe his suffering. It was against their unspoken rules, though. He wished it wasn’t.

Ben had been awake until four in the morning, watching Callum, his sleep disturbed with frequent moments where he stopped breathing and then almost choked to get his breath back. He muttered. He frowned. He kicked. Ben remembered Callum holding him and keeping him safe on the one occasion they had shared a bed and desperately wanted to be able to return the favour. How had they got to this place where they couldn’t risk a hug?

As a result, they were both tired but a delicious spread at breakfast pepped them up. Callum explained to the hotel receptionist that his boyfriend (just in case she knew Neil or Eva) had joined him, getting a car park token so that Ben could keep his treasured Porsche safe. He called Eva and told her about Ben being with him and that they were going to do their best. She had no clues about where her husband went other than for a dog walk before lunch so the first part of the job was straightforward surveillance. She agreed to text them when Neil went out. They sat on the captain’s bed in their room looking up local hangouts.

“We’re holiday boyfriends,” remarked Ben, wondering how many adjectives beginning with h would describe the kind of boyfriends they played: hook up, happy, horny, holiday, what was next? Callum turned to him, reminded about holidays and wanting to address something he and Ben were avoiding talking about: each other’s real boyfriends.

“So, tell me about Daniel,” he said.

“Stalker much. How do you know his name?” complained Ben. Callum pointed at himself with both hands.

“Private investigator much,” he said. They both laughed, appreciating the fact that they were going to have this conversation without bickering.

“It was just a holiday romance. If I’m honest, it wasn’t a romance it was just sex. We didn’t talk much, or at all. He didn’t speak English and my French is crap. Good sex though.” Ben looked at Callum thoughtfully.

“Tell me about your guy,” he said. Callum looked at him appraisingly. So Ben did know, he thought.

“George,” he said. “Yeah, he’s been good for me, straightforward y’know, no baggage.” He looked at Ben. “Good sex.”

“Okay then.”

“Yeah.”

They smiled at each other, held by one of their wordless conversations, before moving together, each holding the other’s head in both hands, and kissing deeply. They pulled apart briefly.

“We doin’ this then?” gasped Ben, breathless after the kiss.

“We’re doin’ this,” answered Callum firmly, pulling Ben back towards him and kissing his neck. Ben already knew that kissing Callum set his head on fire, but this was with full permission, no holding back, and it was mind-blowing. Callum’s skin was tingling so much he thought he was going to light up; kissing Ben was kissing on another level and he wondered if he was going to pass out with pleasure overload. Their hands were now pulling at clothes and exploring each other’s bodies, breaking new ground as they had never touched each other’s bare skin. Callum stalled slightly seeing Ben’s gunshot wound but he took a breath and kissed it gently. Ben gasped as Callum travelled downwards, running his hand over Ben’s length. Hands and mouths hungrily exploring, Ben and Callum stayed connected, locking eyes frequently. It was intense and highly erotic but it was also meaningful because this was something wonderful and there was an acknowledgment from them both that it had always been there. They knew things would be different from now on. They would be a different type of best friend.

Afterwards, they lay tangled in sheets and each other.

“We can’t stay in bed all day, much as I would like that. We have a job,” murmured Callum. Ben groaned and snuggled closer into Callum. “You are such a fuckin’ distraction,” moaned Callum as Ben slipped below the sheets.

Half an hour later, they were reluctantly dressed and ready to head out. Eva had said Neil walked the family dog before lunch and Ben thought admiring the dog would be a good way to make contact. They sat on the bench on the cliff top as this was on Neil’s usual route. As he approached, they kissed each other tenderly.

“This is a GREAT job,” said Ben and Callum giggled. Ben loved to hear Callum’s giggle. It almost didn’t go with the rest of him as he was a very masculine man but it was utterly joyous. Ben’s face lit up with pleasure and he chucked Callum’s chin.

“Happy?” he asked, feeling ecstatic himself.

“Yeah, happy,” agreed Callum before kissing Ben again.

Neil watched the two young men, enjoying the display of love. He could see they were into each other; it shone from them. They broke apart as he approached and smiled at him. The tall, handsome one had a beautiful smile that came from his whole being as he greeted Neil. The shorter one was overtly sexy but something else, a softer side maybe, came out as he played with Neil’s dog.

“She’s gorgeous,” enthused Ben. “Cockerpoo? What’s she called?”

“Yes she’s a cockerpoo. She’s called Betsy,” said Neil. “You boys here on holiday?”

“Yeah,” said Callum, throwing an affectionate glance Ben’s way. “A few days together just the two of us.” He looked at Neil. “Do you live here? Maybe you can give us some recommendations.”

+++

Neil was very skilled at being evasive. As he’d met them, Ben and Callum couldn’t risk staking out near his house to follow him. They were only a road away but when Eva texted to say Neil had left the house, he was nowhere to be found. They tried all of his recommendations but he wasn’t at any of them. However, they both knew how to find gay hangouts and discovered an all-night place.

“Ooh a sex den,” exclaimed Ben, rubbing his hands with glee.

“Not sharing you Ben,” stated Callum, making sure he had Ben’s attention and the message was understood. “That gonna be alright with you?” Ben pretended to sulk but, in truth, he relished the idea of exclusivity. He’d only had it once before. Callum wasn’t fooled by the sulking.

They had spent the afternoon shopping as neither of them had brought enough clothes and arrived at the club suitably attired.

“Shame not to share us when we’re lookin’ and smellin’ this good,” teased Ben as they walked in, both immediately taken aback by the number of people in there. This was the back of beyond. Was every gay man from Dorset in this place? Callum realised straightaway that even if they weren’t sharing, he was going to end up doing things in this place with Ben that he’d never done in public. He would have bet his last pound, however, that this was not new to Ben.

“It’ll be ok, babe,” reassured Ben, sensing Callum’s nerves.

“I’m gonna end up naked givin’ you a blow job, aren’t I?” he sighed. Ben rubbed his hands together and grinned lasciviously.

There were various rooms and alcoves catering for a wide range of proclivities and fetishes but they quickly found Neil engaged in his chosen activity with an attractive older guy.

“Bondage.” Ben tilted his head, grimacing at what he saw.

“Not your thing?” laughed Callum.

“Time for you to learn what is my thing,” taunted Ben, pushing Callum against the wall, tweaking his nipples.

Neil later walked past the two hot, young men he’d met on the cliff path, still completely obsessed with each other, if in a less wholesome way than when he’d first met them. He smiled that they had found this place without his recommendation. He was with his friend Gregory who he’d been with, on and off, for forty years. Neither of them had their own dungeon so this place was great for them. He and Gregory liked to wind down with a drink before going home, Neil to his wife, Gregory to his cats, and they found themselves a booth in the front room of the club.

“Hi, Betsy’s owner,” greeted Ben, as he and Callum walked past the booth where Neil and Gregory were sitting. “Callum and me are wondering why you didn’t recommend this place to us earlier?” He laughed easily to make the teasing explicit. “Ben,” he said pointing to himself.

“Neil,” said Neil and pointing to Gregory, “Gregory. Odd place for you to choose, boys. You don’t seem like you need what’s here. You and Callum, you’re exclusive?”

“It works for us,” cooed Ben, pulling Callum in suggestively. “We’re all about family; we’ve a daughter who lives with us, she’s ten.” He pressed himself up against Callum who couldn’t stop a little gasp escaping. “But we still like to get out and have some fun.”

“You and Gregory?” Callum asked Neil, pushing Ben’s wandering hands away with a smile at him.

“In this place? Definitely,” said Gregory, pulling a face like the club was full of skanks. “Neil’s a family man. Daughters as well.” His look to Neil was challenging. Callum and Ben looked at each other and then back at Neil.

“Wife then,” concluded Ben. It was enough to break the ice and Ben and Callum were invited to sit down. An hour later, they left hoping they’d sewn enough seeds for Neil to consider being openly gay and to live his life with the love of his life.

+++

Despite the late hour, Ben couldn’t sleep. He watched Callum’s sleep struggles and was confused. Callum during the day was calm, balanced and strong; Callum at night was tortured. Why was that? He realised that he didn’t know much at all about Callum’s past. They had been best friends for six months now and Callum had told him almost nothing whereas Ben had shared everything. Ben was ready, here and now, to commit himself to this man but did Callum feel the same? Why was Callum keeping secrets? Did he not trust Ben or was it because he thought Ben and him wouldn’t last? Ben was having to work hard to stop every frightened and insecure bone in his body from wanting to blow it up before Callum did. He slipped out of bed and headed to the cliff path to watch the sunrise.

Callum woke with a start realising that Ben had gone. What was wrong now? He thought they were having a good time and it was going well; that was an understatement, he’d thought it was going brilliantly. Callum already felt close to Ben but this last couple of days had been simply amazing. So where was he? Callum was familiar with Ben’s tendency to self-destruct and realised that, in all likelihood, Ben had got scared and was about to sabotage their chances of success. His chest tightened with anxiety and a pounding headache came from nowhere. He pulled on some clothes and decided to go for a run on the beach.

Ben saw Callum running on the beach below his vantage point and felt a moment of guilt that he hadn’t left a note. The sunrise had restored him and made him realise that this relationship was worth serious effort. He should ask Callum to talk to him and he should explain his fears to Callum. It seemed so simple out here, looking at the glittering sea, watching the light change and breathing in the clean air. As he watched, Callum stopped, put his hands on his hips and looked at the sky like he was getting his breath back. He then kicked at the sand, and again, and then over and over, dropping to his knees and pounding the beach with his hands and screaming. Ben could hear him. He jumped to his feet and started running to the beach, watching as Callum stripped down to his shorts and ran towards the water. Ben was not a runner but the idea of Callum in this water, where there were multiple signs warning about undercurrents, made him panic and adrenaline coursed through him so that he could ignore the pain of running fast, shouting Callum’s name constantly. Callum was swimming, with long, powerful strokes, not out to sea but alongside the beach. Then, all of a sudden, he was gone. Ben felt his knees buckle and he collapsed onto the sand. He breathed deeply and got to his feet in time to see Callum swimming back towards him. He waved and shouted for him to come back then sat back down on the sand and wept as relief hit him. Callum saw Ben on the beach waving and shouting and knew instinctively that he’d worried him. He strode out of the water (looked like fucking James Bond, thought Ben) and sat next to Ben.

“Fuck it’s cold,” he said.

Ben had put on extra layers as he’d set out when it was dark, so he stripped off a sweatshirt and used it to dry Callum, divesting him of his wet shorts and handing him his running clothes. They then sat on the sand, tight together, wrapped in each other’s arms.

“Talk to me Callum,” said Ben. Callum rested his forehead against Ben’s and spoke softly and sadly.

“I love you Ben. I want to be with you for all time. But I know you. You’re gonna get scared and decide it isn’t worth the risk. You have other people that you will put before me. You’re gonna leave me and I will be alone and it will be worse than it’s ever been.”

“Wow, I thought I was bad for catastrophising,” teased Ben gently earning a small smile from Callum. Ben wanted the next moment to be face-to-face so he moved to sit between Callum’s legs, facing him with his legs wrapped around him. Callum instinctively wrapped his legs around Ben. Their eyes tethered, Ben started his speech. “I love you Callum. I want to be with you for all time. I’m a fuck up and I will test your patience but, whenever I do, please remember this moment on this beach and stick with me, ‘cause whatever mess I’m creating, I love you.”

“Yeah?” Callum’s eyes were glistening with tears but he was smiling, not his full sunbeam, but still a smile.

“Yeah,” said Ben emphatically as they kissed, a slow kiss full of promises. “But I do want to go back to something you just said when you were predicting the end of the world. You’ll be alone and it’ll be worse than it’s ever been? How bad has it been, Callum?”

So Callum told Ben his story. He recounted how his mum had disappeared when he was six and he hadn’t heard from her since. All he could remember was her cowering as his dad beat her. His dad destroyed all photographs of her so Callum didn’t even know what she looked like. When she went, his dad beat him and his brother. His dad and his brother were homophobic and Callum spent his childhood with them trying to toughen him up by subjecting him to horrific ordeals. One time his brother locked him in a car boot and set fire to a tyre nearby so that Callum had thought he was going to burn alive in the car. He had turned his back on his family because he knew he was not loved or accepted or safe. He talked of his time in the army describing the horrific casualties when IEDs exploded and seeing a child die in front of him. He’d found the macho, heterosexual culture almost intolerable and only got through it because of Chris. He told Ben about his involvement in crime and being controlled by the villain Aidan McGuire, detailing his fear when he was shot and the feeling when his accomplices left him to bleed out. He was ashamed for having a criminal record. He described his loneliness when his grandad died, how he’d realised he really did have nobody at that point. He’d wondered how to carry on, if there was actually any point to him.

Ben watched him speak wondering how he’d survived and then gone way beyond surviving and become a beautiful human being.

“We’re both broken Ben,” said Callum. “We’re both as broken as each other. You survive by fighting everybody trying to prove that you’re worth something. I survive by creating a fortress and barricading myself inside. It’s no wonder I’m so fucking lonely.” He sat for a moment quietly and then pulled Ben in for a big bear hug, whispering in his ear. “I am so fucking lucky to have met you.”

Ben could not believe his ears. Callum thought he was lucky to have met him? That didn’t match any version of himself that Ben understood. But it did match the version that Paul knew, so maybe it was true?

“We’re lucky to have met each other,” he whispered back.

Neil stood on the clifftop also having been unable to sleep. The conversation of the night before was replaying in his mind. He watched Callum and Ben on the beach below. He saw them sitting face-to-face with their legs wrapped around each other and could imagine them swapping love declarations. He wanted this with Gregory. Maybe these two young lads were right and it would not be a shock to Eva.


	7. Lost and found

“You know I’ve never been upstairs in your house.” Ben was at the bottom of the staircase, kissing and undressing Callum. They barely made it through the front door before they were removing each other’s clothes.

“Huh?” grunted Callum, eager to get upstairs as the stair treads were pressing into his back uncomfortably, but also busy kissing the infamous love handles as he pulled Ben’s jeans down.

“Upstairs,” muttered Ben, kneeling astride Callum to get to the particular part of Callum’s neck that he knew would earn him one of Callum’s frantic moans, “Is it beige?”

“Aargh,” moaned Callum on cue. “It’s very beige. All of it. Aargh, oh god.”

“Not sure I want to risk it, aah,” gasped Ben as Callum’s mouth moved lower.

“What?” mumbled Callum, only half-listening, his mind elsewhere.

“The beige overload.”

They had stayed an extra night in Dorset, left late in the morning of the following day and now were back home in Callum’s house. It was half past two and Ben had to go for Lexi at three, so there was some urgency. They didn’t get as far as the bedroom.

When Ben left, Callum sat in the office trying to complete administrative tasks but mainly wondering how he and Ben were going to arrange their lives around Lexi and seeing each other. He wanted to wake up and see Ben’s face next to him but it was important for Ben to be around in the morning for Lexi a lot more often than not. He reminded himself that they’d only been together two days and maybe he was getting ahead of himself. What was it about him and Ben that made two days feel like two months? Ben had said he would be back at Callum’s around nine after Lexi was asleep but needed to be home for when she woke up in the morning. He’d been away for three nights and he wanted to make sure she knew he was around. Callum expected Ben to be a good dad and to put Lexi first; he wouldn’t have it any other way. But this was a different kind of relationship to any he’d been in before and he wanted to make sure that he approached it positively.

He was lounging on the big sofa listening to one of his grandad’s vinyls when he heard Ben letting himself in. Both he and Frankie had had their own keys for months.

“Alright for some,” said Ben, leaning on the doorframe and admiring the view. Callum looked at him with his leather jacket, bottle-green tee and legs crossed in tight jeans and was taken back to their first meeting. God, he was sexy! Ben went back to hang up his jacket, then to the kitchen to get a beer and sauntered back in, laying alongside Callum with his head on Callum’s chest. Callum knew this was so that Ben could have his hair played with - he was like a dog – so he ran his fingers through the tousled locks and smiled as Ben sighed happily.

“What do you mean ‘alright for some’?” questioned Callum.

“You’re lying here, relaxing, bottle of beer to hand, listening to … who is this? …”

“John Lennon.”

“ … while I’m making sure Lexi eats all her vegetables and does her homework … do you have any idea how to multiply fractions? …”

“Yes.”

“… then making sure the mucky little madam has a decent shower and cleans her teeth properly, followed by several chapters of The Hunger Games … great story …”

“It is.”

“… yeah … followed by questions about you and me ‘cause she heard me tell Mum that we’re together. Wait, you know how to multiply fractions?”

“I do.”

“Well, guess what you’re doin’ tomorrow night. So here I am, ex-haust-ed, and I even had to get my own beer.”

“Poor puppy,” teased Callum, ruffling Ben’s hair again. He couldn’t imagine a life busy with a child. It was completely alien to him and he had a lot to learn. “What did she want to know?”

“It’s new to her ‘cause I’ve always kept my love life away from her,” explained Ben. “Nobody has lasted more than a couple of nights and I have NEVER brought anybody home.” He turned his head to look towards Callum. “You’re my first proper relationship since Paul and she came to me after that so you’re the first boyfriend she’s seen me with.”

“What about Daniel?” asked Callum. Ben looked appalled.

“I kept that well away from her. You think I want her thinking I’m some sleazy guy picking up men I can’t even have a conversation with.” He looked up at Callum. “You do know Instagram is a fake view, babe. It might have looked like I was with him a lot. We hooked up twice.”

“So what did you tell her?” Callum wasn’t interested in the past.

“I told her a fairy tale. We met and we had an adventure and became really good friends, although secretly we always loved each other but were too afraid to say, until another adventure made us realise that it was time for our happy ever after.”

“Sort of true,” said Callum, flushed with pleasure at the thought that Ben had always loved him.

“Hmm,” said Ben. “Well I should warn you that happy ever after to Lex means we’re getting’ married. So get yourself ready for THAT conversation.”

They stayed on the big sofa getting carried away with each other until Ben left in the early hours. When Callum went upstairs, he looked at his bed, the bed that he had shared every night with Simon, and then frequently with George, and he realised that he had been lonely in this bed. He made up his mind to get the beige-hating Ben in there at the next possible opportunity.

+++

Frankie’s renewed attention to the marketing had paid off and the work started to come in again, which was useful because the business needed to support three of them rather than two. Ben had fallen out of favour with his dad again after failing to collect from “confused old ladies” (Ben’s words) who had borrowed from his dad’s money-lending scheme. Callum believed it would be best for Ben if he turned his back on his dad but could see that Ben desperately wanted his dad’s acceptance so it was more complicated than merely walking away. The second Phil clicked his fingers, Ben would go back.

Callum had bought a small conference table and filing cabinets from a second-hand office supplier and their meetings were now held in the office rather than around the breakfast table. He’d also decided to spend some of his inheritance on better computers and screens, realising that speeding up the investigative process was the way to increase profitability. Ben and Frankie had spent hours researching and deciding what to buy, both overly excited about the new kit, and, when it arrived, they wasted no time in getting it all set up. The office was beginning to look like a proper PI outfit with the meeting table at one end of the long room, locked cabinets and computer station at the other end, and white boards all the way along the long wall.

At their regular meeting, they went through the latest enquiry forms. Callum always looked ahead at the forms so that he had time to think about how to organise the work as it was his role to lead their meetings. There were the usual cheating spouses, lots of them, and, a first for CHPI, a missing person.

“Let’s share out the butters and we’ll all work the missing person so that we can learn from it. We covered this kind of job in my training so I have some starting points.”

“There are lots of reasons people want to track other people down that are not related to police cases,” added Ben. “If we get good at finding people, it could be a strong workstream.” Callum often felt like he had to be the grown up in their little organisation and was heartened to hear Ben being business-like.

The missing person was a twenty-three year old called Marcus Tilford. His parents had raised the enquiry so Callum arranged to visit them with Ben while Frankie was tasked with an online trawl. The Tilfords lived on a farm in Essex and, after a brief argument about which car to take, Callum and Ben took Ben’s Porsche.

“Can I drive it?” asked Callum.

“You’re not insured,” said Ben.

“So get me insured. Just ring your insurers. They’ll do it for you straightaway.” Ben grappled with the idea that anybody else might drive his car. He really wanted to say no. Moving in together might usually be considered the big step in a relationship, but, for Ben, adding Callum to his insurance was on a similar level. He considered lying and telling Callum that he had rung the insurers and they were unable to do it immediately but took a deep breath and decided to agree to it. His nerves jangled when Callum confessed to never having driven a car with tiptronic transmission but he calmed when he saw how quickly Callum adapted to using the paddles. Callum relished driving the Porsche: it was highly responsive, gripped the road and cornered amazingly. He now understood what was meant by the phrase ‘corners like it’s on rails’. Ben absolutely hated not being in the driver’s seat but ungratefully acknowledged a smidgen of pleasure from witnessing Callum’s enthusiasm.

Callum was familiar with the area from running out in his MG and took Ben on a scenic route rather than the motorway. They didn’t talk much but enjoyed the drive and the comfortable silence.

Marcus had disappeared eight months ago and hadn’t been in touch with his parents since. They were old, seventies Callum would have guessed, and the farm was now run by a manager who lived in the farmhouse. The Tilfords, Jack and Gill (she was insistent about the G), now lived in a thatched cottage on the farm next to an enormous pond. It was idyllic. They were both extremely pale and drawn and Callum wondered if that was from worry about their son.

“Tell me about Marcus,” said Callum once introductions had been offered and tea had been made. They were all in a tiny sitting room with faded settees and worn rugs, gentle warmth afforded by an open fire, crackling and spitting, thankfully as this house had no central heating and it was chilly outside.

“We thought we weren’t going to have children,” started Gill. “I had Marcus when I was fifty. He was always a quiet one, not really having any friends but happy in his own company. He likes the outdoors so it was perfect for him living up at the farmhouse. Sometimes he would disappear for days wild camping around the farm.” She reached for an envelope on the shelf behind her. “We collected some photographs for you.” Ben and Callum looked at a thin-faced man with curly brown hair, a thick beard and freckles dotted under kind grey eyes. His clothes were scruffy and comfortable and, in a lot of the pictures, he carried a large postman-style bag.

“What did he carry in the bag?” questioned Callum, noticing that it usually looked heavy and full.

“He’s an artist, whittles wood, so the bag was always full of bits of wood he had found.” Jack indicated rustic bowls and a collection of creatures displayed around the room which demonstrated that Marcus had developed a talent.

“Did he make his living from his art?” asked Callum. Jack and Gill looked at each other and smiled.

“Marcus could get by on pennies,” said Gill, a hint of pride in her voice. “He lived simply. Jack’ll take you upstairs and you’ll see. Up there is everything that Marcus owns other than his tools. See, he never took anything with him when he went, only the clothes on his back.” Ben and Callum followed Jack up a tiny staircase in the corner of the room.

Marcus really did live simply. There were three pairs of trousers, two jumpers with holes darned and five tee-shirts, a handful of pants and socks, a pair of old boots, an old hairbrush and a pair of scissors. A couple of pencils and a notebook containing sketches were in a bedside drawer. There was a small bathroom off the bedroom which housed a threadbare towel hanging on a hook on the back of the door, a large bar of soap, a wooden toothbrush and another glass bottle with something in it. Ben sniffed it and wondered if it was toothpaste. Looking around, Ben thought that Marcus could not have lived with less.

“His woodworking tools are in the lean-to outside,” Jack said, pointing through the window to a rickety structure on the side of the garage. They traipsed back down the tiny stairs. Callum wasn’t getting a sense of worry from these two and his own feeling was that Marcus was a free spirit and had just wandered off one day.

“You would like us to find Marcus,” he said. “Do you think he’s in trouble?” Jack and Gill looked at each other and smiled.

“No, dear,” said Gill. “He’ll have followed his nose somewhere but, you can see, he doesn’t need much, he’s never had a bank account or a phone or a car, so he could live anywhere.” She exchanged a sad look with Jack. “We want to find him so that he doesn’t come back one day and find us gone.” Callum looked at their thin frames and wan complexions.

“You’re ill,” he surmised.

+++

Callum pinned a photo of Marcus Tilford on one of the white boards and put the rest in a file.

“He looks nice,” observed Frankie. She had found nothing about him online but that was unsurprising given what they now knew about him.

“Callum was amazing at the questioning,” Ben told her. “I had been wondering what special skills he brings to this outfit …”

“… me too,” said Frankie, getting in on the teasing.

“… but it turns out he’s a people person. He’s gonna be useful after all.” Callum looked at them both in fond exasperation, knowing full well that his financial control of the business was an essential part of its success. Ben wasn’t wrong though. He was a people person and he enjoyed interviewing their clients.

“So what do we think?” he asked Frankie and Ben. “Off-grid somewhere. Definitely rural. By himself?”

“Not by himself,” stated Ben assuredly. “He lives simply but he’s not gonna be a naked, feral hermit. He cuts his hair, he keeps clean, he mends his clothes. One of those hippy communes could be a shout.”

“One of what hippy communes? Is there such a thing?” Callum thought there probably was but he had never actually come across one.

“An artist’s co-operative,” suggested Frankie. “That would make sense for him. Mum and me, we lived in one when I was a baby. Everybody gives and takes so everybody has what they need. The one we lived in took in anybody but there are some where you have to put money in to join the group and you have to have a skill that the group needs, like teaching or nursing.”

It was a strong idea so they set about searching. Their computer station had been set up to accommodate the three of them with laptops, tablets and extra keyboards and screens plus large screens on the wall for sharing. Ben took the news angle thinking these groups were probably plagued by nimbyism and local newspapers would have reported complaints. Frankie talked to her mum and followed the connections to reveal more connections. They thought that Marcus would need a market for his wares so Callum looked for craft fairs. As it was November, there were hundreds of Christmas fairs, they were everywhere and they all had wood artists. Callum had no ideas about how to narrow the search, so he made lunch, wondering if there was some truth in Ben’s and Frankie’s jesting about him having limited useful skills.

+++

It took them a day and a half to realise that they were going to have to get on the road and visit some of the places they had found. Wanting to get going, Callum suggested starting in Essex and working outwards.

“He doesn’t have a car or much money, so he probably took a bus or a local train,” he reasoned.

“Let’s hope he didn’t hitch,” moaned Ben. “He could be fuckin’ anywhere if he hitched.”

Their first breakthrough came at a fair visited by Ben and Lexi in Suffolk. As it wasn’t a risky job, Ben decided to incorporate his work into a weekend away taking his daughter to a Christmas Fair. Lexi was very excited to be included and proved to be an impressive little investigator.

“Ooh look at these, daddy,” she gushed at a stall selling various forest creatures in wood. “Do you remember Lexi rabbit?” Ben flicked a glance at her, knowing that he had shown her pictures of the rabbits that Marcus carved, and none of them had been called Lexi rabbit. Lexi turned to the stallholder. “Daddy and me bought a rabbit from a wood carver in the summer. It’s really cute. He said it could be called Lexi, after me, and he carved the name in the bottom. He was really nice. He was called Marcus, do you know him?”

“I do as it happens, little lady,” the stallholder replied. “But he’s not here anymore. He moved to Norfolk.” He made it sound like the other side of the world rather than the next county.

“You and me are going to have words about lying, Lex,” muttered Ben as they walked away.

“Acting, Daddy, I was acting,” Lexi informed him. She was growing up fast and Ben saw his little girl fading as a new, more confident and independent girl emerged. Her attendance at a theatre school on Saturdays for the past year was having an undeniable impact, as today’s shenanigans had shown. It was her last year of primary school and the thought of her going to secondary school filled Ben with sick dread as he remembered his own time. He pulled her in for a squeeze and then held her hand as they continued their wander around the fair; he wondered if she would always let him hold her hand like this.

Frankie found two artists’ communes in Norfolk and offered to visit them both. She found Marcus at the second. He was entranced by Frankie and she with him and she ended up staying a couple of nights with him. She texted Callum:

_Marcus has a pure soul_

_I like him._

Callum hadn’t seen Frankie show any interest in her love life so was intrigued by this development.

 _Don’t forget to find out why he hasn’t been in touch with his parents_ he texted, wanting to make sure that her little romance didn’t mean that she forgot to finish the job.

_lost track of time_

_thought was only few weeks_

Callum read the explanation and shook his head, unable to comprehend how anybody could mistake eight months for a few weeks, at the same time as recognising that it seemed in character for Marcus. Another text came in from Frankie:

_driving him to see them tomorrow_

+++

Callum found himself staying at Ben’s most nights. Kathy made him feel like it was his home and Lexi was obviously delighted to have him around; Callum enjoyed being part of a family. Memories of his own family, of nasty tempers in a squalid flat, served as a stark contrast. Ben usually came to Callum’s after Lexi had gone to bed and then they went back to Ben’s in the early hours; it became their routine. Ben had now been upstairs in Callum’s house (“fuck, you weren’t kidding about the beige, babe”) but only for a snoop around. He had not stayed the night at Callum’s and Callum increasingly wanted to make this happen. He wanted Ben in his bed so that, even when he wasn’t there, Callum could smell him (Ben always smelt amazing) and imagine his sexy presence. He broached the idea with Ben who, he discovered, had concerns.

“I’m not sure what Lex would think. She knows that we sleep together, course she does, she’s ten goin’ on twenty all of a sudden. But, just ‘cause she thinks she’s all grown up, I don’t want her to think that I think she’s so grown up she can look after herself. An’ if I’m not around, then she might think that I think she can … what?” He stopped as Callum caught his hand.

“Too much thinking Ben. We could just talk to her. She can stay at my house as well if she wants.”

Lexi’s response made Callum laugh.

“You’re overthinking it Dad,” she said. “Why don’t you stay at Callum’s at the weekend? Nan can take me to Scene1 on Saturdays an’ I’ll come over to you for tea afterwards an’ stay maybe if you’re not going out, or I’ll go home and come over after breakfast on a Sunday. If I’m not busy. And if Nan’s away, I can stay at Callum’s with you.”

“What would you be busy doin’ on a Sunday?” quizzed Ben, expertly picking out the one detail he didn’t like. Lexi rolled her eyes and didn’t bother answering. Turning to Callum, she said,

“Can you put a bed in the top bedroom? Happiness is there.”

“Er, Lexi, PLEASE,” reminded Ben. “Can you put a bed in the top bedroom PLEASE.”

“I do love my room at Nan’s,” continued Lexi. Her room at Kathy’s was pink and purple, with fluff and sparkle everywhere. “It’s my room and Dad and Nan and me spent ages doing it. It’s special and I don’t ever want to change it.” She peered at Callum wondering if he understood. “But I’m thinking of turquoise with white furniture for my room at your house.” She smiled sweetly. “Please.”

“Lex!” reprimanded Ben feeling toe-curling embarrassment. “You’re not moving in. You just need a bed for staying over sometimes if Nanny’s away. Which is almost never.” He felt a little sad that his moniker ‘Daddy’ had disappeared.

+++

Callum had a long-held desire to find his mum and watching how Frankie and Ben were able to find Marcus made him think seriously about chasing his dream.

“I have a job where I’m going to be the client,” he announced one morning. Frankie and Ben gaped at him, surprised but also curious about where this was going. Callum went on to explain. “I want to find my mum.”

Ben was disturbed by Callum’s idea. He knew that Callum had created a fantasy figure in his mind where his mum had reached a point where she’d had to escape and his dad wouldn’t let her take the boys so she had to leave them; she’d wanted to find them over the years but she was still terrified. This did not stack up for Ben. He could believe that a mother in fear for her life would leave their child, having first-hand experience of this as Kathy had pretended she was dead for eight years to escape a violent husband. It had taken a long time for him to forgive his mum but she did return full of remorse as soon as she felt safe and they had made their peace. Callum’s mum had been gone for twenty-five years which was desertion taken to another level. His second-hand experience of maternal abandonment was from Lexi. Her mum, Lola, had been faced with a choice: move to New Zealand with her boyfriend who didn’t want Lexi to come with them or stay in London with Lexi and say goodbye to the boyfriend. She chose New Zealand but, nevertheless, she kept in touch with Lexi by weekly video chat and she never forgot her birthday or Christmas. Callum’s mum had not sent a single note. Ben felt it was very likely than when they tracked her down, she would want nothing to do with Callum and he wanted to spare Callum that pain.

“Have you thought about possible outcomes with your mum?” he called from the bathroom, carefully broaching the subject as they were getting washed and dressed. It was a Sunday, they were at Callum’s and Lexi was due to arrive soon.

“She’s dead. She’s trapped in another abusive relationship. She’s scared that she’s left it too long.” Callum had thought hard about possible outcomes. “I would want to know about all of those.” Ben had a few more possibilities: she’s unkind, she’s selfish, she’s weak, she’s inside for life. He didn’t voice them. There was no way he was going to spoil Sunday, his favourite day of the week, the day that he spent with Callum and Lexi as a little family.

It was also Callum’s favourite day of the week. He adored Lexi and wanted her to feel comfortable in his home. He knew she loved it from her visits throughout the summer; she was the one person who used every room, creating secret forests, mysterious towers and glittering palaces for her various plays. He was prepared to give her everything she wanted for the top bedroom but Ben stopped him.

“I’ll buy her a bed and some drawers and they can be white,” he conceded. “But that’s it. I don’t want her growin’ up thinkin’ she gets everything she asks for.” The truth was, and he was very disappointed in himself for his pettiness, he wanted Callum to allocate space for him, so that he felt like he lived here, before Lexi got her space. He knew half of the huge fitted wardrobe in Callum’s bedroom was empty but, so far, hadn’t felt like he could use it.

Callum intercepted Ben as he came out of the bathroom, dragging him back to the bedroom.

“I did something while you were in the bathroom,” he said, obviously excited and pleased with himself. “I hate that you live out of a bag while you’re here, so …” and he slid the wardrobe door open to show Ben’s things neatly stowed. “You know you can treat this place like your home, leave anything you like here.”

“Same,” sniffed Ben, feeling touched that he and Callum were thinking the same thoughts. “You can bring anything to mum’s. I haven’t got anything like this, though,” he said as he pointed at the wardrobe. “You can have a drawer.”

“I am nervous of finding my mum, Ben,” Callum returned to the previous topic. “I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for her not wantin’ anything to do with me. Then I see you with your mum and it is possible that it could be like that. But I don’t want her to know I’m looking so I want you to find her, tell me where she is and I’ll decide what to do next.””

Ben smiled encouragingly.

+++

It was easy to track down Callum’s dad and brother and, by Tuesday, Ben and Frankie were sitting in a greasy spoon on a grubby, grey road in the East End watching Jonno, Callum’s dad, and his brother, Stuart.

“Callum’s mum must be tall, dark and beautiful,” commented Frankie, unable to match the squat, ugly, pink men with Callum. Jonno was short, Stuart was a little taller and they clearly resembled each other.

Ben and Frankie were mainly signing and, disgust radiating from his face, Jonno looked across, looked back at Stuart and said,

“Freaks!”

Ben was straight out of his seat, with Frankie grabbing her bag and chasing after him.

“What did you say?” he demanded, fists clenched and patently ready to swing for the cretin.

“Fuck off, why don’t you?” snarled Stuart.

“Don’t think I will. Just asking why your dad here called me and my friend freaks.” He turned to Frankie. “I’m thinking it’s because he’s an ignorant twat, what do you think Frankie?” Frankie glared fiercely and signed,

“Ignorant twats.”

Jonno’s face twisted into a look of disgust, the pink changing to puce, and he started to stand. Ben slammed a hand against his chest and hissed,

“Sit down! We are here to talk to you.” He promptly sat down on the seat next to Jonno, trapping him against the wall. Frankie slid onto the seat next to Stuart and flung her arm against him.

“Don’t move,” she ordered. The Highway men were both held up.

“This is Frankie,” said Ben calmly. “She’s a good friend of Callum’s.” Both Stuart and Jonno jolted as Callum’s name was mentioned. Ben smirked at them. “Ah, I can see you remember him. I’m Ben. His boyfriend.” Jonno’s colour drained swiftly and Stuart froze. Frankie was horrified that Ben had outed Callum in this way; it wasn’t right. She had not seen this side of Ben, coiled, ready to take out both of these men, full of menacing and dangerous energy. Stuart and Jonno looked around in alarm to see who might have heard but tea was being slurped, chips were being scoffed and nobody was paying them any attention.

“Get away from me,” snapped Jonno. “A deaf poofter? My boy an’ a freak o’ nature like you? Nah!” His vitriol was too much for Ben who launched himself at the small man, but before he could make contact he was lifted away by a large woman who looked like she ate kittens for breakfast.

“Jonno, Stuart, out!” she commanded, dragging Ben towards the back of the café. As she reached the door, she turned round, looked directly at Frankie and jerked her head. Frankie rushed after her, following her up a narrow staircase to a storeroom. Ben was thrown roughly onto a large box, scrambled to sitting and Frankie scurried to sit next to him. The big woman heaved herself onto another box.

“Callum?” she questioned. Ben glared at her. Frankie adopted her bravest mood and glowered. The face-off continued for another minute before the woman spoke again, ignoring Ben and speaking to Frankie. “Apart from gettin’ wiv an aggressive idiot runt, what’s Callum doin’?” Ben bristled and Frankie put a hand on his arm.

“Deaf,” she signed, shrugging apologetically.

“You can work out what I’m sayin’ perfectly well, missy. I want you to tell me about Callum.”

“We’re not telling you anything,” said Ben determinedly. “He’s not here and I’m thinkin’ he wouldn’t want you to know.”

“That didn’t worry ya when ya told his dad ‘e’s battin’ for the other side.” Ben hung his head in shame. What had he been thinking of? And what was he going to say to Callum?

“We’re tryin’ to find his mum,” said Frankie, impulsively deciding to take the risk of trusting this woman. It seemed like she knew Callum so maybe she knew his mum. Ben shrank inside. Callum had been adamant that his mum mustn’t know he was looking for her; he’d made Ben promise to be discrete but Ben had forgotten to explain this to Frankie. Could he mess this up any more?

“Why?” asked the woman. “’s’e ill?” Ben saw the concern flash on and off. So she was bothered about Callum, he thought. The woman was equally observant. “Not ill, then,” she concluded from Ben’s face. “So, after all this time, he wants answers?” Ben and Frankie nodded. “You,” she pointed at Frankie, “go ‘ome.” She grabbed hold of Ben and marched him to the door. “You’re wiv me boyfriend Ben.”

Twenty minutes later, after a brisk frogmarch through grimy streets, Ben was shoved through the door of a flat on a tired and tatty estate and pushed along the narrow corridor into a living room, darkened by heavy curtains closed even though it was the middle of the day, in which sat three hard-looking women on large, winged, leather chairs of the sort you’d find in a gentleman’s club. One of them was unmistakably Callum’s mum, Jackie, as a strong, handsome face watched from the middle chair.

“Brenda,” greeted Jackie, naming the woman with Ben.

“Jackie.” Ben was not easily scared but the terse exchange unnerved him. The atmosphere was loaded with trouble. “This is Ben. Callum’s boyfriend.” The air stilled in the flat and Jackie’s eyes bore into him then narrowed as though she recognised something.

“Ben who?” she asked suspiciously.

“Ben Mitchell.” Ben figured a woman like this may have heard of the Mitchells and it might give her pause before she battered him. A wide smile crossed Jackie’s face.

“Phil Mitchell’s boy?” Ben nodded. Jackie and the other women broke into an uninhibited raucous cackle. “Fuck me,” chuckled Jackie. “You couldn’t make it up. Phil Mitchell’s boy is goin’ out with Jackie Highway’s boy.” The four women roared laughing. Ben was pushed into a chair and, while the women caught their breath, he surveyed the room, and nearly gasped aloud at what he saw leaning against Jackie’s chair. She uses a fucking shot gun, he thought, which meant she was not only dangerous but batshit crazy as well. He focused, all his senses on high alert.

“You work for yer dad, don’t ya Ben? I think I’ve ‘eard yer name around. D’ya think my Callum will come an’ work fer me? I set ‘im up with Aidan, many moons ago, but, well, he didn’t ‘ave the ‘eart for it. But it seems like ‘e’s grown up a bit, eh?” Her raised eyebrows told Ben that she expected him to answer.

“Nah he’s legit.”

“That so? But ‘e’s wiv you?”

“It’s just who he is. I’m who I am. He’s who he is.”

Ben willed himself to stay calm. He had no chance against these women if they kicked off so he was working on showing no fear and keeping the situation under control. He sat back in his chair, heaved out a bored sigh and crossed his legs, not taking his eyes of Jackie for a nanosecond. Jackie continued to watch him. She wasn’t tall like Callum, in fact she was the smallest woman in the room, but she had a dark, forbidding presence and was unmistakably in charge.

“Well, Ben,” said Jackie, abruptly sitting forward in her seat and fixing Ben with intimidating, dark blue eyes, exactly like Callum’s and completely different. “You’re a cool one, ain’t you?” Ben was actually terrified but was acutely relieved that he hadn’t revealed it. It wasn’t quite the meet-the-mother encounter of normal relationships but Ben still got the feeling that Jackie was sizing him up, wondering if he was good enough for her boy.

“I’m guessin’ Callum wants to know why I left ‘im with that deranged lunatic excuse of a father,” she paused, her face hardening and her voice lowering to a menacing snarl, “and the answer, Ben, is that, on my kindest, most magnanimous day, I am much, much more terrible than that piece of dirt could be on ‘is worst day.” She let her words sink in. “But you are NOT goin’ to tell Callum this, Ben. You are goin’ to tell ‘im I am dead. I’ll give you the proof. An’ Ben, you will make sure he doesn’t look for me, he never asks about me and neither of you will come down this way ever again. Nobody else round ‘ere will ever know ‘e exists.” Ben nodded mutely. “If you let me down Ben, I WILL come for you.”


	8. Betrayal

“How fuckin’ dare you, Ben? How fuckin’ dare you?” Callum was incandescent with rage. His head was pounding and there was flashing behind his eyes. He couldn’t believe what Ben had done. It was a massive betrayal.

“I know, I know,” pleaded Ben, “it was wrong …”

“That didn’t stop you though, did it Ben? In fact, if something is wrong, then you REALLY want to do it. You can’t help yourself.” Callum banged the wall angrily with both fists and several of the photo tiles fell down. Callum looked down and saw the photo of him and Ben. Picking it up, he waved it millimetres away from Ben’s nose, causing him to flinch. “Who the fuck is this?” Callum shouted, jabbing at Ben in the photo. “This person,” he said in a low, furious voice, “this person is a fraud, a con artist, a liar.” He threw the picture across the room and sank into a chair. “Get out,” he said miserably.

“There’s somethin’ else I need to tell you first,” begged Ben.

“I don’t want to hear another word from you. And leave your key.” Callum had his head sunk in his hands. He heard Ben walk to the door, pause for a moment as though he was hoping for a second chance and then walk away. As he heard the front door shut, he let the heavy tears fall.

He spent the next three days in bed, feeling lonelier than ever, unable to sleep and unable to get up. It was supposed to have been different with Ben. He’d felt it. It had been different, so real and beautiful … so fucking fake like an Instagram post, he thought, crushed by the duplicity.

On the fourth day, he hauled himself into the office and discovered Frankie had kept on top of the work but he couldn’t concentrate and abandoned his attempts to catch up.

On the fifth day, Frankie came round.

“He’s really sorry, Callum.” Callum sent her away not wanting to hear about Ben.

On the sixth day, it was Sunday. Callum walked around his garden, trying to absorb the peacefulness of its winter slumber. He sat on his grandad’s bench and wept for his broken heart. Sunday was family day: him, Ben and Lexi. It was the most precious gift anybody had ever given him and it was treacherous Ben who had been giving so of course it had been a temporary loan. The anxiety attack piled in like a freight train and Callum fell off the bench and clutched his chest, willing himself to breathe slowly.

On the seventh day, a photo came through the door with a message on the back:

_Please, I need to talk to you._

The photo was of a beach, their beach, and Callum realised Ben must have driven down there to get this photo, a three hundred mile round trip. He thought back to their moment on the beach with their declarations of love and remembered that he had memorised Ben’s declaration and written it down. Running upstairs, he sifted through his bedside table to find the scrap of paper.

_I love you Callum. I want to be with you for all time. I’m a fuck up and I will test your patience but, whenever I do, please remember this moment on this beach and stick with me, ‘cause whatever mess I’m creating, I love you._

He reread the words over and over. Remember this moment on this beach and stick with me. Stick with me. Getting out his phone, he texted:

_Ok_

Ben arrived less than three minutes later, out of breath.

“You really do need to get more exercise, Ben,” Callum chided, looking at the heaving figure on his doorstep. He turned sharply and headed for the dining room. No big sofa today. Ben followed him meekly and sat down, putting the photo tile on the table.

“Sorry I took it. I didn’t want you to throw it away.” Ben was plainly distressed and working hard to keep the tears at bay. “An’ I needed it. Because I wanted to put it where I could see it as a reminder that this …” he pointed at himself in the photo, “this is me.” He then ran his fingers in a heart surrounding him and Callum. “This is who I want to be, Callum.”

Callum put the photo of the beach and the declaration on the table. Ben read it and looked up at Callum.

“I know I’ve created a big mess, Callum. An’ I’m about to make it bigger.” He handed over the fake death certificate. Callum looked at it and tried to make sense of the information. Ben felt like he’d taken a sledgehammer to Callum’s wall of hope. He reminded himself that he had to do this. There was no doubt in his mind that Jackie would follow through on her threat. But lying to Callum? There was no way back from that. He was caught between two unacceptable choices.

“She’s dead,” Callum whispered.

Ben looked at the photos and the declaration on the table.

“No, she’s fuckin’ not,” he said and told Callum exactly what had happened.

+++

The plan was that Callum would stop looking for his mum because, as far as he was supposed to know, she was dead. If he looked for her again, she would come for Ben, so he had to go along with the plan. But it was easier said than done. He couldn’t help wondering what awful business she was involved in. The news that she had been behind his recruitment to Aidan McGuire’s mob hit him hard. It had been a test, he could see that, to find out if he had what it took to be Jackie’s successor. She wanted him by her side but he was not going to take comfort from that. She was a villain and she had left him to die just as much as Aidan had. She had said she was worse than Jonno and Ben was certain this was not an exaggeration. Callum believed him. He had already turned his back on his dad, so why would he want anything to do with her?

Ben knew of Aidan and was surprised that Callum had been left alone; it was unusual. The rest of the mob were currently inside but he knew that prison fingers definitely reach outside. Maybe Jackie was also responsible for Callum’s protection, Ben wondered. He remembered her words: nobody should know Callum exists. Including Aidan?

“Which one is your gunshot scar?” Ben asked, as he was gently kissing the many scars on Callum’s legs. The urge for physical comfort had been uncontrollable today so they had ended up in bed but Ben could feel that their usual tempestuous and passionate love-making was not what Callum needed; something more tender was required.

“Those are shrapnel, from that IED when the kid died. This is the gunshot,” Callum said, pointing at a messy scar in his groin. Ben examined it.

“It doesn’t look like a gunshot wound,” he commented.

“Not all of us are lucky enough to get taken straight to hospital,” said Callum, oblivious to the irony that they had both been unlucky enough to have had the rare experience of being shot. “I lay there for three days. I lost over two litres of blood. They left me to die.”

“What are these ones?” asked Ben, gently running his fingers along some thin silvery scars at the top of Callum’s legs. Callum was silent for a moment.

“I did those,” he said quietly. Oh god, thought Ben, his heart hurting for his poor broken man. Ben kissed the scars softly, each one.

“It’s what you always say, Callum, it’s part of who you are, a reminder of everything you have got through, a reminder to be the person you want to be.”

“Yeah,” mumbled Callum, feeling highly emotional. He reached down and pulled Ben up as all he wanted was a simple hug. His anxiety level was sky high and he knew any moment he was going to break down in tears. Ben sensed it and wrapped himself around Callum holding him as closely and tightly as he could as Callum wept.

“We need to have some healing time you and me so let’s stay here tonight,” Ben said. “If that’s okay for me to stay?” Callum nodded. He was glad that Ben hadn’t just assumed they would go back to their usual routine.

“Your mum and Lexi will be ok with that?”

“Mum and Lexi would happily not see me for a month if it meant me making up with you.” Ben looked at him. “They want you around for Christmas.”

That got Callum’s attention. Last year, he had been at Simon’s parents which had been utterly unbearable. Four years ago, he had been with Whitney which had been even more awful as he had decided on Christmas Eve as the best time for telling her he was gay. Around those two experiences, he had gone through more than a decade of Christmases on his own, reinforcing his loneliness annually; his childhood Christmases were distressing and had been banished from his memory. Almost.

“Christmas?” he murmured.

“Yeah, you know, winter festival, happens every year, twinkling lights and trees, excessive drinking and eating, exchanging thoughtful gifts and all that.” As Ben burbled, he had a growing awareness that this may not have been Callum’s experience of Christmas. “Callum, be with me, mum and Lexi this Christmas. Please.”

“I’d love that,” said Callum and he meant it. “But let’s see, yeah? I … I’m just sad and I don’t want to spoil anything.”

Over the next few days, Callum and Ben spent every moment with each other not once leaving the protective cocoon of the house. Frankie told them she would do all the surveillance for the rest of the week if they did all the online searches.

“One week,” she said firmly. “You know you’re going to make up, so get on with it. Then we get back to normal.”

“She’s definitely never had her heart broken,” remarked Ben to Callum.

They spent hours sharing horror stories of childhood trauma and discussed how the past would inevitably come calling but agreed that they didn’t have to answer. What more was there to learn? They would take their lessons and focus on laying strong foundations and building their life together. Hopeful plans to pursue happiness were made and they started to feel like there was a way forward. Callum knew, however, that Ben’s guilt was making him try too hard to be whatever Callum wanted and, as he was feeling stronger, he decided to raise it.

“You’ve got to get back to being yourself Ben. I miss you. I miss your stupid comments and all your fuck ups. We’re not going to be alright if you’re not you.”

Ben was acutely deflated as he’d thought they’d been doing well. He was beyond sorry for outing Callum but had been hoping that Callum would forgive him. The talking had nourished him in a way that was unexpected and revelatory and he wholeheartedly meant everything he’d promised. He wanted Callum to believe in him. Callum saw his face fall and tried to explain.

“Outing me to my dad and Stu was not unforgivable like you think Ben. It was a terrible thing to do but I know you’re sorry and I love you so let it be a bit of the past we’re carrying that we put down. Please Ben.”

“You want me to get blind drunk and pick up a random?” asked Ben.

“What? No.” Callum looked at him, confused.

“It’s what I usually do when I’ve fucked up. But okay, I could just have a few beers and do you.”

Sexy Ben was back, chewing his lip, his blue eyes teasing and seductive. Callum felt like the last threads of the straps that had been holding him down instantly snapped and he locked eyes with Ben, grabbed his hands and ran upstairs, pulling him along, keeping him on his toes as he knew Ben would struggle to keep up, and, as they arrived in the bedroom, he pushed him back on the bed. The release of tension was electrifying and, as Callum sank down on Ben, he breathed into their kiss, Ben kissing him back hard, setting off a chain reaction of mini explosions in his head. Ben was exhilarated by Callum’s desire. His skin was on fire and his head was spinning. They kissed like they were never going to stop and, as they pulled apart, almost passed out with breathlessness, they ripped at each other’s clothes, desperate to be skin on skin. All the worries and fears were shown the door, and they immersed themselves fully in each other.

Later, they lay face-to-face, eyes tethered, silently saying how much they loved each other. They stared and stared, hands rested on each other’s bodies, making sure there was no doubt.

“This is amazing, Ben,” said Callum eventually. He wondered how two people who’d been through such trauma could still find the hope to create something so wonderful.

“It is,” agreed Ben, moving in to settle himself against Callum ready for sleep. Callum breathed deeply, feeling the weight and warmth of Ben close to him, and fell asleep.

+++

The next day was Sunday. Callum woke to see Ben already awake and was shocked to see it was after nine. He always woke before seven.

“I’ve never seen you sleep like that,” said Ben. “You’ve even missed the daily torture.” He was referring to Callum’s exercise regime which they had been doing together over the past week. Ben was glad that Callum wanted him to be himself because the first thing that was going was the morning workout.

“We could do it now,” said Callum, getting hold of Ben’s waist and pulling him in for a tender kiss.

“Below the belt, squeezing my love handles,” complained Ben. “Although technically above. Anyway, I have an alternative suggestion. What do you think about having Lexi and mum over today? We could get to the supermarket early doors and get stuff for a roast dinner.” His eyes revealed his hopefulness in making this suggestion. “Sundays with you, me and Lex, well, I love it. An’ we should say thank you to mum for havin’ Lexi all week.” Callum heard Ben talk about them like they were a family, not to please Callum, but because it was how Ben was thinking. It was everything.

“I would love that,” he replied. “I’ll do the shopping. You can clean the house up a bit.”

Ben opened the door a little later to his mum and daughter and Lexi immediately wrapped her arms round her dad. Kathy stood behind, watching Callum watch Ben. Callum always seemed so calm but she knew Ben had done something seriously wrong and she was hoping that they had worked things out. Lexi then threw herself at Callum, giving him an even bigger hug.

“Er, that looks like you missed Callum more than me,” frowned Ben, privately loving that his daughter had missed his boyfriend. He pulled his mum in for a hug. “We’re okay mum. I am so lucky to have ‘im,” he whispered in her ear.

“Yes but you’re good together Ben. You deserve this happiness,” she whispered back. Callum watched Ben and Kathy hold on to each other and have their whispered conversation, and the grief for his lost mother surfaced. Ben caught sight of Callum’s stricken face and panicked, thinking he may have rushed him into this family reunion. Kathy also saw Callum’s tension and straightaway went to hug him.

“Oh, Callum love,” she said quietly, making sure Ben couldn’t hear. “I know he can be a challenge but Ben loves you. Thank you for sticking with him.”

“Me and Ben, we’re okay. I’m lucky to have him,” said Callum, speaking softly and willing himself not to burst into tears at the warmth of the hug. Kathy pulled back so that she could hold his face. “You’ve got me too, Callum,” she said and hugged him again.

Kathy had not seen Callum’s house beyond the front hallway and was keen to have the tour offered by Lexi. Ben and Callum followed behind, amused to hear Lexi talk about the décor and discuss the artwork. In the small room by the kitchen, she informed Kathy that Frankie was going to take some photos of her to make into tiles.

“Lex, this is Callum’s house. It’s up to him what photos he has up,” warned Ben. Lexi looked expectantly at Callum.

“An’ I want photos of you, darlin’,” Callum assured her. She cocked her head at her dad, a little message that he should keep out of it.

The tour continued and Kathy was taken aback by how big the house was. The downstairs was used well, especially as the large reception room on the side was used for the business, but there were five bedrooms and three bathrooms upstairs and Callum and Ben were only using one of each. Lexi proudly mounted the staircase to the second floor describing it as ‘her’ floor. She pointed out her room explaining how she was going to have it, discussed her plans for her bathroom and then showed off the bedroom next door as being a space for hanging out with friends. Ben was frowning and about to stop her but Callum put a hand on his arm.

“You and me Ben, we want a future together and it will include Lexi. It’s early days, I know, but go with the flow.”

Callum explained to Kathy that it had been his grandad’s house so even though it was way too big for one person, he liked living in it.

“Was he your mum’s dad or your dad’s dad?” she asked innocently. Callum froze.

“Mum’s dad,” he said, summoning his calm reserves, although not quite successfully enough as Kathy instantly recognised not to ask any more questions.

Ben had never thought to ask this question and now he wondered why Jackie hadn’t claimed this house. It would be worth well over a million pounds and she was living in a small flat on a rundown estate. And even if the grandad had bypassed her, why hadn’t Callum had to share the house with Stuart? He was trying hard to put the Highways out of his head but knowing they were out there was disquieting.

The day was a perfect family Sunday. Callum cooked a roast dinner which left everybody feeling like they’d eaten too much. Kathy and Callum discussed music and played some of the old vinyls while Ben and Lexi cleared up, and then they all sat down to vegetate in front of a movie, Kathy curled up in the wide armchair and Lexi established herself next to Callum as he and Ben lounged together on the big sofa. She was so similar to Ben, thought Callum, as he felt her small head lean against his chest ready for her hair to be stroked.

+++

Frankie met them in the office on Monday morning and didn’t even bother to ask how they were. As far as she was concerned, they were all back at work and Callum and Ben could start pulling their weight. The enquiries were different this week, with no cheating spouses.

“Maybe people don’t want to rock the boat just before Christmas?” suggested Ben. It sounded like a good theory, especially as they had three enquiries about looking for lost loved ones.

“Get them back in time for Christmas,” he said.

Callum knew from his training that Marcus had been unusual - most people left a sizeable digital footprint. Both Ben and Frankie were adept at using computer technology to investigate so Callum tasked them to do these three missing people, while he followed up the last enquiry.

This case was from Mick Carter, the landlord of the Queen Victoria pub, so Callum rang him.

“Ah, I was hopin’ to hear from you Callum. You got time this mornin’? Come round the back, there’s a red door, ring the doorbell and I’ll come down for you.”

The flat above the pub was huge. Callum was almost tempted to run back outside and see if it looked like it was possible for it to be this large. He was taken into the living room which had high ceilings and large windows, an enormous velvet sofa that was even bigger than Callum’s big sofa, and at least a hundred black and white photos on white mounts in black frames of the Carter family, all pinned on one wall. There were other bits of furniture and décor but the sofa and the photo wall dominated.

Mick shut the door and Callum gleaned that this job was not to be shared with Mick’s wife, Linda.

“You didn’t need to complete an enquiry form, Mick,” started Callum, “You should have just talked me. I’m in your pub enough.” He smiled trying to set Mick at ease noticing that he was nervously watching the door and jigging his leg.

“Callum, me old mate,” said Mick. “You’re runnin’ a business and I need your services. I wanted to do it properly.” Callum nodded.

“I appreciate it. So, it was something about a missing puppy.” Mick’s enquiry form had been very confusing about the details. Mick shot a look at the door and turned back to Callum.

“Keep it down mate. My L doesn’t know.” He settled back on the sofa and began to explain. “Yeah, well, I wanted it to be a surprise for Christmas, so, it was at the end of August, I went to see these puppies, gorgeous little dachshunds, hit it off with one of ‘em, paid me money an’ was told that he would be ready to pick up mid-October. Me muvver was gonna keep the little fella, toilet train him an’ what have you until Christmas Day when it was gonna be a surprise. I ‘ad it all planned. Anyway, I wanted to see how the little fella was coming along so I texted to ask for a picture. Got no reply so I texted again and I called, and still no reply. So I drive down to the place and there’s nobody there. All cleared out. I reported it to the police and the RSPCA. That was ten weeks ago and nothin’. Thing is, Callum, I’m worried about him.”

“The police and the RSPCA will investigate for free,” Callum pointed out, also feeling certain that Mick would never find his dog.

“Yeah, I know,” said Mick miserably, “but he got under me skin that little fella, he was gonna be part of me family, an’ I can’t stand it. I wanna know what happened to ‘im.”

After Callum collected a few more details, he got up to leave and Mick offered to walk out with him. As they were heading down the stairs, Mick said,

“Johnny tells me you dumped ‘is mate George wivout even sendin’ ‘im a message. Story goes he turned up at your gaff one day and there was some other bloke comin’ out.” Callum blushed, embarrassed to have been caught out behaving badly, and Mick laughed at him. “Don’t hang yer ‘ead Callum. It’s just I haven’t seen you in ‘ere in a while.”

“D’ya remember my friend Ben?” asked Callum.

“Yeah, Ben Mitchell,” said Mick, having an idea where Callum’s explanation was heading.

“You know him?” Callum was surprised.

“He was at school with my eldest, Lee. He was … well, let’s say, his childhood weren’t a walk in the park.” Simon, George and Ben were three completely different characters and Mick was wondering if Callum was just searching around for a good match not knowing what kind of bloke he wanted.

“It’s true, it wasn’t. And neither was mine. So maybe we get each other when other people don’t.” Callum knew he was being a little confrontational but how could anybody move on if others kept pulling them back?

“Callum, I’m not judgin’,” soothed Mick. “As a kid, it was the same for me. Ben’s got a good heart, I’ve always thought it, but his dad is a nasty piece of work. I’m just lookin’ out for you, mate. So you two are together like boyfriends? Not just messin’ about?”

“We are. It’s amazing Mick.” Mick looked at Callum’s glowing face. So he’s found his match in Ben, he thought.

+++

Frankie and Ben found their lost loved ones before the end of the week, and with all of them, it turned out they didn’t want to be found and were angry about what they saw as an invasion of their privacy. It was CHPI policy that they told missing people who was looking for them; it was always possible that the enquiry had been raised malevolently.

“Do you think it’s an invasion of privacy with the butters?” wondered Callum. “I’m sure they don’t want to be caught playing away.”

“It’s an ethical problem,” said Frankie. Ben’s opinion was that if somebody didn’t want to be found, they had the right to stay hidden but cheaters were wrongdoers so deserved everything that came to them. It was a very black and white distinction for somebody as morally ambiguous as Ben. Callum had learned something of ethics on his training course and had been confused by the way contracts were written to address these concerns. He had been using the contracts suggested by his trainers but now realised that he needed to unpick them and make sure he knew exactly what they said.

“I’ll rewrite the contract for future jobs,” he said. “We just need to be really clear that we won’t take the job unless they agree to our condition that we will respect the right of the lost person to stay lost. Better words than that, obviously.”

“What about these jobs?” asked Ben. “Will they pay us?”

“We expect the payment because we’ve done the work. But we stand firm on our principle of respecting the right of somebody to stay lost. If they don’t pay, we’ll write it off this time.” The opportunity for mischief was too tempting. “But I’ll have to take the loss out of your wages.” Callum watched, amused at the two mutinous faces in front of him.

“That’s a shame,” said Ben vindictively. “I might not be able to afford to buy my boyfriend a Christmas present.” Frankie snorted. Callum wasn’t worried.

Before this year, Callum had never in his life chosen a present to give to someone at Christmas. Simon had taken charge of it all last year, buying all the presents for his family from Callum and even pointing out the shirt he wanted as a gift from Callum. Whitney had been even worse and had bought her present from Callum herself. It seemed that all that Callum had to do was pay or organise a bank transfer. During his childhood, there had been no presents ever. Christmas Day was spent dodging his dad’s drunken outbursts. At primary school, there were always card-making activities at Christmas, but Callum’s efforts were always dumped unceremoniously in the bin. Card-making was for girls apparently. In the end, he didn’t even bother handing them over.

But this year, he had four people to buy a present for: Ben, Lexi, Kathy and Frankie. He had enjoyed the process immensely and his gifts were wrapped and ready. He and Ben had been to a Christmas market and bought lots of food and drink treats to take to Kathy’s. There were under two weeks to go and Callum was as excited as Lexi.

+++

Social media was a treasure trove. Ben’s forte was the illegal skill of breaking passwords and sifting through personal files. Thankfully, that hadn’t been needed since the Danny Hardcastle job. Frankie’s was gathering information from social media and Ben very quickly became as skilled as she was from watching her. They quickly found almost one hundred other victims of the puppy scam.

Callum’s skill was putting people at ease when he was questioning them so he set about interviewing the victims. They were from all over the country so he chatted to them on the phone. All of them had reported their loss to the police or the RSPCA or both but investigations seemed to have stalled. Collating the information, Callum discovered that there were four sites where the breeders had based themselves. These were in Cheshire, Oxfordshire, Hertfordshire and Yorkshire.

“Road trip!” exclaimed Ben excitedly.

“All of us,” said Callum, thinking through the logistics and realising that questioning neighbours could be done quicker with all of them. “If you’re free Frankie?” Frankie loved investigating out of the office. She’d been on several jobs with Ben and some with Callum and had wanted an opportunity to arise for the three of them to work as a full team.

“Yes!” she said emphatically. Callum had pulled up a map on the large screen.

“Mick isn’t paying enough for a road trip but some of the other victims wanted to donate so let’s do the place near Cheshunt first thing tomorrow, drive to Banbury and do that in the afternoon. Stay one night there, drive to … what was the place in Cheshire? Anyway, do that one and then drive to Huddersfield. Stay one night there, do that place in the morning and head home. That way it’s only two nights, we can take one car and we can afford it.”

“We’ve all got two seaters,” Frankie pointed out.

“Mine’s four,” said Ben sniffily. “But, yeah, okay, the back seat wouldn’t be that comfortable even for a short arse like you.”

“Pot, kettle, black,” retorted Frankie.

“I’m not short,” protested Ben. “I suffer from an unfortunate comparison to my tall boyfriend. But back to the car problem, I’ll see if I can borrow mum’s jalopy. She hardly uses it.”

Kathy’s jalopy turned out to be an old but comfortable SUV and she happily added them all to her insurance for three days. The drive was a lot of fun with the music turned up and Callum and Ben singing loudly. Frankie didn’t bother with music much but she enjoyed feeling the vibrations in the car and she loved the energy coming from the men. She loved this crazy pair, with their hearts on their sleeves, pain, joy, confusion, clarity all jostling for space, their love for each other shining, a bright unbreakable connection. They were so alive.

They visited all of the addresses and talked to neighbours. Everybody they spoke to was very keen to help; maybe it was Christmas cheer. Even though all of the houses that the scammers had used were set apart in large plots, the neighbours had been aware that there had been puppies and could describe the scammers and the vehicle they drove. They caught a break at the place near Knutsford when one of the neighbours had a photograph with the scammers’ car in the background, the registration plate clearly visible. Working for the first time with both Ben and Frankie, Callum was impressed with how observant they both were. They noticed many details he missed. Frankie was perceptive of people as well, picking up when they might have more to offer and asking useful questions. Some people would instantly look at Callum or Ben when Frankie spoke, as though they wanted a translation, and Callum noticed that this annoyed Frankie and he learned from Ben how to ignore these people’s looks, ensuring Frankie continued her own conversation. More people were fascinated by the mixture of signs and speech that the three of them used but Callum saw that Ben and Frankie didn’t want to be objects of curiosity. He had not given too much thought to their deafness as he was around it all the time and it was as everyday as hearing but the trip heightened his awareness of some of the issues they faced, Frankie particularly but Ben as well.

Their final stop was outside Huddersfield. Callum had booked rooms in a pub just down the road from the address they need to investigate. There was a restaurant there as well which was handy even though there was only Christmas dinner on the menu. But most useful of all was one of the waiting staff who was also deaf. Noticing their signed conversation, she got talking to Frankie about the local deaf community. When Frankie explained about the puppy breeders, the woman was able to give her a name and a photo as she’d had a fling with one of them. It was a stroke of luck.

“We can’t rely on getting lucky for every case,” worried Callum.

“Maybe it’s not luck,” suggested Ben. “There’s more chance of uncovering something the more people we talk to. That’s what we’ve done - talked to lots of people. Have you noticed how different people talk to each of us? The landlord talks to you, the waiting staff talk to Frankie, the punters talk to me. We cover all bases. You put together the dream team, Callum Highway.”

Sitting in the bar after dinner, they decided that they already had enough information to hand over to the authorities but they would still visit the house up the road in the morning to check that these were the same people as at the other addresses, just to be certain. There was the satisfying sense of having reached the end of a job and they clinked drinks to celebrate their team. As the restaurant closed, Frankie headed out to a club with her new friend, leaving Callum and Ben to head to bed.

In their room, Ben and Callum lay as usual facing each other. They talked about their life with its rising successes of relationships, home and business, both having to pinch themselves that they had reached such a positive point starting from such adverse beginnings.

“I might have said it before but I fuckin’ love you, Ben Mitchell.” Callum reached and stroked Ben’s hair.

“Once or twice … or a hundred times,” teased Ben.

“Too much?” laughed Callum. Ben’s face became serious.

“Every time you say it, it fixes one of those broken bits of me,” he said so softly Callum could hardly hear. “An’ I hope I’m doing the same for you.” Callum stroked his hair again.

“Well you might be if you actually said the words,” he said, giggling as Ben’s eyes widened in mock outrage.

“Actions speak louder. So, Callum Highway, listen up.”


	9. Trapped

Ben stared at the message on his phone, his good mood instantly squashed flat. It was from his dad. Phil hadn’t spoken to him since the loan sharking impasse and Ben had assumed that his dad had found others to do his dirty work and had been hoping that he had let him go.

“My dad wants me and Lex to go over for Christmas dinner,” he said to Callum. “It’s gonna be just him and Sharon otherwise.” Callum said nothing – he didn’t want to get in between Phil and Ben - but his heart plummeted at the thought that the much longed-for Christmas Day at Kathy’s might be hijacked. Ben was busy texting at top speed.

“What’re you saying to him?” asked Callum tentatively.

“Nothin’,” said Ben. “I’m texting mum. She’s got a friend comin’ over on Boxing Day,” he looked up at Callum, his eyes twinkling. “I’m gettin’ the idea it’s a MAN friend. So, I’m seein’ if she wants us there ‘cause I’m thinkin’ she might not. If she doesn’t, I’ll tell my dad that you, me and Lex will go over on Boxing Day for dinner.”

“He didn’t invite me,” Callum pointed out. Ben was still deep in text conversation with his mum and didn’t look up as he said,

“Not goin’ without you.”

A few minutes later, Ben had finished the flurry of messages and looked up at Callum, currently with his back to Ben as he cleared away the breakfast things. He could see the tension in Callum’s back and sidled over to him, wrapping his arms around him from behind.

“You worried about goin’ to dad’s?” he asked, burying his face into Callum’s jumper.

“Yeah, I guess,” confirmed Callum, “but it’s also that I have nowhere to take you, no-one to share with you, to say ‘this is my boyfriend’. Makes me sad.” He turned round to join Ben in the hug. “But only for a moment when the past calls.”

“Don’t answer. It’s got nothin’ new to say,” completed Ben, using their shared mantra.

+++

Ben had bought the four of them Christmas onesies to wear on Christmas Eve. Kathy, Ben and Lexi looked cute in theirs but Callum, with his tall, strong figure, looked ridiculous and had to endure the other three giggling unstoppably when he arrived downstairs wearing it. It wasn’t a hardship as he could feel the love and affection for him in this house. Ben had set up a Santa tracking program on his laptop, there were Christmas songs ringing out from the speaker, Kathy was decorating the Christmas cake with Lexi and, when Ben pulled him under the mistletoe for a quick snog, Callum reflected that all his Christmases really had come at once.

“Seriously cute as an elf, babe,” murmured Ben, mid-snog, his body starting to shake as the laughter bubbled out of him. Callum pushed him down on the sofa, glancing towards the kitchen to check that Kathy and Lexi weren’t watching.

“I’m a very naughty elf,” he warned, kissing Ben deeply then jumping off as he started to become aroused. This was not the time or the place.

“Later,” whispered Ben, breathless from the kiss, pulling Callum back towards him, “you can show me just how bad you are, naughty elf.” The stupidity of the conversation tickled them both and they collapsed into fits of giggles, arms and legs wrapped around each other. Kathy looked in from the kitchen, drinking in some of their happiness. In her opinion, she had not met any couple in her lifetime who were as good together as Ben and Callum.

Lexi wandered in to look at the Santa tracker.

“I know he’s not real,” she announced, adopting her best disdainful face. Ben was crushed. He’d thought he had managed to perpetuate the myth for one more year.

“How do you know for certain?” he challenged. Lexi rolled her long-suffering eyes.

“We did that Christmas box, d’ya remember, for children who don’t get any Christmas presents? Why would Santa bring me everything on my list and not bring anything to some other kids?”

“Maybe they forgot to send him their list?” offered Ben weakly.

“No Dad, give it up,” she ruled. Despite this, she still wanted to go to bed on time and wake up on Christmas morning to find her presents downstairs.

Callum had experienced this ritual of opening piles of presents the previous year. Simon’s sisters’ children had had masses of gifts, and Callum was interested to see that Lexi’s heap was much more modest but she seemed to be twice as grateful. Opening her present from Callum, her eyes glittered with gratitude. It was a jewellery box covered in a turquoise fabric intricately decorated with beads.

“Oh, it’s beautiful,” she gasped, turning it round in her hands to examine all the details. “It’s like Happiness.” Callum beamed at her, delighted that she had picked up on what had drawn him to it.

“There’s something else inside,” he said, and was rewarded by Lexi’s disbelieving excitement as she opened the box dramatically and pulled out a silver necklace with a tiny dog hanging from it.

“You remembered,” she squealed, jumping up to give him a big hug.

“Remembered what?” asked Ben. He was a little jealous of the success of Callum’s gifting although also impressed by Callum’s insight, his ability to garner a broad understanding of people, then to remember important little details and make them feel understood. Kathy had been thrilled with her scarf, proclaiming that it was her favourite colour and holding it to her face in evident appreciation of its softness. Ben turned the leather bracelet on his wrist, his gift from Callum, running his finger over the engraved clasp displaying in tiny letters _for all time,_ his breath catching as a wave of emotion swept over him. Simple gifts, expertly chosen.

“I said I wanted a dog for Christmas but that I knew you and Nan would say no, so Callum said he would get me a dog for Christmas. I thought he was teasing me ‘cause there was no way he was getting me a dog. But he has, he’s got me a dog.” Lexi plonked herself on Callum’s knees so that he could fasten the necklace for her.

“What did Dad get for you Callum?” she asked, scanning Callum’s gifts and spotting it immediately. It was a photo tile of Ben, Callum and Lexi. “He gave you me,” she giggled.

“That can only ever come from you, Lexi,” said Callum. “He gave me us.”

+++

The following morning, Kathy’s friend Mike arrived before Ben, Callum and Lexi left for Phil’s. Kathy wanted them to meet her new friend but was secretly relieved that it was to be brief. She was just getting to know Mike and Lexi’s questions might have been overwhelming for him. He was ten years older than her, but very fit and well, divorced with two grown up children and five grandchildren, a little younger and a little older than Lexi. They had met on the holiday in France as Mike owned the house that Kathy, Ben and Lexi stayed in. Truthfully, they had started the flirting when Kathy made the booking enquiry and had got to know each other a bit before meeting in person and embarking on a romantic dalliance. Since the holiday, they had kept in touch, recognising that they each saw something in the other that filled a hole in their lives and deciding that they needed to see each other again. Mike didn’t have a home in England and was staying with his daughter for a few weeks so it had been tricky for him and Kathy to find the space to invest in their blossoming relationship, but they had managed and they were both certain that they wanted this to go further. Kathy had already booked a two week trip to France in January. Lexi, reluctant to go to her grandad’s and much more interested in this prospective new grandad, started to interrogate Mike so Callum and Ben popped her in the back of the car and set off.

There was an enormous tree in the hallway at Phil’s and, as they walked in, Ben noticed Callum and Lexi walk round it with their mouths open before they looked at each other and Callum nodded as Lexi mouthed ‘amazing’. It was a strengthening moment as it occurred to him that Lexi had extra support in Callum; she might need it in this madhouse.

Sharon looked a lot better than the first time Callum met her. Her hair was softly waved around an expertly made-up face and her velvet dress clung attractively to her curvy figure. She was warm, friendly and clearly grateful that they had come. This family dinner was obviously extremely important to her. Callum empathised with her, appreciating that this was the first Christmas without her son, Denny, and made sure he was attentive. Sharon couldn’t remember having met Callum - she was amazed that she could have forgotten anybody this handsome - but it was Callum’s generosity and kindness that struck her most. She loved Ben and it warmed her heart to think that he had this lovely man in his life.

“The table looks stunning, Sharon,” Callum complimented, confused to see her appear distressed. He put a bolstering arm around her. “You must ‘ave spent hours on it.” Sharon brushed off the compliment, insisting that it had been a straightforward task, but was privately elated that her efforts had been recognised. Lexi responded to Callum’s treatment of Sharon by copying him and showering Sharon with attention. When she slipped into the seat next to Sharon at the dinner table, whispering “I’ll sit next to you”, Sharon had to fight back the tears. 

Phil and Sharon had bought lavish gifts for Lexi and Ben, including designer clothes, expensive jewellery and perfume. Callum now understood why Ben always smelt so good - he had a year’s supply here. He had never seen Ben or Lexi in designer clothes or expensive jewellery, though, so wondered what Ben did with them if this was what happened every year.

“I’m sorry there’s no present for you, Callum,” apologised Sharon, looking around the room as though she might pick out one of the flashy ornaments and give it to him.

“We didn’t know he was coming ‘til two days ago,” barked Phil.

“It’s true,” Callum agreed easily, looking coolly at Phil. “I’m sorry I haven’t brought anything either, Sharon, but, Phil’s right, it was a bit last minute.” Phil looked back at him expressionless but Callum sensed Ben and Sharon become instantly alert as the mood subtly shifted.

“Phil tells me you’re a private investigator, Callum,” said Sharon, wanting to get onto a safe subject. “Is your business doing well?”

“Yes, really well. Ben and I have an associate Frankie who we work with. We’re a great team,” said Callum proudly.

“Ben works with you?” Sharon was confused and looked round at Phil who was glowering at Ben. Ben had his eyes closed, head facing the ceiling, and Callum realised he had said the wrong thing. Without warning, Phil stood up, walked up to Ben, grabbed his arm and marched him out of the room. Lexi pressed herself into Callum’s side and, feeling her uncertainty, he squeezed her hand and smiled at her reassuringly.

“Ben tells me you have an indoor swimming pool, Sharon,” he said brightly. “We brought swimming stuff with us, didn’t we Lexi? Shall we try out the pool while Grandad and Dad talk business?”

+++

Phil strode into his office, Ben in tow, and locked the door behind them.

“How long?” he demanded.

“You haven’t had anythin’ for me Dad,” explained Ben. “So I do jobs for Callum when you’ve got nothin’ for me.”

“I meant, how long ‘ave you and ‘im been together? Since last year when he came ‘ere? You been seein’ him since then?” Ben was thoroughly confused. Phil hated Ben being gay and hardly ever referred to it so why was he asking these questions?

“I, er, yeah, kind of on and off since then, properly since October.” Phil glared at him, definitely angry, but, as always, Ben found him hard to read. He couldn’t understand why his dad was bothered about him seeing Callum. Ben had brought plenty of men back to this house for sex and Phil had been annoyed about every one of them (as Ben intended) but, even with Paul, he hadn’t brought a boyfriend round for dinner. Ben wondered if that was the problem. Did Phil not want to have to eat with his son’s boyfriend?

“You are on retainer, Ben. I pay you,” growled Phil. “I don’t expect you to be working for anyone else, let alone …”

“Let alone?” said Ben accusingly, thinking that Phil was referring to Callum being gay.

“Do you know who he is?” shouted Phil. “Have you any idea?” It was a bombshell and Ben’s heart stopped. Phil knew who Callum was and now Ben was nervous. He watched his dad warily as he continued to rant. “Jackie Highway, Ben, he’s Jackie Highway’s son. She’s a fuckin’ madwoman.” He looked out of the window and laughed shortly to himself, giving Ben a unsettling sense of déjà vu. “My son and Jackie Highway’s son are a thing. You couldn’t make it up.”

“Did you know who he was when you invited him here in February?” Ben questioned, jigsaw pieces rapidly slotting together in his head. Phil opened a drawer in his desk, pulled out a business card and placed it in front of Ben. Callum Highway Private Investigator.

“You’re a bigger idiot than I already think if you believe I’d hire a private investigator. I can find my own answers. But Chris brought this card in, picked it up in a corner shop down your way. Can’t be that many Callum Highways in East London can there? I just wanted to clap eyes on him. Be sure it was ‘im then keep ‘im in reserve in case I ever need ‘im.”

“But Danny?” Ben was confused, seeing pieces that looked like they didn’t belong to the puzzle.

“For fuck’s sake, Ben, Callum was never gonna do a kidnappin’ and neither was you. Danny and me, we were in this together an’ then you had to create a mess by breakin’ into his lockup. He wasn’t ‘appy about that. Ya made him look disorganised.”

“The beating,” Ben concluded before becoming perplexed again. “But we found out that Danny HAD been double-crossing you.”

“Yeah, but I already knew, ya plank. It was how I got ‘im to join me. Keep yer enemies close.” Ben frantically sifted through the conversation to find the missing pieces.

“Just in case you need Callum for what?” he asked quietly, the pieces assembling and revealing a picture he didn’t want to see.

“Leverage,” said Phil. “It’s always been about leverage.”

+++

Back at Kathy’s with Lexi safely tucked up in bed, Callum wanted Ben to talk to him. He’d managed to keep Lexi entertained in the pool. He was a strong swimmer and was able to be the dolphin to her mermaid, gliding under the surface with her on his back. Sharon had sat on the side laughing at the antics until Lexi made her the evil queen Ursula, at which point she changed into a swimsuit and got in the pool for the first time in years. Lexi and Sharon were having fun but, although he kept it well hidden, Callum was waiting for Ben to reappear, wondering what was going to be the fallout.

They lay in bed, facing each other across the pillows and Callum saw the stress etched into Ben’s face.

“What did he say?” asked Callum, placing his hand over Ben’s. Ben recounted the conversation he’d had with Phil.

“We’re in danger, babe,” he concluded wretchedly after completing his story. “We could be collateral in a villains’ war. I don’t want Lexi to be around this. I want her to have an amazin’ life, without this shit contaminatin’ it.” Callum and Ben were both from the criminal underworld, it was in their blood, and they were beginning to understand the twisted psychology of their parents.

“You think it puts Lexi in danger? You think my mum would hurt Lexi?” Callum could feel his rage rising at the thought of it. “I would NEVER let that happen.”

“What can we do though? We do anything to keep us safe, like livin’ on the run or somethin’, then it becomes part of Lexi’s reality. I never wanted this for her. I want her to be free.” Ben looked at Callum desperately. “I don’t think it would help even if we weren’t together. I can’t see what that would achieve.”

“It’s not to do with us being together,” Callum reasoned, frantically looking for a way forward. “It’s about protection but it’s not about love. It’s about reputation – anyone messes with us messes with them. Phil keeps you close so nobody can get to you but he would use me as leverage. My mum has cut herself off from me so nobody can get to me but she would use you for leverage. Us being together is nothing to do with it. Think about it, they both thought it was funny. They weren’t angry. An’ at the moment, they’re not at war with each other, least not as far as we know. My mum doesn’t know anything. We’re leverage for the future, Ben. An’ maybe it’ll never come to that. So we carry on, yeah? We concentrate on our life with Lexi, on our home and our business.”

“My dad wants me back at work,” said Ben miserably. “He pays me a retainer.”

“Tell him you don’t want it.” 

“I did. I told him I wanted to work for you. But he was shoutin’, sayin’ there was no walkin’ away from family, tellin’ me I had to prove myself worthy of the Mitchell name. He said I owed him ‘cause he’d paid me. I told him I’d give him the money back. I’ve never spent the retainer ‘ cause … well, I just haven’t. I withdraw the money he pays me for actual work, the rest stays there. Then he was disappointed with me and sad about Denny ...”

Callum was sure that Phil was sad about Denny but he was equally certain that Phil had used this to manipulate Ben. However, he remembered the wrench of cutting himself off from his dad and knew that, although he could offer support, he should not interfere with Ben’s slow extrication from his dad’s hold.

Ben didn’t tell Callum that he was only going to work for his dad because Phil was also good at replaying conversations in his head to find missing details. Phil had remembered the look on Ben’s face that revealed he already knew who Jackie Highway was; by Phil’s deduction, this meant Ben had searched for her.

“An’ you found her didn’t you?” Phil had smirked. “So what did she say?” Ben told him what had happened at Jackie’s flat thinking that his dad might see his way to keeping the secret so that Jackie didn’t come after him. Surely Phil wouldn’t want Jackie to hurt his son. What an idiot he was, he realised, as he heard Phil’s devious words.

“So you come back to work for me an’ I’ll keep schtum about yer boyfriend’s secret.”

+++

The new year saw life changing.

Phil made sure he had Ben running around after him every day, escalating the belittling and bullying until he could see the cracks in Ben’s determined façade. Ben was given no control, no room to be himself, and worked increasingly long hours, snatching moments with Lexi and seeing Callum only at night. The fissures in his psyche deepened. Then Phil decided to send Ben on a job to Spain for a few weeks. The thought of being away broke him.

Kathy could see Ben was struggling but wanted him to stand up to his dad. She was especially irritated as she was going to France to see Mike and needed Ben to look after his own daughter.

“I can’t just change it Ben. I’ve arranged cover for the café and the club. It changes plans for a lot more people than just me,” she explained crossly. “You’ll have to tell your dad you can’t go. You have Lexi to look after. I’ll be back a week after you go so tell ‘im you’ll go a week later.”

“I told him you were away. Sharon wants to look after Lex. She says she’ll drop her off at school every day an’ pick her up. Dad thinks she’ll enjoy it.” Ben was feeling like he’d lost control of his decision-making. His dad shouted at him. His mum shouted at him. His head constantly felt foggy and he had a compelling urge to spend all day wrapped up safe in his duvet. Preferably with Callum.

“What?” exclaimed Kathy, horrified at the suggestion. “Ben, no.”

Lexi also didn’t want to stay at Phil’s.

“No, Dad, please, no,” she’d cried. “I can stay with Callum. Please, Callum, can’t I?”

“You need to stand up to your dad on this, Ben,” warned Kathy. “Otherwise, he’ll have you away all the time so that he can get Lexi in his house.” Reminded of the custody battle, the warning landed and Ben told Phil that Lexi was staying with Callum because that was what he, Lexi and Callum wanted. After he’d said it, he felt a brief resurgence of his old energy. He knew he needed to be more resolute but most of the time he couldn’t summon the strength.

Callum observed Ben’s gradual deflation. Nothing he did seemed to lift Ben’s spirits. Ben either crawled into bed at night, just wanting to be hugged, or the sex was purely physical; he was wounded. Callum made up his mind to talk to Kathy when she returned but by the time Ben left for Spain a couple of days later, he was desperately worried. His concern for Ben was ever present but Callum quickly became busy with the challenge of running a business and looking after Lexi. They video-called Ben every morning before school and every afternoon. He looked downcast and Callum could see he was drinking heavily. Before going to sleep every evening, he video-called Ben make sure that he heard how much he loved him. He didn’t know what else to do.

Lexi was quieter than usual. She was worried about her dad and asked Callum why he was so sad.

“I think he might have a bit of winter flu,” lied Callum. “Y’see how his eyes are dark and how he’s always tired. That happens with flu.” He then caught Lexi googling symptoms of flu and realised he was going to have to be a better liar. She seemed happy with the explanation, though, as she started to give Ben advice about how to look after himself.

“She’s worried about you, Ben,” Callum said later that evening. “I told her you were coming down with flu to stop her worrying so much.” Ben just nodded sadly.

Business was brisk with a spurt of cheating spouse enquiries - the Christmas reprieve was well and truly over. Frankie and Callum found these jobs boring and soul-destroying, as they involved witnessing either selfish behaviour and the devastation it caused or terribly sad marriages, but the work was easy. No matter how much effort people put into hiding their affairs from their spouse, they were in clear view for anybody else who was searching. It was a profitable time.

The typical endpoint for Callum as a private investigator was to hand over information; he didn’t often get to see what happened next. So he was interested when Mick was able to give him an update about the puppy scammers, having heard from the police about his dachshund. The scammers had sold each puppy multiple times and then murdered the little souls when they were too old to sell. Mick was heartbroken at the thought of his little dog having been smothered. The gang then started with a new set of puppies and the cycle continued. The extra information from CHPI helped the police find the savage fraudsters and their investigation then led them to a puppy farm that was the start of the supply. This was raided, the criminals were arrested and the dogs were taken to rescue centres. The police, for a change, weren’t dismissive about his contribution and Callum felt like he was part of a system that did good. It lifted him slightly out of the pit he was in with Ben.

Mick was eager to visit one of the rescue centres and persuaded Callum to go with him. There weren’t any dachshunds but Mick picked out a little mixed breed dog with a toothy smile, bright eyes and a patch of dark fur across his shoulders that looked like a cape.

“I think I’ll call ‘im Batman,” said Mick. Callum smiled at the name choice.

“Wonder what Linda will say about that?” he wondered.

“Melts yer ‘eart, don’t it Callum?” Mick said, tickling Batman’s ears. As Mick completed his paperwork, Callum strolled over to another dog he had seen earlier. It was a cockerpoo and Callum was reminded of Neil’s Betsy in Dorset although this dog was much fatter. It looked as miserable as Callum felt. One of the staff came over.

“We don’t get a lot of these in,” she said. “They’re really popular on account of their temperament. I’ve never come across a cockerpoo who isn’t affectionate. They don’t moult, they’re a perfect size for a lot of houses and they love to play. And you can spend around a thousand pounds for a puppy. But Robbie here is not ready for his forever home yet.”

“Why not? How come he’s here?” asked Callum.

“His owner died and the family didn’t want him. We think he’s depressed. He’s withdrawn and unresponsive even with us. He’s overweight because his owner was feeding him custard creams and, being ill, never took him out.”

“Custard creams?” Callum was shocked.

“Yeah, when he was found there were the remnants of custard creams in the dog bowl apparently. Hard to believe, isn’t it? Poor little boy is borderline diabetic.”

“I know you have to do a home check and everything, but when he’s ready, I want him to come to my home.” Callum was rarely impulsive. His nature was to think things through, weigh up the pros and cons and make an informed decision. He didn’t think he had a saviour complex but he wanted to make a difference to this unhappy dog. Robbie would have his forever home.

Kathy came back later that week and picked up Lexi. She was worried to hear that Ben was going to be away for even longer.

“It doesn’t make sense Callum. Phil’s never had him doin’ this before,” she fretted.

“You’ll see him later when he speaks to Lexi. He’s looks tired and he’s definitely not eating properly, he looks thin. But more than anything, he’s sad. I told Lex it was ‘cause he has flu but she’s gonna start wonderin’ why he’s not gettin’ better. But … there’s something else.” He paused wondering how much he was going to tell Kathy. He decided to continue until he wanted to stop. “I said that I’d go out to see him seein’ as he was goin’ to be away for longer. I thought it would cheer him up. He went mental, screaming at me that it wasn’t safe. He completely lost the plot, Kathy, I’ve never seen him like it. Thing is, me and Ben, we aren’t safe, an’ I think he can’t get it out of his head.” He told Kathy all about his mum and about Christmas at Phil’s. “I’ve been working it all out in my head. Ben would not leave Lexi like this unless he felt like he was out of options. I think Phil has worked out that he can tell my mum that I know she’s not dead and Ben is doing whatever he’s told to do to stop Phil doing that. If my mum finds out, she will hurt Ben, maybe worse. An’, rather than keepin’ Ben safe, Phil is usin’ his fear to control him. He’s bad for Ben. But I guess you know that.”

“I do.” Kathy’s face was set with determination. She was not about to let her ex do this to their son. “Let’s think about it again. Start from the beginning Callum, from when you were little. Tell me everything.” Kathy listened, the severity of the situation becoming clearer to her as she heard a story of two very damaged people who were trying to be happy and were thwarted at every turn. She’d played her part in Ben’s childhood trauma and knew she would carry that guilt forever. She used it as a constant reminder that she loved Ben more than anybody in the world. He was her son, her life. Lexi and Callum were part of Ben and she loved them like she loved him. She held Callum in her arms, sensing that she was holding the abandoned child in him. She had no idea what to do.

Day by day, Ben’s calls dwindled until he was mainly texting, with the occasional brief voice-call for Lexi. Kathy went to see Phil but wasn’t even allowed through the door. She and Callum were going out of their minds not knowing where they could find Ben. From the early video-calls they knew he was in a remote location that definitely looked like Spain but he steadfastly maintained secrecy of his exact whereabouts. They couldn’t think what else to do so they concentrated on looking after Lexi and sending Ben lots of messages, photos and videos, reminding him that they loved him. Callum explained to Lexi that Ben was in a place with no internet so he could only message. The fact that the sporadic voice-calls were of poor quality gave credence to the lie and Lexi was appeased that her dad was doing his best. Kathy dropped her off at school and Callum picked up her up, creating a comforting routine; she was their priority. 

A month after choosing him, Callum picked up Robbie. The lovely little dog proved to be the perfect distraction for Lexi. Callum would find her frequently curled up on the wide armchair with him, singing softly to him and telling him stories of her wonderful daddy who would be home soon to meet him. Callum talked to her about all the children whose parents work away for months at a time, telling her about his time in the army and his colleagues and how much they missed their families. He said that he knew Ben hated being away but he wouldn’t say that to Lexi because he wouldn’t want to worry her, so the best thing was to be as happy as possible and share all her good news with him. She started staying at Callum’s more often, dragging Robbie’s bed up to her room so that he was there when she woke. They went on long walks in the forest and, within a month, Robbie had lost a third of his body weight. Lexi proudly took credit for that at the vets.

Every night Callum attempted to video-call Ben. He hadn’t seen him in weeks. Ben never answered but there was usually a text a few minutes later. For the last three nights there had been no text. Callum knew he had texted Lexi earlier that day following her daily Robbie report so he knew Ben was alive but the lack of contact was exacerbating his anxiety and he wasn’t sleeping. So, on this night, instead of trying to video-call, instead of sending Ben messages of love, he sent him the truth.

_I’m suffering without you. Please come back to me._

The video call came in seconds later and Callum scrambled to answer. He could see Ben emerge into the light from a dark room and was shocked to see how thin he was. His pupils were tiny and he was twitchy, scratching himself distractedly. Callum knew exactly what he was looking at.

“Show me your arms, Ben,” he ordered. Ben obediently pointed the phone at his arm, revealing the track marks.

“I’m sorry Callum. I just can’t do it any more. Love Lexi for me,” he whispered and the phone went dead.


	10. Survival

Callum went into overdrive. He didn’t know where to find Ben so the first thing was to visit Phil and get an address. It was the middle of the night but he didn’t care, hammering on the door until Phil answered.

Phil was plainly furious as he flung the door open wielding a baseball bat. Callum didn’t hesitate. He threw a heavy punch at Phil’s face and grabbed the bat. Phil was back on his feet quickly but Callum had the bat ready.

“Just give me a fuckin’ reason,” he yelled. “’Cause I WILL break your legs.” Phil immediately recognised the danger.

“What d’ya want Callum?” he said calmly, adopting a less aggressive stance. He knew he couldn’t fight somebody as big and strong as Callum without a weapon. He needed to be cunning.

“YOU are gonna tell me where Ben is. Now, Phil, you’re gonna tell me right now,” ordered Callum, rearing up and broadening to his full size making it abundantly clear that there was not a fibre in his body that was prepared to be refused. Phil eyed him warily.

“You ask ‘im yerself? I’d say ‘e doesn’t want ya to know.” Phil was moving stealthily towards the younger man, but Callum saw his approach and gave him a sharp prod in the chest with the bat. Phil blanched with the pain as a wave of nausea overtook him and he wondered if Callum had broken something. Callum was relentless.

“Where is Ben?” he shouted, holding the bat ready to strike.

“What ya gonna do if I don’t tell ya? Look at ya. Who d’ya think y’are comin’ to MY house and givin’ orders? Eh? Ya got it in ya to hurt me ‘ave ya?” Phil was watchful, taunting Callum and waiting for a moment of hesitation. It didn’t come as Callum immediately swung the bat at Phil’s half outstretched arm, breaking his wrist instantly. Phil howled.

“Fuckin’ right,” Callum snarled. “Maybe you’re gettin’ the message that I know how to use this.” He jabbed Phil again with the bat, a swift in out at the side of his ribcage. Phil felt the rib go. Maybe this kid was as mad as his flaming mother, Phil thought, as the pain coursed through him.

“Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” he muttered through his agony. Callum ignored him.

“An address for Ben!” he reminded Phil, holding the bat up ready to swing again. Recognising that he wasn’t going to win this one, Phil pulled back.

“Sharon!” he called somehow aware that she was lurking on the stairs. “Write it down and bring it to Callum.” He watched Callum, expecting the fury to subside now he was getting what he came for, but Callum was alert and poised for action.

“I am not gonna let my guard down for a single second you piece of shit. So let’s go again if you want. I saw Ben tonight. He is dying. DYING! An’ it’s on you, Phil. You’ve lost one son. Are you really gonna lose the other one?”

He took the paper from Sharon with a slight nod of gratitude then grabbed the front of Phil’s tee-shirt, bringing his face close to Phil’s face. The older man showed no fear but he could see the anguish, wrath and determination in Callum’s burning eyes and it did scare him.

“If I get there and you’ve called ahead, if I get there and I can’t find him, if I get there and anything has happened to him,” Callum hissed menacingly, “I will come back and I WILL kill you.”

Phil was certain that he meant every word he said.

+++

By late morning, Callum was on a plane, having arranged with Kathy to pick up Robbie. He had explained what he had seen of Ben and detailed his plan. Kathy was shocked and beside herself with worry but there was something about Callum like this that gave her confidence. She made him promise her that he would keep her informed of his progress and held on to him tight before he left.

“Just bring back both of you safe,” she begged.

By mid-afternoon he was at the address given to him. It was an odd villa, a small white cuboid sitting amongst dessicated palms in a fenceless plot in the middle of empty countryside. Even though it was only April, heat shimmered off the dry ground. The taxi driver had been unwilling to go up the long stony drive, insisting on dropping Callum at the main road, but agreed to wait for half an hour.

As he approached, Callum could see that Ben was there, sitting on the small terrace in the afternoon sun, hunched over his phone. Of course, he thought, it was Lexi time. Ben was wearing just shorts revealing a very skinny frame. His face wore a deep frown as if the tapping on his phone was causing him pain then he heard the footsteps and looked up. Callum saw the shock on his face and watched his body fold, sliding slowly onto the floor. Throwing his bag down, he ran over and scooped him up. Ben gripped him tightly, his body convulsing with fierce sobs. Callum cried too. He’d half-expected to turn up and find Ben missing or dead and the relief was overwhelming.

Callum set about packing up Ben’s belongings while Ben sat quietly on the bed watching him get organised. Soon they were in the taxi, heading back to the town to the train station. Ben was subdued, obediently following Callum’s lead. Callum knew there was a overnight train to Barcelona. He bought the tickets and, carrying both bags and leading Ben by the hand, he found the right platform. His plan was to take Ben to a rehabilitation centre run by an old army friend, Alex. Alex and Callum had been good friends until Alex had almost killed himself with heroin use in Afghanistan. Callum’s brother Stu also had a history with the brown stuff, so Callum knew something of it and had tried to help Alex, sadly without success – Alex’s habit earned him a dishonourable discharge eventually. When Callum left the army, he looked up Alex and found that he had recently been through a programme, got clean and had moved to Spain to set up this centre. Callum had not seen or spoken to him since then but, when he’d called him that morning, Alex had remembered Callum’s kindness and encouraged him to bring Ben as soon as he could.

On the train, Ben talked a little to Callum about Lexi and Robbie but soon fell asleep. Callum held him, noticing his bony shoulders and how his clothes were hanging off him, his skin was a golden tan colour and there were more freckles across his nose, his hair was long, although there was evidence he had hacked at it himself, and his nails were chewed to the quick. He had an odd sour smell about him. Ben slept fitfully but Callum was determined to stay awake, wanting to be ready for when withdrawal kicked in.

When they arrived at Alex’s, Ben was withdrawn again and Callum held his hand firmly as they walked into the building, trying to transmit a confidence he wasn’t really feeling. Alex made them coffee and observed them. Callum had given him a potted version of his and Ben’s life stories and, looking at them sitting in front of him with their hopeful eyes and palpable connection to each other, Alex was astounded by their resilience. He looked at Ben and saw exhaustion and wretchedness.

“You’re not addicted, Ben,” he said. “You’d have needed a fix by now. I can see the tracks but, I don’t know, what have you had? Three hits? I want to help, I do, but I’m not sure it’s rehab you need Ben.” Callum’s shoulders slumped; he didn’t have another plan. Ben started crying.

“I’m sorry Callum, I’m sorry. It was a way out. I couldn’t see another way out of it all,” he whispered in broken sobs, his face turned towards Callum, eyes pleading for help and understanding. Callum wrapped his arms around him, and sat kissing his hair, telling him not to worry.

“Now that,” said Alex looking at Callum, “is why he needs to be here.” This wasn’t strictly true. Alex’s centre was for rehabilitation after substance abuse and they didn’t have the personnel for other mental health problems. But Alex wanted to help them; it was a personal desire to repay Callum for his unconditional friendship at a time when others turned their backs. One of his counsellors was a criminal psychologist and Alex wondered if this man could possibly help these two with their problems which, as far as he could work out, stemmed from their criminal connections. He made them an offer. “We have small lodges on the other side of the wood for visiting staff. I think you and Ben need some time to be together so stay in one of those. I’ll get the kitchen to bring over some food. In the morning I’ll send over a counsellor. Call me if you need me, any time.”

The lodge was perfect for Ben and Callum to shut themselves away and feel safe. Callum video-called Kathy, gave her an update and encouraged Ben to speak to her and Lexi. Ben gathered all the energy that he had and managed a reassuring conversation with his daughter, telling her that he’d lost weight because he didn’t like the food.

“But its’s a good thing. My tummy was gettin’ a bit soft and podgy with all Callum’s cookin’.” The attempt at a joke was good to see.

“You weren’t that fat Daddy,” Lexi reassured him. Ben mouthed ‘ouch!’ at Callum and there was a hint of a smile, but then Ben’s face crumpled when Lexi added that she’d make his favourite macaroni cheese when he came back.

“Daddy,” she cried, alarmed. “Daddy!”

“It’s alright sweetheart. I’m alright. Just miss you so much is all. One more week so count the days angel.” Ben fixed his face into a big smile and blew her lots of kisses.

After the call, Callum stripped Ben, put him in the shower and stood with him washing his hair. Ben cried at the tenderness and Callum cried for him. And for himself. They were both broken.

Later, lying in bed, Ben looked deeply into Callum’s eyes. It was the first time he’d done it since Callum had arrived the previous day and they both felt their connection strengthened as though they were knitting together their frayed ends.

“My dad tell you where to find me?” Ben asked. Callum despaired. Was Ben still hoping his dad cared about him?

“Under duress,” he said. Ben raised his eyebrows.

“What did you do?” Callum took a deep breath. Ben truly had no idea what he was capable of but this was not the time to start lying.

“Blacked his eye, cracked his sternum, smashed his wrist and broke a rib, maybe two.” Ben’s eyes widened in a mixture of horror, fear and awe.

“Fuckin’ hell Callum.”

They continued to lie face-to-face, looking at each other until Callum saw Ben’s eyelids get heavy and close. He waited until Ben’s breathing became steady and then carefully climbed off the bed making sure he didn’t disturb Ben, and went to out to the front porch where he immediately broke down. He slammed his fist into the nearest tree, followed by a few sharp kicks, then fell against the smooth trunk holding onto to it as a wail erupted from deep inside. He’d managed his anger for years and thought he was a better person, but he had not hesitated to hurt Phil. What kind of person was he? He did not want to be that person. He’d tried so hard to be the best version of himself. He knew he wouldn’t be able to talk to Ben about this, at least not any time soon, because Ben would definitely blame himself, but not talking would undermine their closeness and would damage them. For the first time since getting together with Ben, he wondered if they were going to make it.

Both Ben and Callum had talking therapy while they were staying at the lodge. They spent a lot of time in each other’s arms discussing their sessions, seizing this opportunity to mend and not feeling the need to keep anything from each other. Ben talked about his suicidal thoughts after Paul, after the attack on Callum and him, and over the past week but also described how he’d had them throughout his teenage years. He recognised that he needed some long-term support. Even though, on the night they arrived at the lodge, Callum had thought he wouldn’t share his anger problems with Ben, he talked about his rage, how he could feel it rising but could usually talk himself down, apart from on the two occasions where he had completely lost control: one that led to his ABH conviction and the other was Phil. He told Ben how much it scared him as he fervently didn’t want to be a violent man. They told each other their deepest, darkest thoughts and worries, putting them carefully in each other’s safe-keeping.

One evening, Callum reached for Ben’s face and kissed him gently. He had been thinking that they weren’t ready to be intimate but it felt right in that moment. Ben kissed him back and it became slightly more intense. They lay just kissing for several minutes enjoying the simple pleasure. It was enough. They both knew they were going to need more time to recover.

After a few sessions separately, Alex suggested they had a session together.

“Like couples’ therapy?” asked Ben, thinking that he and Callum were already quite good at talking to each other.

“We don’t do couples’ therapy here,” Alex laughed, “but I’m told you two would benefit from some joint planning to find a way to stay safe. We think we can help you with that.”

The shared session was hugely constructive. Rafael, their counsellor, was intrigued that they had shared so much of their individual sessions with each other – it was unusual. Like Alex, he observed their tight bond; there was so much about their relationship that was healthy, in his opinion. He knew that they had personal issues to deal with, particularly Ben, who Rafael could see was a long way from well. He encouraged them to identify all of the aspects of their life together that made them happy and strong as well as the things that got in the way of that. Rafael understood the criminal mind and was able to tell them about the culture and dynamics of organised crime. He got them to think about Phil and Jackie in different ways so that they came up with a plan. It would start with Phil.

+++

Arriving back in England a week later, Callum and Ben decided to go straight to Phil’s. They were desperate to get home but they wanted to start afresh and that meant dealing with Phil first. The taxi journey from the airport to Phil’s took about half an hour giving them chance to rehearse their plan.

Sharon opened the door.

“I’m not sure this is a good idea, boys,” she said nervously.

“We’re coming in Sharon. I could’ve used my key so I’m already showing some consideration,” said Ben, giving her a small reassuring smile. Sharon heaved a sigh and stood aside, watching them as they went through to the living room. Here they found Phil, a cast on his arm and anger on his face. He glared at them as they sat down, choosing the same sofa they had sat on together over a year ago and glancing at each other, aware that this was a pivotal discussion.

“You’ve obviously come ‘ere to say somethin’,” barked Phil. “So speak.”

It was as though Ben had shrunk and Callum got hold of his hand, trying to absorb some of his tension and willing him to stand up to his bully of a dad. Ben gave Callum’s hand a reassuring squeeze. He could do this.

“I’m out dad.” Ben was quiet but firm. “Please stop the retainer. And I want your word that if you ever cross paths with Callum’s mum, you’ll leave Callum and me out of it.” He lifted his chin, flicked his eyes at Callum, both of them then maintaining eye contact with Phil.

The mutual glaring continued. Sharon hovered behind Phil’s chair, nervous as he had been in a terrible mood since Callum’s visit the previous week. She knew a big part of this was that he was in pain – although there was the benefit of him not being able to react physically which she felt was useful right now - and he didn’t like the effects of the painkillers; they made him feel unfocused and out of control. But there was also the part of Phil that knew for certain that he had absolutely no control over Callum, which would minimise his control over Ben, and Sharon knew Phil would not like that.

“’S’all about what you want. What’s in it for me?” growled Phil. “If you want a deal, there has to be somethin’ in it for both sides. Did I teach you nothin’?”

Callum and Ben had been expecting this and had planned what they were going to offer. Ben spoke.

“You get to be part of our life. You get to visit us at home, come to birthday parties, go on holiday. We’ll come here because we want to and we’ll have a lovely time while we’re here. You get to be a grandad for Lexi and any other kids me an’ Callum have. But we are NEVER involved in your work Dad.”

Callum watched Sharon as Ben was talking and could see how much she wanted what he was offering. Phil, unsurprisingly, gave nothing away.

“You got nothing to say?” he snarled at Callum.

“What me an’ Ben get out of _the deal_ has to happen immediately.” He gave a subtle emphasis to his use of Phil’s words, his distaste for seeing it as a transaction evident. “You can have your part immediately or not but, if you don’t want it now, it will always be there for you if you change your mind. Always. You will always be Ben’s dad and Lexi’s grandad.” Callum understood why the offer had to be open-ended but had expected it to stick in his throat if he had to say it. However, speaking the words aloud was empowering and felt right. A few minutes passed by with Ben and Callum sitting calmly holding hands, their nerves only slightly betrayed by how tightly they were hanging on to each other, Sharon watching Phil silently begging him to agree and Phil glaring at Callum.

“Anyone doin’ this to me, there’s consequences,” Phil said finally. They had known he would think this. Callum sat forward, Ben right behind him at his shoulder.

“I needed the address. It was more important than anything else. Tell me what I should have done to get it,” said Callum. “I would much rather have found a way that didn’t involve anyone gettin’ hurt.” He snared Phil’s eyes with his own, not scared of the dangerous man. Phil looked steadily back. He couldn’t help himself – he was impressed with this man. But he would not show it.

“Yeah well,” he huffed. “You needed to do what you did.”

“It saved me Dad,” interjected Ben. Callum’s heart sank a little to hear Ben need his dad’s concern. A part of him still wondered if Ben would be better doing what Callum himself had done all those years ago, cutting all ties, but they had discussed offering Phil a positive future and Callum knew it was the best way. Phil sat forward, wincing with the pain the action caused, ready to make his pronouncement. He addressed Ben, his voice cold and hard.

“You’re out. The retainer will be stopped. You ‘ave my word about Jackie Highway. We’ll see about the rest. Now get out.”

Callum and Ben stood up and left the room and Sharon followed them. At the front door, she put her arms round Ben and held him back for a minute.

“I’m glad you’re alright Ben,” she whispered. “You’re lucky with your Callum. He was not gonna lose you without a fight. And thank you for … the offer. I’m hopeful, darlin’.” She kissed him warmly and waved him off.

+++

Kathy, Lexi and Robbie were all at Callum’s house when they returned home. Lexi jumped right up into Ben’s arms; it had been three months since she had seen him in person. He was almost knocked over as she was too big to hold this way but he was not letting go.

“I missed you Daddy, missed you so much. I know you had to work but we were all really worried when you caught flu,” she said, clinging on to Ben. “Callum said that kids who have parents in the army sometimes don’t see them for even longer But please, Daddy, tell Grandad you don’t want to do long work trips.”

“Already done,” said Ben, holding her tight and burying his face in her hair. “I have missed you so much.” He was infinitely grateful that Callum had protected Lexi from the truth, ensuring that this experience would not be traumatic for her. He said this much to Callum later.

“Getting her a dog, though, that’s extreme,” he scolded affectionately.

“I didn’t get him for Lexi. It was impulsive, I didn’t think it through, not like me I know, but I’ve thought about it since and, at the time, I felt like I couldn’t help you. I got Robbie ‘cause I could help him an’ it was like a substitute for you. So I definitely got him for me. And for him of course. But Lexi does think he is hers.”

As time went on, though, Robbie became Ben’s dog. If Ben was leaving the house, Robbie was by the front door, lead in his mouth. Wherever Ben sat, Robbie was lying at his feet. At Callum’s, Robbie generally slept in Lexi’s room if she was there or not, but the second Ben headed downstairs in the morning, he would come hurtling down from the top floor almost taking Ben’s legs out from under him. If Callum went out for an early run, he would come downstairs and jump on their bed, curling himself into Ben. At Kathy’s, he slept in the living room and wouldn’t move from the bottom of the stairs in the morning until Ben emerged. Lexi sulked about it for a little while and then Robbie’s attachment to Ben became something they all found adorable.

Callum wondered if Robbie could sense Ben’s struggle. That was said about dogs, wasn’t it? Ben was cheerful a lot of the time and, on the surface, seemed to be getting back to his own self but Callum knew he was wrestling with the guilt of having wanted to find a way out and what that would have meant for all the people he loved. He saw Ben’s moments of despair and, knowing that it frustrated him to be constantly seen as fragile, sent him a telepathic shot of love.

Ben was tired of wrestling his demons but wasn’t giving up the fight. He visited his therapist, with Robbie of course, and came to recognise how his behaviour and his thinking were running his life with full permission. He made changes and could feel the progress but it was a slow process. His daily walks with Robbie were restorative but more than anything he garnered strength from being around Callum. Fear would jump in straightaway asking what he would do if he lost Callum but, bit by bit, he was learning to see himself as a survivor. He gradually relaxed into his new life away from his dad, immersing himself in his family and his work. Knowing that this was not temporary and he was never going back to work for his dad, he focused on developing his investigator’s skills. There were as many cheating spouses as ever and increasing numbers of enquiries about looking for lost loved ones. CHPI were busy and Ben was grateful for it.

+++

Sapphire had been closed for several months following the arrest of the previous owners but today, as she cycled past, Frankie noticed posters advertising its re-opening. She liked clubs with their large speakers that helped her hear the music and the hot, sweaty, sexed-up energy of partygoers. Aware that Ben had been more subdued than usual since his return from Spain and knowing how much he enjoyed dancing, she decided to get him to come along to this event with her.

On her way to Callum’s, she dropped into Kathy’s Café for a quick coffee with Whitney. She had spent the couple of weeks around Callum’s and Ben’s return working for Whitney creating images for a website and was excited to show off her work.

“That’s incredible Frankie,” enthused Whitney, hardly able to believe that her market stall business had expanded to include this beautiful online offer. “I’ve got something for you as well,” she said, getting her sketchbook from her bag. When she had been photographing Whitney’s range, Frankie had talked to her about the styles of clothes she liked to wear, and Whitney now opened the notebook to show a number of drawings. “It’s my new Frankie range,” she said proudly. Frankie looked carefully at the sketches. Whitney had captured everything she had mentioned and other elements that Frankie knew defined her: sassy, independent, brave. She reached across to hug Whitney.

“Thank you!” she signed, a little emotional about the massive compliment. Whitney was thrilled.

“Okay, we have to know what’s so exciting,” said Kathy, signing to Frankie, arriving at their table with a young woman by her side. Kathy and her friend sat down and admired the drawings and the website as Kathy made the introductions.

“This is Frankie, she works with Ben for his boyfriend, Callum. They’re private investigators. Whitney’s a friend of Callum’s as well. Girls, this is Ruby, she’s the new manager at Sapphire.”

“Oh!” exclaimed Frankie, “I saw the posters.” She turned to Kathy. “I’m hoping Ben will come with me to the re-opening. I want to dance with him.”

“Oh god, I remember how he loved to dance,” said Ruby.

“You know Ben?” asked Frankie, always keen to gather information.

“We were at school together. We had these dances to whatever song we were all into and we’d practise in the playground. Ben was the best of us.” A slight sadness appeared as Ruby remembered the beatings he had taken for his art. “It was the beginning of secondary school and soon we were all too cool for school and certainly too cool for dancing in the playground. But when we were older and went out clubbing, Ben was there all night on the dancefloor.” She looked at Kathy and Frankie. “I can’t wait to see him again.”

“Come now,” said Frankie impulsively. “Come with me. I’m going there now.” Ruby instinctively liked this sparky, spontaneous woman.

“Yeah,” she said, “yeah, let’s do it.” She giggled, a throaty, velvety chuckle that suggested a saucy sense of humour. “I haven’t seen him in years. Let’s go and surprise him.”

Ruby had a huge Range Rover, so Frankie stowed her bike in the boot, and they drove the short distance to Callum’s house.

“Ooh nice!” said Ruby, pulling her enormous car onto the drive and admiring the house. She remembered a horrible incident from school when Ben had his hearing aid stolen and trampled on; he had told his friends how to speak so that he could lipread. She turned to face Frankie, touching her gently to show she was about to speak. “This is the boyfriend’s house?”

“Callum,” confirmed Frankie nodding and appreciating Ruby’s consideration. Jumping out of the car, she followed the little path to the front door which she opened to a rapturous welcome from Robbie.

“Robbie mate,” Ben’s voice sounded from the back of the house, getting louder as he made his way to the front door, “give it a rest. You know Frankie.” He arrived in the front hallway and his face erupted into a huge smile.

“Ruby!” he exclaimed excitedly, stepping forward to envelop her in his outstretched arms. “Frankie you star, finding a missing person for me.” Frankie grinned, pleased that it was such a good surprise.

“What’s all the hullabaloo?” asked Callum emerging from the office. Hullabaloo is a word, thought Ruby, surveying the tall, very handsome, serious-looking man who had joined their little crowd.

“Ruby,” said Ben, moving to put his arms around Callum, “this is Callum, my very sexy lover.” Ruby caught a tiny amused eye-roll from Callum as he shook Ben off so that he could shake her hand. Hullabaloo and hand-shaking, thought Ruby, he’s different. “Callum,” continued Ben, “this is Ruby, a very old friend who has been missing for years.”

“Hi Ruby,” smiled Callum, treating her to his full sunbeam effect. Wow, she thought, lucky Ben. “Why don’t you two catch up?” suggested Callum. “Frankie and me, we’ll go through the forms and come an’ find you in an hour or so.” Ben reached up to give him a soft kiss.

“Thanks babe,” he said, making sure he caught Callum’s eyes. These little moments of connection were important to them. Callum smiled just for Ben and he and Frankie disappeared into the office. Ben took Ruby into the room off the kitchen, popping into the kitchen for drinks, Robbie constantly by his side.

“That thing you two just did,” teased Ruby. “Is that love, Ben Mitchell?” She looked at her old friend fondly. “Last time I saw you, well, I have to be honest, you were a mess.” She could vividly remember the last time she saw Ben. He had been wasted, screaming at Lola who was screaming back, neither wanting to parent their toddler, and Ben had gone off, picked up a creepy old guy and sucked him off down an alleyway outside the club for anybody who cared to see. The guy had scarpered and Ben had lay on the pavement with cum around his mouth. Not his finest moment.

“Still a bit of a mess, Ruby. You know me - work in progress. But I’m definitely better than I was and me and Callum, that’s somethin’ I am doin’ right. It’s amazin’.”

“What happened to Lola and your little girl?”

“Lo lives in New Zealand with Jay, do you remember him? Lexi lives with me, has done since she was four. She’s almost eleven now. We split our time between here and mum’s.” Ben got his phone out and shared his favourite photos of Lexi.

“Oh she’s gorgeous, Ben. Takes after Lo,” Ruby giggled as he nudged her playfully for her cheek.

“The best photo is that one.” Ben pointed at a photo tile on the wall. “Frankie has taken all of these. They’re great, aren’t they?” Ruby looked at the collection of tiles, a montage of family love. Lexi featured prominently and there was a beautiful picture of her, Ben and Callum. She also noticed a lovely one of Ben and Callum looking at each other, Ben radiating mischief, happier and more confident than she could have ever imagined, and Callum beaming from ear to ear with that heart-warming smile of his.

“Are you two always this cute?” she asked. Ben got up and touched the photo devotedly.

“It’s an important picture,” he said pensively then turned back to Ruby. “So come on, tell me what’s brought you back?” Ruby told him about her dad buying Sapphire and her plans for it as manager. She was excited about the renovation and was looking forward to re-opening but she also had worries.

“I had a visit from the police and they put the wind up me about drugs. I went to see your mum for some advice. She was great but she said my main problem, which she doesn’t have obviously, could be girls. There’s a community business forum that she’s on and, apparently, there’s a surge in numbers of young girls on the street and in the clubs.” She smiled at Ben. “Listen to me, full of the negatives already. I’ve got to open first. You still got moves? I’d love to see you at the re-opening.”

+++

The queue outside Sapphire was wrapped along the street and around the corner but Ben, Callum, Frankie and Whitney had blue wristbands which meant they didn’t have to wait. They also had red wristbands which meant they were friends of Ruby.

“I feel like a celebrity,” giggled Whitney. “People are lookin’ at us and wonderin’ who we are.”

The club had been decorated in jewel colours, with lamps shaped like cut gems hanging above the numerous booths which had been installed at different heights around the room creating the effect of a massive sunken dance floor. The bar ran along one side of this. Ruby had reserved them a mid-height booth right on the edge of the dance floor.

“These are the best ones,” she said. “You’ll feel like you’re right in the middle of the fun.”

They all had a great time and danced a lot, Ben especially. Dancing had always been an escape for him; he felt that a part of him that resided deep inside was free to be out and about when he was dancing. Callum watched him, loving to see him so carefree, and danced with him to share in the joy. Callum simply loved music, listening to it, dancing to it, any of it, all of it. Frankie danced like Ben, as though her inner being was coming out to play; she especially took pleasure in dancing with Ben because the way he moved created the music for her. She wondered if his ability to translate sound into movement was because he was deaf as well. Whitney relished just being able to dance and have fun; when she was out with her girlfriends, the night was always about pulling, and this was a welcome change.

Ruby scanned the people in her club. There were lairy women drinking more than their skinny bodies could take and lecherous lads selecting their quick shag for the night; there were wide-eyed innocents drinking in the debauchery and botoxed old-timers trying to retain their youth; there were sugar daddies with sharp suits and expensive watches and beautiful young women hanging on every word but listening to none as their breasts and thighs were fondled. She could see the noxgas dealers and she could see the pills being popped, although if these were being dealt in her club, it was well hidden. She knew that eventually her club would settle down and probably have a customer type. She wished it could be like Ben and his friends but their straightforward pleasure seemed to be a rarity. She frowned slightly as she realised that what wasn’t a rarity was young girls. There were lots of them. She would need to think about this.

Sliding in the booth next to Callum, Ruby pointed at Ben.

“He’s a good little mover, isn’t he?” she laughed.

“Yeah he is,” said Callum sipping his beer, adoring eyes following Ben’s every wiggle.

“Can you look around and tell me who you see Callum?” requested Ruby. Callum understood straightaway that this was a business manager asking a private investigator. He surveyed the room.

“Girls, young ones,” he answered.

“Hmm,” said Ruby, her concern confirmed. “Kathy told me it’s a local problem, but it’s not a problem to me unless they’re underage, trafficked or otherwise abused. I don’t care about sex workers runnin’ their own game. I don’t care about sugar babies.”

“You need to get to know them,” advised Callum. “Find out their names, how old they are, their circumstances.” Ruby observed him speculatively. “You want our help, Ruby?” he asked.

“I’ll get some of my staff to befriend them, get names. It can’t be too full on, it’s got to be natural or we’ll frighten them off or, worse, alert whoever is running them.”

“You’ll need photos if we’re to search for information about them and I’m not sure how we can get them. I could get Frankie in to take some if we pretend that she’s taking them for another reason,” suggested Callum.

“It could be for photos that we put up in the entrance. I think I’d like them anyway; your photo tiles have inspired me. Then, it’ll be over to you to see what you can find out. So yes please, Callum, I’d like your help.”


	11. Assumptions

The building that housed Sapphire was a four storey Victorian paper mill with the club having the ground floor and basement. The other floors had previously been used as offices and storage for local businesses but Ruby’s dad, Johnny Allen, a businessman with his fingers in some very sticky pies, had bought the whole building and had everybody leave. The top floor was now two huge luxury apartments, one for Johnny and one for Ruby, each accessed by a private lift. Johnny’s empire was run from the floor below and the second floor was a restaurant. The club was essentially below ground as it sat in the basement; the ground floor had been removed except for the entrance foyer which led to a wide corridor that swept in a large curve downwards opening onto the club. The floating booths at their various heights gave the impression of a theatre, with the audience watching the dancers. There weren’t so many booths that they obscured each other and clubbers mingled around them in the standing spaces. Each booth was a wide semi-circle, with room for eight people to sit comfortably, the straight edge being a low glass wall with a big view of the dance floor. The booths were reached by stairs that curved up the back, opening into the centre of the seats, and were fixed to large posts the full height of this tall room. Ruby had spent months getting the necessary permissions around removing the ground floor and the structural integrity of the building and at times she’d wondered if it was worth it but, surveying the result now, she knew it looked great.

It was the foyer and the sweeping corridor that Ruby wanted to improve. The renovation had been done well and these areas looked smart but Ruby wanted more; she wanted them to look dramatic and full of tempting promises. Hopeful that Frankie’s photos might achieve this, she was excited when Frankie turned up.

“Oh my god, Frankie, these are perfect,” she enthused, as she looked through the selection of photos.

Ruby had put up a notice advising customers that there was a photographer in the club taking pictures that were to be installed in the entrance. The notice also offered customers the chance to object to their image being used, something that Ruby had discovered she was required to do. To mitigate this, Ruby had asked Frankie to take a series of photos which did not reveal faces but instead captured the energy of being on a night out in a club. Frankie had modified her photos with her usual painted effect and the result was a series of pictures of fun and hopefulness and freedom. They were extraordinary. She also had some blurry, slow exposure shots of people dancing and was especially pleased about how they’d turned out. Ruby could imagine these photos, blown up into wallpaper lining the corridor as her customers walked to the main room. It would be stunning.

“Did you get the other photos?” she asked. Frankie nodded, flicking on her tablet to display a hundreds of shots that clearly showed faces. Ruby brought her staff in and they set about putting names to these.

+++

Callum and Ben arrived at Ruby’s later that day and made their way to the back of the building to her lift. She had given them a code so that they didn’t need to use the entry buzzer which was useful as, when the doors opened onto her open plan apartment, they could see all the way through to where Ruby and Frankie were drinking martinis on a beautiful garden terrace. Answering the door was obviously not part of Ruby’s life.

“That’s somethin’,” said Callum simply. The terrace was in the centre of the building, with the two apartments making a rectangle around it, and was full of mature plants arranged around flat black pools. It was stunning.

“Actual fuckin’ trees,” muttered Ben, as they stepped outside. “Don’t mind us Ruby. No need to get up an’ let us in,” he called. Ruby wandered over with two glasses, gave Ben a little kiss on the cheek and handed one to him and the other to Callum with a smile.

It was a beautiful May evening, hotter than was usual for the time of year. After discussing the job, the four of them played around with cocktail recipes and became increasingly squiffy. They talked about the apartment and Callum’s house, Frankie’s photography, Ruby’s club and CHPI. It was late and Ben knew he was drunk which sometimes made him self-destructive but he was battling with a feeling that he’d achieved nothing in his life. He looked at the other three with their homes and their businesses and their talents. What did he bring to the party? He tried for a rational response: he was only twenty-seven and most twenty-seven year olds didn’t own their own homes and businesses and weren’t prodigiously talented. That just made him feel more sorry for himself. Why did he have to be the ordinary one amongst his extraordinary friends?

In the taxi going home, Callum could sense that Ben was in a bad mood. Being drunk sometimes brought out the worst in Callum as well and tonight he was argumentative.

“What’s the matter with you? We had a great time at Ruby’s tonight.”

In other words, nothing can possibly be the matter, thought Ben.

“Nothing,” he said.

“Okay whatever. Nothing’s the matter.” Callum could not be bothered. He had felt relaxed and happy at Ruby’s. She was great company with lots of stories and they’d all laughed a lot. Thinking back, Callum realised that maybe Ben hadn’t laughed a lot. Was he feeling low? Had something been said that had triggered him? In his inebriated state, Callum couldn’t concentrate on his line of thought and made a mental note to talk to Ben in the morning.

When they arrived home, Ben took Robbie for a quick walk. Lexi was staying the night at Kathy’s and he briefly debated going to his mum’s but knew it would be petulant and, anyway, he didn’t really want to spend the night away from Callum. What was he so annoyed about anyway? He couldn’t be irritated at Callum for being successful, all-round fantastic and hot. Ben understood that he had struck gold with Callum. He just wanted Callum to have struck gold with him. The night air revived him a little and he sat quietly in the churchyard for a while, practising his gratitude mantras. Robbie seemed to have sensed his melancholy and sat with his head resting on Ben’s knee, his big brown eyes staring up adoringly at his favourite.

“Come on mate. Time for home,” said Ben, scratching behind Robbie’s ears.

Back at home, Callum was half asleep. Ben climbed into bed and tucked himself under Callum’s arm as it sleepily sought him out and felt Callum drop a kiss on his head. He turned his face upwards and they kissed slowly. Ben felt the warmth of it flooding his body but, as he started his next move, he noticed Callum pull his face in pain.

“I am so pissed,” he moaned. “An’ I think I’ve already got a hangover.” Ben went to get water and paracetamol and when he arrived back in the bedroom Callum was fast asleep, snoring his gorgeous head off. Ben turned on his side, facing away from the noise and feeling sorry for himself.

Callum did indeed have a hangover of epic proportions the next day. When they did a quick group facetime, it transpired that Frankie and Ruby were even worse.

“How are you alright, Ben?” whined Ruby.

Lexi arrived mid-morning and she and Ben decided on a long walk in the forest.

“We’ll walk all the way to the bikers’ tea hut, have somethin’ to eat there and walk back,” planned Ben.

“Are we leaving Callum here?” asked Lexi, casting a doubtful glance at Callum lying on the big sofa with a cushion over his face.

“Yes angel, just you and me today.” Callum heard Ben’s words and dragged himself to a sitting position but it was too late as, dismayed, he heard the front door close. Sunday was his favourite day of the week and a few hours tramping through the forest with his two favourite people in the world on this beautiful day would have been perfect. Callum hoped he’d looked after Lexi well while Ben was in Spain; they’d become close and it seemed like Ben appreciated and approved this. He always included Callum in Sunday outings. They were a family. Weren’t they? Callum placed the cushion back over his face and decided to hide from the world.

+++

The following day, Frankie didn’t turn up for work as expected. Callum was putting himself through a punishing workout to pay for the excesses of the weekend so Ben busied himself with tracking down the backgrounds of the girls from the club but it was not easy and he wished Frankie was around.

 _Where are you?_ he texted.

The reply, as always, came back instantaneously.

_with marcus_

_jack died saturday night_

_gill died yesterday_

_peacefully at home_

Ben sat and stared at the phone as a rush of sadness hit him. He remembered the day Callum and he had visited the Tilfords and how he had felt soothed by their comfortable home and their generous welcome. Gill had made the best cup of tea he had ever had in his life and he was in the habit of transporting himself back to the idyll when he needed a safe place to go mentally. Frankie had been up to see Marcus several times since Christmas and she and Ben had talked a lot about his gentle parents since Ben returned from Spain. Frankie loved them and that had strengthened Ben’s imagery making his mental bolthole even safer. He felt like he knew them all. He sent another text.

_Can I do anything?_

Frankie replied immediately.

_no all fine_

_staying here for now_

Ben’s first thought was that she couldn’t stay away because he needed her as well. He swiftly banished the thought, reprimanding himself for his selfishness. He had Callum for support but, the truth was, he was getting fed up of Callum saving him, comforting him, putting everything right. Why couldn’t Callum fuck up and Ben be the one to pick up the pieces? Robbie was dozing on the floor by his feet and Ben dropped down to lie next to him, cuddling him and scratching his tummy.

“Ben?” The perfect one was standing in the doorway. Ben rolled over, taking Robbie with him, so that his back was to Callum. “Ben, what’re you doin’?”

“Lyin’ on the floor with my dog,” he stated obviously.

“Okay,” said Callum slowly, wondering how best to talk to Ben in this mood. “How’re you doing with the girls from the club?”

“Getting’ nowhere.”

“Right … okay … where’s Frankie?” asked Callum. Ben sat up and glared belligerently at Callum.

“Not here. An’ I am obviously not good enough at the searchin’.” Ben was aware that he was being ridiculous but self-pity had taken charge. Callum could see that Ben was battling something so he squatted onto his haunches and stroked Ben’s arms.

“Talk to me Ben. Maybe I can help?”

“I’m fine.” Ben pushed Callum’s hands away and got back on his chair. “This search is complicated so I just need to get on with it. Without interruptions.” Callum closed his eyes, breathed deeply then got up, sat on his own chair and opened up his computer at the same time as texting Frankie. Ben saw the conversation emerge on Callum’s phone, perceiving how idiotic it was that he hadn’t mentioned Jack and Gill himself. Was it surprising that Callum treated him like a kid when he acted like one?

“I don’t get it Ben,” Callum said as he ended the chat. “Frankie says she told you already. Why didn’t you say something?”

Ben sunk his head in his arms.

“You treat me like a kid,” he mumbled into the desk.

“I don’t,” protested Callum.

“Yes,” snapped Ben, sitting up sharply. “You fuckin’ do. It’s like Lexi’s my kid and I’m yours. If you want a kid, Callum, have one. But I’m not it.” He pushed the chair away furiously, knocking it over, and stormed out of the room. The front door beckoned but Ben felt like the tornado in his head might swirl him away and never bring him back so he opted for the room off the kitchen. He gazed at the photos recalling the captured precious moments, grounding himself in the truth which was that he loved and was loved.

“I am sick to death of bein’ a fuckin’ mess,” said Ben as Callum appeared in the doorway.

“Yeah I know.” Callum sunk himself into an armchair. “I’m messin’ up as well Ben. I kind of get why you think I’m parentin’ you.” Ben reached out his hand and Callum took it.

Callum was hurt by one particular part of what Ben had said: “Lexi’s my kid”. He could see why Ben thought he was treating him like a child; he did have a habit of swooping in to take all the troubles away. But he thought he was like another dad to Lexi, not a real dad like Ben, of course not, but the relationship was a father-daughter one; it wasn’t anything else. It seemed, however, that Ben thought Callum behaved like a dad to him but maybe not to Lexi. Maybe he wasn’t getting it right because he hadn’t benefited from having a good parent. Maybe he would never be a good parent.

“What?” said Ben, picking up on a feeling of panic from Callum. “I can feel you catastrophising from here.”

“You want me to talk to you about what’s on my mind?” asked Callum pointedly.

“Okay, touché,” huffed Ben. They knew each other well enough to know that their difficult conversations needed to have the heat taken out of them so this was not the right moment. But there would be a time and soon. They stared at each other for a couple of minutes, angry expressions softening as the seconds ticked by. “Later, yeah?” said Ben.

“Yeah later,” agreed Callum, then his face broke into a soft smile. “Come with me.” He pulled Ben to standing and led him to the living room. “Stand there.” Ben stood obediently while Callum selected a vinyl and put it on the record player, then joined Ben. “Slow dance,” he said, putting his arms around him. Ben reciprocated and smiled at the soppy lyrics.

“Who is this?” he murmured as they swayed, pressed tight together.

“Van Morrison.” Callum loved dancing with Ben as he always moved in real synchronicity with the music and held Callum closely, enabling him to be part of this expression. They danced welded together until the end of the song and then pulled apart, looking into each other’s eyes.

“Talk later, work now,” said Callum. Back on track, they returned to the office.

For almost all of their cases, most of the information they unearthed came from online searching. This was true for Ruby’s job for any of the girls that were independent sex workers or sugar babies, accounting for about half the girls on their list. Frankie absence was felt by Ben who was missing her expertise. Many of the sites he was trawling required translation which he knew she would have been able to sort out much more quickly than him. He had once scoffed at Callum’s whiteboards but they were proving useful for collating information and making links about these girls. They called Ruby in to discuss their progress.

“That group all check out.” Callum indicated the left-hand whiteboard, then pointing at the next board. “This group need more checking. We have seven who are just names, at least twelve under sixteen,” said Callum, pointing out each group. “There’s twenty-three girls in this group, none of them British, none, so far, over eighteen.”

“Ruby, you can take this to the police,” urged Ben. “They have whole departments who sort this kind of thing.”

“The police all over the building - my dad’ll love that,” said Ruby. Ben had thought Johnny was all about business backhanders but maybe he was involved in other stuff. He thought about what Callum and he had been through to escape the control of dangerous parents and didn’t like to think that Ruby was in a similar position.

“Callum and me, we get what it’s like, dodgy parents, y’know. But you be you, yeah?”

“My dad and me are in business together,” said Ruby, fixing a cool, direct gaze on Ben. “We run things straight. Mainly. So … no police at this stage.” Callum and Ben exchanged a look. It was a quick check-in that they were both okay with this. Ruby noticed it and picked up that, without a word spoken, they had both just agreed that they were happy to operate with some legal grey areas. Interesting, she thought.

“Okay,” said Callum. “We’ve got as far as we can online. So the next step is to get out and about. We start surveilling them, see where they go, who they’re friends with. We keep adding to our information until the key players stand out. If that’s what you want. You’re the client.”

“It’s what I want,” confirmed Ruby. Ben walked her to the front door and watched her walk to her car, thinking how self-assured she was. Her clothes were classy, her long hair was expensively styled and the designer handbag on her arm looked natural rather than ostentatious. She held her head high and, even though she was as short as Frankie, she took long, determined strides. She had always been confident, one of those girls at school who genuinely didn’t care what anybody else thought, but she had grown up to be commanding. As he was watching, she turned to smile at him.

“Keep safe both of you. Please,” she said and jumped in her car.

Callum was in the hallway as Ben closed the door.

“Keeps things straight. Mainly,” he said. “Sounds like us.” Ben looked at him pensively, thinking how they hadn’t had a job for a long time that required role-play.

“Sounds like a job for hot boyfriends,” he suggested coyly.

+++

Callum and Ben were still in the routine of staying at Kathy’s on a school night and at Callum’s any other time. Things had changed slightly as Lexi now mostly stayed wherever they were. One night at Kathy’s, Lexi had gone to bed and Callum was reading ‘Noughts and Crosses’ with her (as much for him as for her), so Kathy had Ben on his own. She had something to say and wasn’t sure how to introduce the topic. She decided on getting straight to the point.

“Me and Mike are getting married,” she announced, immediately relieved to see Ben’s face light up. He jumped up and gave her a big hug.

“Congratulations mum. He’s a good bloke and you an’ ‘im are beautiful together. Is there a ring?” he asked, picking up her hand confused to see her third finger ring-free. She reached into her handbag, pulling out a small box and opening it to reveal a gold ring, with an unusual diamond and sapphire setting.

“Ooh nice,” appreciated Ben.

“We found it in an antique market when I went to France in January,” said Kathy as she put the ringer on her finger, twisting it back and forth to admire it.

“Wait – January? You’ve been engaged since January?” Ben realised then that the engagement had been put on hold because of him.

“Ben,” said Kathy, holding his face. “Nothing is more important than you, will ever be more important than you. You understand this ‘cause you would be the same for Lexi.” Ben leant his face into her hand and nodded.

“So, when are you thinkin’?”

“At Mike’s house in France in the summer. Our house. An outdoors wedding.”

“You gonna live in France then?” Ben wondered how much his life was about to change. His mum was a big part of Lexi’s life as well. Kathy watched Ben’s reactions and wanted to reassure him.

“No, no, of course not. I want to be around to help you, Callum and Lexi when you need it. Mike wants to retire so he’s going to sell his business and move here to this house. We’re going to live in this house. We’ll keep the house in France, and we’ll go there often throughout the year, but he’s going to sell the holiday lets.”

Callum came downstairs to find Kathy and Ben looking at examples of outdoor weddings on the computer. Ben looked over his shoulder when he heard Callum enter the room.

“Gonna be getting’ a new dad,” he declared. “Mum an’ Mike are getting’ married.” He turned back to continue his perusal. Callum offered his congratulations and looked at the back of their heads, close together as they shared the screen. Ben had a wonderful, warm relationship with his mum and his family was now expanding. Callum felt a flicker of loneliness.

“Tea?” he offered.

“Yes please love,” answered Kathy while Ben held his thumb up, neither of them looking Callum’s way. He stood in the small kitchen wondering about his place in this family. Was he just Ben’s boyfriend or did Kathy see him like a son? He wanted these relationships to be clearer, more secure somehow, but sometimes he felt like he was having a piggy-back on Ben’s life. This was part of the big conversation he needed to have with Ben. He heaved a sigh and took the tea through to the living room. Kathy was talking about her wedding.

“Mike and I want to walk in together, nobody giving me away, nobody being his best man, we’re too old for all that. But we are going to have all the grandchildren as attendants. I don’t think Lexi would ever forgive me if she didn’t get to be a princess for the day.”

“No special jobs for me and Callum?” sulked Ben, a little disappointed that he wasn’t going to be walking his mum down the aisle.

“Just look pretty,” she teased as she squeezed his cheek. She’d hoped for a proper conversation about living arrangements but decided this wasn’t the time. Callum, Ben and Lexi lived mainly at Callum’s but it was not yet official. She didn’t want them to feel she was trying to hasten this and was happy to continue with their current routine as long as they wanted, but she couldn’t help but wonder what was stopping them. If she was completely honest with herself, she wanted it to be just her and Mike living in the house.

Ben wanted nothing more than to formalise the living arrangements and move in with Callum. But Callum had never suggested it and Ben thought that, as it was Callum’s house, Callum had to bring it up first.

Callum wanted Ben and Lexi to fully move in with him but thought that Ben seemed happy with their current arrangement. He didn’t want Ben to feel like he was inserting himself into his family so he had not mentioned it.

Lexi, as could have been predicted, was over the moon about the wedding, asking Kathy lots of questions the following morning at breakfast about Mike’s grandchildren and wondering about what it all meant for her.

“So, Mike and you are going to live here, Nan, and Callum, Dad and me are going to live at Callum’s, like, all the time?” she asked unguardedly. The three adults looked at each other, each trying not to give any of their thoughts away.

“You’ll always have your room here, sweetheart,” said Kathy, aiming for reassuring and non-committal. “Anyway, grab your things or we’ll be late for school. I’m taking you today. We can talk about dresses on the way.”

Within five minutes, they were gone and Ben sat at the table looking thoughtfully at Callum. It was time to clear the air and Ben was suddenly thankful that it was to be here rather than in Callum’s house. It felt like neutral territory. He took a deep breath and started to explain.

“That night, when we were at Ruby’s, you were all talkin’ about your achievements, an’, well, it was like one of those moments when you realise that you’re not really all that, an’ I felt like I was a passenger in … in your life. Like I didn’t have my own life, I was just takin’ part in yours.” He reached across and put his finger on Callum’s lips as Callum started to respond. “Not finished. Just let me get it out, yeah?” Callum nodded but Ben noticed his eyes fill up. He gently wiped his lover’s tears away with his thumbs. “I work for you Callum, I live in your house half the time, what am I bringin’?” Ben felt his chest loosen releasing his strangled breath; it always helped to say things aloud, he reflected. He observed Callum, knowing that he also had something to explain. Although he had spoken his truth, and he was glad to have done it, he was a little anxious because Callum looked uncertain and emotional.

“You bring family Ben,” Callum said, the tears pricking at his eyes insistently. “An’ it’s so much more precious than a house or a job. You think you’re a passenger in my life. Truth is, I’m a stowaway in yours, worse in fact, ‘cause it’s like I want to hijack your life. I want Lexi to see me like a dad and Kathy to see me like a son. I’m sorry Ben, it’s like asking you to give me everything. It’s too much. And yeah, I can give you a house and a job, but it’s nothing compared to what you can give me.”

Ben had not thought about it like this and could see that there was more give and take in their relationship than he had realised. Callum had a tendency to assume the worst explanations for his feelings and Ben knew that he could help him with that by giving him the security and stability that he needed to thrive. It was a super boost to his ego. The strong relationships he had with his daughter and his mum hadn’t happened by accident; he had made them happen with his love and he could do this for Callum as well.

They sat at the table, facing each other, holding hands. Without realising they were thinking the same thing, they both were reminded of their declarations on the beach. This time Ben went first.

“I love you Callum. I want to be with you for all time. Which means you will be my daughter’s dad and my mother’s son – that’s what goes with being together for all time. It is everything. An’ it’s not too much.”

Callum had a little party starting in his head but managed to get his words out.

“I love you Ben. I want to be with you for all time. You, Lexi and me are goin’ to live together, make our home a place where we take care of each other, where we all feel safe and loved.”

“All sorted, then,” declared Ben, smiling widely.

“Yeah,” grinned Callum. He could see the release of tension in Ben and wondered if it was as obvious with him. He was beginning to feel giddy with excitement and watched Ben start to laugh as he noticed it. “But let’s surprise Lexi. Let’s do her rooms like she always describes them. I know you don’t want her to have everythin’ she asks for, but it would mark the occasion of us movin’ in together.”

“I can see how this is goin’ to be,” groused Ben, still smiling though. “You’re gonna be fun daddy and I’ll have to be the disciplinarian.”

+++

Over the next month, Callum and Ben became regulars at Sapphire. Some of the girls even got to know them a bit, feeling safe around the beautiful gay guys who were friends with Ruby. It became their habit to go to the kebab shop on George Street when they left the club because they’d found that ten of the girls lived above it. There were men around constantly to protect them.

“Guard them more like,” observed Callum. He and Ben used Frankie’s hidden cameras and their white boards with filling up with people of interest.

“We’re gonna get fat on this job,” remarked Ben looking at his kebab. Callum squidged his waist affectionately. Ben had put some of his weight back on since Spain but there still wasn’t really anything to get hold of.

“Hey,” objected Ben, laughing and moving in to get close to Callum.

The girls’ minders ignored Callum and Ben. A couple of soft boys who liked dancing and the night were of no interest to them.

Another set of girls lived in repurposed office block in the town centre. A quick search of the local newspaper revealed that the block was being used by the council to house the most unfortunate and disadvantaged people in the town. Callum and Ben quickly realised that it wasn’t somewhere they could go without standing out.

“You’re too fuckin’ handsome babe,” Ben told Callum one morning. “Me, I’m a master of disguise.” He ran upstairs and appeared twenty minutes later looking every inch a junkie.

“Where did you get the make-up from?” wondered Callum.

“Christmas present for Lex from Sharon and dad. I haven’t got round to dropping all those gifts at the charity shop yet.”

“But my real question is … how are you so good at puttin’ it on?” Callum was up close, looking at the expert application.

“My only friends were girls, like Ruby,” said Ben, adding under his breath, “and maybe there was a bit of school production.”

“You were in shows?” Callum sounded incredulous. Would Ben ever stop surprising him?

“I was good!” insisted Ben defensively. “I was the lead once. Billy Elliott.”

“Shit, I would have loved to have seen that,” sighed Callum, lost for a moment in his imagination. Ben looked at him, loving him even more; his starring role had caused his dad to ignore him for a month and every boy in his year to despise him but Callum would have loved to see it.

Ben took himself into the block acting like he was looking for a druggie friend. His surveillance revealed that all of the girls who didn’t live above the kebab shop lived in this block. They had more freedom than the kebab shop girls but there was a pecking order and those higher up controlled the girls lower down. The minders were not present. The other residents of the block fitted into three groups: down-and-outs with substance abuse problems, care leavers and young mums. Ben had been a sixteen year old parent and found it upsetting to witness the struggles of these young girls, knowing how easily that could have been Lola or him.

The investigation was slow because it required a lot of surveillance and Callum and Ben knew they mustn’t overdo it; it wouldn’t work if they were around too much. Ruby was happy with their progress, though, and agreed a new contract with them. She wanted to know who was running the girls and then her dad was going to take it from there. Callum and Ben were used to investigations reaching a point where their part ended and the information was handed over but were still a little curious about what Johnny Allen might do.

Their turning point came when Frankie returned. She had some surprising news: Marcus was with her and was going to move in with her and her mum. The tenant farm manager was buying his parents’ farm and Marcus’ plan was to use the money and set up a centre for local artists. There was no knowing how this process plus probate might take, so, in the meantime, he agreed to do some of the surveillance. Callum was surprised at this offer and privately thought it might not be a good fit for Marcus but Frankie set him up with a camera and he went to follow the alpha women from the office block to see where else they went. His casual ordinariness rendered him invisible but he was highly observant and turned out to be exceedingly good at the work.

“I think it’s a female team running it,” he explained to Callum one day back in the office. It was the end of the week and Ben and Frankie due back soon from following the other girls. It was time to collate all of their findings. “This woman,” Marcus pointed at a photo of a large woman with a hardened expression and fierce eyes, “runs the top girls but I don’t think she is in charge. I overheard her on the phone taking instructions from another female voice. She was being told to take some of the girls somewhere, but I couldn’t catch the address.” Callum felt a shiver of anticipation run up his spine as he looked at the photograph. This was a strong lead, he was sure of it.

When Ben and Frankie returned, Callum hurried them into the office to share the new information from Marcus. They stopped dead as they looked at the photograph pinned on the board. It was Brenda.


	12. Moving

Callum sat, head near his knees, on his grandad’s bench. Ben, Frankie and Marcus could see him from the office.

“What is he doing? He needs to come back in. We need to make a plan,” signed Frankie frowning as she looked through the glazed door. She was worried about the development. Brenda had been bad enough but she had discerned from Callum and Ben that Callum’s mum was much worse.

“He needs some time,” Ben signed, speaking aloud for Marcus’ benefit.

“Frankie,” Marcus got her attention and signed expertly. “Let’s go home. Callum needs this time.” Ben was impressed that Marcus’ signing was already more fluent than his.

When they left, Ben went out into the garden and sat on the bench next to Callum. The garden had been stunning throughout spring with fresh leaves unfurling in every shade of green and scented flowers calling to the early pollinators but it now felt like it was having a breather before the summer profusion. Callum tipped his head to the side to look at Ben.

“Fuck!” he said. Ben nodded and took hold of Callum’s hand and they sat there for a few minutes, listening to the fountain and the breeze in the trees.

“What do you want to do babe?” asked Ben. Callum shook his head indicating that he didn’t know; he didn’t look upset, more numb. Ben squeezed his hand giving it a gentle kiss. “Good timing, eh?” he said.

This referred to the fact that they had been planning to have a week off to decorate their bedroom and Lexi’s rooms. Lexi was spending the weekend with Kathy visiting Mike’s daughter partly for wedding attendant outfit fittings but also as part of a devious plan to keep her away from her bedroom while Ben and Callum got it ready. She didn’t know yet that she and Ben were moving in, so she was to get back from the trip on Sunday, which was a night they usually spent at Kathy’s, and she wouldn’t expect to stay at Callum’s until the following Friday. Friday after school was to be moving time and the big reveal giving Callum and Ben a week for the project. The following Saturday was her birthday and she was having a party in the garden and a sleepover, arrangements for which had been negotiated with Callum some time ago.

“You know what?” said Callum. “I have no fuckin’ clue what to do. So, let’s just do what we planned and do the decorating. It gives us a week to think of something.”

“Good plan,” agreed Ben.

The week turned out to be a lot of fun. Ben saw the whole experience as an opportunity to get himself and Callum in shorts and nothing else (“it’s easier to wash paint off skin than out of clothes, babe”) which was obviously a massive distraction for the randy pest. They had lots of sex and lots of laughs, to the point where Lexi became a little suspicious (“you two are being really silly this week”) but was fobbed off with an explanation that they were excited about her upcoming party.

Despite all of the interruptions, the rooms were ready by Thursday. Their bedroom was painted the same soft white as downstairs with bedspread and curtains in petrol blue. The huge fitted wardrobe and large en-suite bathroom were more than big enough for both of them to stow all of their things so the bedroom was very simply furnished with a large painting of the Dorset coast hung above their bed. Lexi’s bedroom was in turquoise and white as requested. Ben had a good eye for accessorising and there was a multi-coloured crocheted bedspread in greens, blues and turquoises and a mosaic glass lamp. In both of the bedrooms, sparkly turquoise curtains framed the windows and deep blue rugs covered most of the beige carpet. In the second bedroom, one wall had been shelved to accommodate Lexi’s ever-growing library, and there was a desk, a sofa bed in a mid-blue and a couple of bright yellow bean bags. The small bathroom had been painted in glitter paint which had got Ben inordinately excited; he knew Lexi was going to love it, maybe even more than him. The plan was to move her things in while she was at school the following day.

They lay on the new sofa bed feeling satisfied with the results of their endeavours.

“I want to see Dad and Stu,” said Callum. Ben looked at him to gauge his mood.

“Yeah?” Ben had also been thinking that this was probably the way forward. Callum needed some answers about his mum and those two, although nightmares, could supply these and were not likely to tell Jackie that Callum had come with questions.

“Yeah, on Monday.” Callum looked at Ben. “Is it okay if they come here?”

“Wow, we’re goin’ all in, aren’t we? My dad gets an invite to Lexi’s party and your dad gets to come round for a cuppa. We’re feelin’ brave, aren’t we?”

Suddenly Robbie became alert, barked loudly twice and hared down the stairs. A few minutes later, Frankie appeared at the bedroom door carrying a huge bag of pictures. Callum and Ben had known it was her from Robbie’s reaction so hadn’t moved from the sofa. Frankie unloaded the first pictures holding them up for Callum and Ben to admire. Lexi loved Eilish’s abstract portraits and was to be the lucky recipient of four of these, one each of her, Ben, Callum and Robbie.

“Mum’s never done a dog before,” said Frankie as she hung the paintings in the bedroom. Ben and Callum were taken aback. Eilish’s portraits cost hundreds of pounds to commission so this collection was a very valuable gift. Frankie was dismissive about the monetary value, saying, “Mum wanted to do them for her.” She then unwrapped a large photograph. It was of their garden but Frankie had painted it in ethereal colours creating an other-worldly vision. “This one is from me,” she said. “It’s a new thing I’m doing.” Her face shone with pride as she surveyed her work and Ben bounded over, wrapping her in a big hug after signing,

“Thank you, you fuckin’ ridiculous talent.”

+++

Lexi was tired after school on Friday and didn’t see why she was being required to take her bag upstairs.

“I’ll take it up later,” she grumbled, laying herself on the big sofa so that Ben could see she was extremely tired, scowling at him to underline the message.

“Please Lex,” said Ben and she reluctantly acquiesced, stomping up the stairs and moaning as she went.

“Why are you following me?” she complained, firing moody looks back down the stairs at Ben.

“I’m gettin’ something from my room,” fibbed Ben. He and Callum hid in their room until they heard the squeals of delight and then ran upstairs.

“This is amazing! I love everything. Did Eilish paint these? Are they us? But this … all my things are here,” said Lexi, holding her jewellery box and looking at Ben suspiciously. “Are we moving in?”

“We are,” confirmed Ben, his smile reaching right across his face.

“Yay!” screamed Lexi, throwing herself at Callum who caught her easily. “I’ve been waiting to move in for ages. I knew you’d do my rooms, Callum, thank you!”

“Actually I did most of the work,” exaggerated Ben as Callum laughed.

“You might’ve done most of the shopping, Dad, but there’s no way you did most of the work,” said Lexi still up in Callum’s arms, legs wrapped around his waist, giving him a big kiss on the cheek and whispering in his ear. “I know this was your idea. Thank you!”

The following day was a perfect June day, with a soft breeze sending sparse clouds wafting across the vivid blue sky. Ben and Lexi spent the morning decorating the garden with bunting and balloons while Callum went out to collect the party food and the cake. He had a moment where he had to remind himself that it was real, this was his real life. He thought back to the previous year around this time when Ben first introduced him to Lexi, how he and Ben had been best friends but he had wanted so much more. And now he had it all. When he got home, the long trestle table had been delivered and Ben had put it up near the house and covered it with a number of brightly coloured cloths. He and Lexi were in the middle of a good-natured argument about the playlist which both of them curtailed in order to give Callum detailed instructions about the food and drink. Callum, with his impoverished childhood, had never been to a children’s party and was a little in awe of their event organisation. He felt like this was a repeat run of Christmas and was brimming over with gratitude to Ben for sharing this wonderful life. By four o’clock, they were ready, giving them a chance to relax before the party which was starting at five-thirty.

First to arrive were Phil and Sharon. Sharon had responded to the party invitation saying that they were coming but Ben had not seen or spoken to his dad since the day he and Callum had returned from Spain so they had decided to ask them to come a little earlier than the rest of the guests.

“This is a beautiful house,” complimented Sharon, looking around admiringly.

“I can show you round,” said Lexi. “We’ll start with my rooms at the top of the house and work our way downwards. You too grandad, come on.” Phil looked at Ben.

“She gonna be an estate agent when she grows up?” he said. It was a truce of sorts. Phil kept it to himself but he felt something bordering on pride that his son had his own family and home. Sharon gushed about everything.

“You’ve made a lovely home,” she said to Ben and Callum. She meant it. She liked the way each room was uncluttered but not stark, the rich colours enriching the décor without overpowering it. There was nothing ostentatious or glamorous but it was definitely stylish. The unusual pictures were part of this and Lexi took great delight in explaining the abstracts. Sharon was enthralled and Phil rolled his eyes at what he perceived as nebulous nonsense. Their warm family life was evident from photos everywhere, to books and tablets on side tables, to diary reminders pinned on a noticeboard in the room off the kitchen. “What do you call this room? A snug?” Sharon asked, curious about this multi-purpose room. Ben laughed and tickled Callum affectionately.

“We call it ‘the room off the kitchen’. It stuck ‘cause Callum couldn’t decide what to call it but was a complete control freak and wouldn’t let anyone else decide.” As they walked into the garden, Ben handed Phil a drink and clinked glasses with him.

“Thanks for coming Dad,” he said, looking directly at his old man who almost instantly broke the eye contact.

“Yeah, well, Sharon really wanted to come.”

The rest of the guests arrived soon after, including Kathy and Mike, Frankie, Eilish and Marcus, Whitney and Ruby, Mick and Linda Carter and almost all of Lexi’s class. Robbie and Batman were completely over-excited, chasing each other around the garden and yapping madly. Ben had organised a video-call with Lola so that they could have a parallel party in New Zealand. Lexi had three half-siblings over there and Lola had got them all out of bed early in the morning to join in with the fun. Ruby was delighted to see Lola.

“Lola!” she screamed excitedly. “Look at you! Are all of these yours?”

“They are,” sighed Lola, pretending that she was tired of her brood. “An’ I’ve got another one on the way,” she said, showing off a bit of a bump. She noticed Ben come into view, frowning at the news. “I know, I know, Ben, I’m sorry - it means I won’t be coming over this year. I will stop having babies one day, I promise.”

The garden was large but it was divided into smaller areas with a path meandering through these revealing bits of sculpture and hidden seats on tiny patios. There were children everywhere exploring the fascinating space.

“How many have you got sleeping over?” wondered Kathy, watching flower beds getting trampled on.

“Just four,” said Callum, pointing out Lexi’s inner circle. He knew her friend Neja very well as she spent a lot of time outside school with Lexi. Their friendship group also included Lysetta, Bonny and Miles. Callum liked these kids; they were kind to each other and shared enthusiasms and a sense of humour. Lysetta was quiet and bookish; she and Lexi talked for hours about their favourite stories and characters. Miles was the joker of the group and Callum had listened many times to Lexi giggling when she was chatting to him. Bonny was another fun character, with a sharp sense of humour and a little bit of flamboyance about her. Callum watched a large throng of girls dressed older than their years, flashing eyes at a group of self-conscious boys, and recognised that Lexi and her friends were not part of this in-crowd. Thank goodness.

When it was time to eat, the various groups of children grabbed their food and a blanket and found a spot in the garden to have a picnic. There was a carefree atmosphere and even the cool girls relaxed. Eilish chatted to Phil and Sharon while Frankie and Marcus sat with Ruby and Whitney. Mick and Linda were deep in conversation with Kathy and Mike, and Callum and Ben had a moment to survey the party in progress.

“Dancing time soon,” said Ben, giving Callum a quick kiss. They looked into each other’s eyes besottedly for a few seconds, exhilarated by the wonderful day. It was a private moment but, unbeknown to them, it was witnessed by almost everybody at the party, and added to a universal feeling of happiness.

Soon the picnics were cleared away, the music was turned up and Ben and Lexi were teaching the dance moves they’d prepared. It drew in everybody including the cool kids and the New Zealand crowd. Ben was in his element swaying, sliding, spinning and laughing along with his audience. Callum watched the unbridled delight on his face as the kids got the moves and danced in time with each other. Soon everybody, including Phil, was on their feet giving it a go. Ben saw his dad smile at Lexi as she held his hands and danced with him. Maybe there was some hope for the old bastard.

Callum and Kathy switched on all of the fairy lights and lit all of the hanging tea lights as dusk fell. The party was ending at nine-thirty so there was just about enough darkness to show them off. As parents arrived to pick up their kids, they went down the side of the garage through a tunnel of hanging lights, emerging into the pretty courtyard that led onto the rest of the magically lit garden where they found their offspring with happy, tired faces.

“Oh, I wish I’d been invited,” said one of the mums, resolving to get to know Lexi’s dads better as her son enthusiastically described the dancing.

When everybody left, Lexi and her four friends disappeared upstairs and Callum and Ben lay on the big sofa for a while, listening to smoochy tunes, although even two floors down, the shouting and laughing could be heard clearly.

“When do you think they’ll go to sleep?” asked Callum.

“Around five,” answered Ben, knowing this to be true from previous experiences. “Then Lexi will be a total nightmare tomorrow.”

+++

Sunday had been as much about the party as Saturday had, just less fun as it involved clearing up, so work was a welcome change on Monday. Despite this, Callum was nervous about Jonno and Stuart turning up. He’d sent them both a text and was frustrated that he had not received a reply, knowing that some certainty would help him be calmer. They had already discussed that Ben would stick around so Ben was with him, watching him fidget and sigh.

The time set for the meeting was eleven and, by eleven-thirty, Ben and Callum accepted that the Highways were a no show. They got up from their waiting station in the living room to go into the office when there was a heavy knocking at the front door at which Robbie immediately started barking with a heavy alarm-raising woof. Callum opened the door and Stuart barged straight in. He was agitated and aggressively reared himself up when he saw Ben.

“What’s he doing in my grandad’s house?” he spat. Callum momentarily froze as he saw his brother for the first time in a decade, then moved to stand next to Ben. Robbie placed himself on the other side of Ben.

“Stu, I … I … I didn’t know you didn’t know,” Callum stammered, unable to believe he was going to start this conversation with bad news. “Grandad, he died. Almost two and a half years ago.” He paused, waiting for Stuart’s reaction.

“But this is his house,” said Stuart, not making sense of the information.

“Yeah, it is. It was.” Callum had an awakening sense that Stuart was not going to like what came next. “He left it to me. It’s Ben’s and my house now. We live here with Ben’s daughter Lexi.”

“Our daughter,” corrected Ben. Stuart glared at him, hostility oozing out of every pore, then strode past them and walked through the house towards the kitchen. Callum and Ben went back to the living room and waited. They heard Stuart go upstairs, opening and shutting doors as he continued his examination. Eventually he came into the living room and picked the old leather chair that was one of the few pieces Callum had kept of his grandad’s, throwing himself into it angrily.

“You didn’t think to tell me and Dad?” he accused.

“I did,” protested Callum. “I sent a card to the old flat. I didn’t think you’d’ve moved.” Stuart looked hurt.

“Dad hasn’t,” he said finally.

“Where is Dad?” asked Callum.

“Not ‘ere, thank fuck, seein’ as you’re shacked up with lover boy ‘ere.” Stuart gazed belligerently at Ben, the implicit challenge sent. Ben sat back and regarded Stuart coolly. He knew the type – all bluster and no balls.

“He’s not comin’?” persisted Callum. Stuart ignored him.

“Was there a will?” he demanded. Callum was beginning to feel like the conversation he wanted to have was a long way off.

“Yes, of course,” he said patiently. “He left me everything. I don’t know why Stu. Maybe because I visited him regularly. When was the last time you came here?” It wasn’t a constructive comment and Callum knew it. The truth was that he felt somewhat guilty that he had been the sole beneficiary. However, it was his grandad’s right to do as he wished with his estate and Callum believed he would have had his reasons.

“So ya live ‘ere in yer fancy ‘ouse in yer fancy neighbourhood? Bet yer _daughter_ ,” he stressed the word unpleasantly, “goes to a posh school, has posh friends. Meanwhile I’m in a shitty flat on the estate.” He sat forward in his chair. “Ya think it’s fair do ya Cal?”

“No,” admitted Callum. “I don’t. But I am NOT sellin’ this house, Stu.” He wondered about offering Stuart what was left of the capital but held back, feeling that it was something he and Ben should discuss first. He sat back on the sofa regarding Stuart. He looked older than thirty-nine and had lost all his hair or possibly had shaved it off. He was wearing tired jeans with a shirt that had needed to be ironed before it was put on yet Callum had the impression that this was Stuart making an effort. Callum was suddenly self-conscious of his good looks and careful grooming. He’d made Stuart come to his beautiful house and witness his amazing life. A pang of remorse hit him.

Ben watched the brothers and was surprised to feel a connection between them. He hadn’t expected that. Stuart was a slow-thinking thug but Ben doubted he would want any harm to come to Callum. Their grandad’s favour had undoubtedly been bestowed unevenly and Ben had some sympathy with Stuart. He knew Callum and was aware that he would feel like he was flaunting his good fortune and it would not be sitting well with him.

Stuart was shocked by Callum. His little brother had grown up and was tall and good-looking where he had previously been gawky. He was confident and calm where he had previously been a bag of nerves with a temper. And this boyfriend (even though it bothered Stuart to even think the word) was right there with him; they looked invincible together. Ben might be lounging back like he wasn’t worried but Stuart had no doubt that he was ready to fight for Callum. He’d never had anybody be on his side like that and he felt a stab of envy.

“So we’ve established that you’re not givin’ me my share of our inheritance. What do ya want then, Cal?” Callum looked at his brother frustratedly. He had wanted to start this conversation calmly, not from a place of irritation. He sat forward.

“I want to know about Mum. She left when I was six. I don’t remember much before then, Dad hittin’ her, not much else. But you were fourteen when she left. You would remember more.”

“Why now?” asked Stuart. He had seen Brenda dragging Ben away from her greasy spoon which probably meant he had been taken to see Jackie. Stuart and Jonno had been warned to tell Callum that Jackie was dead if Callum ever came looking and Stuart was certain Ben would have been told the same. But he wondered if Ben had told Callum that Jackie was alive. He hoped not but these two looked like they didn’t keep secrets from each other. “An’ what’re ya talkin’ about Dad hittin’ ‘er? They beat the crap out of each other as far as I remember it. It was a fuckin’ relief when she was sent down.”

Ben sat up at that, putting a gentle reassuring hand on Callum’s back.

“What?” whispered Callum. He kicked himself for not thinking about this possibility. He knew his mum was a villain so why hadn’t it occurred to him that she might have done time?

“Ten years Cal. An’ she was pregnant when she went inside. Our baby sister was born in Holloway.”

“What?” Callum repeated, numb with shock. Ben increased the firmness of his hand on Callum’s back. “Sister?” Stuart could see he had floored Callum but felt a perverse satisfaction in being able to do this; he recognised this more uncertain Callum.

“Yeah, Cal, sister. Looks like I’m gonna be the one sharin’ the bad news now.” He looked harshly at his brother. “DEAD sister Cal. Died, oh, about two years ago.” Callum fell back on the sofa grasping at Ben’s hand as he went. Stuart saw his distress but he was annoyed now and wanted Callum to have his eyes opened.

“Mum gave her up. Dad didn’t think he could have me, you and ‘er so she was taken into care Cal. Then, at sixteen she got pregnant. That baby was stillborn. By the time she was eighteen, she was pregnant again. Twins. Did alright with them at first but by the time she was twenty-two she was a smackhead. Didn’t want her boys in care, wanted Dad and me to look after them. Then, before she reached twenty-four, she O-Ded. End of a fuckin’ awful life.”

“What was she called?” asked Callum, hating that she was nameless.

“Shelly.”

“And the boys?”

“Roman and Tyler. They’re seven.”

“An’ they’re with Dad?”

“Yeah,” said Stuart sadly, thinking of his nephews and the last four years of their life. He had moved out to live with his girlfriend so that the boys could have a bedroom but he tried to see them every day because his dad struggled so much. “So while you’re ‘aving a lovely little life, it’s a bit ‘arder for some of us.”

“What about mum?” said Callum.

“Long dead,” said Stuart. His eyes briefly flicked to Ben before resting again on his brother.

“No Stu, she isn’t and you know it,” stated Callum unequivocally. Stuart switched his gaze firmly back to Ben; it was a look loaded with accusation and anger. Ben stared back impassively. The game was up. “Doesn’t she want Roman and Tyler?” Callum carried on. “Mould them into something she didn’t get with me and you?”

“Not exactly the mothering type, is she?” Stuart pointed out. “Think about it Cal. Social’d never let ‘er ‘ave ‘em. Dad’s a useless prick but Mum’s a fuckin’ crime boss, for fuck’s sake. Old Bill might not ‘ave enough on ‘er to put ‘er away but they know who she is.”

“What do you know about what she does?” asked Callum. Stuart narrowed his eyes.

“No, Cal,” he said. Ben saw Stuart’s resolution and respected him for it; it came from a place of concern for Callum and that was good as far as Ben was concerned. But he knew Callum would not let it go so wasn’t surprised when Callum stood up and invited Stuart to follow him. He took him into the office.

“These girls,” he said, pointing at the collection of photographs, “have all come here from Albania, Macedonia and Bulgaria, probably having been trafficked, and are now handled by this woman.” He pointed at Brenda and turned to look at Stuart. “So that leads us to mum.”

“What is this?” Stuart looked around the room, alarmed at what he saw. “What are you doin’ with all o’ this?”

“We’re private investigators and we have a client who wants these girls out of her club. She wants to know who’s running them.”

“What can you do about it, Cal?” Stuart’s voice rose in pitch as he grasped the dangerous position his brother was in. “This is fuckin’ crazy. Tell the police if you ‘ave to.”

“Our client doesn’t want the police involved,” Callum explained. Stuart sank into a chair at the table.

“So you’ve got friends in low places. Fuck, Cal,” he groaned.

“No,” said Ben, sitting down with Stuart. “We’re legit, mainly. We will work for people who are the same, maybe people who aren’t that comfortable with the police, but we DON’T work for villains.” Callum sat down next to Ben facing Stuart.

“Is this mum?” he asked, looking back at the boards.

“Is our mum a sex trafficker? Fuckin’ marvellous,” said Stuart miserably. “Who knows? But,” he gestured towards the white boards, “it looks like it. But YOU can’t go after ‘er, Cal. And neither can you.” He looked pointedly at Ben.

“Ben,” Ben supplied helpfully, aware that Stuart had not referred to him by name once and wondering if this was a way of denying his existence.

“You DO get it, don’t ya?” insisted Stuart grabbing hold of Callum’s arm. “Mum gave you to Aidan. She thought you ‘ad it in ya ‘cause ya can use yer fists. But ‘cause of you the job went wrong and they all ended up inside. You’re supposed to be hidin’ in fear for yer life. Terrified to show yer face. Yer life’s supposed to be in tatters. Mum is the only protection you’ve got. You can’t mess with her.”

“We know, Stuart, we do. We don’t mess about with our safety. We’ve Lexi to consider,” said Ben. Stuart nodded but he and Callum continued to stare at each other. They were not going to agree on this. Ben made the snap decision that they needed to get off the subject of Jackie Highway for a short time and his stomach was rumbling so he said, “I’m goin’ to run down to the chippy for lunch. You both hungry?”

While Ben was out, Callum took Stuart to the room off the kitchen to show him pictures of Lexi.

“So that’s you gay, then,” said Stuart looking at the picture of Ben and Callum, “since you met ‘im.” Callum held Stuart’s shoulders and turned him so that they were face-to-face.

“Stu, I have been gay my whole life and I think you know that. I moved into this house in a long-term relationship with another man but then I met Ben. He is the love of my life.” It felt good to be the messenger and Callum stood a little taller. Stuart nodded.

“I’ve got a girlfriend, Rainie,” he said. “Think maybe she’s the love of my life.” Callum saw Stuart soften as he mentioned his girlfriend. Stuart had done some terrible things to Callum throughout his childhood but Callum wondered if they could move past these memories; Stuart seemed different somehow. Did the past have anything new to say? As much as Lexi and Kathy were his family, Callum still hankered after having family connections of his own and he wondered if he should build bridges with Stuart.

“We’re gonna have to find a way to meet up, Stu. I want to meet Rainie. I’d like to meet Roman and Tyler as well. An’ maybe Dad … why didn’t Dad come today?” Stuart groaned inwardly at Callum’s naïve question. Did Callum really not understand?

“Ben told ‘im about ya bein’ gay. He doesn’t agree with homesexuality.”

“That’s like him being short and not agreeing with the existence of tall people and then not wantin’ to know me ‘cause I’m over six foot.” It wasn’t a brilliant analogy but it was what Callum could think of in the moment.

“You’re makin’ it sound ridiculous.”

“It is ridiculous.”

“So we’re ridiculous, are we?”

“Well, I’m hopin’ it’s just dad who’s ridiculous.”

Callum and Stuart shared a smile at the sibling bickering and gave in to a big hug, both of them knowing they were back in each other’s lives.

+++

Ben had picked up the fish and chips and was on his way back home with his mind whirring. Stuart’s analysis of the problem made complete sense to him and confirmed his suspicion that Jackie was protecting Callum. Whether she was doing that out of love for Callum or for her own reputation was a moot point. Did it mean that Aidan was still carrying a grudge? Ben was also concerned about Callum’s connection with Stuart and his interest in his nephews. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Callum to have family connections - he knew that Callum would want them and therefore Ben wanted them for him – but he was worried about Jackie’s warning about him and Callum keeping off her patch.

Ruby’s job had raised questions rather than answers and they needed to get her to define what she wanted to find out? If they gave her Brenda, would that be enough? Ben wasn’t sure about this. He didn’t want to tell Ruby that Brenda was handling the girls to then have the full madness of Jackie arriving at Ruby’s door. At least if they found out Jackie was in charge, they could give Ruby advance warning. Or maybe they should just explain to Ruby about Callum and Jackie? Ben thought that was probably the best idea and, cheered up, he picked up his pace.

As he rounded the corner, a van stopped alongside him with its door open. A ostensible passerby stepped forward and pushed him into the vehicle. The bag of food fell on the pavement as the door closed and the van sped off.

“Ben,” greeted Jackie, sitting next to him as he righted himself. Ben closed his eyes and let his head fall back. Jackie continued. “Now Ben, I’m going to get straight to the point as I’m short of time. I’m sure I was very clear that you were to tell Callum I was dead.” Ben heaved a sigh.

“Well, I told him that’s what you told me to tell him. I explained why an’ he understood. He hasn’t been lookin’ for you. It’s the same outcome.”

“You didn’t want to lie to him? That’s good for your relationship. But you’re lying to me Ben.” Jackie’s voice was low and quiet, seemingly calm. Ben was not fooled for a minute but didn’t respond knowing that Jackie would explain the lie she thought he had told. “You see,” she carried on, “I know Callum sent a message to his brother and his dad asking them to visit him at home.” Ben filed that information away knowing that it meant Stuart or Jonno or both of them could not be trusted or they had told somebody who could not be trusted. “Cat got yer tongue, Ben?” He turned his head to look at her.

“What lie have I told you?” he asked. “I haven’t told you a lie.” His heart was beating fast and he was worried Jackie could sense it but he was good at acting and he maintained his calm.

“You said Callum’s not looking for me. So why does he want to see Jonno and Stuart?” Ben breathed a little easier. He could make up an answer for this.

“’Cause he wants to see them. Callum’s got this thing about second chances.”

“Oh I don’t think so Ben. An’ I’m thinkin’ that if I speak to that spineless simpleton Stuart he might be a little bit more honest than you. What do you think Ben?”

“I think he’ll talk about Callum wanting to reconnect with him.” Ben was certain Stuart would fold like a house of cards and was hoping that Jackie was bluffing. It was not to be.

“Well, let’s go and ask him shall we?” The van pulled to a stop and, as the door opened, Ben realised that they were at his and Callum’s house.


	13. Mother

“That’s Ben back with lunch,” said Callum to Stuart as he heard Robbie’s single bark, then frowned as Robbie started to bark repeatedly with his heavy woof. Stuart noticed Callum’s uncertainty.

“What?” he questioned. The barking continued to escalate in urgency.

“I don’t know,” replied Callum, running towards the living room, Stuart right behind him. Through the window, they could see a black van parked on the road with people emerging, one of whom was Ben. Stuart pulled Callum back into the hallway.

“Mum!” he forewarned. Ben definitely had a key but Callum could glimpse him through the stained glass of the front door as the doorbell sounded. He pushed Stuart towards the office and from there out into the garden, dashing down the side to quickly unlock the gate. He heard the doorbell sound again and quickly got out his phone and texted.

_Forgot your key again? Stu and me in garden. Side gate open_

He urged Stuart to move and instructed him as they ran down to the end where the small shed stood.

“Ben’s bought us some time but they’re goin’ to come down the side any second. We’re goin’ to get some tools.” In the shed, he seized a spade and a hoe, pushed them into a nearby flower bed and shoved Stuart onto a garden bench, swiftly sitting down next to him. “Stu, you following?”

Stuart nodded. It was just in time as they could see Ben and Jackie coming around the side of the garage with a couple of tough-looking women. Jackie and Ben left the women near the house and headed towards Callum and Stuart. When they reached them, Ben sat down next to Callum. There wasn’t any room for Jackie to sit.

“No manners boys?” she said. “You’d leave a lady standing?” Ben stood up and disappeared into the shed, bringing out a folding chair which he placed for Jackie. He was careful not to take his eyes off her and Callum realised this was because he didn’t want to turn his back and reveal the stake mallet he had tucked in the back of his trousers. She sat down and spent some time scrutinising Callum.

“Well, ain’t you a sight for sore eyes?” she said eventually. Callum couldn’t take his eyes off her either. This was his mother in the flesh. He had dreamt of this moment many times and now it was here he discovered he couldn’t care less about getting to know her. She was nothing to him. He could see who had given him his good looks but this woman looked hardened and cruel and he knew he did not resemble her in that regard.

“What’re you doin’ here?” he asked coldly. “We’re pretending you’re dead, remember?” It was a guess but the fact that she was here meant that she knew Ben had told him that she was alive. If that was the case, he reckoned Ben had probably told her that they had decided to pretend she was dead. Callum could imagine that his argument would have been that it was the same outcome so no difference to her. Ben’s slight release of tension beside him told him that he was working off the correct assumptions.

“What’re YOU doin’ here?” responded Jackie, turning abruptly to look at Stuart. Ben tried to breathe normally as he hoped desperately that Stuart had picked up the play. Callum wasn’t taking that chance.

“I invited him. I wanted to meet him,” he explained, praying that Stuart was keeping up.

“That so?” remarked Jackie coolly, dark eyes appraising her younger son. “Why?” Callum could feel his anger rising so pressed his fingernails into his palms as a distraction. Jackie glanced down at his clenched fists and smirked, a small action which made something in Callum snap and he sat forward, boring his eyes into hers, no fear shown.

“Do you have any idea what it is like to be on your own with family out there that you have nothin’ to do with?” He stopped and laughed wryly. “Stupid question - course you do.” He sat back and looked at Ben; their eyes briefly coupled, boosting their courage. “But I’m in a different place now. I’ve grown and I’m happy. An’ I decided I wanted to give my family another chance.” He squeezed Stuart’s arm supportively and looked back at their mum. “I might’ve given you another chance but you threatened to hurt Ben an’ he matters more to me than anybody.”

There was silence while the three men on the bench waited for Jackie to respond. Her face twisted as she was thinking, resting finally in barely hidden fury.

“My dad moved to this area, this house, almost forty years ago, out of shame,” she said, a sharp edge to her voice betraying the damage that had been done to her. “I’ve never been here.” She looked back up the garden towards the house. “Nice, innit? Course I was left out of the will.” She turned to Stuart. “So were you. How d’ya feel about that?” Stuart didn’t answer. He didn’t trust himself to say anything in front of this manipulative monster. “Thing is, Stuart, he wasn’t very impressed with ya trying to burn yer brother alive.” Stuart gasped audibly and shot an anxious look at Callum and Ben. Callum steadied him with a hand on his arm. Jackie continued relentlessly. “As far as ‘e was concerned, that was probably worse than me getting’ pregnant at fourteen, followed by borstal. Did ya know you was a prison baby, Stuart?” Stuart froze and all of the colour drained from his face. “’S’only the beautiful Callum who was born on the outside,” Jackie finished meanly, turning her face to the summer sun and basking for a while.

“What’re you doing here?” repeated Callum. His rejection of his mother was unambiguous. He wanted nothing to do with her. Jackie felt it and was stung but she was determined that they would never see it. She continued to sunbathe, as if keeping them waiting was her power move. When she thought she had left it long enough, she turned to face them.

“I wanted to see ya with my own eyes. Here, at this ‘ouse. Also, Ben ‘ere did not stick to our arrangement. That requires a response.” She stood up, stared at her sons dispassionately and walked away, jerking her arm at the two women from the house, a simple command to inflict her retribution. They moved right away, striding down the garden, their knuckle dusters and short metal cudgels becoming visible as they got nearer. Callum sprang to his feet, grabbed the spade and chucked the hoe at Stuart while Ben took out his mallet. The women weren’t put off; they obviously didn’t think they were in trouble. They were wrong. Callum swung his spade at the legs of one of them, taking her down, and a second swing relieved her of her baton; he wrenched off the knuckle duster and smashed it into her face. Ben crunched his mallet on the shoulder of the other causing her to drop her stick, followed by a sharp swipe in her ribs as she fell and a follow up smack of the mallet on her knuckle duster hand. She went to get up and Stuart stepped forward and placed his hoe against her neck.

“Don’t!” he warned. Both women surrendered and lay back on the floor.

Callum, Ben and Stuart walked back up the garden passing Jackie near the house. She had watched the scene unfold, annoyed with herself for having overlooked the garden tools but impressed that somehow Callum and Ben had managed to formulate a plan with no time and without speaking to each other. Ben had showed her Callum’s text; that was clever, she thought. They were tight those two, there was no doubt about that. She saw how they had not hesitated to defend themselves with definitive force; even Stuart had stepped up. Maybe they would be alright if Aidan came calling.

“Get them out of our garden,” snarled Callum as he, Ben and Stuart walked past her and into the house, shutting the door firmly behind them.

After the wounded women were removed and the garden straightened up, Stuart left and Callum and Ben went to pick Lexi up from school. To their surprise, they had a new set of friends as a gaggle of women surrounded them. It transpired there was to be a camp-out to mark the end of Lexi’s cohort’s time at primary school and Callum’s and Ben’s input was required.

“One minute we’re smashin’ people’s heads in and the next minute we’re rollin’ up at the school gates like dads of the year,” observed Ben once they’d extricated themselves from the pack. “It’s fuckin’ mad. Who are we, Callum?” He wasn’t expecting a considered answer but Callum was feeling serious.

“You said our safety was our first concern ‘cause of Lexi. We had a plan with Phil to keep us safe. I think we need a plan for Jackie.”

“You heard Stuart. She’s a crime boss. We can’t exactly invite her to birthday parties,” reasoned Ben.

“Why not? Your dad’s a crime boss. It worked for him.” Ben looked at Callum and saw his face set with a stubborn look.

“It’s early days with dad, Callum. An’ they’re different kinds of criminal. Dad’s about money-lending, money-laundering, a bit of cars. Your mum’s trafficking underage girls.”

“We don’t know for sure though, do we, what either of them does?” Callum wasn’t letting go and Ben could understand his thinking. It was of paramount importance to be safe for Lexi so they needed to know the exact nature and magnitude of the dangers they faced.

“Okay,” he said, “Let’s find out.” The conversation was curtailed by the arrival of Lexi, her delight that they had brought Robbie and her plea to buy an ice-cream from the van.

+++

Jackie’s visit cemented Callum’s resolve to find out more about the young girls on the white boards. Although he was well aware that this was going to take him into his mum’s territory, it didn’t feel so risky now they had seen each other. He had caught the look of twisted pride on her face when they had left her in the garden and suspected that she would continue to protect him as much as she ever had.

As Frankie, Ben and Callum were known to her, Marcus was tasked with following Brenda, Ben decided he was going to do some digging into his dad’s organisation which left Frankie and Callum to do some cheating spouses and take on a new missing person.

The missing person was a nineteen-year-old called Tracye Hayes and she had been missing since she was fifteen.

“Is that the right spelling?” asked Callum. Frankie nodded to confirm. The unusual version of the common name had proved to be helpful in her search and she easily found some information online for them to peruse. Pushing her screen round towards Callum, they read about a girl who was as wayward as it was possible to be - her charge sheet would have been a litany of antisocial offences. This was confirmed by her aunty Julie, who had raised the enquiry, when they met her.

“Her mum and dad don’t give a shit,” she said. “An’ she probably has just run off, little cow, but I wanna know.” Callum gave his usual spiel about this being an open police investigation and the police would be investigating it at no expense to Julie, but she was adamant. “No, my ex has buggered off so I’ve sold ‘is car an’ I’m gonna spend the money on finding Tracye.”

If the trail had gone cold for the police then it was unlikely that they would find anything else online, so Callum and Frankie knew that they needed to go back to the beginning and talk to Tracye’s friends. These were easy enough to find from social media and soon they had a list of names and addresses, agreeing that Callum would do the interviews and Frankie would continue with the cheating spouses. Frankie was happy with the arrangement as she found Callum’s interviews quite difficult to follow with his circuitous routes to the facts. There was no denying he was good, though. Frequently, she found herself sighing inside as yet another person fell for his persuasive charm. He could sell a cage to a lion.

First on his list was a young woman called Sheree Kings. She lived in a high rise not far from where Callum had been brought up and had a beautiful little boy TJ leaping around the cramped space.

“She was turnin’ tricks,” stated Sheree, shrugging her shoulders dismissively as if that was all that needed to be said.

“Any little detail could be helpful,” coaxed Callum. “I know you’re busy but, if it’s ok with you, I can play a bit of ball with TJ here while we talk.” By the end of the interview, Callum had to prise TJ from his back, had been slipped a note from Sheree inviting him to call her and had a wealth of information about Tracye Hayes.

He visited the next three people on his list and started to pad out the picture of Tracye. She had been smart at school, top set for everything and especially good at maths and computing, but her homelife was chaotic. She was the eldest of seven kids of unemployed parents. Everybody that Callum spoke to commented that before she disappeared she suddenly had money; the consensus was that she was selling sex. They also remembered that Tracye had been friendly with “a weird kid”, “a loner”, “a computer nerd”. This tied in with one of the leads from Sheree. She had been more uncertain about sharing this contact with him and only did so after extracting sincere promises that he would never share it with anyone.

“I’m gonna call ‘im ‘cause he won’t answer the door otherwise. He was friends with Tracye so he’ll want to help an’ I think you won’t stress ‘im out. But he’s … just be careful with ‘im alright?” she entreated.

Her information took him to a flat on a nearby estate. The door in front of him looked ordinary enough but when Callum knocked it sounded solid like it had been fortified. It was opened by a morbidly obese man, completely shaven (or maybe he has alopecia, thought Callum) and dressed in a long white garment like a dishdasha. Callum knew this man was only twenty and hoped his surprise wasn’t evident.

“Charlie Bell?” he asked.

“Yes?” Charlie looked almost hopeful and Callum wondered if he didn’t get much company. He explained who he was and Charlie invited him in, urging him to remove his shoes and leave them and his bag behind the front door and squirting sanitiser into his hands. Going from the dingy walkway outside, Callum had to shield his eyes as the flat was bright white, with light bouncing off every spotless surface. There were no soft furnishings and everything was impeccably clean although Callum couldn’t smell any cleaning fluids. It was a little mystery he quickly solved. Charlie offered him a cup of tea and Callum watched him run the tap until the water was scalding hot, then wash everything he was going to use, then wash everything he had used, then wash his hands. He washed every surface Callum touched, so Callum made sure he sat down and didn’t move.

“Are you okay to talk Charlie?” he asked gently. Charlie seemed like a highly vulnerable person and Callum was not about to exploit his placid nature but he was here for a reason knowing there was more to the man. Charlie washed down a seat, returned the cloth to the kitchen, came back and sat down.

“Yes we can talk,” he said. “You seem clean enough, Callum. And you’re not police.”

“Yes, I am clean,” confirmed Callum. “And not police.” Callum had always used his hands a lot when talking, a habit that had become even more ingrained by the time spent with Ben and Frankie, but became conscious that this was a distressing distraction for Charlie. He clasped his hands tightly in his lap below the table and Charlie relaxed visibly. “Charlie, Sheree Kings told me about you. She said you were good friends with Tracye Hayes. She also said you make fake IDs. I’m not police Charlie. I don’t care about your business. I just want to know if you made anything for Tracye.” Charlie was difficult to read. His face displayed a mixture of innocence and hopefulness and hopelessness and fear and Callum wondered if Charlie’s customers’ usual approach was to threaten him. He hoped Charlie wasn’t frightened of him.

“Yes,” said Charlie, apparently having decided he could reply. “She had everything.” Callum was confused briefly as he wondered what ‘everything’ entailed and then he had a brainwave. Did Charlie do more than fake IDs? Did he do new identities?

“A new name, Charlie?” Charlie nodded and, tensing, he leant forward very slightly.

“I can’t tell you,” he said. “It’s my promise.” The tiny advance was reversed and Charlie relaxed again. Callum latched on to Charlie’s binary view of the world: clean/not clean; police/not police; confidential/not confidential. He switched direction, adapting his questioning so that Charlie could stick to facts.

“Is there a lot of demand for new identities? How many have you done?” he asked.

“38.” Charlie frowned at the double question and clarified. “I have done 38. There may be others done elsewhere.” Callum widened his eyes and mouthed a quiet “wow” before he broke into a smile, reciprocated by a proud Charlie. It was not calculated sycophancy - Callum sincerely wanted to give this gentle man some affirmation plus he was genuinely interested.

“Is it difficult to do?”

“Yes,” said Charlie without a hint of conceit. “I’m a specialist.”

“The people who need your … specialist services … I guess they’re running from something. The law maybe or bad people. What about Tracye?” As he watched him thinking about his answer, Callum hoped that his probing was subtle enough to not stress Charlie.

“She was running from bad people,” Charlie said finally, coming to a decision that this reply did not break any of his rules.

“I know you can’t tell me Tracye’s new name, but is there anything you can tell me to help me look for her? Her aunty Julie, Julie Golding, just wants to know she’s okay.”

“Julie Golding,” Charlie repeated, looking thoughtful. “The new names must remain confidential. It’s my promise. But you already know the new name.” Callum was confused for a moment unsure about whose new name he was supposed to know. He’d only mentioned three people: Sheree, Tracye and Julie. The penny dropped.

“Was Tracye running away from Julie?” he asked. Charlie nodded. “Is Julie her aunt?” Charlie shook his head. He liked this calm, kind man and he’d liked Tracye. Most importantly, he would not be breaking a promise as this was revealing an old name not a new one.

“One last question Charlie. Can you tell me Julie’s old name?” asked Callum. Charlie nodded.

“Samantha Turner.”

Before Callum left, he made sure Charlie had his contact details and understood that he could call if he needed help. He suspected that Charlie never left the flat so anybody who wanted to get to him would know exactly where he was; he had dealings with dangerous people so that was a concern. With that in mind, he told Charlie that he would send Frankie round to help him set up some security.

+++

When Callum arrived home, after a rapturous welcome from Robbie, he realised the house was strangely quiet. He ducked his head around the living room door but the room was empty. Going down to the room off the kitchen, he saw a note on the noticeboard in Ben’s appalling handwriting:

_Lexi staying at Mum’s tonight. Dress planning. You’re not answering your phone so M, F and me gone to pub. Join us._

He got out his phone and saw that it was out of power. Strange. Leaving it on the side to charge, he decided he would feed Robbie and play with him for a while before heading out. An hour later, his phone still didn’t have much charge so he left it and set off for the pub.

“Callum mate,” greeted Mick as he walked through the door. “They’re over there.” He pointed at a table at the back of the pub. Callum looked over and saw Frankie, Marcus and Ben as expected but also Johnny, his boyfriend Ollie, a couple of people he didn’t know and – Callum’s throat went dry – George. He looked aghast at Mick who laughed at him.

“Chickens come home to roost, Callum.”

As he walked over, Ben didn’t see him as he had his back to the door but Callum saw Ben laughing at one of George’s jokes and then he grasped George’s arm as George touched his knee. Callum stopped abruptly in his stride. George leant in to add something and Callum saw Ben turn to him with something that definitely looked like interest. He veered off towards the toilet feeling the need to regroup. He and Ben hardly ever went out anywhere where they would meet other men, just Johnny and Ollie sometimes, so the chance for Ben to be attracted to somebody else hadn’t occurred. It wasn’t on purpose; it was just that their lives revolved around each other, their family and their work. George was a gorgeous looking guy with big eyes and long eyelashes and a very fit body. Why wouldn’t Ben be attracted to him? Callum looked at himself in the mirror and made a snap decision. He didn’t have the energy for this. He was going home.

When Ben rolled in just before midnight, Callum could smell the beer on him as he came through the bedroom door. He fell on the bed and gazed lovingly at Callum.

“Such a good night, Callum. Where were you? Sent you loads of messages.” Ben lay flat on his back apparently exhausted with the effort of climbing the stairs. Callum looked at him stonily.

“Got in late. My phone was dead. Didn’t feel like it.” Ben picked up on the mood behind the terse replies and rolled onto his side, immediately feeling the onslaught of Callum’s glare.

“What happened today?” he asked, wondering why Callum was looking at him like he’d done something wrong. Callum ignored the question. He had some of his own.

“Such a good night, was it? What did you do?” Callum was trying for neutral but thought that Ben would probably notice the interrogative tone; he was perversely irritated when Ben missed it.

“Went down The Vic with Marcus and Frankie. Johnny and Ollie and some of their friends were there. Was just a laugh is all, lots of jokes … you know how it is.” Callum was devastated. Ben knew about his history with George but was now not mentioning that he’d met him tonight. Why? What was he hiding?

“Do you feel the age gap between us Ben?” he asked obtusely.

“Callum, what’re you goin’ on about? You’re actin’ weird,” said Ben, completely confused about the downward spiral he was being dragged along.

“You’re twenty-seven. I’m thirty-two. There’s an age gap,” Callum insisted.

“You’re Callum. I’m Ben. There’s no gap,” murmured Ben seductively, closing the physical gap between them. Callum pulled away and sat on the edge of the bed.

“I’m goin’ downstairs,” he snapped and left the room.

Dropping into one of the armchairs in the room off the kitchen, he grumpily reached for his phone.

_Ben 19 messages_

Half of them were from throughout the day, their usual checking in messages. It occurred to Callum that he hadn’t thought to check in with Ben. He hadn’t even realised his phone was out of power which also meant he’d forgotten to charge it the previous night. Why was he so distracted? He didn’t have to search deeply for the answer to that question: he had been thinking a lot about his mum, his sister, his nephews.

Then there were a couple of messages about going to The Vic but it was the messages Ben had sent from the pub that completed the picture.

_7:30 Oh. My. God. Your ex George is here._

_7:35 You never said he was sooooo pretty._

_7:54 I think he fancies me. Keeps touching my leg. Get here quick._

_8:01 Where are you? I need saving here._

_8:14 He def fancies me. Keeps leaning in. Holding him off babe._

_9:03 U ok?_

_9:54 Know you’re a big boy_ _😊 and can look after yourself but …_

_10:36 Missing you babe. Last orders?_

_11: 40 Coming home. Hope you’re still awake._

Ben appeared at the doorway. He had changed into nightwear and was freshly washed from a shower. Callum’s heart did a little flip as he sauntered over sexily and sat himself on Callum’s lap.

“Speak your truth Callum Highway,” he ordered. “What the fuck is the matter?” Callum closed his eyes, feeling the humiliation of jealousy, and held on to Ben.

“I saw you and George flirting,” he muttered, embarrassed by an inkling that he had misinterpreted what he saw.

“You were in the pub?” questioned Ben. “An’ you didn’t come over?”

“I saw you and George flirting,” repeated Callum more firmly.

“No you didn’t,” said Ben. “You might have seen him tryin’ to come onto me. He was bloody persistent, touchin’ my leg all the time, tryin’ to make it so that we were talkin’ just the two of us. He knows we’re together, Callum, but he kept goin’. At one point, I thought he was gonna try and snog me and I had to hold him off. Johnny had a right go at him. Thing is Callum, he wasn’t flutterin’ his pretty eyelashes for me; he was tryin’ to get back at you. Johnny explained it to me when George left which was quite early on thank god, otherwise he would have completely ruined the night.” Ben kissed Callum’s forehead. “Jealous bunny,” he murmured, as he pressed his lips against Callum’s.

“I’m sorry,” mumbled Callum through the kisses. “’S not okay … being jealous …” He moved his hands up underneath Ben’s top, feeling a tingle of excitement as his fingers touched his lover’s skin, and pushed the tee over his head as their kisses deepened. Ben pulled Callum’s top off and their bodies melded together as they wrapped arms around each other, tongues probing and lips pushing. The feeling of closeness was intoxicating and they willingly ceded control to baser instincts, stripping off shorts and pressing into each other. Ben was moaning uncontrollably, loving the grinding and the edge of climax promise, while Callum was lost in the bliss of the moment, conscious only of the sensation of Ben’s body in his arms, between his legs, against him touching every part of him.

Having moved the lovemaking upstairs for essential equipment, they lay entwined on their bed, spent and deliriously happy. The orgasms had been staggering but for Ben it was the feeling of Callum above him and inside him that blew his mind and he focused, imprinting the memory so that he could revisit the experience whenever he wanted. Callum was similarly capturing the feeling of Ben’s legs high up and his ecstasy as Callum was able to push deeper inside him.

“We’re both holdin’ our breath,” murmured Ben. “You thinkin’ about the sex too?” Having recovered from his earlier attack of jealousy, Callum was relaxed now and was in the mood for mischief.

“Was just thinkin’, if George is so interested in you and me, we could get him along and have some fun. He’s very good in the sack. Inventive.” Ben pulled away, horrified.

“Inventive? Was that not fun enough for you?” Callum giggled at Ben’s pained face. “You and me, we’re exclusive. For all time Highway!” warned Ben. “I’m hurt that it even crossed your mind,” he sulked. Callum pulled him round so that they were face-to-face.

“For all time Mitchell!” he promised.

+++

The CHPI team spent a couple of weeks building a picture of Jackie’s organisation and then invited Ruby in to go through their findings. Marcus’ signing had got so good that Frankie was able to follow everything that was said. Ben and Callum always signed but they were aware that Marcus would add details and Frankie was finding it useful.

They all looked at the board now showing the structure of Jackie’s organisation. JACKIE was written in large black letters in the middle of the top of the board. Marcus and Frankie had added tens of photos and names to the board and there were different coloured lines to link people involved in different strands of work all related to the sex business. Frankie pointed at one of the photos.

“It’s Julie Golding,” she said to Callum. “She was weird at first. Different to all of the others. No history of offences. Her digital footprint was very small. Then I followed up the name you got from Charlie - Sam Turner – and found out a lot more about her. She runs a brothel on Prospect Road as Sam Turner. The girls with the blue borders around them work there. We don’t know yet why she has the new identity.”

“We know she is looking for Tracye Hayes who was a sex worker, according to Sheree Kings. Is it a coincidence that she came to us to find Tracye? I think it’s unlikely. I can feel Jackie’s fingers on that one,” suggested Callum.

Unsurprisingly, Marcus’ following of Brenda led directly to Jackie. What they didn’t expect was that Jackie had another flat, a very smart penthouse apartment in Docklands.

“How did you get in there?” asked Ben curiously. Marcus was giving him a run for his money as best at surveillance. Ben’s method was to adopt a role or a disguise but Marcus was simply easy to overlook; it was an extremely useful quality for tailing people.

“Somebody was having furniture delivered. I picked up a box and joined in. Jackie was in the lift and I could see what button she pressed before she told me to get out and use the service lift. She also has a driver, a man – which is unusual; everybody else around her is female – drives a black Audi A8. There’s photos on the board.”

“Who is Lorraine Branning?” Ben was pointing at a photo of a woman in her thirties with just one black line linking her to Jackie. Frankie had added notes: prostitution conviction 30 days.

“Jackie does a lot of face-to-face rather than phones which is good for me,” said Frankie. “I can lip read the videos we’ve taken. This was from almost three weeks ago. She met Lorraine once. All I got was …” she consulted her tablet, “he’s going there on Monday at eleven” so we don’t know what it’s about.”

Ben looked at Callum wondering if he had also connected the dots. He had.

“Lorraine. Rainie. Stuart’s Rainie.”

“Is she important?” asked Ruby, picking up on what wasn’t being said. Callum shrugged. He would need to follow that up but it would be between him and Stuart. Ben pulled Ruby’s attention away from Callum to give him some space.

“The thing is Ruby, and I’m sorry we haven’t shared this with you before, we just wanted to be sure, because it puts us in danger and you in danger so it was important to be sure of our facts …” Ruby put up her hand.

“Ben, stop talking,” she said. She could see Frankie and Marcus watching Callum and knew that, whatever it was, she needed to hear it from him. “Callum?”

Callum walked over to the board and stood in front of Jackie’s name. He reached into a folder on top of the cabinet and pulled out a photo of her and pinned it to the board. Next he took the marker pen and added HIGHWAY next to JACKIE. He turned to face Ruby.

“Jackie is a ruthless, dangerous criminal responsible for the sexual exploitation of many women. The reason we haven’t put up her photo or written her surname on this board before now is because I can’t stand to see them. She’s my mum.”


	14. Police

Across town, a similar board was being constructed. This time, photos of Callum and Ben were being added.

“This is Callum Highway,” said a short, mumsy woman with shrewd grey eyes. “He’s Jackie Highway’s son and until two weeks ago, he hadn’t seen his mum for twenty-six years.”

“Something changed?” A tall, striking black man spoke from the side of the room. The woman, DI Amanda Peacock, was conscious of the seniority in the room. The speaker was her DCI but the super was also present.

“We’re assuming so but don’t know exactly what yet. So, here’s what we do know about Callum. Thirty-two. Known to social services throughout his childhood. Jackie was sent down when he was six. Dad’s a drunk. All three Highway kids were on the At Risk register but Callum and his older brother Stuart stayed with dad while his younger sister Shelly was put in care. He joined the army at sixteen, just before Jackie came out, was discharged on medical grounds at twenty-one, some trouble after that with one charge of ABH, homophobic provocation, got a community order, then got in with Aidan McGuire’s mob although it transpired he didn’t have a lot of choice about it. He got off on a minor charge when they all went down for that armed robbery. Lucky not to have done time given the ABH. Then he turned it around and we’ve not heard a peep from him until last year when he and Ben Mitchell were victims of a homophobic attack …”

“Ben Mitchell as in …?” interrupted DCI Anthony Fuller. Amanda nodded, pointing at a photo of Phil.

“Yes, eldest son of Phil Mitchell. It seems that these two have it bad, proper true love.”

“You’re saying that Jackie Highway’s boy and Phil Mitchell’s boy are a couple?” Detective Superintendent Grace Adisa’s tone was incredulous. “You could not make that up!”

“So this is what we know about Ben,” continued Alison. “Twenty seven. Born here but lived in South Africa with his mum until he was ten, then with his dad until seven years ago when his mum came back on the scene. Eight months in juvi at fourteen for hitting a bully over the head with a wrench and fracturing his skull. Then served 2 years for manslaughter at sixteen. Hit a family friend with a picture frame accidentally killing her. Been subject to several homophobic attacks. Previous boyfriend, Paul Coker, was killed in one seven years ago. Ben’s worked for his dad since getting out, mainly the legit bits of running the Mitchell car lot but some minor stuff undoubtedly on the wrong side of things. Not part of his dad’s core team. Word is daddy is not exactly proud of his deaf, blind, gay son.”

“Deaf? Blind?” Anthony questioned.

“Partial hearing loss following meningitis as a baby. Wears a hearing aid. Eyesight is poor. Jam jar glasses or, usually, contacts.” Amanda looked at the scowling face staring at her from Ben’s photo and felt a stab of sympathy for him. “Also had a daughter, Lexi, when he was sixteen. He has custody; mum’s in New Zealand. He, Callum and Lexi live together now in a big house up near St John’s church. Ben is no longer working for his dad. He now works for Callum.”

“So we have the offspring of two of the biggest villains on our patch setting up their own operation,” sighed Grace.

“Well kind of, ma’am, but they’re straight … as in … well, you know what I mean. Don’t get me wrong, both of these boys know how to look after themselves, so they’re not going to come to us if they’re having troule. But, well, now they’re private investigators.” Amanda almost laughed aloud at the dropped jaws in the room. She signalled to her DS, an eager young man called Adam Akhtar, to take over.

“Their business is mainly trackin’ people playin’ away, findin’ lost loved ones, that sort of thing. They’re pretty good at it from all accounts. An’ nothin’ that interferes with our work. They were involved in exposin’ a puppy scam around Christmas time an’ the third floor had all good things to say about Callum. Said he was professional, didn’t overstep the mark, brought the information to them when he should’ve. This woman,” he pointed at another photo, “Frankie Lewis, is an associate. She’s twenty-two, a photographer, profoundly deaf.”

“We’re interested in them,” continued Alison, “because Jackie is interested in them. All the chatter is pointing to her watching them carefully. Our first thought was that she wanted to bring Callum into her fold but … well we’re not sure about that any more. It seems Callum and Ben are choosing to live within the law … or near enough. Phil Mitchell was badly beaten at Easter and has kept quiet about who did it. This was when Ben left his dad and started to work for Callum full time. We think it’s possible Phil’s attack was at the hands of Callum as retribution for some abuse of Ben. Now, we think Callum, Ben and Frankie might be investigating Jackie. We don’t know if that is for a client or for Callum, but either way, it’s dangerous territory for them.”

Grace walked over to the board.

“Callum Highway,” she said, turning to the team, “is connected to Jackie Highway, Aidan McGuire and Phil Mitchell. He only needs a link to Danny Hardcastle and he’s got a full set.” She stabbed an elegant, beautifully manicured finger at each villain’s photograph in turn. “These four are our business for operation Applecart. So Callum is now on our radar. Bring him in. And Ben.”

+++

The escalation of danger linked to Ruby’s job, in particular Jackie Highway’s visit, had been worrying Frankie. She wanted to make sure Callum and Ben were safe and had spent some time expanding her skill set to include home security systems as well as hidden cameras. Seeing her set up the system was why Callum asked her to set up some security for Charlie Bell. When she visited Charlie, she discovered that they were able to swap expertise as Charlie knew a lot about hacking the system she was installing. They decided to study together and set about learning about bugs and trackers. Charlie was now going to join their weekly meeting by video call and become a remote worker for CHPI.

“Hey Charlie, I’m Ben, Callum’s better half.” Ben placed himself close to the camera and introduced himself with a big smile.

“If you sit back, he can see all of us and not just you,” said Callum, smiling at Ben’s need to be the star of the show.

“I know that,” said Ben, obediently sitting down. “But he’s met all of you. I wanted him to meet me.”

Since leaving school, Charlie had only met one person at a time and had not left his flat. This video call with four people was sensory overload but he surprised himself by wanting to be part of this group. He had instantly liked Callum with his calm, generous spirit, and then Frankie had become his first friend in years. He loved her enthusiasm and that he didn’t have to talk aloud to her as she was happy to converse by messaging. He had met Marcus when Frankie video-called him from Charlie’s flat one day and found him a soothing presence, a good balance to Frankie’s liveliness. And now there was Ben with his piercing blue eyes above a smattering of cute freckles that were almost a distraction from his saucy smile. Charlie fell in love with him at first sight and settled himself for some unrequited lustful daydreaming.

“Hello Ben,” he said, smiling back.

They were meeting to discuss a little breaking and entering job at Phil’s which was to be done while Sharon and Phil were away on holiday in Portugal. Ben had told them that he would be popping round to use the pool while they were away as Lexi was practising for her life-saving award.

“Might bring Callum and some friends and make a day of it,” he’d said casually. “Hang out in the garden, have a barbeque.”

“What’s wrong with ‘is own garden?” Phil had grumbled in the background. Sharon had quickly assured Ben it was fine and promised to make sure that Valentina stocked the fridge.

“She’s not going to be here, I’m afraid, darling,” she’d apologised. “We thought it made sense for her to visit her family in Romania while we’re away.” Thank god, thought Ben. He’d forgotten about Valentina. The last thing he needed was the staff creeping up on him.

The problem was that he didn’t know exactly what measures Phil had taken to secure his office. Charlie could hack into the home security system and cover his tracks but his belief was that his hack would not stand up to close scrutiny so it had to be once and as quick as possible. The first part of the plan was that he would temporarily disable the cameras and motion sensors around the office. Ben was anticipating there would be other traps so he and Frankie were going to go in together to search and Charlie would be in Ben’s ear keeping an eye on the time.

The other problem was that Phil and Sharon might expect to see them on the cameras around the pool and garden and Ben thought it was entirely possible that Sharon would check in remotely just to watch - she couldn’t get enough of Lexi, Ben and Callum. They needed a reason to be absent from the pool.

“Be sick,” suggested Frankie. “Stuff your face at lunch - you won’t even have to act.”

“Okay,” agreed Ben, shooting her a fake scowl. “You can be nurse. I might even manage a proper puke and you can clear it up.” He then proceeded to mime nausea, then vomiting followed by an epic death. Frankie mimicked him until they were both rolling on the floor laughing. Callum loved to see it. Ben worked diligently at being happy but natural moments like this one were happening more and more often.

The swimming and the barbeque went according to plan with Ben eating too much then doing a very good job of feeling unwell and needing to lie down in the house.

“’S alright sweetheart,” he reassured Lexi. “You stay with Callum. We’ve brought the badminton set and he’s much better than me. I’m just gonna lie down for a little while. I’ll be fine later.”

“Frankie and I are going to clear up, so we’ll keep an eye on Daddy,” promised Marcus.

The stage was set and Frankie and Ben quickly got to work. Frankie was impressed with Ben’s lockpicking and resolved to master this skill herself. She quickly swept the room and discovered a number of bugs.

“He’s bugged his own room?” she signed to Ben.

“Maybe?” Ben didn’t know. If it wasn’t Phil, who else might have got in here?

They didn’t want to disable the bugs as they weren’t sure if this would be detected but Frankie had some felt covers in her kit which would she thought might mask some background noise. They moved quickly and quietly. Ben already knew the main password for Phil’s computer but when he discovered some extra layers of security, although he thought he knew Phil’s password practices, nothing he tried worked until Frankie found a post-it in a desk drawer with a list of codes. Ben rolled his eyes at his dad’s old school habits. He didn’t have time to digest the information so spent the time copying file after file. Frankie searched every shelf, drawer and cupboard, taking hundreds of photographs. Within half an hour they were done, Frankie was in the kitchen helping Marcus finish up and Ben went back outside saying that he felt much better now that he had thrown up, adding that he would still take it easy as he settled himself on a sun-lounger to watch Callum jumping and running.

+++

“Nice house,” remarked Adam as he and Amanda pulled up outside Callum’s and Ben’s house. “Crime pays eh guv?”

“Callum’s grandad went through all the proper channels and signed this house over to Callum eighteen years ago. Old chap died two and half years ago. So all above aboard.” Amanda was beginning to feel concerned that Callum and Ben were not going to get a fair hearing from her colleagues. Her reading of their files and the Applecart case book was giving her a strong feeling of two very damaged young men who were trying to put their lives on track. She didn’t have a bleeding heart but she did have a strong understanding of the lasting effects of childhood trauma.

“DI Peacock and DS Akhtar.” Amanda introduced herself and Adam when Callum opened the door. “Can we come in?” Callum brought them into the living room and called for Ben, Frankie and Marcus who were in the office. Amanda immediately recognised that she should have brought a signer as, witnessing a brief signed conversation, she could see that these four were obviously in the habit of communicating with few words.

“Callum Highway?” she asked pleasantly and when he nodded she went on, “Can you introduce me to your friends?”

“Ben Mitchell, Frankie Lewis, Marcus Tilford,” he listed watching Adam create a written list to match. “Is there a problem DI Peacock?”

“No,” she replied. “As part of an ongoing investigation, we would like you and Mr Mitchell to come down to the station to help us with our enquiries.”

“Investigation into what?” asked Ben. Amanda knew that Callum and Ben knew about their parents and she didn’t feel like beating around the bush.

“Local organised crime. We believe you may be able to help us.” Ben was clearly experienced in this kind of conversation and he smiled sweetly as he said,

“We can come this afternoon. We have an important meeting this morning.” After agreeing a time, Amanda and Adam left.

“So what do you think they want to know about?” wondered Callum. “My mum? Your dad? Our investigation?”

“Yes all of them. But we are not in trouble ‘cause we haven’t done anything wrong,” insisted Ben, with a niggle of concern as he thought about Callum’s beating of Phil, their hacking of Phil’s security, breaking into Phil’s office. “Well nothing the coppers will care about.”

“What do you want us to do?” asked Marcus.

“Carry on with the jobs on the list. They’re mainly butters although there are a couple of absent parents. Just leave the Jackie Highway stuff for now,” said Callum. “I’m going to call Ollie.” Ollie was Johnny Carter’s boyfriend. Callum and Ben had recently struck up a friendship with Johnny and Ollie and met them at least weekly for drinks. Johnny had just completed his law degree and was starting his qualification to become a solicitor but Ollie was a little older, nearer to Callum’s age and was a criminal lawyer. Callum and Ben had already talked to him about their criminal connections and their business. They had been nonchalant assuming that they would only find themselves in trouble if they had done something wrong but Ollie was more circumspect.

“With your backgrounds, the police will make assumptions about you. If ever they come knocking, call me,” he’d said.

After the morning’s visit from DI Peacock and her DS, he came round to the house, briefed them both and accompanied them to the police station.

“This is an informal conversation not an interview under caution,” advised Amanda wondering if they had something to hide if they needed a brief.

“We all know, DI Peacock, that my clients have family connections that are of interest to you but, you should know, not of as much interest to them. I hear your assurances that they are not suspects, but all the same, we would like to proceed cautiously so I will sit in on both conversations.”

Callum was first and answered numerous questions about CHPI.

“Tell me about your relationship with Jackie Highway,” said Amanda finally getting to the things she wanted to know.

“I don’t have a relationship with either of my parents,” answered Callum. Amanda waited wondering if Callum was the sort to expand his answers into a silence. He wasn’t, opening his hands in the universal ‘what?’ gesture after several seconds, looking at Ollie in confusion.

“You didn’t actually answer the question,” Amanda pointed out.

“She’s part of a world that I am not part of and don’t want any part of,” explained Callum.

“What world is that?”

“The criminal world.” Amanda could see that this was all true but could also see that Callum knew more than he was saying. She changed tack.

“Did you assault Philip Mitchell in April this year?” she asked abruptly. Ollie jumped straight in.

“That would be a chargeable offence. Mr Highway is here to help with enquiries. You gave assurances that you aren’t treating him as a suspect.”

No matter, thought Amanda, Callum’s face gave away the answer. Time for another tack.

“I know you have had dealings in the past with Aidan McGuire and obviously there are family links to Jackie Highway and Phil Mitchell, but there is another person I’m wondering if you’ve met. Danny Hardcastle?”

Callum shook his head slowly doing his best to keep his face innocent in front of this woman who looked like somebody’s favourite aunty but was actually a shark.

“No, never met Danny Hardcastle,” he replied truthfully.

“Heard of him, though,” pushed Amanda. Callum was still sticking to honesty as his policy.

“He’s an associate of Phil’s, I think, but I don’t know what he does.”

“Okay, so your current caseload at your business. Tell me about your investigation into your mum.”

Callum was ready for this question.

“We have a client who wants some answers about sexual exploitation of women, girls. It has led us to Jackie.” Ollie had reasoned that anything CHPI had found out, the police would also know so there was no need to hide Jackie’s exploits from them. Callum went through their findings so far, firmly refused to give Ruby’s name and offered to share CHPI’s work. His openness was not what Amanda expected.

“Mr Highway, this is a dangerous world you’re stepping into. Step back,” urged Amanda. Callum felt suddenly frustrated with her.

“That’d be nice,” he retorted brusquely. Amanda thought she probably deserved his short shrift.

The conversation with Ben was a little different. Amanda could see that Callum had a calm poise overlaying a deeply buried simmering temper whereas Ben was a smouldering surface with a cool core. It was like they’d been made to fit together and she decided that the next time she spoke to them would be at their home together. She was curious about their dynamic.

Questions for Ben started around his dad’s business and it was clear she was not going to learn anything from him. He might be out of his dad’s favour but he was not going to grass. Fair enough, thought Amanda.

“Tell me about Danny Hardcastle,” she said not making the mistake she had made with Callum of asking if they had met.

“You’d be better off asking my dad,” mused Ben. “I know he exists but then so do you. I don’t think I’ve ever met him. An’, ‘cause I know you’re gonna ask, I don’t know what he gets up to.”

Ben was as equally open as Callum about CHPI’s investigation into the girls and Amanda gave him the same warning as she gave Callum. Ben leaned back and looked at her with a sad smile.

“You might think you know that, DI Peacock, but, honestly, you have no idea how hard it is to get shit off your shoe.”

After they had gone, Amanda and Adam met with Anthony who had watched the interviews.

“’Who’s their client’ is my first question,” she said. “Get on that Adam.” She watched her DS almost run down the corridor to follow her order.

“You believe them?” asked Anthony. “They’re not crooked?” Amanda contemplated her answer. The truth was that she completely believed that they were not part of the organised crime gangs and that they were trying to escape the legacy of being born to terrible parents. She was interested in their investigation into the girls and felt that she might learn more from them than from her last meeting with vice. And she was fascinated by these young men who were not much older than her own children but had endured and experienced so much more, had scars to prove it but were resilient, hopeful and determined. Unlike her own cosseted offspring. She had to admit it to herself at least – she liked them.

“One hundred percent,” she replied, knowing it was probably a little less than that.

+++

Back at the house that evening, CHPI were having an emergency meeting. It was late because Callum and Ben wanted to wait until after Lexi had gone to bed but this had the extra advantage that Ruby and Ollie could be there as well. Ben and Callum talked through the conversations at the police station mainly to reassure Frankie, Marcus and Charlie but also to debrief and figure out if they missed anything.

“Did you tell your dad about Jackie?” asked Ben turning to Ruby.

“I did. He’s agreed with her about keeping her girls out of Sapphire.” She looked around at the judgemental faces. “I only ever said I wanted them out of Sapphire,” she protested. “I can’t single-handedly save those girls.”

“So you’re happy for us to wrap up your investigation,” confirmed Callum. Ruby nodded. She didn’t feel guilty about moving the issue to a different place rather than fixing it but she did want Callum and Ben to know that she was grateful for their efforts.

“I appreciate you not giving my name to the police,” she said. “And for the record, I hope the police can do something about all of this. Thank you, all of you. See you next time for dancing, kids,” and she blew a flurry of kisses as she went.

“That DI has a solid reputation,” said Ollie. “She’ll be round here again, tomorrow more than likely. My advice is to share all of this on the boards with her but insist on a search warrant for your clients’ information, all the stuff in your locked cabinets and for your computers. You can share computer files about the background to the information on the boards.” He looked at Ben and Callum. “You’re going to have a much better time with your business if you stay on good terms with the police,” he advised. “DI Peacock is a useful ally and I definitely got the impression she likes you.”

“Okay,” said Callum. “Let’s call it a day. Thank you Ollie for all of your help today.”

“Not a problem,” smiled Ollie. “I’ll message you. Got a little idea for how you can repay me.” And with that teaser he hugged Callum, blew a set of kisses across the room at Ben as a cheeky mimic of Ruby and left.

Frankie, Marcus, Callum and Ben looked at each other and sat back down around the computers with Charlie on the screen. They weren’t quite ready to stop for the day.

“Right,” said Ben. “This is what we think we know. The police are interested in Jackie, Phil, Danny Hardcastle and Aidan McGuire. Jackie’s business is sex, Danny’s is drugs and Phil is the money. From the initial trawl of Dad’s files, we think that they might be joining forces, but we need a closer look. It looks like Phil will be laundering all of their money, operating all the loan sharks and all the protection rackets. They are aiming to drive out all the competition. We don’t know where Aidan fits in. All we know is he was released two months ago.”

“Are we handing this over to the police?” asked Marcus. “It feels like suspicions rather than facts. Is it enough?”

“We started this to figure out how much danger we had in our lives. If we hand this over to the police now, we mightn’t ever find out,” reckoned Ben. “The police want to put these four away but we know we won’t be safe just ‘cause they’re inside.”

“I know we all judged Ruby before for not wanting to deal with the big picture, but Ben and me, we don’t care about local crime. We just want to keep Lexi safe.” Callum looked despondent and Ben wrapped his arms around him. “We thought we had it figured out with Phil but we thought he was small-time. He’s not though, is he?”

“If it’s not them running crime, it will be somebody else,” said Charlie. He rarely spoke but when he did there was always a clear logic. “But whoever that is won’t be interested in you like these four are and you can live a citizen’s life. So it is worth closing them down.”

“That makes sense,” affirmed Marcus. “So we need more on them.” He noticed Frankie was looking tired and asked if she was alright. Ben noticed the exchange.

“Right,” he decided. “We all need some rest. If Peacock turns up tomorrow, she just gets what’s on the boards. We’ll meet again in a couple of days to see if we have any new ideas about the rest.”

Frankie and Marcus took their leave and Charlie switched off as Callum and Ben took a moment to connect with each other, forehead to forehead.

“I feel so fuckin’ confused,” said Callum. “We want to do the right thing but we don’t know what it is.” Ben put his hands either side of Callum’s face and kissed him gently.

“We need to rest. We’re no good to anybody if we can’t think straight. So bed.”

+++

Ollie was right about Amanda. She and Adam arrived at the house while Ben was on the school run the following morning. Callum let them in and took them through to the living room while he went to make coffee. Robbie sat in the living room doorway making sure they didn’t move.

When Callum returned, Amanda noticed that, although he wore his usual calm composure, a layer of worry was clearly visible.

“So Mr Mitchell is dropping his daughter at school?” she asked.

“Yes, our daughter Lexi. And please call us Callum and Ben,” Callum offered. He weighed up the pair in front of him. DI Peacock looked like she was in her fifties, short, slightly overweight, blonde highlighted hair, probably long but clipped into a fold behind her head. She made him think of mums and school teachers and nurses, so was obviously giving off a nurturing vibe, but there was also a pair of sharp grey eyes that looked like they didn’t miss a thing. DS Akhtar was probably around Callum’s age, was average height like Ben but skinny like a runner. He was focused and alert and Callum could see that he was keen to impress his boss. “Have you got children?” he asked.

“New baby and a two year old,” said Adam proudly.

“Two, grown up,” said Amanda, wondering at what point parents stopped talking about their children like Adam just did.

Callum sat forward.

“Then you probably understand,” he said, “that Ben and me have one priority and that is to keep Lexi safe. You get that, yeah?”

Amanda and Adam nodded.

“You probably understand Callum,” said Amanda, “that even criminals think like that.” Callum gave her an even stare which she returned equably. Robbie disturbed their face-off with a short single bark.

“That’s Ben,” said Callum and a few seconds later a key could be heard turning in the lock of the front door. Ben appeared at the living room door, looked at the visitors and then at Callum. They stared at each other for an extended moment giving Amanda the feeling that they were able to communicate telepathically. She wondered what had just been said.

“DI Peacock. DS Akhtar. Nice to see you again,” said Ben giving them a half smile each. He sat down next to Callum. “You ever think that you might be puttin’ us in danger from our criminal relatives? They might not be happy if they think we’re talking to coppers.”

Amanda picked up that Callum had mentioned safety and Ben had mentioned danger. They might not have meant to give anything away but she knew now that they didn’t feel safe.

“We’re hoping you might be able to tell us more about your investigation into Jackie’s girls,” she said. Callum and Ben stood up, so Amanda and Adam did the same and followed them across the hall. They were led into the office and were drawn immediately to the whiteboards.

“We didn’t know how you’d want it so we thought we’d let you pull it down yourself,” said Callum.

“Get DC Connolly and DC Busari down here to photograph this and take it down,” Amanda instructed Adam who immediately got on his phone. “We heard you were good investigators,” she said to Callum and Ben. She didn’t think they would be easily buttered up but the compliment was genuinely meant and couldn’t do any harm. “What about computer files?” she asked.

“I’ll send you what we have from this investigation,” offered Ben, sitting down at the computer station. Callum also sat down on one of the computer chairs, with his back to the desk so that he and Ben were sitting side by side and almost face to face. Like many before her, Amanda felt the connection between them.

“I want to talk to you about those criminal relatives,” she said. “Let’s start with Phil. What’s your relationship with Phil like?” Callum and Ben glanced each other almost as though they were deciding who should speak. They decided it would be Callum.

“He came to Lexi’s birthday party, we used his pool while he was on holiday. We see him occasionally and we all work on having a good time and enjoying each other’s company. We are not involved in his business in any way.”

“And Jackie?”

“I hadn’t seen her since I was six so I asked Ben to find her earlier this year. He did and she told him to tell me she was dead otherwise she would hurt him. He told me what she’d said and we decided to pretend she was dead. Then she came up in our investigation so I reconnected with my brother who I hadn’t seen in a decade to find out about her. She turned up here on the same day to threaten us.”

“What happened?”

“Ben and me can handle ourselves,” replied Callum. “She left.” Amanda was once again reminded that these men had survived hard lives. Of course they would know how to defend themselves.

“Okay, tell me about Danny Hardcastle.”

“I first met Ben at Phil’s when Phil got me along pretending to have a job looking into Danny. In fact he just wanted to see if I was who he thought I was. Anyway, Ben and me didn’t know it was a fake job so we … we broke into one of Danny’s lockups and found some stuff about him an’ Phil. He wasn’t happy about that and had Ben beaten up, hospitalised. But neither of us have ever met him.”

Ben continued to tap away at the computer but he was listening carefully. Amanda was pleased they had decided to be straight with her.

“Last one, Aidan McGuire.”

“Ben’s never had anythin’ to do with him. I have. I was at a low point following my ABH conviction and was picked up by Aidan. He was kind to me, supportive, until he wasn’t an’ I realised what he was about, then he wouldn’t let me go. I froze during the armed robbery, forgot what I was supposed to do, couldn’t fire the gun, all I could think was that I didn’t want to be there, couldn’t be there. Aidan shot me and pushed me into a dumpster. The next thing police were everywhere and they were all caught. I called out but nobody heard. I might have passed out. I wasn’t found until three days later. Aidan blamed me. I don’t know how I’m still here.” He and Ben exchanged a glance. “Ben and me wonder if Jackie is my secret protector.” Ben swung his chair round so that he was facing Callum’s side, putting one hand on Callum’s back and the other on his arm.

“We don’t have anything to do with the business of those four or any other villain,” he stated. “But my dad is still my dad and Callum’s mum is still his mum. We can’t seem to escape them so we think maybe the way is to control the relationships as best we can but we haven’t figured out yet how to do that.” Another look passed between them. “Our priority is keeping Lexi safe.”

Amanda resolved there and then to help this pair as much as she could.


	15. Family

“Nan, it was the best time. Honestly. There was a cricket tournament for dads and lads – how sexist is that Nan? - and Callum stepped in to make up the team even though he has a daughter not a lad – and he was THE STAR! He is really good at sports. And then there was football rounders. Callum is REALLY good at football and everybody wanted to be on his team. And he didn’t choose the best people, he chose me, Neja, Miles, Lysetta and Bonny and we’re all rubbish at football – except Bonny, she was actually really good - and then he chose Dad, who is even more worse than us …”

“Excuse me, I was quite good,” called Ben from his prone position on the settee where he lay exhausted, Robbie on top of him having missed his favourite overnight. Kathy rolled her eyes and shook her head with a big smile, sharing her disbelief with Lexi who was in mid-flow.

“ … but Dad is REALLY good at dancing and when we had the disco it was like at my party except obviously with parents and EVERYBODY joined in, and the teachers as well. Mr Evans asked Dad to dance and they pretended to do a … what was it Dad?”

“A tango. An’ we weren’t pretendin’. We did it properly,” protested Ben. Unlikely, thought Kathy.

“I don’t think it was properly. It looked like you were messing around,” judged Lexi. “Anyway Nan, next there was a campfire and singin’ and, d’you know what Nan? Dad and Callum did that ‘You are the reason’ song and I thought I was going to DIE of embarrassment ‘cause, you know what they’re like, they’re SO soppy, but everybody LOVED it, loved it so much. I mean Dad was a bit over the top but Callum can really sing …”

“What?” questioned Ben, sitting up. “Over the top?”

“Yead, Dad. Over. The. Top. You don’t need all those wibbly bits,” insisted Lexi. By this time, Kathy was creasing herself laughing.

“So did anybody get any sleep?” she asked.

“Callum and me have decided we are never going campin’ again,” declared Ben, his face a picture of horrors untold. “First and last time. We don’t care how much you loved it Lex. Never again.”

“But Callum was in the army?” wondered Kathy.

“Bigger tents apparently,” explained Ben, laying back down for his snooze, and dropping off instantly.

“So it’s your last day on Wednesday Lex?” asked Kathy, watching Ben snore lightly and reminded keenly of the little boy she once had. “What are you going to do with the holidays before you come to France?”

“On Thursday and Friday I’ve got to sort out my rooms. Dad and Callum are being really bossy about it. Then I’m going to Bonny’s caravan next week for a whole week with her family. Then the next week I am going to theatre summer camp with Scene1. That’s just five days. Then I’ve got two weeks at home. Then we come to France for two weeks.”

“No time to get bored,” smiled Kathy. “So where’s Callum?”

“He’s gone to see his dad who he hasn’t seen in a very long time,” whispered Lexi as though it was a secret. “And two nephews he’s never met!” Kathy deduced that perhaps the little madam wasn’t supposed to know all of this and made a mental note to speak to Ben when he woke up.

+++

Callum was on a high from Lexi’s end-of-primary-school camp-out, hardly able to believe that he had parachuted into such an amazing life. Ben loved to be in the limelight, singing and dancing, but Callum was more of a periphery of the crowd type of person. Yesterday, however, had placed him centre stage and he’d enjoyed every minute. He’d played a lot of sports in the army, there was always a game going on. For some reason, hetero men did not put gay and sporty together so sporting prowess had been something Callum hid behind. Not so yesterday. He had been out and proud.

Trudging down the walkway to his childhood home dampened his spirits although not entirely as he was looking forward to meeting his nephews.

“Cal!” Callum turned to see Stuart running towards him. They gave each other a hug. “You ready?” quizzed Stuart. Callum nodded and knocked on the familiar door. There were shouts from children and a yell at them to be quiet, then the door opened. Callum was profoundly shocked. Jonno looked terrible. The skin over his bald skull was an unnatural pink colour mottled with light brown age spots, his eyes were a watery blue and seemed glazed and unfocused, his lips were dry and cracked and he was severely thin.

“Dad,” he said, not knowing what else to say. Jonno left the door open and walked back into the flat, leaving Callum and Stuart to follow. He gestured towards the living room without looking round and took himself into the kitchen. The living room was almost exactly the same as when Callum had left it sixteen years earlier but was even grubbier. Sitting on the floor were two equally filthy children who jumped up when they saw Stuart.

“Uncle Stu,” they shouted in unison, bounding on him as he crouched down and holding on to an arm each as they sneaked a peek at the tall stranger.

“Look like you, don’t they?” Stuart said to Callum. Callum had to agree they did. Their hair was a lighter brown but thick like his and the dark blue eyes were like his, like their nan’s. “This is yer Uncle Callum, boys. He’s MY brother.” Callum smiled at the note of pride in Stuart’s voice.

“So who’s who?” asked Callum.

“I’m Roman and this is Tyler,” said one of the boys. Callum saw a little twinkle in his eyes and thought about other twins he’d known.

“Okay. So that means you are Tyler,” he pointed at the speaker, smiling widely, “and you are Roman.” The boys’ eyes widened, impressed with their new uncle, and they grinned back. Jonno wandered in from the kitchen, beer tin in hand, and lifted his chin aggressively at Callum.

“Stu says you’re payin’ for us to go an’ eat at the chicken shop,” he said with not even a hint of gratitude. Callum hadn’t said anything of the kind but was happy to do it.

“Yeah. Do you want to go now?” He could sense Stu’s tension and the boys’ watchfulness so he adopted a friendly and agreeable tone. He wanted to avoid Jonno losing his temper.

“Get your shoes on boys,” instructed Stuart. Roman and Tyler immediately went to pull on shoes and stood waiting by the front door. Callum thought about how this contrasted with Lexi’s faffing and general inability to locate shoes and realised that the chicken shop was probably a rare treat and the boys were excited about it.

They all traipsed along the shabby walkways and down the dirty stairwells, the boys seemingly on their very best behaviour, Jonno scowling, Stuart nervous and Callum wondering how he could make this more positive. As they entered the shop, Jonno was agitated.

“Ro! Ty! Here!” he shouted, directing them to sit on one side of a table for six with three seats either side of the table. He clearly didn’t want to sit next to them, but neither did he want to sit next to Callum and it transpired he didn’t want Callum to sit next to the boys either. His confusion made him angry and he punched the back of one of the chairs. Stuart was hopping about with anxiety and the boys were like little baby owls, watching for clues about what to do. Callum was furious but wanted to remain calm.

“It’s not catching, dad,” he snapped before he could stop himself. Jonno’s head jerked towards him, his glare threatening trouble. Callum gave him a challenging gaze and sat down next to one of the boys.

“Roman, right?” he said. Roman nodded. “Dad, Stuart sit down.” To his surprise, they did as they were told but then started a tetchy, whispered conversation. Callum looked at his two nephews and smiled.

“Do you have kids, Uncle Callum?” asked Roman.

“I do,” said Callum, flicking through his phone for pictures of Lexi. “This is Lexi. She’s eleven. She’s just finished year 6. You two have just finished year 2, yeah?” Roman and Tyler took the phone and looked carefully at Lexi and swiped for more pictures before Callum could stop them. The next picture was of Callum, Ben and Lexi.

“Who’s this?” asked Tyler. Callum flicked a glance at Jonno and Stuart who were now staring at him accusingly. Callum sighed inwardly.

“This is my partner Ben. He’s Lexi’s biological dad.” He stared at Jonno defiantly. “We’re a family.” Tyler nodded knowledgably.

“Our friend Emily has two dads,” he said. “Me and Roman haven’t even got one.”

“What the hell d’ya think you’re playin’ at?” hissed Jonno.

“Have you washed your hands boys?” said Callum. “The toilets are right here. Go and give those mucky hands a scrub.” Roman and Tyler obediently jumped down and headed into the toilets.

“They’re seven Cal. They don’t need to know about gay stuff,” protested Stuart, keeping a careful watch on Jonno.

“You heard them, Stu. They already know about same sex parents,” said Callum, fed up that this was how the outing was going. “When they come back, we’ll talk about something else. Okay?”

Jonno started to open his mouth but Roman and Tyler burst out of the toilets, hands now cleaner than the rest of them, so he contented himself with scowling at Callum.

“Right, lets order,” said Callum, “and then I’ve got a game we can play.” He looked coolly at Jonno. He felt like telling Stuart to calm the fuck down but restrained himself. They placed their orders then Callum started the game.

“Ok boys, what’s best? Football or cricket?” Roman and Tyler immediately went into a huddle to discuss their answer. Stuart smiled tentatively, happy that they were on sports. Even Jonno relaxed slightly.

“Football,” they answered in unison.

“West Ham or Arsenal?” teased Callum, grinning at the horrified faces around him. “Joking!” he giggled. “Hammers always.” The boys and Stuart laughed and even Jonno smiled.

“My turn,” said Roman. “Chocolate or sweets?” Callum replied chocolate at exactly the same time as Stuart replied sweets, which led to a happy tussle about the merits of each. It reset the mood and the lunch was fun. As they walked back to the flat, Roman and Tyler walked with Stuart and Callum walked with Jonno. Callum had watched his dad throughout the lunch and was worried.

“You don’t look well, dad,” he commented.

“Stu’s got a big mouth. Told him not to say anythin’,” griped Jonno. Callum grasped his arm and tried to ignore the flinch he felt.

“Stu’s said nothin’. But there’s something then?” Callum had a sinking feeling inside that this was going to be something serious.

“Liver’s fucked,” said Jonno bitterly. “‘S gonna kill me.” He shook Callum’s hand off his arm fiercely and stomped away. Stuart looked back anxiously and handed the boys to Callum as he chased after Jonno. He found his old man gripping some park railings, fighting back the tears.

“He’s my son,” Jonno said, his voice agitated and angry. “How can he be a poofter? He doesn’t even look like one of ‘em.” Stuart didn’t know what to say. He knew his dad was immovable about this.

“It’s what he is Dad but, you’ve seen him, he’s not soft like he used to be. He’s proper hard, I’ve seen it. It would help us, wouldn’t it, if he could help with Ro and Ty sometimes? He’s got money, dad, could buy their school uniforms, football boots. He’d want to do it, I know he would.” Jonno nodded but didn’t look happy about it.

“School holidays start next week. Is he gonna pay for food? The boys have their meal at school. What am I supposed to do durin’ the holidays? An’ what am I supposed to do with ‘em every day the state I’m in?” Jonno was feeling very depressed about the prospect of the summer holidays.

“Let me talk to him dad. Please. See if he can ‘elp.” Jonno didn’t want his grandsons around Callum and Ben but was coming round to the idea that maybe Callum could contribute financially. He nodded.

They found Callum, Roman and Tyler in the park playing a tag game. As they approached, Stuart stopped Jonno.

“Look at ‘em dad. What Callum is has nothin’ to do with how he is with ‘em. Please let ‘im ‘elp.”

Jonno and Stuart sat down on a bench and watched for a while until Callum came over.

“Okay?” he asked, looking back to the boys who were busy perfecting a strange rolling technique.

“Summer holidays start next week,” said Stuart. “I’ve got a big painting job at the high school, I need the work an’ it’s got to be done during the holidays, but Dad needs help with the boys.” Callum looked at Jonno.

“Anything,” he offered. Jonno huffed.

“Listen to him. Anything,” he mimicked. “So you’ll have ‘em at your ‘ouse for six weeks will ya?”

“If that’s what you need, yeah,” said Callum. “I mean it. Anything. Just tell me what you need.” Jonno had intended to ask Callum for cash for food and summer clubs but the thought of a six-week break from his responsibilities was like a light at the end of a very dark tunnel. “You can come as well, Dad. I can look after you, make sure you eat well and all that. Or not, it’s up to you.”

“Nah,” said Jonno instantly. He had no intention of ever going to Callum’s and Ben’s house. “Nah, just need some money, for food, clubs y’know.”

“Fine. I can definitely help with that,” said Callum. But he had noticed Jonno’s mood lift at the thought of having a break and had an idea. “Maybe you should have a break though. We’re going to France in the last two weeks of the holiday, Ben’s mum is getting married. How about I take them with us for a holiday? It would give you a break, Dad.”

“They can’t go to France,” scoffed Jonno, looking at Stuart to agree with him. “They haven’t got passports.” Stuart kept his face neutral. He thought it was a great idea.

“I’ll sort it out.” Now Callum had the bit between his teeth and wanted to do this. “Two week break for you. C’mon Dad. I can spend time with them, hire bikes, go to the beach. It’ll be good for them, for me, for you.”

“We’ll see,” muttered Jonno. Callum took it as yes.

+++

Ben was busy on the computer when a call came through from Charlie. Glad of the distraction, he treated Charlie to a welcoming smile.

“I’m on my tod, Charlie, so you have me all to yerself,” he announced companionably. Charlie’s heart had a little flutter and he reminded himself to stay calm.

“I have been thinking about Tracye,” he said. “I can find her if needed. And I think I can find out why Samantha Turner needed my services.” Ben looked at him speculatively. So far, Charlie offered hacking and management of surveillance devices but not investigative skills. He already operated on the wrong side of the law or in a grey area, depending on who was judging, but Ben knew that Callum would not be happy if any of the work put Charlie either in danger or on the police radar.

“Callum is meeting Samantha Turner aka Julie Golding today,” he said. “We’ve decided to tell her that we found Tracye and she wants to remain hidden. It’s a really common outcome for us and we have it written into the contract that we always respect that right so Callum’s going to point that out to Julie. We took Julie Golding and Tracye Hayes off the board and put Sam Turner up as running the brothel before we handed over to Peacock. Didn’t want her coming after you. But we do want to follow up to make sure we haven’t missed something that’s goin’ to come back an’ bite us. So yeah that would be great. D’ya want me to come over an’ help?”

“No, no, you can help from there.” Charlie had no intention of ever sharing his home and his life with a life partner; he had no interest in a physical relationship. But he did fantasise about Ben looking at him like he looked at Callum, nothing more than that look of adoration and connection, and it gave him a warm feeling that he’d not experienced before. He absolutely could not handle the idea of meeting Ben in person.

“Oh, okay,” said Ben a little sadly. He was nothing if not nosey and was curious about Charlie. Charlie was crestfallen to see Ben’s disappointment. He needed the smile back.

“I’m not good at having people in my flat. I can only do it for a short time,” he explained, giving voice to something that he’d never expressed. “If I’m here and you’re there, we can spend more time together.” He was rewarded by a big smile from Ben.

“You say the nicest things, Charlie Boy. Getting to spend quality time with you - I consider myself a lucky man!” Back on track, they set about unearthing Tracye’s and Sam’s secrets which involved a foray onto the Dark Web. Charlie was surprised at how smart Ben was; he knew Ben was perceptive and quick-witted but he now realised that he was also quick at learning and had an amazing memory. It made him even more perfect in Charlie’s eyes. However, even with Charlie’s massive intellect and Ben being smarter than Charlie had realised, they still spent several hours following trails, falling down rabbit holes and piecing together snippets of information before they had a hint of what they were looking at.

Callum arrived home having collected Lexi from school and, with one look in at Ben and Charlie deeply immersed in their work, suggested to Lexi that they take Robbie out.

“The country park,” suggested Lexi, knowing that meant she would get hot chocolate and a triple chocolate muffin from the café there if she was with Callum. Callum put his head into the office and told Ben they would be out for a couple of hours. Ben gave him a thumbs up but didn’t break from his conversation with Charlie.

Lexi loved the MG with its top down and strapped herself and Robbie into the passenger seat. Robbie had once got dust in his eyes on a trip in the MG and ended up with a scratched cornea, so now he wore doggy goggles, a sight which always made people smile. Lexi fixed on his goggles and told him how beautiful he was. Callum was sure Robbie understood the words beautiful, gorgeous and handsome as he always sat perfectly when they were used.

Although the country park was packed with people making the most of the balmy weather, Callum and Lexi knew the paths that would take them to the less frequented parts of the park where the wood sculptures were sited. It was cool in the shade of the forest and wonderfully peaceful. Callum had spent part of the day with his dad sorting out summer clubs and applying for passports for Roman and Tyler. Jonno had been ungracious all of the time and downright unpleasant some of the time so it had been stressful. This walk with Lexi and Robbie in this idyllic setting was the perfect antidote.

“Doing this with you Lex, it makes me happy,” he said, reaching for her hand. Lexi beamed at him. They wandered on, pointing out their favourite carvings, calling Robbie to leave the woodland fauna alone, and dropped into the café - Lexi was right about getting her treats – before finally leaving for home.

Back at the house, Callum could see from Ben’s face that he had something to discuss. Lexi gave her dad a quick cuddle and then departed for the living room.

“I’m going to watch some TV,” she said, laying herself on the big sofa.

“Shoes, Lex,” reminded Callum sternly, giving her a fierce look when she kicked them off onto the rug from her prone position, so that she rolled her eyes and got up to place them in the hall cupboard.

“Still make you happy, do I?” she teased, affectionately squeezing Callum around the middle before laying herself back down. It was Callum’s turn to roll his eyes. Ben followed him down to the kitchen and seated himself at the counter while Callum collected ingredients for dinner.

“How did the meeting with Julie Golding go?” asked Ben. He could see some tension in Callum as he moved around the kitchen.

“Yeah, odd if I’m honest,” said Callum, frowning at the recollection. “I reassured her Tracye was well and happy and reminded her that was what she wanted. Thought she’d be one of those who refuses to pay but she was fine. Then she tried to make small talk but I think what she was doing was trying to find out more about us.”

“I can probably explain that,” Ben chipped in. “So Charlie and I followed up on Tracye Hayes and Julie Golding today. It’s smuggling, Callum, on a massive scale. Drugs, weapons, people. Danny, Aidan, Jackie. Tracye was used as bait in the trafficking of underage girls, turned to Charlie to help her get out but Jackie has been looking for her. Tracye knows a lot about their operation. Maybe the new ident for Sam Turner was so that we couldn’t track her back to Jackie. You were right – Jackie wanted to use CHPI. But Charlie and me think it must be for something else as well. New idents are very expensive.”

“Why?” Callum was hassled enough by his dad today, so the news of his evil mum was tipping him over the edge. He carefully chopped onions, peppers and mushrooms, trying to get some comfort from the rhythm of the activity. “Why does Jackie want to use CHPI?”

“To see what we’re made of?” Ben watched Callum chopping and recognised he was very stressed. “Babe?” he queried gently. Callum pointed the knife at Ben.

“Our life could be perfect. We could do bread and butter work, earn a good living, walk our dog with our daughter on a beautiful summer day. But no, we have to put up with shit from my family.” He smashed some cloves of garlic with the flat edge of his knife, before pulverising them with the sharp edge. Ben watched nervously. A swipe of the knife sent everything into a very hot pan. Callum turned sharply, pointing the knife once more. “WHY? Why does she need to know what we’re made of?”

“Right,” said Ben, grabbing a beer from the fridge, opening it and putting it in Callum’s hand after removing the knife, then guiding him to sit at the counter. “I’ll cook. You drink.” He turned the hob down and stirred the vegetables, adding a can of chopped tomatoes. He put a pan of water on for the pasta and asked, “So how did it go with your dad?”

“He was a fuckin’ pain in the arse. I’ve given him money for a month of food. I’ve booked the boys into summer activities for three weeks. I’ve helped him apply for their passports and paid for that as well. Did he say thank you? Did he fuck.”

“You’re not just doin’ it for him. You’re doin’ it for Roman and Tyler. An’ I promise you - they’ll be grateful.” Callum nodded knowing Ben was right. He sipped his drink, basked in Ben’s adoring look and thought back to the earlier walk with Lexi. There was a lot to be happy about.

“Okay, I’m calmer now – thank you - so tell me about mum,” he said.

“We think she wants to find Tracye because she’s a loose end. Charlie and me, we couldn’t piece it together fully but it looks like she was wondering how good we are. Maybe she wanted to work out if we were going to be a problem to her. Sam Turner is part of her core team and was tasked with finding out.”

“You mentioned Aidan and weapons?” asked Callum.

“Yeah, that’s what he’s into. Jackie, Aidan, Danny have got a mutual thing goin’ on. If Aidan needs girls he goes to Jackie, if he needs drugs he goes to Danny, if Jackie needs guns she goes to Aidan and so on. An’ my dad washes their money. It’s like a super-gang.”

“What’s the danger to us specifically?”

“If we keep out of their business, maybe none.” Ben turned back to the pans, adding pasta and giving the sauce a stir. He reached for parmesan in the fridge and started grating. “So, one last thing – Rainie. We know she was one of Jackie’s girls once and she’s watching Stuart for Jackie. Do you want to follow that up?”

“Stu loves her,” said Callum despondently. “If she’s trouble, how am I goin’ to tell him?”

“Let’s invite them round,” suggested Ben. “It’ll give us a chance to get the measure of her.” Callum nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, good idea.” He hadn’t been looking forward to talking to Stuart about Rainie so this was a welcome alternative. Giving Ben a quick kiss, he went to set the table, calling Lexi to come and help. Ben watched him ignore Lexi’s moaning as he sent her into the kitchen to organise a water jug. It was domestic bliss and Ben loved it.

+++

With Lexi away, the house was quieter.

“And tidier,” commented Ben. Lexi had a habit of spreading into every room, leaving belongings and clothing in her wake. Callum had been amused the previous week when he’d heard Ben in Lexi’s bedroom referring to her ‘floordrobe’.

They were relaxing in the living room waiting for Stuart and Rainie to arrive. Dinner was ready, a simple roast chicken and salad, and the table was set. Ben kissed Callum lightly to soothe his nerves and Callum responded warmly. Sometimes Ben felt like he wanted to be able to get inside Callum so that he could comfort his anxious inner core; this was one of those times but he settled himself for sitting wrapped around him. Callum held on tight until Robbie’s repeated light woof signalled the arrival of somebody he knew but didn’t know well, then jumped up to answer the door.

Ben heard him welcoming Stuart and Rainie and wandered into the hallway.

“Rainie, this is Ben,” Callum introduced as Ben put his arm around Callum and smiled at the woman in front of him. She was short and skinny, defensively angular and edgy, with a smile that didn’t reach her wary eyes. Her jeans were extremely tight (she does know she’s eating, wondered Ben) and she wore a strappy vest top under a small leather jacket. But it was her unnaturally red hair that stood out, shouting its defiance and anger at the world.

Callum ushered them through to the dining room and he and Stuart went to sort out drinks.

“Landed on yer feet ‘ere Ben,” said Rainie. Ben was gobsmacked by the bluntness.

“Callum is amazing,” he agreed, knowing full well that wasn’t what she meant. “I sometimes can’t believe how lucky I got, meetin’ him. Life’s like that, don’t you think? Full of random chances.”

“Yeah right.” Rainie didn’t look convinced. “Don’t work out this well for all of us, though, does it?”

“No, you’re right there,” Ben concurred. “Life is not fair.”

The meal went reasonably well given that Stuart and Callum were jittery and Rainie was hostile. Callum and Ben found out Rainie was a cleaner at the school Roman and Tyler attended. She hated the site manager with a passion and thought the headteacher was a bitch.

“It’s a shit school,” she asserted, “full of Pakis.”

“Asians,” corrected Stuart noticing Callum’s and Ben’s disgust and thinking this made it better. Callum’s heart sank as he thought about Roman and Tyler and the attitudes surrounding them.

“Dad and I applied for their passports last week,” he said, trying for a change of subject. “I’m looking forward to it, taking them away.” Rainie rolled her eyes and muttered,

“For fuck’s sake.” It was too much for Ben whose patience was wearing very thin.

“What, Rainie?” he snapped. “You think the boys are unbelievably lucky to be getting’ a holiday?”

“It’s two weeks,” she replied coldly. “What’s gonna happen when Jonno pops his clogs? You gonna be steppin’ up then? ‘Cause I’m tellin’ you one thing for nothin’, I’m not gonna be their stand-in mum.” Stuart’s face rolled horror and dismay together hearing her words.

“This can be home for them whenever they need it,” stated Ben. Stuart and Callum stared at him. “What?” exclaimed Ben frustratedly. “Surely you’ve been thinking about it, both of you? You have two little boys, your nephews, who live with their grandad who is terminally ill. Assuming you don’t want their nan to have them, It’s time to make plans.”

“It’s between me an’ Callum,” rejoined Stuart. “’S nothin’ to do wiv you.”

“Or me,” added Rainie. Stuart looked at her, perturbed by her stance. Rainie met his worried gaze. “You know I don’t want kids Stu. Mine or anyone else’s.”

“We’re in this together, the four of us,” Callum reasoned. “Ben and me, we make all our decisions together. Stuart, Rainie, I’m sure you’re the same. We’ve got to put Roman and Tyler at the centre of the decision.” Rainie leaned forward.

“It’s a no-brainer. Stu and me live in a one-bedroom flat. We’ve got shit jobs. You two live in a massive ‘ouse and you’ve got a business.” She looked at Stuart. “You didn’t really think we were gonna set up as a little family, did ya?” Callum could see that this was exactly what Stuart had hoped.

“We don’t need to decide right now,” he said, wanting to buy Stuart some time. “Ben and me need to have a proper conversation about this. Stuart, Rainie, you need to do that as well. Then we’ll get back together and talk about it.”

The evening ended abruptly after that. Rainie strode to the front door, grabbed her jacket and waited impatiently as Callum and Stuart had a short conversation in the dining room.

“We know you told Jackie that Stuart was comin’ ‘ere,” accused Ben, waiting with Rainie at the front door. “You brought hell to our home, Rainie.” His voice was low but Rainie didn’t miss the menacing intent. She glared at him.

“Ya think I have a choice, do ya Ben?” she hissed.

Meanwhile, Callum wanted to assure Stuart that he would support him.

“They have a strong relationship with you Stu. They don’t know me. An’ they will need stability. Think about what you and Rainie will need to look after them and maybe I can help with that.”

“You ‘eard ‘er,” said Stuart miserably. “She don’t want ‘em. I know ‘er. She ain’t gonna change ‘er mind. So I ‘ave to choose – ‘er or the boys.”

When they’d gone, Callum and Ben flopped onto the big sofa and rested into each other. The big conversation could wait.

+++

Lexi returned from her week in the caravan and was away again in a heartbeat. Neja’s mum picked her up at an ungodly hour on the Monday morning before Ben and Callum had a chance to wake up properly. 

“Should have thought this through more and had her come back a day earlier,” reflected Ben, returning to bed. “She’s gonna be exhausted by the time Friday comes.” He saw Callum looking pensive. “Do you want me to come with you tonight?”

“Yes,” said Callum, needing Ben’s support. “But no.” That evening, he was going over to Stuart’s to talk about Roman and Tyler. “I don’t know Ben. You being there will just piss him off. But I want you there.” They lay in the bed facing each other.

“I meant it, Callum. If it’s the best thing for Roman and Tyler, then they come and live with us. I have no problem with that.” Ben had never lived on an estate and held the uninformed viewpoint that if you could get away, you should. Callum, however, knew that they could be vibrant communities and that there was much more to happiness than a nice house. He could see how close the boys were to Stuart and his dad and he was reluctant to disrupt that.

“I think they just need a bit of help. I’ve got money from grandad, about seventy K left. Maybe if Stuart had that, Rainie might think differently and they could get somewhere more suitable and clean clothes and what have you.”

“I’ve got Dad’s retainer money,” suggested Ben. “It’s a lot. Two hundred and fifty K.” Callum’s eyes widened in surprise. “It’s not a secret, Callum. You knew I never spent any of it,” Ben protested. “But put together that’s a really decent amount of money.” Callum was thoughtful.

“I’ll talk to Stu today.”

+++

Stuart’s flat was on a different estate to Jonno’s where there were more people around going about their daily lives, less damage to the communal areas and a much pleasanter feel. Even the lifts worked. The flat was tiny with cheap furniture and curtains but Callum could see signs that somebody was trying to make it homely. Stuart, he suspected.

They sat on plastic chairs on the tiny balcony, watching the light fading from the day. Rainie had gone out with friends so it was just the two of them. The evening was peaceful, sitting there sipping beers, and Callum felt awkward about bringing up the money, constantly aware that Stuart might hate him for flaunting his good fortune.

“Ben and me have been talking. We’ve both got savings. It’s enough to help you get a bigger flat and have money set aside for whatever Roman and Tyler need.” He watched Stuart carefully, ready to rephrase if necessary but Stuart just looked fed up.

“Rainie’s not ‘aving it. She doesn’t want them,” he sighed, sinking his head in his hands with his elbows on his knees.

“But if you tell her about the money, that it won’t be such a struggle, she might change her mind, yeah?” Callum angled his seat towards Stuart, signalling his determination to talk this through. Stuart looked up, frustrated with his brother.

“You don’t get it, Cal. It’s not about the money for Rainie. She hates kids. She’s met Ro and Ty twice. Only twice. An’ she was ‘orrible to ‘em both times.” They locked eyes and Callum could see the pain and confusion Stuart was experiencing. He put his hands on his brother’s arms.

“She loves you, though, yeah? Maybe she’d do it for you?” he said. Stuart stood up abruptly, holding onto the balcony wall so tight his knuckles turned white.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake Callum. You and Ben might be the greatest love story ever told but me and Rain …” He breathed deeply. “We’re just normal people with a normal love. She won’t do this for me an’ I don’t want to be wivout ‘er but I wanna stay in the boys’ life. An’ yours. I wanna meet your Lexi, I want the boys to know her. Just tell me how I get all those things Callum.”

Callum stood at the balcony wall next to Stuart. They could hear the comforting sounds of people’s lives around them as windows stood open in the summer heat and, strengthened by the atmosphere, they nudged shoulders together. Callum was reminded of a time when he was little, when he had been allowed to be gentle because he was young, before Stuart joined Jonno’s campaign to toughen him up, he and Stuart had played a game in their bedroom where they imagined trips to exotic lands; they had been undeniably close. Callum thought he might be recapturing something of this time with his brother and it was a good feeling.

“At least talk to Rainie about the money. You never know. People are often surprising,” urged Callum. “And come for Sunday lunch at the weekend. Bring Roman and Tyler, give dad a break.”

At the end of the evening, he walked away from Stuart’s wondering if they were any further along with planning for their nephews but feeling that he and Stuart were further along with reconnecting. He was so deep in his musing that he didn’t hear the soft footsteps behind him until it was too late. A sharp, painful electrical current shot through him and he fell to the floor. Out of nowhere, four more figures appeared, picked him up and carried him to a waiting van, dumping him through the rear doors so that he was a lumpy heap on the floor at the feet of a waiting man.

“Thanks boys,” called a lilting, Irish brogue.


	16. Greed

As Stuart knew she would be, Rainie was interested in the money.

“How much we talkin’?” she quizzed, her hard eyes flashing greedily. “Like twenny grand or … more?” Stuart was downhearted; he’d hoped not to be able to buy her interest in the boys. The fact that she could be bought meant she wasn’t right for them. For him, it was as simple as that.

“But you don’t want kids, Rain,” he said. “You’ve always said it.”

“Yeah but Stu,” she cajoled. “I don’t need to live wiv ‘em, do I? You could live wiv ‘em. Ya can’t turn down money like that. An’ we could still be togever. They can stay at Callum’s, mebbe a lot, then you and me can ‘ave our time.”

It wasn’t the life Stuart had envisaged. That life was him and Rainie happily bringing up his nephews, watching TV together, playing football in the park and having roast dinners. Being a single parent to growing boys, constantly juggling his job, his responsibilities and - he realised now - his love life would be nothing short of impossible. He was deeply hurt that Rainie wasn’t bothered about living with him but, even if she was no good for him, he couldn’t help loving her.

The life Rainie envisaged barely included Stuart. If he wasn’t so unbelievably good in bed, she wouldn’t bother with him. But her Stuart reached her like no-one else ever had and she wasn’t about to give that up. Of course, there was also Jackie. Jackie paid her to keep an eye on Stuart, Jonno and the boys and now Callum, so Rainie could not walk away even if she wanted to. Earning more for her efforts courtesy of Callum and Ben was a well-deserved bonus in her mind.

The other matter on Stuart’s mind was Jonno whose condition seemed to be rapidly worsening. He’d dropped off the boys at Jonno’s earlier after their club and sorted out fishfingers and beans while Jonno lounged in an armchair drinking one of his tins of cheap beer. Apart from a bit of frustrated shouting, Jonno was not aggressive with the boys; in truth, he pretty much ignored them. Stuart urged them to clean their teeth before bed and left them in their bedroom, watching a cartoon on YouTube on an old laptop. He could see that the days of his dad being the boys’ carer were coming to an end. More and more was going to be demanded of him and he just didn’t know how he was going to manage. School maintenance work during the school holidays was his best paid work and he couldn’t afford not to do it. He needed Callum’s time not his money.

Rainie broke into his reverie.

“What’cha thinkin’ about? What you’re gonna do with all that lovely money?” she wheedled.

“Ya know it won’t be cash, Rain, don’t ya? Callum’s offerin’ to pay for things not give us money,” he said, not actually knowing what the arrangement would be but wanting to get Rainie off his back. She pouted her thin lips.

“I don’t know why he don’t ‘ave ‘em then,” she sulked.

“Because they don’t know ‘im that well and he thinks, we think, they need stability,” explained Stuart, realising, and not for the first time, what a dreadful parent Rainie would be.

“Well it’s about time they got to know ‘im better then, isn’t it?” She looked at Stuart saucily. “But for now maybe it’s you who should get to know me better.” And she pulled him towards the bedroom.

+++

Ben was curled up in bed with Robbie looking at the clock which showed 3:04. He had sent numerous messages to Callum but there was no reply and he was just considering going down to the office and getting Stuart’s number from the files when a No ID facetime call came in. A shiver ran down his spine as he tapped to answer. It was Callum – a beaten, bloody Callum sitting on a dirty floor in a derelict space.

“Ben,” he whispered hoarsely, his eyes signalling urgently. A handsome man with silver hair and a tidy silver beard appeared next to him, placing an avuncular arm around his shoulders.

“Hello Ben,” he said pleasantly. “Aidan McGuire. As you can see, we have Callum here with us and, as you know, there’s a score to settle so there is. But I’m not an unreasonable man and there is always more than one way to settle affairs so we’re thinking what do we need more than to teach your boyfriend a lesson? Well, Ben, what we need is for yourself to close down that police investigation you started. Do that and you can have your man back with you. We’ll give you three days now. Oh, and don’t bother calling his mammy for help. She knows he’s here.” With that, the phone went dead.

Ben was good in a crisis; he seemed to have an autopilot of calm, common sense when he needed it. Callum, also good under pressure, had managed to sign a message and signal another with his eyes. Ben tapped a number into his phone. Amanda Peacock had given Callum and Ben her personal mobile number and told them they could call at her at any time. Well, thought Ben, this is a time.

“Aidan McGuire has Callum,” he said, getting straight to the point when she answered the phone. “He said to call you.”

“Aidan said to call me?” asked Amanda, willing herself to wake up quickly and focus.

“No, Callum. He signed phone police and D-I-P. An’ I can see from his face that he’s got some strength left. He’s okay and doesn’t think he’s in immediate danger. I’ve got screenshots.”

He got all that from what would have been, at most, a twenty second phone call, thought Amanda.

“Okay Ben. They will be watching your house so you need to meet me away from there and you need to get out without being seen. Whoever comes to look after Lexi needs …"

“Lexi’s not here,” Ben interrupted.

“... that’s good. So get yourself to the corner opposite the Queen Vic and we’ll pick you up. Five minutes. Go.” Amanda quickly made another call then got herself dressed, thinking what amazing police officers Callum and Ben would make if only they didn’t have criminal records.

Ben slipped out into the garden, making his way down to the shed and from there hopped over the fence into next door’s garden, and then the next three gardens in turn. The last house had a rear gate that led to their garage which had access to the street. There was no-one around but Ben was head-to-toe in black and stuck to the shadows making sure he wasn’t seen. When he was opposite the pub, he waited until a small black Toyota slowed down at which he stepped forward. The car immediately pulled up alongside him and he jumped in.

“Ben?” asked the driver. Ben nodded. He was taken no more than ten minutes away to a street that looked like so many East London streets and a house that was like so many East London houses. The driver gave Ben a key.

“Safe, bro,” he nodded at Ben. Ben let himself in the house and walked to the back where he could see a light on in the kitchen.

“Coffee?” offered Amanda. Ben nodded and sat down. Although Kathy was prettier and trimmer, Amanda reminded him a bit of his mum and he suddenly felt the prick of tears. He breathed slowly refusing to let himself fall apart. Amanda spotted the moment of vulnerability and the instant recovery. The more she found out about Ben Mitchell, the more interested she was. Her husband, Steve, a senior educational psychologist for the local authority, with whom she had talked about both Ben and Callum, would have a field day with him.

“Aidan knows we have been helping you,” Ben said. “I don’t know how. He says he’ll kill Callum if I don’t get the investigation stopped. He knows I can’t do that so I know he’s happy to kill Callum.”

“So why even ask you?” Amanda was momentarily bothered by the fact that, yet again, somebody from her side was passing information to the other side – she couldn’t seem to get through an operation without it happening to some extent – but brushed it away as unimportant at this point in time. Callum’s words “I don’t how I’m still here” had played on her mind and she thought that somebody had been protecting him. That person had to be Jackie. She could imagine that Jackie had encouraged Aidan to think of something he wanted more than to kill Callum as a way of buying time. Did that mean Jackie had faith in Ben coming to the rescue? Interesting.

“Jackie I reckon,” said Ben. “There was somethin’ she said. That it was only beautiful Callum who was born on the outside. Callum and me think she sees him as the one good thing about her. She knows she’s bad through and through but everybody has to have a glimmer of hope. Callum is Jackie’s. She’d never admit it, though.” He fished his phone out of his pocket and showed Amanda the screenshots of Callum.

“See that?” He pointed at some waste paper in the background and zoomed in.

“What am I looking at Ben?” asked Amanda.

“A poster for the re-opening of Sapphire,” he said. Amanda looked closely and could see the Sapphire graphics. “That was about three months ago. But it means this place is local. An’ it could mean that somebody who uses this space went to the re-opening, maybe goes to Sapphire. You’ve got the photos we took in there. Maybe there’ll be somebody you recognise.”

“Okay, good leads. Send me these photos.” She sat down opposite Ben. “Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I want you to come to the station and kick up a storm about seeing me. It’ll get back to Aidan for sure. Then you get your team together back at your office and do what you do best - find Callum. Keep me in the loop and I’ll do the same. I’m going to focus on being ready to nab Aidan. Now this is important Ben. When I take him, I don’t want Callum anywhere near it. Nobody, not even my colleagues, should know Callum was there. You understand what I’m saying?”

Ben nodded. He didn’t know why but this copper seemed like she wanted to help him and Callum, not in a well-meaning tea and sympathy way but in a smart, practical way. It was a big thing for him to think about trusting the police but he intended to give this woman a chance.

They went through the plan again, clarifying the details, with Amanda assessing Ben’s state of mind – she did not want to put him in too much danger - then Ben did the journey in reverse and was soon back at home in his bed, curled up with Robbie and letting the tears finally fall.

+++

After a sleepless night, too many coffees and a very early trip to the police station, Ben was not looking great. Frankie, Marcus and Charlie were as worried about him almost as much as they were worried about Callum. Ben gave them a full account of the night and pulled up his screenshots on the large screen. As they appeared, Marcus stood up and walked closer, examining the photos.

“I think I know that space,” he said. Frankie and Ben snapped round to look at him and Charlie visibly focused. “It might be somewhere I looked at for the arts centre. I’m pretty sure it is.”

“Where is it?” asked Ben.

“Down one of those roads behind the bus depot, backing onto the canal.” Marcus pulled up a map on another screen and pointed out the location.

Ben and Frankie were all for heading out there and then but Marcus slowed them down.

“Let me go and scope it out. I was there before so I can claim the same reason, get the agent along to make it look innocent. Frankie, I have a plan of the space at home, if you can find that and bring it here, when I get back we can work out how we’re going to go in. Charlie, you see what you can find about the security system. It definitely has one. Even though it’s run down, there were cameras - I remember them. I’ll send you photos when I get there.”

“What am I going to do?” asked Ben, a little taken aback by Marcus’ authority and feeling somewhat redundant.

“Take Robbie out,” instructed Frankie. “He might not get out later.” She knew Ben well, could see he was frazzled and was trying to find a way to get him to be at his best.

The MG was in front of the Porsche in the garage. Being too distracted to be bothered to swap them over, Ben drove out in the MG. Robbie strapped into the passenger seat in his goggles made him smile and driving the old car made him feel closer to Callum somehow. He and Robbie tramped up to one of Callum’s favourite spaces, the lost pond in the middle of the forest. Throwing sticks for Robbie to splash in and out of the water was just the therapy he needed and a couple of hours later he returned to the house re-energised.

“There is something going on there,” reported Marcus. “I counted three men outside, possibly five - there were two I wasn’t sure about. I got the agent to come out to show me round again. She was not happy that there were people using the building and got straight on the phone to organise an eviction then a smooth Irish chap came down and said he was buying the building so it was no longer available. She completely fell for his charm and marched me out.”

Frankie spread out the plans on the table and Marcus scrutinised them.

“It could be here,” he said, looking from the plan to the photo and back again and indicating a room at the back. “Yes, I think it’s this room.”

“We should tell Peacock,” said Frankie. Ben nodded and sent a text message. The reply came back immediately.

_Go now. Just get Callum out. Leave the rest to us._

“Two seaters,” stated Frankie, raising their perennial problem. “We’ve only got two seaters. What if he can’t walk? And we might need to get away quickly.”

“Right, round to mum’s, three minutes if we run,” ordered Ben. “We’ll use her car. She’s in France so we can definitely use it. Marcus and me will have ear pieces in so can you stay in our ears, Charlie?” 

When they got to their destination, Marcus’ job was to stay in the car. He was parked not far from where they anticipated exiting but was also ready to move. He could see the men patrolling the exterior and reversed the car out of sight. It was less than ideal as now he wouldn’t be able to see Ben, Frankie and, hopefully, Callum exit but they could keep in touch via their comms so it wasn’t a disaster. Charlie had shut down the security cameras when they arrived and was to start them up again when they were safely back in the car. They were ready.

As they snuck into the building, Ben was grateful once more for Frankie. She was brave and decisive and always completely in sync with him. He glanced at her determined face and felt a surge of love for her. They were a great team for sneaking about and, thanks to Marcus, they knew exactly where they were going. There were fewer men in the building than they expected but there were a couple of points where they had to hide in the shadows. In less than five minutes, they got to their destination. Ben realised he had been holding his breath, half expecting Callum not to be there, and he released it slowly when their eyes seized each other in a charged moment of love, trust and courage. Callum was tied to a post and, while he and Ben were making eyes at each other, Frankie made short work of cutting the ties. Ben heaved him to standing, emotionally steadied by the familiar weight against him.

“Okay?” he signed.

“Yeah, let’s go,” signed Callum.

It was more straightforward than they could have ever hoped and within another five minutes, they were back in the car. Ben texted Peacock.

_Got him_

As they drove away, blue lights by the dozen flashed by going in the opposite direction. Peacock was going in to claim her man.

+++

It was to be a busy weekend. Lexi was due home late Friday evening and on the Saturday, much to Ben’s dismay as he thought she needed some time at home, she had arranged to go shopping with Sharon for shoes to go with her wedding attendant dress. Then Stuart, Roman and Tyler were coming over on the Sunday.

To Callum’s and Ben’s surprise, Phil turned up with Sharon.

“You going shoe shopping?” asked Ben flippantly.

“No,” said Phil shortly.

Ben turned to Callum. Shit, he’s staying here with us, he said to Callum wordlessly. When Sharon and Lexi left, they looked towards Phil.

“Do you want a coffee, Dad?” Ben offered, getting busy when his dad inclined his head. Phil walked to the big French windows and looked out at the garden. Callum watched him trying to get a hint if he was there to cause trouble.

“Do you want to sit outside?” he asked.

“Nah,” said Phil, turning and walking back through the kitchen and towards the front of the house like he owned it. Callum followed him into the livingroom where Phil chose the old leather chair. Callum sat himself on the big sofa; whatever was going on, he and Ben would be right next to each other. Phil gazed at Callum - it definitely wasn’t a glare, thought Callum – but said nothing. Ben arrived within seconds with the coffees and a packet of biscuits on a tray which he placed on the coffee table before sitting down next to Callum. Phil picked up his coffee and a biscuit which he ate slowly and deliberately before speaking.

“You got anythin’ to tell me?” he asked. Ben settled in for a bit of deliberate silence but Callum was having none of it.

“Let’s not do the cat an’ mouse. Just tell us what’s on your mind,” he said. Phil look at him appraisingly, observing the cuts and bruises.

“What d’ ya tell Lex about those?” he questioned, pointing at his own face.

“Fell off the step-ladders in the garden. She’s seen me do it before.” Lexi had been horrified to see Callum’s face but had believed the lie.

“Who got ya?” Phil was giving nothing away in his questioning but Callum and Ben both believed that Phil probably knew about Aidan so they stayed quiet. Phil nodded, almost approvingly. “We need to have a chat,” he said. Ben interrupted him.

“Dad, we don’t,” he insisted. “All Callum and me want is to be left out of whatever you all are involved in. You do what you want. Take your chances. But we are not connected to it.”

“How’s that workin’ out for ya?” sneered Phil. He settled back in the leather armchair, with his coffee and another biscuit. Ben and Callum sat on the big sofa, tucked together, Robbie at their feet. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Callum got up.

“Do you like music Phil?” he asked amicably. “I inherited this collection of vinyls from my grandad. I still haven’t listened to them all but there’s a few I like already. There’re lots from the seventies and eighties. What did you like back then?” Phil looked at Callum as though he had gone completely mad and Ben had to stifle a laugh knowing that Callum was enjoying himself at Phil’s expense.

“What?” spluttered Phil. “When? I don’t know. You puttin’ on music?”

“Yeah,” said Callum. “It makes a nice atmosphere.” Ben coughed strangely into a cushion. Callum pulled out an LP at random, a band called Erasure, and examined the cover. They looked very gay. That’ll do, he thought as he placed the needle on the record. He sat back down putting an arm around Ben, who gazed up at him admiringly. They sat comfortably listening to the tracks. Phil also seemed to be listening.

“Oh classic dance tune,” exclaimed Ben, recognising one of the songs a few tracks in and jumping to his feet. “Mum plays this all the time in the Albert.” Callum laughed at him as he wiggled his backside.

“Okay, you’ve had yer fun, ya two idiots,” groused Phil with a half-smile. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doin’.”

“What we’re doin’ is bein’ us,” explained Ben. “We like to dance in the living room on a Saturday morning.” He plopped himself down on the arm of his dad’s chair and dropped a kiss on his dad’s head.

“For fuck’s sake, Ben,” Phil moaned, pushing him away. Ben laughed easily and sat back down with Callum.

“Ritchie thinks Aidan’s goin’ down for a long stretch,” Phil said suddenly, referring to his brief and sucking all of the fun out of the room. “His operation is fucked.” He looked at Callum and Ben. “Word is, police are coming for Danny and Jackie.” Callum and Ben looked back. “Did you help’ em?” Phil’s question hung in the air for a few moments.

“We were taken in for questioning Dad,” said Ben eventually. “Not ‘cause we’d done anythin’ wrong. Just ‘cause of our relatives. Then they visited us at home. Again, not ‘cause we’d done anythin’ wrong but ‘cause they couldn’t believe we didn’t know anythin’. After all, my dad is Phil Mitchell and Callum’s mum is Jackie Highway. How could we not know anythin’? But what could we tell ‘em Dad? We DON’T know anythin’. Whatever they’ve got on them, they didn’t get it from us.” He faced Phil confidently, hoping that his lie didn’t show.

“Jackie says you did a job for Johnny Allen findin’ out her girls were in his club,” said Phil.

“Yeah. And Johnny and Jackie reached an agreement. No police involved,” said Callum, joining Ben in the lie. “When we started that, we didn’t know it was goin’ to lead back to Jackie. But whatever we can find out, the police can find out. She’s got to know that.”

“They onto you as well Dad?” asked Ben. Phil nodded.

“Shoulda stuck to cars and money lending,” he said ruefully. “I’m goin’ down when they catch up with me.” There was another long moment of silence. “I want to know if you’ll look after Sharon. She doesn’t know yet. But when it happens, it’ll help if she knows she’s got you.”

“Goes without sayin’ Dad. She’s been a second mum to me. I love her,” said Ben. “I’ll always look after her.”

“Yeah, well, tell her that, yeah?” huffed Phil, trying hard to keep his emotions in check. Ben went to sit back on the arm of the chair and this time Phil didn’t push him away. “We’re bad people,” said Phil quietly. “We’ve done bad things and a lot of people have got hurt. I’m probably gonna die inside.” He looked at Callum. “Jackie as well. If we ever get out, we’re gonna be old.”

“Are we safe, Phil?” asked Callum bluntly. “Me, Ben, Lexi – are we safe?” Phil nodded slowly.

“Reckon so. Everyone’s folding. None of us are gonna survive this. They’ll start seizin’ assets soon. Sharon’ll be alright – I’ve made provisions - an’ I know Danny has sorted his family but … it’s over. We’re all done.” He paused, clearly thinking about his demise. “I’ll make sure everyone knows what the coppers were doin’ ‘ere.” He lifted his chin and gave one of his peculiar half-smiles. “Now, Callum, put some more music on. I used to like The Clash.”

They listened to the music, Phil with his eyes closed, Callum and Ben watching him. As the last track finished, Phil opened his eyes.

“What’ll ya tell Lex about me?” The conversation had come full circle.

+++

To Lexi’s delight, the next day brought Roman and Tyler.

“So if I’m like a daughter and they’re nephews,” she reasoned to Callum. “They’re like my cousins. I’ve only got one cousin, Peggy, and she’s a baby so she doesn’t know me yet.” She got out board games and set up boules in the garden, planning a whole afternoon of playing.

Roman and Tyler hid behind Stuart’s legs when they arrived but were quickly won over by Lexi’s efforts and especially by Robbie. Stuart, Callum and Ben were able to lounge in the garden as spectators to the fun until Lexi demanded that Ben and Tyler played Callum and Roman at boules with her adjudicating.

“They’ve got the Highway sporty genes,” moaned Ben as he was shown to be easily the worst player. “Sorry mate,” he said to Tyler. “You’d be better off with your Uncle Stuart.” Stuart stepped in and made it a much closer match. The boys were intrigued with the garden and Lexi organised an impromptu treasure hunt where she hid various toys and the boys had to find them. She had Callum place a teddy high up in the apple tree which involved the boys climbing this tree, something they got very excited about and both ventured even further into the tree, with Callum waiting at the bottom in case they got stuck. When it was time for lunch, the boys were delighted by the novelty of the barbecue and the burgers, something that saddened Stuart.

“Okay first they’ve never climbed trees and now they’ve never ‘ad a barbecue – how’d that ‘appen?” he wondered to Callum.

A little later, Roman and Tyler were getting a Lexi tour of the house and Ben was clearing up so Stuart and Callum had a moment to catch up, sitting on the bench at the end of the garden.

“Remember the last time we sat ‘ere,” reminisced Stuart. Callum nodded. “What’s she up to? Is she a problem?” asked Stuart.

“No.” Callum shook his head. “It looks like she’s going down. For life.” Stuart nodded. Jackie and prison went together like the moon and the night sky.

“I’ve got to talk to you Cal.” Stuart looked serious. “I’ve made us an appointment to talk to the local authority. Dad knows. He can’t look after the boys any more. An’ neither can I. I’ve thought about it a lot. I know you said about helping me and Rainie to ‘ave ‘em but she’d be the worst kind of parent an’ I can’t ‘ave that for ‘em. I thought about bein’ a single dad, an’ I’m not sayin’ I wouldn’t do it if I had to, ‘cause I would, but I don’t want that for me or for them. I want to be their happy Uncle Stu. Callum, I’m sorry mate, you’re the best choice and it’s gonna ‘appen soon. You’re probably gonna need some references, people that’ll vouch for ya, but they’re comin’ to you.” He watched Callum anxiously. He didn’t see this as giving up the boys as he intended to be just as involved with them as he had ever been, but he could imagine them having a great life here with Callum and Ben and he wanted that for them. And he didn’t have to give up Rainie.

“Stuart, it might not be that straightforward. Ben and me, we’ve both got criminal records.” Callum was ahead of Stuart. He had wanted to make it happen, Stuart’s dream of a happy family of him, Rainie and the boys, but he saw the lack of care in Rainie and had sensed that Stuart didn’t want to do it alone. It came back to putting the boys at the centre of the decision. But would Ben and him be approved for this?

“Yeah, well, I’ve got a history of drug abuse and Dad’s an alcoholic an’ they let us keep ‘em. We’re not exactly family of the year. But they’re our flesh and blood an’ I want ‘em to stay with us and that means with you. Please Callum. You can do this,” Stuart pleaded.

“You know I want what’s best for ‘em, yeah? I just want it to be smooth for them. I want them to know they’re loved but, as soon as we move them, we risk them feeling unwanted. I am really worried about it, Stu. They’re vulnerable and they’re going to find this stressful.” Callum put an arm around his brother as he saw his devastated face. “When’s the meeting?” he asked.

From his vantage point in the kitchen, Ben watched the conversation. It looked serious which meant it was about the boys. He knew Callum had been trying to support Stuart to have them, believing that gave them the greatest stability, but Ben could see the writing on the wall – Roman and Tyler were coming to this house. He and Callum hadn’t been together a year and they were going to have three kids. It was a lot and, if he was completely honest with himself, he would prefer it to be just him, Callum and Lexi. But Ben was a pragmatist, always prepared to play the cards he had been dealt, and Roman and Tyler needed a home which was something he and Callum could give them. He was certain of one very important factor – he and Callum were brilliant parents so it would definitely be okay.

+++

The meeting with the authorities went better than Callum and Ben could have imagined. Jonno was well behaved apart from a few snarky comments about Ben and Callum being gay which clearly was irrelevant to all except him. His health was rapidly failing him and everybody involved recognised the urgent need to put a plan for the boys in motion. To the surprise of the four men, the love offered by Jonno, Stuart, Callum and Ben was recognised as valuable and stabilising for Roman and Tyler and there wasn’t even a hint that they would be removed from their family. Even though it was the summer holidays, Lexi’s old headteacher also came forward; she was keen that Roman and Tyler started the new school year at her school rather than transferring mid-term and arrangements were put in place. When their case worker spoke to them, assuring them that Uncle Stuart would visit every week, Roman and Tyler were positive but quiet; it was an overwhelming change for them and of course they couldn’t imagine what it meant.

After the meeting, they all went back to the house.

Lexi roped Stuart into a game of cards (“Watch out for her, she cheats,” warned Ben) and Callum and Ben took Roman and Tyler upstairs to talk bedrooms. The little boys stood uncertainly in the empty room holding each other’s hands, eyes full of tears. Callum and Ben glanced at each other, recognising the children’s distress, and grabbed a boy each to sit with them against the wall. Robbie sat with them.

“Tyler, Roman, we know this is tough and you’re probably a little bit scared ‘cause you don’t know Callum and me that well, but we’re your family and we will look after you,” soothed Ben. Their big, dark eyes were full of fear but hope as well. He rubbed tears away with his thumbs and smiled at them.

“This is going to be your home,” said Callum. “It will be somewhere you’ll always feel safe and loved.” They sat with Roman and Tyler wrapped in their arms feeling them gradually relax. “It’s okay to be nervous,” reassured Callum. “Me, Ben, Stuart, Lexi, even Robbie here – we’re all here to help you.”

“Is this room going to be our bedroom?” asked Tyler.

“Yeah, needs some cheerin’ up, doesn’t it? I hate beige,” stated Ben.

“What’s beige?” asked Tyler.

“This colour,” explained Ben pointing at the carpet and curtains, pulling an exaggerated disgusted face. The boys giggled. “Do you have any ideas how you’d like it to be?” asked Ben. “Lexi had her favourite colours. Do you have favourite colours?”

“Light blue and dark pink,” said Roman quickly. Tyler scowled at him.

“Dark blue and red,” he stated firmly.

“We can do all of those in the same room,” said Callum (Ben looked at him in horror). “Unless you don’t want to share. You can have a room each if you want.”

“We want to share,” confirmed Tyler as Roman nodded. “But can we have two bottom beds not a bottom and a top?” He looked at Callum as though he was asking for the moon. Stuart had told Ben and Callum that they had bunk beds at Jonno’s but neither of them liked the top, so they shared the bottom. “Mine can be here,” he said, jumping up to stand in a space near the window. Roman followed suit, standing in a space on the other side of the window.

“This makes me realise what a spoiled wretch our daughter is,” muttered Ben, then more loudly. “What else d’ya like? Favourite animal?”

“Dogs,” they said in unison.

“Favourite superhero?”

“Spiderman,” again together.

“D’ya like all the same stuff?” asked Ben, genuinely curious.

“I’ve got cars,” said Tyler shyly. “Seven that are just mine.”

“I like Lego,” said Roman. “There was a box in our old class for wet plays.”

“Well, it’s your lucky day ‘cause Callum and me, we like cars an’ we like Lego,” enthused Ben. “Let’s go an’ see the cars – they’re in the garage - and then we’ll get the Lego out.”

The boys raced down the stairs.

“Have you noticed,” observed Ben, giving Callum a quick squeeze, “how NOBODY says beige for their favourite colour?”


	17. Dream

Stuart brought Roman and Tyler round to the house a week later on moving day. Each little boy had one holdall. Lexi bounded out of the house, grabbed their hands and pulled them inside, excited to show them their newly decorated and furnished bedroom.

“It’s fuckin’ sad this,” said Stuart, handing over the bags.

“Stu, you can come ‘ere any time. You know that, right?” Callum was still worried that Stuart hadn’t fully thought through everything.

“Not them movin’ ‘ere, ya doughnut,” Stuart explained. “That’s gonna be great. No, those.” He pointed at the bags. “I reckon we ‘ad more than that when we were kids and we ‘ad nothin’.” He suddenly looked worried. “You are gonna take’ em shoppin’ for clothes for the ‘oliday, aren’t ya? They’re getting’ a bit tall for some of their stuff an’ … it’s a bit worn … y’ know.”

“Tomorrow,” said Callum. “You want to come? Lexi’s coming as well.”

“Gotta work, mate,” said Stuart, privately glad to escape a shopping trip with Ben and Lexi. He could well imagine what THAT would be like.

+++

Less than a week later, they were on their way to France. All of the kids had headphones on and were watching a movie so Callum and Ben could talk without ears flapping, a hazard they were quickly realising was almost ever-present.

“I did this drive last summer,” remarked Ben. “We weren’t even together. A lot has changed an’ I feel a million years older. When are we next goin’ to have sex in the kitchen?”

“We’ve never had sex in the kitchen,” Callum pointed out.

“Okay pedant, when are we goin’ to have our first sex in the kitchen?” Ben rephrased.

“We have your mum and Mike, we have Stuart. If we want time to ourselves, we can make it happen. An’ the rest of the time, well, you’ll have to learn to be quiet,” smirked Callum, knowing what was coming.

“Me?” Ben was mock outraged. “I think we both know who the screamer is in this set up.” Their giggling was observed by all of the children, Lexi with rolled eyes and Roman and Tyler with interest – they had never seen grown-ups laugh like this.

When they arrived at Kathy’s and Mike’s house, Kathy was waiting excitedly on the drive. Lexi had recently been given her first mobile phone and she had added Kathy as a FindMe friend enabling her to track them on their journey. Kathy had seen photos and been on video-calls but she couldn’t wait to meet Roman and Tyler. She knew they were like mini-Callums but was taken aback by how much so as two little boys, with thick brown hair and deep blue eyes, tall for their age (not far off Lexi who was short), jumped out of the car after Lexi.

“Oh my god Nan, Callum made a playlist of all the songs he and Dad know all the words to, and we have had to ENDURE them singing LOUDLY for the past seven hours,” she complained, giving her nan a long hug. “Missed you Nan,” she whispered.

“A seven hour playlist?” queried Mike, laughing at her. Lexi realised her exaggeration had been spotted.

“Well obviously not … if they played it just once,” she recovered, causing everybody to laugh. Roman and Tyler hung back unsure of themselves in the midst of all this familiarity. Callum and Ben grabbed one boy each and brought them into the group.

“Roman and Tyler,” presented Ben. Kathy and Mike made a big fuss of them.

“You’re our youngest grandchildren,” said Kathy (Callum and Ben exchanged a look at that), “and we might not have any more, so you’re extra special.”

“You haven’t given them their own room, have you?” quizzed Lexi. “They’re sharing with me.”

“I know Lex,” laughed Kathy. “I got the three thousand texts you sent.”

“Three thousand? That’s … oh, haha,” huffed Lexi, accepting almost graciously that she was the object of the joke.

The first week passed in a rush of picnics, swimming and bike rides. Roman and Tyler were new to both swimming and bike riding. They made steady progress with the swimming, ably assisted by Jamie, Mike’s son, who was a swimming coach in his spare time and they picked up the bike riding almost immediately, much to Lexi’s frustration (“It took me ages”), spurred on when Callum showed them pictures of the forest at home, where they would be able to do more bike riding.

“That’ll be five bikes we need to buy then,” said Ben, moaning to his mum as they lay on sun loungers by the pool, “as well as a family car that’s big enough for a bike rack for five bikes.” Kathy reached across and stroked his face.

“It’s a lot Ben. You’re only twenty-seven and this year … there have been things this year that have been hard for you,” she said sympathetically. He nodded, unsuccessfully trying to steer clear of self-pity.

“I’m not a kid, Mum. But, sometimes, I just want to have a good time with Callum an’ I’m worried that’s all over with now. We haven’t had much time to just be us.”

“Course it isn’t over,” comforted Kathy. “Maybe you’ll need to be more organised than before but you’ve got people around you to help. Come on Ben. You were a single dad to Lexi for a long time and it never stopped you having fun.”

Ben crawled across to lie with Kathy on her sun lounger.

“Love you, mum,” he whispered into her hair.

“Love you back and more,” she whispered back, holding him tight, forever grateful that she had such an affectionate boy. “Now get back on your own lounger, ya heavy lump.”

Callum had been near enough to hear most of the conversation. More than anything, he didn’t want Roman and Tyler to feel unwanted, but, at the same time, he felt like he’d had no choice in taking them on and it had all happened very quickly. And now Ben was feeling the burden of that. Callum suddenly imagined these new responsibilities tearing him and Ben apart and felt the anxiety coming in. He sat down and put his head low, trying to recover his breath, and quickly realised he was too far gone. He stood up slowly and made his way inside, desperately trying to keep a semblance of control. Their bedroom was on the ground floor and he just about got in before he fell to the floor, the vice in his chest crushing the air out of him. Tears falling, he curled up and told himself it would pass.

Ben saw the scene unfold and knew exactly what was happening. A few seconds after Callum, he was in the bedroom; he locked the door and dropped to the floor, spooning Callum from behind. They lay on the floor for a little while and then moved onto the bed where Ben gently kissed Callum.

“Talk to me, babe,” he urged.

“We need to get back out there. The boys might be worried if we just disappear,” fretted Callum, swinging his legs round to sit up.

“If they ask, which they won’t as they’re busy playing in the pool … with armbands, stop worrying, Jamie’s in with them …” he said in response to Callum’s instant alarm, “… Mum’s going to say we’re having a nap. You and me, Callum, we can have a nap.” Ben watched Callum allow himself to lie down and curled into him, feeling the slight juddering of his chest as he recovered himself.

“You’re only twenty-seven,” he said eventually, his voice still thick with upset. Ben pulled his head up sharply.

“So what? Just ‘cause you’re thirty-two you’re old enough to parent our kids and ‘cause I’m twenty-seven I’m not? I’ve been parenting successfully since I was twenty, Callum. An’ don’t think I’ve forgotten that thing with George. I’m twenty-seven so more likely to be seduced than you, ‘cause you’re thirty-two? Really?” He knew he was being unreasonably sharp but the twenty-seven thing was getting on his nerves.

“You’re not getting it,” said Callum. “When it was just you and Lex, you had fun. When it was just you, me and Lex, we still had fun. But now it’s Roman and Tyler as well, it’s going to be harder to have fun. They’re my responsibility so I don’t want you to feel like they stop you having fun, so that then you resent them, and then me, and you don’t want to …” Ben silenced him with a kiss.

“For fuck’s sake, Callum, stop it,” breathed Ben as they pulled apart. “Please. Stop with the end of the world thinking. Do we have too many kids? No, we have three, it’s a common enough amount. Are we young parents? Okay, I am, you not so much.” He was rewarded by a half-smile from Callum. “Are we great parents? Fuck yes. We’re the best.”

“All of that, I get it, but it’s not what this is about,” said Callum, patiently removing Ben’s hand from inside his shorts. “Are you going to feel like you’ve stopped having fun ‘cause we’re so busy and exhausted being great parents?”

“That’s not the question,” said Ben. “It’s: are WE? And the answer is yes if we don’t stay on our toes and make the most of every opportunity, including this one …” he trailed off as his fingers traced the line of Callum’s hip bones, a small pleasure he knew Callum adored. Callum moaned as Ben slipped his hand inside his shorts and took hold of his length. He grasped Ben’s head with both hands and kissed him hungrily. Ben slipped his own shorts off and pulled down Callum’s and they lay, erections rubbing together, kissing greedily, hands grabbing flesh, exhilarated by the relinquishing of control. They paused and looked at each other, before Ben slipped down to take Callum in his mouth, occasionally looking up to enjoy his lover’s blissed out expression, and working himself into a similar frenzy so that they could come together.

“You are fuckin’ amazin at that,” sighed Callum. Ben was busy cleaning himself up and turned to give a little curtsey making Callum giggle. He jumped back on the bed, kneeling and sitting back on his heels so he could look at Callum fully.

“God, I love you,” he said. “You’re shit hot sexy and I can’t get enough of that but you’re the best person I know, Callum Highway. A bit of a catastrophising nightmare at times, it has to be said, but, yeah, the best person I know.” He leant forward to kiss Callum.

“I love you too,” said Callum. “You happen to be the best person I know as well.”

+++

The next day was the wedding day. When they were dressed, Lexi brought Roman and Tyler down to Callum’s and Ben’s room.

“Wow, look at you three,” Ben exclaimed, trying not to laugh at how ridiculously pleased with themselves Roman and Tyler were. When it was revealed at the shopping trip that they would be wearing shirts, trousers and waistcoats for the wedding, they had been intrigued. School uniform had been joggers, polo shirts and sweat shirts and it turned out that this kind of clothing was all the boys had ever worn. (Ben: “Sensible really - washing machine, dryer, away. Easy.”) They were very excited about the idea of smart clothes and, in particular, belts. Tyler had worn his to bed that evening, only taking it off when it dug into his tummy.

“We’re just going to get our hair done and our flowers then we’ll see you afterwards,” bossed Lexi. “Ro and Ty are going to walk in either side of me. We’re first behind Nan and Mike and the others walk behind us. Three two three is the formation. Then we sit on the left with you and Callum. The bride is always on the left so that she is next to the groom’s heart and he has his sword hand ready to fight for her honour.”

“How will that work if me an’ Callum get married?” asked Ben.

“You’ll be on the left ‘cause, obviously, Callum will be much better at fighting.” Roman and Tyler looked admiringly up at Callum and Ben frowned. When was it going to be his turn to be the hero?

“But Callum is left-handed,” he argued. Lexi looked uncertain then pinned suspicious eyes on her dad.

“No he isn’t.” She swirled her dress, grabbed Roman’s and Tyler’s hands and swept out imperiously.

“She was made to be a big sister,” remarked Callum, straightening Ben’s shirt collar in line with his jacket.

“I think those two were made to have one,” replied Ben, returning the favour and adding a kiss.

When they went outside, the guests had started to arrive and Callum and Ben were delighted to see Tina and her girlfriend Abi, Mick and Linda, Eilish, Frankie and Marcus amongst the guests.

“Surprise!” said Frankie, waving her camera. “Kathy said not to tell you. Is it a good surprise? I’m taking photographs for your mum.” Callum and Ben hugged her warmly.

The attendants ranged in age from seven to thirteen, three girls in frothy mint-green dresses and the boys in burgundy waistcoats and trousers. The older two boys also had jackets. Kathy had a pale pink dress, in an elegant classic style that suited her perfectly, and Mike wore a beautifully cut silver suit. They shared simple vows under an arbour bedecked with greenery and pale pink flowers. It was a picture.

The dancing went on late into the night. Ben did his Pied Piper act and had all the children learning moves then, as he danced with his mum, Callum realised who the original teacher might have been as they demonstrated well-practised routines. He danced with Callum as raunchily as he dared in company. It really was the Ben Mitchell floor show. Around midnight Callum realised he hadn’t seen Lexi, Roman or Tyler in a few minutes.

“Kids?” he mouthed across the dancefloor at Ben who was doing a kind of rumba with Frankie, although they were laughing raucously which Callum thought maybe wasn’t the mood. Ben stopped abruptly and Callum saw Frankie ask him what was the matter followed by much smiling and pushing him towards the house, beckoning Callum to follow. She took them to their bedroom where the missing trio were crashed out on the bed, Lexi in the middle, arms round the boys who were snuggled into her side. Frankie got her camera and showed Callum and Ben a photo she’d taken of this scene and signed “love”.

+++

The week after the holiday was one of the most stressful either Callum or Ben had ever had.

“Right,” snapped Ben as all three kids were kicking off. “We are NOT doing this thing where we come back from one thing and go straight into another. We should have had at least a couple of days at home before you go back to school.” He saw the worried faces of the children at his loss of temper and felt immediately contrite. “Sorry guys,” he apologised. “It’s not you, it’s me. Okay, let’s just check everybody’s got uniform for tomorrow.”

He scowled at Callum who was wandering up the stairs reading his phone.

“Busy?” he snarked.

“I think you’ve got the wrong days,” said Callum, holding out his phone. “It’s only the teachers in tomorrow and Tuesday so Roman and Tyler aren’t in until Wednesday. And Lexi,” he scrolled through his pages, “not in until Thursday.”

“Why isn’t that on the calendar?” stormed Ben, stomping down the stairs to the room off the kitchen, only to find the information written there in his own scruffy script. He flopped down in a chair exhausted. He was going to need to talk to Lexi about her (lack of) independence and wondered if she was acting like she was seven because she was jealous of Roman and Tyler. He closed his eyes for a moment to regroup.

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” came an apologetic voice from the doorway. Ben held his arms open and she came to sit on his knee.

“You goin’ to tell me what’s the matter?” he asked. She snuggled into his shoulder and he pressed his face in her hair. He could never get fed up of that.

“I wish I was like Ro and Ty going to my old school,” she said in a small voice. “I’m scared of the high school. Bonny says there’s drugs and kids with knives.” Ben was thoughtful for a moment. Schools always thought they were on top of these things but they never were. Should Lexi have her eyes open? He wanted to talk it through with Callum before he gave her an answer.

“D’ya know what Lex? When you’re tired, it’s never a good idea to start addressing your problems. You find somebody you love and do something you love and leave the problem until you’re feeling stronger.”

“What’re you thinking, Dad?”

“Hot chocolate, squirty cream, marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles, you and me on the big sofa with an episode of ‘Nailed It!’”

“Yes!” shouted Lexi, jumping down and heading for the kitchen.

By the time Callum had got the boys washed and ready for bed, read a few chapters of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, sorted out the washing and put a load on (thinking again what a genius idea it was from Ben to divide the big bathroom to create a laundry room – it made so much sense to have it upstairs), Lexi was on her way up. She held her arms up to be lifted.

“Getting a bit big for this, Lex,” laughed Callum.

“I know,” she giggled, “but I like it. Night Callum.”

“Night Lex,” he said, kissing her before putting her down. She skipped upstairs and Callum went down to the living room, laying down alongside Ben on the big sofa.

“I know we’re all about the fun,” said Ben, “but can we just talk about something serious?”

“Is this a sitting up talk?” murmured Callum, unwilling to move as he was exactly where he wanted to be.

“Yeah, probably, but let’s stay here and see how it goes.” Ben adjusted himself so that he could see Callum’s face, unable to resist a quick kiss. They stared into each other’s eyes for a couple of minutes, grounding themselves in their love for each other. “Lexi’s scared of high school. Bonny’s told her there’s drugs and kids with knives,” explained Ben.

“Sounds like my high school. Yours?”

“Yeah, same. So my question is: do we tell her the truth or do we cushion it or do we sugar-coat it? An’ I’ve been thinkin’ like this about something else. What are we going to tell them about their evil grandparents? Does Lex get to know that her grandad is goin’ to prison?” Ben was tired and stressed from thinking about this, but he had an even bigger worry. “Will we ever tell them about me havin’ been inside, or about your record?”

“Okay, let’s do one at a time,” suggested Callum. The questions were overwhelming but unavoidable. “Dangerous secondary school. If she’s aware, then she’ll be more vigilant and we can talk to her about being safe. But we don’t want to frighten her, so we need to be clear that the vast majority of kids are nothing to worry about.”

“Yeah, sounds right,” agreed Ben. “We’ve got to make sure she can always talk to us. What was next? Evil grandparents? Maybe we can get some advice from a professional. I’m wondering if DI Peacock might be able to suggest somebody.” Callum nodded.

“Then there’s us,” he said thoughtfully. “You do something bad and you can’t ever undo it. So your only choice is to make it a reminder that you’re not like that any more. It’s a good life lesson but the question is when. Seven is too young. Eleven? I don’t know. Maybe we’ll know from Lex when she’s ready? Maybe whoever we get advice from about the other stuff can advise us on this as well.”

“Get us an’ our problem-solving,” boasted Ben. He climbed on top of Callum. “Now time for the fun!”

+++

Roman and Tyler were absolutely terrified about starting at a new school and they both sobbed their hearts out at the classroom door, looking at Callum and Ben as though they were abandoning them. Callum and Ben were also tearful as they walked away, intercepted by the head teacher who brought them into her office for a cup of tea.

“Sometimes we’re a little bit tough about separation anxiety,” she said. “Most children are fine as soon as their parent carer goes. But Roman and Tyler are particularly vulnerable and we know it might take them longer to feel safe. But they are safe Mr Mitchell, Mr Highway. If they don’t settle today, we’ll call you, I promise.”

School went one better and called to say that Roman and Tyler were nervous and quiet but were okay which greatly relieved Callum’s and Ben’s worry. They went to pick them up at the end of the day and were emotional to see the joy on their little faces as they hurled themselves up to be caught. Ben had Roman and Callum had Tyler and they all reached for each other to share a hug.

The following day, Lexi headed off to school early and Ben sat at the breakfast table seriously contemplating a whisky. He felt like he was sending his little girl into the lion’s den. He had wanted to take her on her first day but she wanted to go with her friends so he’d had to let go. There was no time for wallowing though as soon it was time for him and Callum to head off again with Tyler and Roman.

“We’re going to be brave today,” announced Tyler. Roman nodded. They had clearly discussed it.

“That’s great,” said Callum. “But it’s more important to me and Ben that you tell us how you’re feeling. Being brave can help you when something is hard but remember it’s an act and you don’t need to act in front of us. Just be yourselves.” Tyler and Roman nodded seriously.

“Okay, be good, work hard and we’ll see you at hometime,” said Ben giving each boy a kiss on the nose. They gave Callum a hug and went in, still tearful but okay.

“My Marek’s in their class,” said a woman next to them. She held out her hand. “Danielle. My eldest Lily was in Lexi’s class. Your boys are the spit of you,” she commented, nodding at Callum. He got the feeling he might be correcting this misconception for the rest of his life so said nothing.

Then on Friday, Jonno passed away.

+++

Amanda was pleased to hear from Ben. She had developed a soft spot for him and Callum that she couldn’t quite explain. Having listened to her husband talk at length about the effects of childhood trauma that he came across in his work and, in turn, having talked to him about these remarkable young men and all that they had survived, she wanted to get to know them. They were survivors, success stories and she wanted to know their secret.

“They just want some advice Steve, informal advice. If you think they need something more specific, you could push them in the right direction,” she said, hoping he was going to agree to the visit.

“You don’t need to persuade me,” smiled her husband. “I want to meet them. I’m curious.”

They only lived a few minutes away from Callum and Ben so walked round.

“Nice house!” commented Steve as they rang the doorbell. Callum opened the door and ushered them in, sternly telling Robbie to pipe down. Ben appeared in the hallway from the back of the house, calling behind him to whoever was there to tidy away the breakfast things.

“DI Peacock,” he smiled. She saw a different version of Ben to any that she’d seen so far. This one was simultaneously younger and older somehow, relaxed with a genuine smile that made his eyes sparkle.

“Please, not police today, so call me Amanda. This is my husband Steve.” They all shook hands. Steve’s first impression was of two very tired men. It felt like they’d just had bad news. His second impression, reached straight after the first, was of two very connected men. He also had a slightly odd sense of the house watching over them. He mentally shook the strange thought away.

“We’ll go in the living room,” said Callum, “but come and meet the kids first. We can grab a coffee while we’re there.” He led them to the kitchen where Lexi, Roman and Tyler were stowing the breakfast things and loading the dishwasher.

“Lexi, Roman, Tyler, say a quick hello. This is Amanda and Steve. We’re going to be having a chat with them in the living room.” The children chirruped a chorus of “Hello Amanda, hello Steve” and returned to their industry. Callum made coffees and handed out the mugs before the adults returned to the living room.

“So you’ve got two more kids than I remember,” said Amanda, “but, looking like they do, I’m guessing they’re yours, Callum.”

“Nephews,” said Callum. “My late sister’s boys. They lived with my dad, came to us in the summer. Dad passed away yesterday.” He looked dazed. “I’m sorry. It’s been a stressful week. New schools for Lexi, Roman and Tyler – it, well, it wasn’t easy. Then dad.” Ben moved himself up right next to Callum and held his hand. Amanda and Steve offered their condolences.

“We haven’t told the boys yet,” said Ben. “We knew you were coming so given that we’re asking for advice about how best to deliver hard truths, we thought we’d wait. They’re doing alright with us but it’s early days. They don’t feel it yet, the safety, security and stability that we can give them. They will, we’re confident, but it’s just too soon.”

Steve could see why Amanda was so taken with this couple. They were bright, shining examples of love - love for each other, for their children, for their family – born out of hopefulness in the face of adversity. He thought their courage was astounding.

“Lexi is eleven, is that right? Do you think she is perceptive?” he asked. Ben and Callum both nodded.

“But we have lied to her before to protect her and she believed us,” said Callum. Steve could see this was something to do with Ben and observed his pained reactions, shocked slightly when he looked up and locked eyes with Steve almost as though he could read minds.

“My dad was controllin’ me by threatenin’ to turn Callum’s mum on us,” he explained, the memory of his despair seeping through his words. “He sent me away from Callum an’ Lexi. I was away for three months and I thought I might escape the whole shit show using smack.” Callum picked up the story.

“I beat Phil, hurt him … broke bones …” he flicked a guilty glance at Amanda, “… to get him to tell me where to find Ben. I thought I was going to find him dead.” He fixed his eyes on Steve. “That is who we are when pushed. It is not who we are. We are good people.” Steve held Callum’s eyes for a moment then switched to Ben. He hoped they could see his support.

“I’m sure you don’t want or need my pity, but I know your some of your history, and hearing this story now, I am sorry you have been through so much. I know Amanda feels the same. It’s one of the reasons we’re here. To help you.” He could see Ben and Callum were focused on him so carried on.

“Roman and Tyler have got you to support them with their bereavement; it will be everything to them as they will look to you and want to know you’re not going to abandon them. Their relationships with their grandad are theirs, so value their version of him. When they’re older, you may want to talk about his alcoholism, but they may not have seen that in him at all so it may not be part of the picture now. Encourage them to talk, to accept the sadness when it comes and see it like a wave that’s going to wash over them. If you think they need more support, school will put you in touch with bereavement counsellors. It might be worth doing that anyway because they have some good techniques you might like to use.” He paused, conscious of doing all the talking.

“They’re going to thrive with you. You already know how to make that happen. And again, if you need support, you can talk to me.” Like Amanda, he was finding himself drawn to these men. He wanted to get to know them not professionally but personally and felt like this was the beginning of a long-term friendship.

“Okay, what’s next? I understand that your dad, Ben, and your mum, Callum, are likely to be arrested, and there will most likely be lengthy custodial sentences. Lexi has a relationship with her grandad but you want her criminal ancestry to not be part of her life. Is that right?” Callum and Ben nodded. Steve could see conflict written on Ben’s face so asked, “Ben, what’s your relationship like with Phil?”

“I love him,” said Ben quietly. “I know you’re gonna say that’s part of the control he has over me but I have thought about this. I love him and I don’t want not to love him.”

“He stood by as you were fading, Ben. He needs you to serve him,” said Callum. “It’s like he owns you.”

“I know that,” exclaimed Ben, suddenly frustrated, but, Steve noticed, getting even closer to Callum as they linked all four of their hands and focused on each other. “I know it’s not balanced.”

“You think Phil’s capable of more,” said Amanda. It was a statement not a question.

“We do,” said Callum. Disagreement and resolution in an almost wordless heartbeat - Steve was intrigued. “But we don’t think Jackie is. Or maybe that’s because I don’t love her and I don’t want her anywhere near our kids.”

“She’s in your head, Callum,” said Ben. “You keep tryin’ to turf her out but she’s … persistent. You’re her one good thing, remember.” He turned to Steve. “We can’t escape them so we decided to try to pick out the positive and build that. Not ignore the other stuff - we want to reject it. Completely. But we can’t figure out how.”

“Is that what you want for the children? To know where they’re from and not be ashamed, to be able to wholly reject the bad and to be able to understand that even terrible people have aspects of good.” Steve’s summation struck a chord with Callum and Ben. That was exactly it.

“We also want them - and us – to be safe,” said Callum. “Phil’s been to see us. He thinks they’re all finished so there won’t be any running their empires from inside. But we don’t want to be always looking behind us, wondering if some mad bastard is comin’ for us.”

“Dad thinks he can stop ‘em,” added Ben. Steve caught a tiny intake of breath from Callum. So did Ben. “I know it’s me, that I’m wantin’ him to step up for me. I do know that.”

“Actually,” interjected Amanda. “He’s big enough. It is probably enough to stop any potential retribution. But Jackie’s bigger. Get her on side, and, from what you’ve told me, that could be done, and it will keep Danny and Aidan away.”

“Get her on side,” repeated Callum. “I’ve got to build a relationship with her?” He looked dismayed.

“It might work for you, Callum,” said Steve. “Exorcise some of those demons.”

They were interrupted by the sound of arguing making its way forward. Lexi arrived first.

“I’ve told them, they have to get washed and dressed, but they’re ignoring me,” she whined. Roman and Tyler stood behind her, mutinously wearing pyjamas.

“YOU’RE not washed and dressed,” Ben pointed out. Lexi gave him a filthy look. “Lex, sort yourself out. Leave these little tinkers,” he winked at the boys, “to me and Callum. We’re the parents.” Lexi flounced upstairs while the boys ran over to cuddle Ben and Callum and stare at the strangers.

“What’s that horrible smell?” teased Ben, tickling Roman.

“It’s … stinky boys,” laughed Callum. “Quick wash and clean your teeth, both of you, I WILL be checking. PJs in the laundry basket.”

“An’ make your beds. Work together, it’s easier to make a bed with two of you,” instructed Ben. As quickly as they had arrived, they were gone.

“We never made our kids do anything,” said Amanda ruefully. “We should have made them do chores, Steve.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he agreed. “They’re students, our kids,” he told Callum and Ben, “and we’re starting to wonder if that’s going to be a permanent state of affairs. They’ve both already got masters degrees and are now doing second degrees. Everything has been smooth sailing for them. They’ve never had a hardship to face in their lives.”

“That’s the dream, though, isn’t it?” asked Ben.

“It won’t be true, anyway,” observed Callum. “They’ll have gone through stuff. Everybody does. They’re just coping with it is all.” He looked at Ben.

“That’s the dream,” they said in unison, smiling at their synchronicity.

Steve and Amanda looked at each other, realising they had just been served a slice of perspective. Who was helping who here?

“You two have got this,” smiled Steve. “You know how to support your children. And, now we’re friends,” he smiled more broadly, hoping this was true, “you can call on me. I only live a few streets away. Your real questions are about timing. You’re not going to keep secrets from your children long-term but you want to know when is the right time to start introducing some of this information.”

Callum and Ben nodded.

“It’s unhelpful I know, but it depends on them. A rule of thumb could be to answer questions honestly but minimally. If they want to know more, they’ll ask another question. But heads up, Lexi is likely to want straight answers about Phil as soon as he goes down.” He could see that Callum and Ben were still worried. “Compassion and kindness, hope, connection and belonging. These are what people need. And you have these in spades. They’re in the foundations of who you are as individuals, as a couple, as a family. Honestly, boys, I know you’re going to get this right. And if you need help, I’m here.”

Thundering steps down the stairs heralded the arrival of first Robbie, then Lexi. She came to sit on the big sofa next to Callum, staring inquisitively at Amanda and Steve.

“I’m fascinated with the pictures,” said Steve to Lexi, pointing at the market photograph and abstract on the chimney breast. “Are they a pair?” Lexi launched into her explanation and soon Amanda and Steve were offered her tour. Callum and Ben went with them, Ben distracted by the woeful bed-making attempts in the boys’ room, as the rest of them headed up to the second floor.

“You have a beautiful home,” complimented Amanda.

“Yeah, we’re definitely gay enough, aren’t we?” laughed Callum. “Or Ben is. That glitter paint was absolutely more for him than for Lexi.” He was quiet for a moment. “We’re lucky to have this house and enough money. It makes life easier, more fun. But Steve’s right, the only thing that makes it a home is love and we have loads of that.” He put an arm around Amanda and gave her a squeeze. “Thanks for coming.”


	18. Truth

Jonno’s funeral was a sad little affair. Lexi insisted she wanted to come so joined Stuart, Rainie, Callum, Ben, Roman and Tyler to make up the mourning party. There were no other mourners. Roman and Tyler knew they had been to their mum’s funeral but neither of them remembered it; it did, however, seem to have given them an understanding that death is part of life as they tried to explain to Lexi that their grandad had been “very ill so he died ‘cause that’s what happens sometimes”. Lexi was put out that this was something they knew more about than her, providing motivation for her attendance. Callum and Ben were slightly bothered at her macabre interest but decided it was a good thing that the children were discussing it, so let it go.

Despite lording their knowledge and experience over Lexi, Roman and Tyler were uncertain of themselves and stuck to Callum and Ben like glue. They had drawn pictures of their grandad and stood holding these up either side of Stuart as he did his eulogy. In both pictures, Jonno held a tin (presumably of beer) and looked serious, not happy or sad, just serious. Roman had drawn him with two little boys and a football with a big sun taking up a quarter of the page. Tyler had drawn him with two little boys watching football on a television with a Christmas tree in the background. Stuart talked about Jonno’s love of football and how he had always been there. Except when he was passed out pissed on a pavement somewhere, thought Callum.

As they were leaving the crematorium, Callum noticed a long black Audi at the other end of the car park and found himself looking straight at Jackie. Stuart and Ben also saw her, and Ben had to hold back Stuart as he reached for Callum to stop him from going over. Rainie hid herself behind a large SUV.

“It’s alright Stu, he’s alright. Focus on keeping it calm for the kids,” muttered Ben. “It would be good if you could distract Roman and Tyler.” Stuart called the boys to get in the car and focused on joking around with them, although he couldn’t help but repeatedly glance over at Callum. Ben was also keeping an eye on the proceedings but, unlike Stuart who was nervous and agitated, he could see Callum had the situation under control.

“Who’s Callum talking to?” asked Lexi, following Ben’s gaze.

“His mum.” Ben remembered Steve’s advice about being honest but keeping it brief.

“Oh, is she coming to the pub with us?” Lexi was peering at Jackie’s car, trying to get a better look.

“Stop staring,” said Ben, gently moving her chin round to look at him. “No, she’s not coming to the pub.”

“Why not?”

“Stuart and Callum aren’t on good terms with her.”

“Why not? Did she do something bad?”

“She did.”

The questions stopped then, Lexi apparently satisfied. The minimal truth technique worked well, Ben reflected.

Unaware of the interest he was generating, Callum walked towards the car constantly maintaining calm eye contact with his mum until he arrived at the open window.

“Wanted to see us all one last time?” he asked, glancing at the driver, the only other occupant of the car.

“Somethin’ like that,” Jackie admitted. She couldn’t take her eyes off Callum. This handsome, confident, strong man was her son. What a legacy! And what a relief that it hadn’t been Stuart coming to speak to her; she hated to see how he cowered. It was no surprise to her that her younger son had come to face her while her older son hung back.

“I’m curious,” said Callum, leaning towards her, his hands firmly over the edge of the door, his beautiful eyes drilling into hers. “What would you want us to tell Roman and Tyler about you?”

“Who’s got ‘em?” Jackie asked. “An’ I’m askin’ hopin’ that they’re not with that skank.”

“None of your business,” answered Callum smoothly. “What would you want us to tell them about you?” he repeated.

“Oh, you’ll think of somethin’ that won’t mess with their ‘eads,” she replied.

“I was only curious what you’d want us to say. I’ll be telling them the truth.” Callum stood up straight and looked down at his mum, seeing the flicker of unease before she looked away. “I’m going to visit you in prison.” Her head snapped towards him, her sharp eyes narrowing. “There’s stuff I need to work out,” he said resolutely. “You’re going to help me.” He held her eyes for a moment, seeing the curiosity and anticipation and wishing he hadn’t given her something to look forward to. “See ya, Mum,” he smiled - that will freak her out, he thought – before turning and leaving. He was right. His smile and being called ‘Mum’ unnerved Jackie.

+++

Phil, Danny and Jackie were arrested the following week and were all remanded in custody. Their crews and associates were taken down, pawns in their games were freed, and wannabe gangsters waited in the wings ready to step into the void. Amanda’s team had been thorough, carefully constructing structure charts and ensuring they had all of the players, but she knew this was just the end of one reign and that a new one would emerge. It was important, though, for everybody to realise that the police could and would act so she was pleased with the outcome. Her thoughts turned to Ben and Callum. The arrests were good for them; there would be fewer impediments to them living the life they wanted to live although she didn’t envy them the conversation with Lexi - that was going to be hard.

Knowing that the time had come to talk to Lexi, once Roman and Tyler had gone to bed one night, Callum and Ben kept her downstairs, Ben and Lexi sitting on the big sofa and Callum perched on the coffee table in front of them.

“Something’s happened, hasn’t it?” she worried, picking up straight away that Callum and Ben were on edge. Ben pulled her towards him, wanting the physical comfort to start straightaway.

“Okay, Lex, we’re going to tell you some things and you can ask whatever questions you like and we promise we’ll tell you the truth. But some of this will upset you.” He was more afraid of the conversation ahead than of any he’d ever had. If there had been a way of avoiding it, he would have taken it. He and Callum had planned it carefully and Callum went first.

“My mum, who you saw at my dad’s funeral, has been arrested and is in prison.” Lexi’s eyes widened as her lips mouthed the word ‘prison’.

“Daddy said she was bad,” she said, watching Callum and worrying that he was upset and not wanting to show it in front of her.

“Very bad,” agreed Callum. They waited wondering if Lexi would ask what Jackie had done, but the question never came.

“Okay,” said Ben, dreading the next part. He sought his daughter’s eyes and was devastated to see her recognise his own distress. A thick lump formed in his throat, stopping him from speaking. He concentrated on Lexi’s eyes, sending her some reassurance before he spoke. “Grandad has also been arrested and is in prison as well.”

The colour drained swiftly from Lexi’s face, eyes widening in horror before she crumpled into tears. Ben couldn’t help himself but cry with her. He hated being the bearer of this news.

“Grandad?” she sobbed. “Is he bad as well?”

“He is,” confirmed Ben, holding her shaking, crying body as she fell against him, and letting his own tears fall freely. He kissed her hair and used the familiar smell to ground himself. He needed to gather his strength as there was more to say. “Lex, it might get hard for you ‘cause people might find out, maybe the kids at school. It’ll be in the news.” Lexi sat upright abruptly and faced Ben.

“Then I’m not going to school ever again,” she stated. Ben looked at Callum wanting some reassurance about the next part of the conversation. Callum reached forward and grasped his hand, looking straight at him, his wordless support strong and sure. Ben steeled himself.

“There’s some other stuff that might come out and we want to make sure you hear it from us.” Ben got the words out but could almost not breathe with fear. Callum saw his agony and took over.

“Your dad and me have been in trouble with the police, Lex. It was a long time ago for both of us and since then we have worked hard to be the best people we can be. But we can’t change the past.”

“Were you arrested and sent to prison like Grandad?” Lexi looked directly at Ben. He nodded sadly.

“I’ve been in prison twice Lex. Before I was eighteen.”

“Have you been in prison?” she asked turning to Callum.

“No, but I have been arrested and charged twice.” He let go of Ben’s hand, stroking it tenderly as he released it, and got hold of both of Lexi’s. “When you do bad stuff Lexi, there’s no going back. You can’t undo it. But there is going forward. Me and your dad had hard childhoods and awful things happened but, in our future, that’s not for us or for you. Never!”

They both noticed that Lexi had not asked questions about any of the offences. Ben felt sick at the thought that, one day, his daughter would find out he was a killer. She was crying unrestrainedly and Ben held onto her around her shoulders while Callum held her hands. They sat like this until she stopped.

“Are you sure everybody will know in school?” she whispered. “What am I going to say?”

Ben turned her to face him.

“Lexi Mitchell. Today, you, Roman and Tyler are part of a strong, loving family of good people. You can’t change that you have two grandparents who were criminals and are getting what they deserve. If anybody says anything then tell them that. Do not be sorry. It is nothing to do with you. You have two dads who made mistakes when they were young but are good people now. We work with the police now. Do you remember Amanda? She’s a police officer friend. You can tell people we work with the police. But do not be ashamed, Lexi. All of these experiences are part of the rich road of life and you can use them to be the person you want to be. They’ll make you stronger and wiser.” Lexi sat a little taller, liking the idea of being strong and wise.

“Are you going to tell Roman and Tyler? I think they’re too little.” She was doing her best to act like she was okay, to be part of the problem-solving team with Callum and Ben. Ben nearly smiled at her taking charge.

“One day, but not soon. You’re right, they are little. We’ll try to judge the best time.”

Lexi seemed like she’d settled and went off to bed as happy as could be hoped for, but Callum awoke in the middle of the night as she climbed in between him and Ben. She saw he was awake and whispered,

“I’m going to be okay, I promise. Is it okay to stay with you and Dad tonight?”

He kissed her forehead and she snuggled into him. He held her as she slept, looking across at Ben sleeping. Even though it was dark, Callum could see his anguish and he reached across, careful not to disturb Lexi, cupping his cheek. Ben sleepily pressed his face into Callum’s hand and Callum realised from his wet hand that Ben had been crying. Was the past ever going to leave them alone?

+++

In an onslaught of school visits, home visits, psychologists and social workers, Ben and Callum went through the strategies over and over and over with the various parties. Lexi was assigned a case worker which upset Ben more than he had expected and absolutely infuriated Kathy. They felt that there was a judgement that they hadn’t done well enough.

“It’s not right,” raged Kathy. “You two are fantastic parents. Your children couldn’t be in better hands. You don’t need all these busy-bodies stickin’ their beaks in.”

Steve was a godsend empowering them to navigate the confusion and helping them keep the authorities focused on the children’s welfare. His advice was invaluable and Callum and Ben were able to appreciate the intent behind the interference at the same time as staying in charge of the process. It was so easy to get into the vicious cycle of het up and angry, then het up and angry because you had got het up and angry – Steve helped them step off this wheel. More than anything, though, Callum and Ben appreciated his belief in them. It meant a lot.

And just when Ben and Callum thought maybe they had got through to the other side, Stuart came round.

“They’re takin’ dad’s flat back,” he griped. “Even though, technically, I still live there. If I’d kept the boys, they would probably have let me keep the flat.”

“Aren’t you living with Rainie?” asked Callum, assuming that Stuart’s mention of the boys as collateral was born out of stress.

“Did you know,” raged Stuart, “our mum was payin’ ‘er to spy on us?” He spotted the guilty looks on Callum’s and Ben’s faces. “Fuck me, you knew. You knew?” The pitch of his voice heightened in disbelief.

“You love her, Stu, I didn’t want to spoil that,” reasoned Callum. “Did she tell you?”

“She’s pissed off ‘cause she’s not getting’ the money any more. Can you believe that? I can’t stay with ‘er. She’s poison.”

Callum and Ben looked at each other in alarm. Did Stuart think he was coming to live with them?

“You’ve got a spare room,” he said, confirming their fears.

“We do and you’re welcome to stay while you get yourself sorted,” offered Ben. “But you know the money Callum talked about before? Why not buy a flat round here? There’re some just been finished down near the station so you could get where you need to be easily but you’ll also be nearer to us. They’re pricey but they’re doing part-ownership deals as well.”

“BUY a flat?” Stuart was stunned. “I thought you meant rent a better flat…”

“Why not Stu? I never thought it was fair you not getting a share of grandad’s estate,” urged Callum. He and Ben had the money ready for Stuart and had been wondering how to bring it up; this opportunity was very timely.

“You’re sellin’ the house to give me my share?” Stuart was confused now.

“No, Ben has bought a share of this house so we co-own it. We want to give you the proceeds.”

“How much are we talkin’ about?”

“Around two hundred and fifty thousand.” Stuart’s eyes were like cartoon eyes on springs.

“What?” he whispered, absolutely floored by this proposal. “Grandad never wanted me to have it, though. It’s like you’re goin’ against his wishes.”

“I’m not. I wouldn’t. It’s not from Grandad,” said Callum. “It’s from me and Ben. So come on, let’s go and check out the new flats. We can go now.” He could see Stuart’s interest and excitement and was determined to harness it before he changed his mind.

+++

Stuart wasn’t the only one on the move. Sharon moved to a smaller house in a small village right in the middle of the forest and got herself a pair of chocolate Labradors. It turned out she’d owned the house for many years.

“I’m going to have it different to the other house, so maybe you can come and give me some help with ideas,” she suggested to Ben. His appearance at her door on the day Phil was arrested had touched her heart and she was very happy that he was keeping her close.

“Are you goin’ to miss the other house?” he asked, thinking that Sharon’s main activity previously had been decorating and maintaining that place.

“No. It was always yer dad that liked it, not me. Oh, that was something, the police found bugs in yer dad’s office,” she told him. “Not put there by Aidan, Danny or Jackie so we don’t know what that’s all about. Phil’s furious.”

“Have you got them?” Ben asked. “We have an associate who’s a bit of an expert. I could get him to have a look.”

“Just the one I took to show yer dad. The police have got the rest.” She fished around in her handbag and handed Ben a small device.

“So, what did you do with Valentina?” asked Ben, remembering that Valentina had lived at the other house.

“She just disappeared when Phil was arrested,” said Sharon, shaking her head in confusion. “I paid her last wages as usual by bank transfer but I haven’t hear from her at all. I hope she’s okay.”

In a stark contrast to the high heels and sequinned tops that had previously been her usual attire, Sharon took to wearing her hair in a pony-tail and lived in jeans and wellies. She met up with Ben, Callum and the children in various combinations for dog walking at least a couple of days per week, had them round for tea now and then and visited them in her turn. Although, she missed Phil and would never get over losing Denny, her new life brought her lots of happiness.

+++

Bit by bit, their life regained its balance. Lexi lost her friend Neja because of Phil and Lysetta found new friends at the new school. Lexi was a clever girl at school and, as these two girls had been her more bookish friends, she missed the chance to talk about schoolwork and reading. But there were other children in her classes who she was getting to know. The anticipated gossiping at school didn’t materialise to any great extent, at least not in Lexi’s earshot (“I think everybody’s a bit scared of getting on the wrong side of me”) and Miles and Bonny were fiercely protective of her. Bonny’s mum came to see Callum and Ben at home.

“I know you’re great dads and I just want you to know that I love Lexi’s and Bonny’s friendship,” she’d said. It had been a reassuring moment and they were grateful.

Roman and Tyler gradually settled in at their school. They were both working at a level below what was expected for their age and were a little stressed by their teacher, Miss Gordon, being bothered about it.

“Miss Gordon is just trying to help you catch up,” explained Ben. “She’s not unhappy with you. I bet she’s really nice to you.” The boys nodded. “See, so she’s not unhappy with you. You just do your best. You can’t do more than that. We’ll talk to Miss Gordon at parents’ evening next week and see if there’s stuff we can do to help you at home.”

“We’ve got it covered, babe,” he said to Callum later. “I’ll do the reading and writing and you do the maths.” Callum was a little in awe of Ben’s competence with school matters and envied him his experience. He felt like he’d been thrown in the deep end while Ben had had swimming lessons.

CHPI was very busy with a variety of work which was how they all liked it. Some work came in from Ollie’s firm and Callum and Ben realised that Ollie was prepared for them to dip into the grey areas as long as it didn’t come back to bite him; in fact, that was what he wanted them to do. He worked as a defence lawyer and some of his clients were not law-abiding citizens. Both Marcus and Frankie had less time as the building work for their new arts centre got underway but they were adamant that they wanted to keep doing some investigating which Callum was pleased about as he’d thought he might lose them altogether. They were using more surveillance devices now and Charlie was a godsend for keeping on top of these. Working from home meant that Callum and Ben could balance work with time for the children but they were constantly busy.

“Right,” said Ben decisively, one evening. “We need some time for us. We’re taking half term week off. Kathy and Mike are taking the kids to Centerparcs for the week and we,” he trailed his fingers down Callum’s thighs suggestively, “are going to Dorset for three days. I have booked that mad hotel. I know our year anniversary has gone by but it’s close enough for us to have a private celebration.” He paused, chewing his lip, imagining what that might be, the twinkle in his eyes caught by Callum. “Then we’ll join them at Centerparcs for the end of the week. Sharon is having Robbie.” He looked at Callum who was obviously exceedingly taken with the idea if his beaming smile was anything to go by. “Good surprise?”

“Yeah, excellent surprise,” agreed Callum, pulling Ben in for a kiss. He had some plans of his own.

+++

Although he still didn’t want to see her, Callum was determined to talk to his mum. When she turned up in the visitors’ room, his first thoughts were that she looked different. Flat shoes made her seem less somehow and her thick brown hair in a messy bun and the soft clothing she wore almost humanised her. The cruel, calculating eyes were still there, though.

“Callum,” she said, sliding into her chair.

“Mum,” he said. He had debated whether to call her Jackie, but she was his mum and denying that was not why he was here. Jackie was as surprised by the moniker as she had been on the day of Jonno’s funeral but didn’t let on. They sat in silence for a while, each taking in the other.

“Not gonna ask ‘ow I am?” asked Jackie.

“Nope,” answered Callum. “I don’t care.” The face-off continued and Callum was beginning to wonder if it had been a mistake. He couldn’t bring himself to talk to her.

“So this is a one-off? You’ve got yer shit sorted out, ‘ave ya?” quizzed Jackie. She could see that Callum was about to leave and wanted to prevent that. All her connections had been taken down with her or would leave her behind so her boys would be the only real visitors she might ever have. She might even be pleased to see simple Stuart.

“Of course not,” he hissed, his pain pouring out of his eyes. “I hate that you’re so bad. I can’t get past it.”

“I ain’t about to be … what do they say … reformed,” Jackie said coolly. “It’s who I am, Callum.” He looked at her, seeing no remorse, just a pair of deep, blue eyes interested in him.

“Why did Aidan not come for me sooner?” he asked, spontaneously deciding to get one of his questions out.

“Wanted to do it ‘imself,” she replied. Her gaze remained steady. She was not going to tell him that she had been the caretaker of Aidan’s operation while he and his crew were inside, a deal struck so that he would leave Callum alone until he got out. She didn’t want him to think she cared.

“And that was fine with you?” he said, his tone accusing and disbelieving. Jackie reassessed, wondering if it would be so bad if he knew that she had protected him.

“No, of course not,” she snarled, leaning forward slightly. “How d’ya think yer boyfriend had time to get you out?” She sat back and looked at him. “You an’ ‘im are a proper little team.” She pushed her bottom lip up and out in an approving gesture, nodding slightly. “So you’re now a family with three kids … includin’ my grandkids?”

“You do not get to have a relationship with my family,” Callum whispered menacingly. “You get me. That’s it.”

“You gonna visit me regular then?” Jackie made it sound like a taunt to give the message that she was disinterested although the truth was far from this. Callum saw right through her.

“I am,” he said. “And I’ll be able to do it because I’m safe and my family are safe.” Cards had been placed on the table and now it just remained to be seen if she would play. She nodded, just once.

“Sam Turner,” he said, going for another question. Jackie’s eyes narrowed and she waited. “Why’s she sniffing around our business?”

“You were steppin’ on my toes,” said Jackie, her voice hardening. “I needed to know if you were goin’ to be causin’ me a problem.”

“Why did she need a new identity for that?” He registered a split second of ignorance before Jackie masked it. “Ah, you didn’t know? Well, she got bail, did you know? So now I need to know if she’s goin’ to be causing me a problem.”

“I’ll find out,” promised Jackie. She sat back and regarded Callum coolly, recognising that she liked him. It was a surprising thought and was leading her into uncharted territory but she was nothing if not gutsy so she was going to go there. “So, as we’re sharing, I have one little nugget for you about Sam. I know she had somebody who could get in Phil’s house, a Romanian woman, Valentina somebody. Maybe find out who she is.” She saw the flicker of recognition. “You know her? Right then.” Callum realised he was going to have to develop his poker face for these meetings.

Standing up abruptly, he turned and left the room. Ben and he had talked at length about Callum representing the glimmer of good in Jackie. From this one meeting alone, Callum could see this was probably true and he wanted to snuff it out. He did not want to be her salvation.

+++

They drove down to Dorset in the Porsche, a rare treat as most journeys nowadays were done in their family Volvo (Ben: “Is this what life has come to?”). Ben even let Callum drive for part of the journey. They were given the Mackerel and Wreck room (it now had a name on the door) and spent the first night making good use of the enormous bed. Early the following morning, when it was still dark, Ben woke Callum.

“Come and watch the sunrise with me,” he said.

They walked along the cliff path in the dark, holding hands, not speaking. It was a cold, clear night and the stars were fading. The only sound was the surf on the beach. Sitting astride the simple bench, face-to-face, Ben lifted his legs to wrap them around Callum and pull himself closer as Callum took hold of his face and kissed him. The spine-tingling deliciousness flooded both of their bodies as they deepened the kiss.

“My head’s gonna explode with how much I love you,” murmured Ben.

“Messy,” teased Callum. “But don’t go loving me any less.” They continued kissing, enjoying the simple pleasure, until Ben’s attention was drawn to the horizon to their left.

“Okay, it’s starting.” Callum followed his gaze. Emerging above that line was a pale and watery light, followed slowly by the sun, casting glitter over the surface of the sea, the greys and darknesses of the clifftop cautiously coloured in by the dawning day. Everything they could see was changing but the sound of the surf coming in wave after wave, unceasing, remained the same. Callum looked at Ben and saw him at peace, his best self, present only in this precious moment.

“My heart’s gonna burst I love you so much,” he whispered. Ben turned to him smiling.

“Messy,” he said. “But don’t love me any less.”

They decided on a fairly even four-way split of sex, walking, sleeping and eating and drinking for their stay.

On one of their walks, they bumped into Eva and Betsy.

“Callum!” She sounded genuinely excited to see him and looked at Ben curiously. “Is this Ben?”

“Yeah,” Ben laughed, leaning down to tickle Betsy’s ears. “Good job Callum hasn’t moved on.”

“Oh,” said Eva, embarrassed. “That was thoughtless. What a treat to see you both, though. It gives me a chance to thank you in person.”

“Oh?” asked Callum.

“Yes. I’m assuming it had something to do with you because Neil changed after that time you were here. It took him six months to pluck up courage to come out but he got there. He lives in London now with his partner Gregory. I go up and have a nice lunch with them both now and then. The girls see lots of them. We’re all happy. So, however you did it, thank you.”

After she’d gone, they carried on walking and talking.

“We did good, Callum. We do good. Who’d have thought the children of criminal masterminds would be so fuckin’ GOOD?” exclaimed Ben. “I once thought I would only ever work for my dad. I never thought I’d have a proper job. I mean, I’m smart, I’ve got A levels. I could do a job but who employs someone who went down for manslaughter? You’ve given me a proper job and I love it.”

“Wow, A levels,” said Callum impressed. “What in?”

“English Lit and Computing. Did ‘em inside.”

“Wow!” said Callum, seriously impressed. “But, don’t you think of us as partners in the business?”

“Yeah, course,” confirmed Ben. “On a practical level. But you’re the boss.” He turned to look suggestively at Callum. “An’ I do like to be bossed.”

“Oh you do, do you?” laughed Callum.

On their last morning, they went to sit on the beach as Ben was determined to re-enact their declarations of love from the previous year. Callum knew Ben had a sentimental side to match his own and was happy to go along with the plan.

“It was freezing last year,” said Callum as he put on extra layers. “If we’re going to do this, let’s at least be warm.”

They sat on the beach, face-to-face, legs wrapped around each other. Callum could sense Ben’s delight and loved him all the more for wanting to do this so much.

“I love you Ben. I want to be with you for all time. I love the way you’re in my head and my heart and everything makes sense when I’m with you,” he said, rubbing his fingers along Ben’s jaw, itching to kiss him.

“I love you Callum. I want to be with you for all time. I love the way you’re in my … pants …” Ben’s mouth widened into a cheeky grin and they collapsed giggling.

“You’re an idiot,” laughed Callum, pulling himself together. “And before you say it yourself, yes, a SEXY idiot.”

“Actually I do have something serious to add,” said Ben, his face turning soft and appealing. Callum raised his eyebrows questioningly. “Yeah,” said Ben, catching Callum’s eyes and securing their connection. “Will you marry me?” Callum’s eyes widened and his beautiful beaming smile grew across his face.

“I will,” he replied.

The journey to Centerparcs and the anticipation of sharing their news was almost more than they could bear and by the time they arrived they were high on excitement.

“I take it you have had a good time,” said Kathy, looking at the giddy pair in front of her cuddling and kissing the children.

“We have news,” said Ben, settling down with Callum on a settee with the kids piled on top of them.

“Yessssss!” shouted Lexi. “You’re getting married!”

“Lex,” admonished Ben, severely disgruntled, “what if we weren’t?”

“Or maybe your dad and me wanted to tell you all?” added Callum, also somewhat aggrieved. Lexi signed “sorry” and mimed zipping her lips.

“Mum, Mike, Lexi, Roman and Tyler. You’re the first to know,” announced Ben, glancing lovingly at Callum.

“Ben and me are getting married,” finished Callum.

“Yessssss!” shouted Lexi.

The rest of the week passed by in a happy blur with the usual adventurous and sporting activities plus extra swimming lessons for the boys. They left at the end of the week with Roman and Tyler excited to be in the tiny rear seat of the Porsche and Lexi travelling with Kathy and Mike.

“What’s goin’ on with you?” Ben asked Callum, who was fidgeting in his seat.

“What? Nothing.” Callum tried to still his excitement, but Ben was suspicious.

“What?” persisted Ben. “What’re you up to?”

“Nothing!” insisted Callum.

“Boys,” appealed Ben, enlisting support. “Do you think Callum is acting weird?”

“He’s even more happy,” observed Tyler, scrutinising Callum closely.

“Yes exactly,” declared Ben. “So he’s up to something!” He wiggled his eyebrows quizzically at the boys, making them laugh.

When they arrived home, Callum jumped out to open the garage door and move the Volvo off the drive for Ben to drive into the garage. He wondered if Ben had spotted his surprise. He had. By the time Callum reparked the Volvo, Ben had emerged from the garage with the boys in tow and was standing in front of the new office door.

“What’s this?” he said, pointing and smiling at the sign which proudly displayed the words MITCHELL HIGHWAY INVESTIGATIONS.

“We’re partners Ben … in everything. It’s all sorted out legally once you sign the papers.”

They stood there grinning at each other as the boys looked back and forth from Callum to Ben then looked at each other and shrugged in confusion - Callum and Ben were weird sometimes. They weren’t normally allowed in the office so they followed quietly when Callum and Ben went through the new door. The office was much the same with the addition of pocket screens that, when pulled out, would separate the boards and the computer station from the meeting table. Boring, thought Roman and Tyler in unison. Uninterested in the refurbished office, they headed into the house.

“They’re for keeping our work confidential if we have clients here,” explained Callum, demonstrating the pocket screens which he was especially pleased with. ‘Cause of the new door, they don’t need to come through the house any more. It’s taken ages to get the council to approve it.” He smiled self-consciously at Ben laughing at his pleasure in the new screens.

“So … just to be clear …” said Ben, walking back over to the new door and running his fingers over the sign.

What nonsense is he going to come out with now, thought Callum.

“... my name’s first, so I’m the senior partner, right?”


	19. Later

“Lexi, there’s six of them and we only have seven seats in the car, so, unless you can drive the car by yourself, you can’t come to the airport.” Ben couldn’t quite believe he was having this conversation for the umpteenth time.

“I have another suggestion,” argued Lexi. “We borrow Nan’s car which has five seats, so that’s twelve altogether and then we can all go, five of us and six of them is eleven so we’ll fit.”

“Maybe Nan needs her car,” countered Ben, immediately realising the weakness of his argument.

“She’s in France,” said Lexi. Ben raised his eyebrows at her smug face. He glanced at Callum whose face told him to give up.

“Okay, I give in. We’re all going.”

They were picking up Lola and Jay and their four children: Maya, the eldest at seven, Kerri, five, Jack, three and baby Cooper. Ben privately thought that karma was having fun with Jay, blessing him with four children when he had left for New Zealand maintaining he didn’t want any. They were staying at Ben’s and Callum’s house for their first visit back to the UK in eight years, a trip made especially for the wedding which was to be in two weeks time.

At the airport, Lexi, Roman and Tyler were fizzing with excitement. Over the last year, since Roman and Tyler moved in, Lexi’s weekly video-call with Lola had turned into an opportunity for all of the children to play with each other and there was a clear sense that they saw each other as siblings. Their joy at meeting in person was heart-warming and the whole of the arrivals lounge was touched by the display with everybody stopping to watch and smile as they heard the squeals.

“Aww,” said Lola, filling up with tears at the emotional scene. Ben was also weepy and he pulled Lola towards him for a big hug.

“Lo, it’s so good to see you,” he mumbled through his emotion. Lola held on tight to him unable to hold it all together. Jay piled his arms around the pair of them, pulling Callum in at the same time, and pressed a kiss against Ben’s cheek.

“We can do a group hug just as good as them,” he laughed.

Eleven people in the house was a lot but they all loved it. Maya and Kerri were staying on the sofabed in the children’s study on the second floor and in the evening all of the children headed up there to play leaving the adults in the living room downstairs giving them a chance to catch up.

“So you’re adopting Roman and Tyler?” asked Lola.

“We are,” said Ben. “It’s a bit of a process but we’re getting there. We want them to know that we are more than their legal guardians, that we see ourselves as their parents.”

“My brother has been a bit off about it,” admitted Callum. “It’s like he thinks he’ll be less important to them, or less important than us. Anyway, he’s given us his blessing although he would have preferred us to stay as legal guardians.”

“How’s Lexi feel about it?” Lola questioned, knowing her daughter and suspecting that she might feel left out.

“She’s always seen them as brothers even though, at the beginning, we thought they would be like cousins. She’s really keen on the idea. She loves being a big sister.”

Lola was to be shocked with how keen when Lexi sought her out for a one-to-one conversation.

“Mum, you know I love you, yeah?” Lexi sat herself on the coffee table facing Lola on the settee, giving her mum an unmistakable message that this was a serious conversation. “I want … I … I haven’t talked about this with Dad and Callum yet …”

“Okay,” said Lola, nervous now.

“So, you’ll always be my mum and I’ll always be your daughter and it will be like nothing is different and I’m definitely part of your and Jay’s family and I love being a big sister to Maya, Kerri, Jack and Cooper…” Lexi wasn’t quite sure how to continue. “It’s just that my closest family is this one in this house, Dad and Callum, me, Ro and Ty, and Dad and Callum are both going to be full dads to Ro and Ty so it’s like I’m not a full part of the family. I mean, obviously I am, I’m not saying I’m not but …”

“You want Callum to adopt you as well,” guessed Lola. Lexi nodded. “That means,” continued Lola, a sad and stubborn look settling on her face, “that I would have to give up my parental responsibilities ...”

“Not really, just officially,” interjected Lexi, disappointed that Lola was already resisting the idea.

“I WANT to be officially responsible for you, Lex,” explained Lola.

“But you’re not, are you mum, ‘cause you’re not here. And Callum is and he is responsible. He took me to the hospital when I fell off my bike and broke my wrist but it was awkward ‘cause he had to explain he wasn’t RESPONSIBLE for me. He came to school to talk to my maths teacher but he had to explain again that he wasn’t RESPONSIBLE for me.” Her emphases underlined her feelings.

“Don’t give me attitude, Lex,” said Lola, wondering if the universe was paying her back for abandoning her daughter. She breathed deeply trying not to feel hurt. “I know Callum is amazing and is a great dad. I love how he looks after you. I can’t thank him enough.”

“Yes, you can.” Lexi was adamant. “You can trust him to be the official parent. He does it anyway more than you ever have.” She could see that her mum was upset but she didn’t want to give in and, being twelve, she didn’t hear the insult in her words.

“I don’t want to do it Lex. I couldn’t live with myself,” Lola objected.

“Well, obviously it’s all about you, isn’t it?” shouted Lexi. “Just so long as you can LIVE WITH YOURSELF.”

“Woah!” said Ben, entering the room. “You do NOT shout at your mum.” Lexi’s fury and Lola’s distress hit him from across the room. “What’s going on?”

“Lexi wants Callum to adopt her, which means she wants me to give up my parental responsibility and I don’t want to because … because she’s MY daughter.”

“So you OWN me now,” Lexi yelled.

“That is enough, Lex. Out!” ordered Ben. Lexi gave them both livid glares and angrily swept out of the room. Ben sat next to Lola and put his arm around her as she burst into tears.

“I can’t do it. I gave her up once already. I can’t do it again,” she sobbed. “I already feel like a terrible mother.”

“If I’d have gone to New Zealand ‘cause I had an amazing opportunity, leaving Lexi with you and then I’d called her every week without fail, would I be a terrible father?”

“No but it’s different for a mum,” Lola protested.

“No Lo, it isn’t. Mum, Dad, equal parents.”

“So you want me to agree,” said Lola angrily.

“I didn’t say that. I was just explaining why you’re not a terrible mum.” Ben was finding it hard to continue with his line of argument as, in truth, he would never understand how Lola had been able to leave Lexi all those years ago. “The eleven of us are a family, Lola. It works really well for us. I don’t know why Lexi brought this up. She loves you. I know she does. You’re her mum, she’s your daughter and nothing will ever change that.”

“That’s what she said,” said Lola. “She tried to make out that Callum needed to be her dad for practical reasons, so that he could be responsible for health or education things.” She looked at Ben. “Okay, now I’ve said that out loud, it sounds … reasonable.”

“Hmmm.” Ben was thoughtful. “Out of our seven kids, when Callum and me adopt Roman and Tyler, Lexi will be the only one who doesn’t live with both of her official parents. Do you think that’s it? ‘Cause if that’s it, we just need to explain how it doesn’t matter if you don’t live with both parents, what matters is that you’re loved.”

“That is it, more or less. She said she didn’t feel like a full member of your family. But you’re right,” agreed Lola. “What matters is that I love her. And I do, I really do.”

Meanwhile, Lexi had gone to find Callum and explained the argument to him.

“You do know you are my daughter, Lex,” said Callum as she cuddled into him.

“Technically, I’m not. And when you and Dad get married, I still won’t be your daughter. I’ll be your step-daughter.”

“It’s not about the labels. It’s about the love,” said Callum, kissing her forehead. “And you and me, it’s proper dad-daughter love. Marriage, adoption, nothing is going to change it.”

When the children had gone to bed, Callum, Ben, Jay and Lola sat in the garden with a bottle of wine. It was a soft summer evening, the scent of the tobacco plants permeated the peace, and the warm white of the fairly lights gently twinkled in the light breeze.

“You’d never know you were in London,” said Jay, trying to find something to talk about other than the elephant in the room. They were all feeling a bit stressed about the upset Lexi had caused. Jay’s efforts were in vain as Lola wanted to clear the air.

“Callum, I love you,” she said. “I can’t think of anybody I would want to parent Lexi more than you. You’re so great with her.” Callum reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze.

“I know, darlin’,” he said. “I told Lex we have a dad-daughter love that can’t be changed by official labels. I think she gets it … or she will when she’s thought about it a bit more.”

“Thing is,” continued Lola. “she wants to be a full sister, not a half-sister like she is and will be to all of the others. I’m sure that’s what she’s thinking.”

“It fits,” said Callum. “When I told her she was my daughter, she said ‘technically, I’m not’. But she is and I will always tell her that. I think she’ll understand that it’s not about labels, it’s about love. We can help her understand it. What do you think, Ben?” Ben was nodding.

“I’m sure that’s it. We’re a modern family and half-siblings, step-siblings are just siblings. I want her to understand that.”

“I have a lot of guilt over leaving her,” said Lola, “and I’m sure that, however much we’ve tried to make it positive,” she closed her eyes and took a breath to suppress a sob, “she’s carrying some rejection. I’m scared she’ll always resent me for not giving her this. So,” she paused to take both of Callum’s hands in hers, “I’m going to agree. I want you to adopt my beautiful daughter, Callum.” Ben started to interrupt her, but she stopped him. “My decision, Ben. I don’t actually do any of the official stuff so I’m going to have exactly the same relationship with her. And now I can give her the gift of Callum. That’s pretty special,” she smiled at Callum. “I’m feeling very good about it.”

+++

Callum and Ben had decided on a simple wedding: a registry office ceremony followed by a party in the garden. They didn’t have lots of friends and family so there was plenty of room although they did use a specialist marquee company to put up fancy tents around the garden with even more lights, and caterers to prepare and serve little bowls of tasty food and, perhaps more importantly, clear everything away afterwards. Frankie had arranged for a photographer whose work she liked to record the day. They were all set.

They had their own memories of private declarations which were wholly true and heartfelt and they didn’t feel a need to make public vows to validate these, but they wanted to celebrate their relationship with all of their loved ones and they wanted their children to hear them profess their love for each other. They stood in front of everybody, holding hands and staring into each other’s eyes. Everything faded into the background and there was just the two of them.

“I love you Callum,” said Ben. “I will be with you for all time. It’s a cliché but true nonetheless, together we are more than the sum of our parts. There’s all of me and all of you, and we are amazing in lots of ways as individuals, and then there’s the thing that is me and you. Me and you is full of courage. Me and you is brave, resilient in the face of adversity, a champion of happiness. Me and you is full of love and care. It spills out of us, constantly regenerating, nourishing us and our children and everybody we love. It will never run out because the thing that is you and me is for all time.

“I love you Ben,” said Callum, with a slight stab of anxiety that his vow was not as well-expressed as Ben’s. “I will be with you for all time. We have brought fun, laughter, love and togetherness to each other. There has been so much joy already and the thought of our future makes my heart swell. Whether things are against us or for us, we are united, absolutely there for each other, in each other’s heads, knowing exactly how the other is feeling. Between us, there is an unbreakable bond, a shining, rainbow-coloured braid that connects us in tough times and in great times, all the time, for all time.

They looked at each other.

“For all time,” they said in unison before coming together in a kiss to seal their union.

Smiling and emotional tears surrounded them. Lexi, Roman and Tyler watched their dads kiss; they’d seen it hundreds of times but they still loved to see it. As Callum and Ben broke apart, they turned to beckon their children to join them, crouching down to gather them into a family hug.

For Amanda and Steve, this was their fifth wedding of the year - they were at an age when the next generation were getting hitched. They had all been beautiful occasions but there was something about the stripped-back nature of Callum’s and Ben’s wedding that was appealing. They were both sociable and nosey by nature and were keen to meet the other people in Callum’s and Ben’s life.

Stuart watched, genuinely pleased for Callum but struggling with envy. He wanted what Callum had, a partner for life who truly loved him and kids, he definitely wanted kids. Roman and Tyler had never seen him as a dad but that was obviously how they saw Callum and Ben. Could he have had that? He’d turned forty this year and was feeling that time was marching ahead relentlessly. His new flat was a real pleasure to him, a three bedroom place with an outside terrace, overlooking the new park with the city in the background. He’d had loads of decorating work from his new neighbours so his finances were in the best shape they’d ever been. Lexi, Roman and Tyler had stayed over a few times which he loved, making him realise that he was ready to share his life with someone else and start a family. He got talking to Whitney and wondered if it was alright to make a move on your brother’s ex. Whitney saw his interest and wondered if it was okay to go out with your ex’s brother.

Both of Mike’s children, Jamie and Sarah, were there with their families. Ben noticed how much his mum liked being the grand matriarch, having six children (she counted the in-laws) and seven grandchildren all at this party, and didn’t miss how she lorded this over Sharon. Sharon came with Ben’s sister, Louise, and her little one, Peggy, who Ben hadn’t seen since Denny’s funeral more than two years previously. It was Louise’s first visit to the house and she and Ben took some time to be alone, to talk about their dad and how their lives had changed. Ben was suddenly sad that his dad had missed this day. They both felt like they needed to reconnect so Ben made Louise promise to come and stay with them at Christmas.

Linda Carter made several pointed suggestions about weddings until Mick and Johnny told her to stop. Johnny liked Ollie a lot but did not want to commit to a life with him. He was young and all about having a good time and the truth was that he was feeling like he didn’t want to commit to Ollie as an exclusive boyfriend. Ollie, although not wanting to get married, encouraged Linda and plied her with drinks as he liked her outrageous behaviour when she was drunk. He was aware that Johnny’s eyes (and other parts of his anatomy) had been wandering and was getting ready for the inevitable break up. He wanted to stay friends with Callum and Ben, though, and hoped this was going to be possible.

Ruby recognised Ollie as a senior associate at the law firm she and her dad used. She also recognised Amanda and was surprised Callum and Ben had police friends. Ben certainly wasn’t his father’s son, she thought with a wry smile to herself – there wasn’t a single villain at this party. She was delighted to catch up with Lola and Jay but was reminded why she didn’t ever want kids as they really did have their hands full. Although she didn’t think she ever wanted to tie herself down to one partner, watching Callum and Ben always made her wonder if she was missing out. Their love for each other was far beyond anything she had ever experienced.

Callum and Ben looked at their friends, close ones like Frankie and Marcus, Johnny and Ollie, old ones like Ruby and Whitney and Bonny’s mum, Tina and Abi and Miles’ parents, new ones like Eilish, Amanda and Steve, Danielle and her husband Eddie from school and Lexi’s old teacher Mr Evans, otherwise known as Matt, here with his boyfriend Amit. There were just fifty people at this wedding but they both felt that their lives were rich with connection.

“No criminals,” Amanda remarked to Steve. “Not even a shady connection. Well, Ruby Allen I suppose. And Oliver Hargreaves’ clients in general are a suspect bunch.” They had become firm friends with Callum and Ben. Amanda had even used Mitchell Highway Investigations to dislodge some information she was struggling to uncover in one of her cases. She knew Ben visited his dad fortnightly and Callum visited his mum monthly, both accepting these visits as a fact of life, and she frequently talked to them about how they were going. Phil had got fourteen years which was less than expected but Jackie had got life, with outstanding charges of kidnapping. Ben’s visits to Phil were full of stories and updates about family. Phil was respected by the other inmates and, as far as was possible, was doing well. It was going to be a long time before he would be eligible for parole but Ben wanted to be ready for that point, ready to bring him back into the family. Callum was slowly talking about his own life to his mum. He hadn’t yet reached a point where he was ready to hear her talk but he now knew that one day he would be ready. Jackie thrived in prison; she was the alpha bitch and she never wanted to leave. She knew that by the time she was eligible for parole she would be an old lady, too old for the game, and she hoped it would never come to that.

Without assistance from Jackie, Callum and Ben had found out that Sam Turner was now living as Julie Golding and was money-laundering for a sex-trafficking operation run by a group of ruthlessly dangerous Albanian men. Ben had tracked down Valentina and discovered that Sam had blackmailed her into bugging Phil’s office; it transpired that Valentina had been stealing from Phil and Sharon (fair enough, thought Ben, they paid her pennies). Julie’s plan had been to take over Phil’s operation. She was still looking for Tracye Hayes but Charlie had contacted Tracye to alert her to the danger and then Callum had set enough surveillance devices around Julie to follow her progress enabling them to lead her down false trails. Their purpose was solely to protect Tracye. The rest of the information had been handed over to Amanda.

When all the guests had left, Callum and Ben set off for the airport with Lola, Jay and all seven children waving them off. They had been to France to Kathy’s and Mike’s early in the summer holiday for two weeks and then Lola and Jay had arrived. There were two weeks of the holiday left and the first of those was to be a honeymoon week in the Maldives for them; Lola and Jay were going to stay in the house and look after all of the children. Then Lola and Jay were going away for a week and Callum and Ben were going to return the favour. Then it was straight back to school.

“We’ve got to stop cram-packing our time,” groused Ben. “We rush headlong from one thing to the next. And this is a very long way to go for one week. We’re goin’ to spend almost two days travelling.”

“Stop moaning. We’re away for eight days, so we get six whole days at least for whatever we want.” Callum put his arm around Ben in the taxi and kissed him.

“Yeah, well, I do have some particularly good ideas about that,” murmured Ben in between kisses.

“Hmm, me too.”


End file.
